Friends With Benefits Advice
83Is it really "Friends" with benefits?
You like him and you think he likes you. So why does he want a 'Friends With Benefits' relationship?
Now, I'm not going to tell you that guys are "relationship adverse". There's no sense in stating the obvious.
The real question is, if the guy is so into you, why does he just want to jump into bed with you instead of doing the whole dating thing?
Fact #1
If a guy likes you, as a person, he will be your friend and be as scared as hell about doing anything that might "turn you off", he will guard this friendship and work to find a way to turn you into a girlfriend. if he wants to be a "Friend With Benefits" he won't really care what you think, as long as you can get together later.
Fact #2
If a guy is just "horny for you" he's going to crack jokes, make you think that he's into you and work hard at making out with you and getting you into bed, without having to do any of the "heavy lifting" of dating and beginning a "relationship". The last think he wants to do is sit somewhere and just "talk". It's all or nothing, action or none, he's there or he's gone. He's also going to be "very available" to any other woman that comes his way. After all, just because you're "hooking up" it doesn't mean that you're "dating" or "exclusive", or anything like that, right?
Fact #3
"Friends With Benefits" is more convenient relationship starter for a timid or self-conscious girl because, she thinks, a real relationship will start with the guy she likes after they've "hooked up" a couple of times. The "relationship" will have already started, is the girl's thinking here. This is always wrong, even if it seems that it is "easier" to give the guy what he wants and turn him into a boyfriend afterwards. Without official "dates" there is no relationship for the girl to fall back on. There are no "relationship issues" to be dealt with because there is no relationship. Even though there's a lot of "bumping uglies" going on.
Fact #4
The guy will always be jealous if you give any attention to another guy, even though, according to the "Friends With Benefits Rules' he has complete freedom about seeing other girls and paying them lots of attention, even if you're in the same room. This is the hardest part of the "Friends With Benefits" arrangement: the woman is considered taken but the guy has freedom to hook up with other women. The guy can be completely possessive and jealous but the woman is not allowed to show even the slightest interest in another guy, even in passing, unless she wants to start a fight with her "friend".
Fact #5
In a "Friends With Benefits" relationship the woman almost always loses. She loses the guy she really likes, she loses other friends because of her attachment to this guy "friend" that, besides sex, does not want to spend time with her or her group of friends/family and she loses respect for herself for being taken advantage of, if not immediately upon the realization that the guy wants nothing more than to "hook up", then soon after when she realizes that she is alone with all her relationship fears when her "friend" leaves her at the end of the night, again.
Friends With Benefits Advice Summary
Don't get involved with a guy because the "hooking up" is fun and pleasurable. In all honesty that feeling is very fleeting. You will be just as alone as if you didn't have this "friend" because all he wants is the moment and what you really want the relationship.
Good luck!
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I think that the benefit of "FWB" is a way to have a safe and comfortable sex with someone you've already known. Friends like to share things, but sex is not the thing to share unless you want to ruin friendship.
He takes me out alot,we talk for hours on the phone,we text like mad he's got a galfriend,its not always for the sex that we hang out.we hang out at his place around his family they even think we're a couple.am falling what should i do?
Hi Oh dear, he's using you for sex. Not his girlfriend officially means he's still shopping around for the "right match". Beware.
I was recently contacted (text) by a male friend who I slept with about a year ago and have since had only text contact (no face to face). He asked what I wanted. I replied friendship. He kept asking so I elaborated a little more about my state of mind after my recent and painful (6 months ago)relationship break up. I asked him what he wanted? He stated a sexual relationship. In another text he wrote that he wanted my friendship, and that he was interested 'sexually etc'. I asked him if he was meaning friends with benefits, as I think he had a girlfriend and has asked other women out. His reply has confused me. He text that wants to be friend as well as and friends with benefits and more. What does that mean?
Hi Purplesummer,
Since he doesn't have the courage to call you directly, and instead texts you, it means he's horny and remembers how you slept with him before without "needing' a relationship and now he's looking for more of the same.
Ignore him and save your dignity and self-esteem.
Don't be confused, don't play "the game" with him.
Don't look for friendship in the guise of sex, you'll just get hurt badly again.
