You Need To Stop Texting... Now!
The real reason why he flakes out on you...
Guys, for the most part, want a girl to put them in their place, to challenge them, and, of course, love them. They just don't know this, so they try to be the boss of you, complete with their own misunderstandings of how a relationship should work.
This digital age is a marvel of technology... and I'm not trying to change your life in one single way... except:
STOP texting the guys you like!!
He texts you, you reply and text him back, maybe you have long text conversations that really go nowhere. Or maybe a couple of months of cell phone texting being the main form of communication, through whatever mobile types of phone you use.
"Texts" are just hints to a whole story. They are nudges that try to turn into something. Emotionless words typed from a guy that just can't be bothered to dial you up and actually talk to you on your voice.
The guy you like, he likes to text you a lot. Why?
You want to read this now:
- Stop Texting, they have your phone number, make them use it, and call you back promptly. But don't answer the text for a minimum 24 minutes.
And keep your reply short to this: Say "Call me back from your phone, no texts right now please."
Now he has to talk with you, verbally. No more hidden meanings and unknown answers, better verbal and voice tone clues, complete with nervous silences and "hems and haws" waiting for words to come out of his voice box.
Pay particular attention to the way he says what he says. Listen to the tone of his voice. Use these verbal clues and his open/closed body language when you're in front of him.
This will tell you much more than you could ever get from a text message.
Ask any body language expert, and she'll tell you that communication is 90% non-verbal, 10% verbal. When you are face-to-face with a person you can decipher their body language and, right or wrong, you form a realistic image of them in your mind.
When talking with someone on the phone, your ability to decipher what they mean, the emotion in their words, is curtailed. Not so much information comes your way but you instinctively can decode their emotions through the tone of their voice. Happy, sad, angry, worried, it's all revealed through the vocal cords, the breaks in the flow of words, etc.
When you're texting someone, you lose the majority of the ways you can identify with what the person is going through at the moment they are sending you that text message.
When you receive the text message, well, a bit of fantasy invades your logic center and you immediately, based on past experience with the person and (a big AND) you add the emotions you assume are hidden behind the words.
Is he happy, sad, angry, shy, pensive, worried, excited, adventurous? The text doesn't tell you, so you automatically add the emotions, or lack of emotions, to the text you received.
And, surprisingly, your imagination fills in the required emotions that were not sent in the message. Here are few examples of text that there are very little clues to what is behind the words:
what are you doing?
do you want to do something later?
blah blah blah
And you automatically fill in these emotionless words to something more pleasurable to handle. Sometimes not so accurately too.
Here are the rules for relationships and texting:
- text messaging are only allowed if it's an emergency
- text messaging cannot continue beyond receiving his message and you texting him back telling him exactly when to call you back. No matter what message he texted you, reply a few minutes later (you don't want to think you're just sitting around waiting for him to contact you, right?) and always say this: "Call me in 10 minutes (or another designated time) and make sure he sticks to that call and time.
- If he doesn't know what to do together "later on" you MUST have a chosen thing to do. Example: he calls you after texting you. He says "Do you want to do something later?" and you should reply, always, with a plan "I want to go to the 7:20 movie and then have a dessert after the movie. Pick me up (or meet me at...) 6:30pm. See you then, by."
As a woman dating the usual guy that doesn't have a clue about how to treat women, then it's you have have to step up and make the choices when he can't or won't:
You choose what and where to go.If he "hems and haws" about anything, gives you a "whatever" or "some other time", just say "Oh, that's OK, I can get one of my girlfriends to go with me" and end the conversation quickly. And go according to your plan.I want you to know this secret:
Guys are very fragile creatures with their emotions being something they don't understand, for the most part. They are extremely afraid of any type of rejection from a woman, especially any woman they have an interest in.
And here's another secret, one you can use any time, all the time.
Everyone is more scared than you are, all the time.
Everyone is afraid of rejection.
Unless you're some type of a "freak or geek" people need human companionship to survive. And that fear of rejection, of not being respected, not being admired by your peers. Everyone is more scared than you are.
So no matter how nervous you are, everyone else is more nervous. Knowing this should give you much more confidence and power in your everyday life, especially when meeting new people. Stare past their facade and know that they are more scared than you are.
You'll be a winner from now on! And get what/who and where you want.
Back again to the topic at hand.
When you can end the hold of your texting habit and convert those messages from a guy into a follow-up call from him, you will gain the upper hand in the budding relationship and have better control over the things you do, with him as a boyfriend, because you've been strong and laid down the ground rules for how to you will be treated, how he will respond to your requests.
I am sure that he doesn't ask you to go places. He might "hem and haw" or give you the old "well, what do you wanna do?"
This is where you have to be prepared and have a plan ready. You respond "I want to go here for dinner then go see this movie". You have a plan. You are a strong and decisive woman.
If you're just starting to hang out together, plenty of text have been exchanged BUT if you ask him if he'd like to do something then he's got to check with his friend(s), and see if you can join them, with all these emotions and all these texts flying around and you're last in the link. That sucks. You're fifth wheel or worse!
In this article I have been discussing how women can make men, grown men, decide to do what it is that you want to do, (keep sex out of dating because you need to understand each other before you take this step of making a baby!) and remember that I am the person saying that it's OK for you to do this (I'm the guy that's on your side!).
Think about texting messages again:
It's sms communication of common words that have different abbreviations so that you can make a long message short. Very convenient to get messages to the right people and fast responses. Teens and twenty-somethings live and die by text messages.
Well, maybe not die but certainly live by the next message. That's good, that's what Twitter and texting is all about.
It is not about romance, daring, planning a life with that special someone.
Do you want to know why?
Because texting allows only a small 2 - 4%of the total communication emotional and logical content to come through and with that low of emotional content there is also a corresponding lowering of the "rejection fear" guys have with women.
Most guys have an insane fear of rejection by women.
This is why guys prefer texting to other forms of communication.
Email and text. It's safe, quick and you don't have to deal with the fact that you're putting the other person in a spot where they may disagree, make a face at you, and just walk away. Rejection at it's finest.
Texting does not allow such a close contact, thus no fear of rejection on his part.
While this may seem to be playing guys on a line... trust me, every guy likes to be helpful and gain more approval just like a small puppy, but you need to to be the strong one. Guys, for the most part, want a girl to put them in their place, to challenge them, and, of course, love them.
You can do this, now you know the secret.
Put it to work, change your life.
And for even more empowering information for today's dating woman I invite you to read the ebook "Catch Him & Keep Him - A woman's guide to finding Mr. Right... and keeping him hooked for good."
Honest information about dating men... and even more great tips on managing your life with or without men.
If you'd like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you've always wanted, then go here: http://www.gethimnkeephim.com
Thanks for reading and best of luck in life and love.
This Hub was last updated on November 7, 2011
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