Thanks R Pseudomen for your advice! It's good to have an independent opinion. I think deep inside me my gut is telling he is using me, but portraying himself as a friend. It is still hurtful that he can be so disrespectful of me and my feelings. I guess he doesn't care about that either ...and that is not friendship. Since I have told him I'm not into casual sex, I hope he doesn't contact me again.
I have a FWB. But lately he keeps asking me how I think of him, along with other personal issues in my life. I have no attachment feelings for him. So I tell him how I think of him. I also ask him is there some other way I am supposed to think of him and he tells me guess not. What is that supposed to mean??? He was the one that wanted to have the FWB thing and made that perfetly clear. I have been looking for someone to have a relationship with but being a single mom and my ex living in another country now, its hard. I am fine with the FWB it gives me what I need every once in a while. We don't hang out or anything so I guess its more a booty call. Should I get rid of this FWB?
Hi Tiffany,
Lessen your need to non-commital FWB relationships and two things will happen:
1- you'll be able to let this current guy down without crushing his heart. This needs to be done immediately, and don't have "one for the road" either.
2- you'll be able to respect relationships more when you stop relegating the intimacy with men to a "pre-planned, no feelings relationship rule".
You'll also begin to help your child learn a much more important life lesson that you can teach them without living the lie: respect yourself and respect others and don't treat your body like a 6 Flags amusement park.
Good luck,
RP
I've been seeing my Fwb for two weeks now...he seems to be a bit controlling...he texts me too much for it to be just sex. He also told me he's not sleeping with other girls because he and I are talking. He said to let him know if I want to sleep with another guy before doing it. What's up with that. Btw I have 2 fwb.
Hi Kim,
Do you really have to be with a couple of guys? I hate to tink that you'll learn there is more to life than just sex too late. But you're down that path.
Drop them both, it seems that your life is not within your own control but you're at the beck and call of two controlling guys for sex.
Give yourself a FWB break and have find some fun without sex.
Good luck,
RP
I don't think that a FWB situation can ever really work, or at least work out in the end for both parties. It always seems to me that every FWB situation that I've seen or known, it is never "just sex". Someone always develops feelings and someone always ends up getting hurt. I don't think that they are a good idea in general. Maybe some people are able to make them work, but I think the odds are against it.
Hi renae1979, You are very right. It was the FWB of a friend that prompted me to write this article.
FWB (Friends With Benefits) is essentially a girl with low esteem allowing a guy to do what he wants to do, and when he wants to do it, to her without having to be "in a relationship" or having an emotional attachment to her.
More often then not it's the girl that realizes the true value of what she's giving to him and she is responsible for all the consequences of having sex with him.
FWB always ends up with the girl being used and getting hurt.
RP
I have been friends with this guy for a while and we have hooked up casually twice and he said he wants to hook up more, even though he is in an open relationship with another girl. I do like him a lot and nothing has ever been awkward between us. Just recently, I realized that we have become FWB (without the sex). Should I drop him even though we have brexn flirting each other for the past year?
Hi Leah,
Let me ask you this: would you be happy with a guy that doesn't want a relationship, is fooling around on his current squeeze (does SHE know she's in an "open relationship?" Ask her) and is willing to give you time only if he get's something more back?
And he's always going to be looking over your shoulder for a hotter girl to walk in to hook up with?
If you answer yes you can have any guy you want, they all will use you up without a care.
RP
Hi,
I really want to point out that the girl isn't always the one to get hurt. My girlfriend broke up with me. We kept on having sex, seeing where it was going. It was a restricted fwb situation. She eventually moved on to another guy, then tried to come back to me. I found it totally absurd that she thought it was acceptable to have sex with both her new boy toy and me.
She would always get angry if I joked about another girl, but it seemed she was allowed to mention how every man was hot.
Fwb don't work... If you just want sex, make sure you and your partner agree to a restricted Fwb. Don't get used, beware, girls play guys too.
i'm 16 and i have a FWB (not sex)we've been hooking up for around 7 months. i see him in the morning on the bus and do 'our thing' and then we don't talk at school. i see him on sundays too at club . He and i used to date but broke up over differences but then he wanted to be FWB. I really like him but i don't know if he feels the same way and i want a real relationship, not FWB realationship. would it be okay to tell him this?
Hi Dee, Yes, ask him. You need to know if he's getting more dependant on you and also wanting a relationship or if he's just "killing time" with you while he shops around for someone he does want as a girlfriend.
Good luck!
RP
I disagree with the absolutism on the gender thing, even though yes, it swings that way more. A lot of times, guys are (truly) just friends with a gal who doesn't want him. Sometimes, said women are loving the nightlife or anti-relationship (usually rebound), and either way, get tons of guy attention and don't want to give that up, and aren't positioned to be "tied down". The modern-career woman is more commonly in that situation, too.
The guy friend will certainly take that, obviously, but he'll want more... and complications will occur with him. And sometimes, both parties are on the same page -- but yes, if it's more than a booty-call and it's truly a FWB where time outside just the bedroom is had, etc, feelings will emerge at some point.
A FWB isn't a low-self-esteem thing... but yes, you will find people with low-self-esteem more readily willing to jump into one (one should be careful).
I was in a fwb for a few mth we had sex we would chill at his home he would take me out to eat we would go clubing ext...well its now been two weeks we had no sex we txt talk but no sex he ask me what I fel for him if I like him why do I like him if dnt ans he get mad then he is younger to he told me lastnght I make him feel lucky!is there any meaning to this or was there ever something sirious on side
Hi Dahlia delgado,
You are the only one with the answer to that question.
But I think you might just be treating this relationship a little too casually.
What do YOU feel about the guy?
RP
So i guess I have a friends with benefits..i guess...I'm 16..he's 17....and about a month ago i asked if he wanted to be with me relationship wise he said no, cause of him going to college in the summer, him being hurt in long distance relationships before, and him thinking it'd be unfair for me....so this was all before being fwbs?, and well then last week we started being fwbs(if you call it that), and i would like to have sex with him....but i'm really confused as so where he thinks this will go....plus hes told me several times that he cares about me...any advice? plus we live a few hours away from each other, him living in a state, and we only see each other on the weekends most of the time...
Hi hZhaff,
My advice for you is simple... he has a booty call with you every couple of weeks, when he has nothing else to do. And, the added bonus, he owes you nothing when this arrangement abruptly ends, and he will end it when he wants to, when a better young date comes along.
YOU deserve honesty, YOU deserve the truth, YOU deserve much better.
The next time he calls you tell him you found a great guy and your "deal" is off. If you decide to reveal to him that this was a fib, tell him a couple of weeks later, not any time soon and certainly not in the same call, email, text, whatever.
Let him think about this relationship for a few days first.
Good luck,
RP
Hi R Pseudomen
Like most girls..I meet this guy and we were really interested in one another at first. What happened was..i gave in too fast and i ended up as his booty call (about 4 months now) and..i really do like him and i want something more. I admit that its my fault, because i trained him to act this way, and i was always available for him every time he calls. The talk? Yup, i told him once that i wanted more and he told me he is not the one that can give me more..and that he is satisfied with what he has. He said that he likes me..and enjoys being with me..but he is not looking for something more.
Of course i was heartbroken and we cut contact. and a month later somehow he came back to me..and the routine restarts. I know that this is not going anywhere if no actions are taken..
My question to you is, if i back off from all this, make myself less/not available, will it change anything?
I read somewhere that If you back away (but don’t disappear entirely) you become scarce. Scarcity makes you more desirable and alters the power dynamic – and increases attraction. If you’re chasing him, you don’t give him space to come towards you.
thank you
Hello Penelopemorgan,
Yes, scarcity makes women more desirable, more mysterious.
Sadly, you gave all of that away once you had "the talk" and allowed him to continue to hook up with you with no commitment.
Girls, when a guy says he's "not into a relationship" what he means is that he's "not into a relationship WITH YOU".
Penelopemorgan get rid of this loser and take some time for yourself. You deserve A GREAT GUY, not a loser-user.
Good luck!
RP
I was talking on and off to this boy, he ended up 'playing' me with these two other girls. He recently just broke up with his girl friend and started texting me out of no where..what does he want?
Hi Mesha,
I think he just wants to "play on you" again. Don't let him. Guys are like zebras, their stripes don't change until they are much more mature, think 30's (sometimes).
Good luck,
RP
I have this guy that I like a lot and say he likes me too but I don't really think so . So one day i questioned him about it and he told me that he really do like me and then he asked me where do we stand ? FWB ? I told him I dont really like the term of words especially since I wasnt benefiting him in anyway . I dont know if he is all that into me or just want me for sex . He told me that he would wait until I'm ready to do it , Is that a sign that he does like me or do he think I will eventually do it with him if he stays around ? I have never been so scared of getting hurt ever , now I am . I want to keep our friendship but I dont want to get hurt if he is just in it for the sex .
Hi Brey,
When a guy mentions being a "Friend With Benefits" instead of asking to date you he's trying to keep his love life uncomplicated: get sex without the commitment of a relationship.
That has to be the most terrible thing a guy can say to a girl that likes him "Hey, let's just have sex and I can still do whatever I want with whoever else because we're not dating".
It sucks.
he's either way too much into himself or he's still very immature.
Turn him down. I don't think he's the guy you want to be stuck with right now. You have the rest of your life to make bad mistakes, don't start off with making this mistake now. You might also want to read another article I have written about this topic: http://advicegeneral.com/articles/archives/tag/fri
Good luck,
RP
He also says that he don't want a relationship because he broke up with his girlfriend about 3 months ago after 18 months . I notice that he still texts her but I don't want to just jump to conclusion that he still wants to be with her . How can I ask him about this ?
Hi Brey,
Don't play his games, you have questions then ask him.
The fact of what he's told you already, the breakup he recently went through, he deserves to give you honesty and real answers to your worries.
Being afraid to face your doubts can only lead to future arguments and much disappointment in a relationship.
So far it seems to me that he's been upfront about what he wants from you: sex.
Have you told him you want only an honest relationship?
Or are you just waiting for him to come to a realization about your feelings for him? (Guys aren't that smart, they don't do that on their own!)
Good luck!
RP
I have had a fwb for 6 months now and in the beginning it wasn't anything serious and I didn't have any true feelings for him. I like him a lot, he is a true gentleman and very sophisticated and always very cute when we meet. He treats me like his girlfriend (when we meet) and we cuddle and are very close and always have a very cosy time together (which always leads to sex) We are going for dinners in restaurants or in his place and he drives me home after I slept over and always kisses me tenderly in the morning before going to work. But we never talk about us or relationships or any of that stuff.Recently I've been thinking of him more and more and I think I'm starting to like him more than just a flirt, this doesn't feel natural to talk about and I'm too shy/proud to bring it up. He often calls me in the evenings/nights and I go over to his place to have sex. We see each other maybe once a week. Between the time I never hear from him, no calls, texts, etc. I have the feeling he is seeing other girls too. I sometimes see other guys too, but just cause I feel lonely and don't have what I want from this guy who I like much more than the others. Our "relationship" is not developing into something more and I don't know what to do, feels a bit hopeless...I have no clue about how to get out of this situation...
Hi Sarah, That is a very sad, and romantic, story.
It's almost like you're addicted to the way he makes you feel, the way he touches you and treats you like you're every important to him.
Sadly that feeling does not last. It doesn't exist when you're not together, except for the phone calls that come, unexpectedly, and light up your day.
You're in love. And you need to find out if he really does care for you or if he has a "harem" the rest of the week.
You need to do two things, as soon as possible.
An STD test first.
Second, a heart to heart with him about what your real relationship is and where it's going.
You don't deserve to be kept on a string the way you are.
Good luck,
RP
I've recently split from a guy - we were together just under 2 years, were talking (him instigating) us living together - building a house together but his self-centeredness killed it, he didn't like it when I took a stand. He admits hes' too selfish for a real r/ship and says he'll probably be single for ever, though he really loved being in the r/ship (he says). Now we've split he wants f.w.b. and calls me daily several times, txts etc. My head knows it's probably wrong, but I also miss the inimacy - but am nervous ...can I do it? Will it backfire? We both miss each other and what we had, neither want anyone else...yet anyway...advice please?
Hi Chb, I have to wonder why sleeping together would fix the relationship?
He won't change, you want more... this does not have a happy ending.
You broke up for a reason, if those reasons have changed then maybe there is hope. If not, stay the course, you deserve better.
RP
I've been recently having sex with my friend of two years, and we text all day every day. even after the nights i sleep over and he brings me back home. i have noticed he texts me good night after i come home, and theres not a day he doesn't text me or that i don't txt him. No matter what, theres always a morning text and a night text.
i might have been developing feelings, however, since i had a crush on him since when i first met him.
not to mention the nights i go over his place, we cuddle all night long and theres lot of spooning happening...is this a normal case of FWB or is it that he might start liking me too?
thanks
Hi Michelle, before I give you my answer I have to ask you these questions:
You said you liked him the first time you saw him, has that feeling remained the same or grown stronger?
Why would you think that he’d do the things he does and not like you?
Do you feel jealous of the time he spends with other people?
Does this “relationship” also depend on alcohol or drug consumption together?
Do you go out places together, such as meals, shopping, events, more than once a week?
Do you or him “date” other people or see other people more than just socially?
Do you meet only at each other’s homes or do you meet up in public places regularly as well?
If you were to get pregnant do you think he would stick by you?
To give you your answer, only you can decide if this is a relationship that you want to pursue. But by holding back your true feelings from him (and yourself) you only set yourself up for future deep hurt.
And there is no “normal case” of Friends With Benefits. Someone always gets hurt.
RP
of course, I've always had a crush on him. seeing him more and the constant texting made that crush develop into something more, but i would feel dumb if i would really tell him how i feel about him.
he doesn't really go out with other people, were both into working and going to school. it leaves a very small window to go out socially most of the time but when either i go out or he does, were always texting.
it doesn't 'depend' on alcohol, but we have drank together when we meet up. We haven't went out to lunch or shopping, again we don't have as big of a free window, but we have planned to go clubbing soon. he said we could go just us two..
well he knows I'm on birth control, but knowing him, i think he just might..i just do my best not to forget my pill everyday at the same time so that won't happen. he's very easy to talk to so incase that were to happen, i know we would come to a solution we both agree on.
There's this guy who clearly only likes me for my body. He'll only text me when he wants to "get something" from me. We dated on and off since August 2011. We don't seem to work as a couple, he doesn't treat me like I'm his girlfriend. But when we're single, he's all over me. Why does he do this? Why do I still like him even though I know he only likes me for my body?
Hi Michelle,
I can't help but think how you are denying yourself the happiness you really want.
Best of luck,
RP
Hi Lynn,
He does it because you let him.
Stop letting him and he'll turn into vapor.
RP
so i should just have a little talk with him and tell him?
Hi Michelle, I would call it "The Big Talk" and yes, do it for your own peace of mind if for nothing else.
Good luck!
RP
thank you (:
Hi Michelle,
I hope things have worked out for the best and you found the honest answer you sought.
RP
I asked a guy I recently met to be friends with benefits. He's a really nice guy and did ask me a lot if I was sure this was what I wanted. And I said yes repeatedly. Now I think I might have feelings for him. But he still wants to stay friends with benefits until he is financially stable and has enough time for a relationship.
Am I just delusional? Does he really like me or is he just saying all these nice things to me to get inside my pants...I was a virgin not anymore...
I had a nsa thing with someone about 10 months ago and I cant get over it. I'm 39 so i'm not some teenager. I was lonely and still am. The sex was amazing but i'm too sensitive and i grew to like him. He told me that he likes my company and is very physically attraced to me and didnt want to mess me about. I havent heard from him since but I cant move on. He is 40 had a bad marriage and then his girlfriend had an affair and he is now alone in a rented house with no furniture of his own even though he has a good job. i take things personally and cant shake the feeling that if I were different he would have wanted to turn it into more. He told me had asked out a married woman not long before we met so do you think he just doesnt want a relationship full stop or just didnt want one with me? Ive tried dating others but cant find that chemistry - it was such a high
Hi Jen,
Yes, I think you jumped when you should have walked. Obviously you had feelings for him from the beginning... Why were you so afraid of starting with "the relationship thing" instead of jumping into bed first?
And yes, from what you said I do believe that he's just keeping you around for sex now. His promises are not real plans of action.
It's time to decide a better relationship status and future for yourself.
Good luck,
RP
I agree with some other posters, I don't like the absolutism associated with women having low self-esteem, etc. I know it is common, but i think this really is one way that we can see a gender struggle still at play- and i don't just mean in the article, i mean the fact that it's just simply not considered the same when a woman decides to engage in an FWB as it is when a man does. truly unfortunate.
however, that being said...i have found myself in a sticky FWB situation.
First of all, this friend and i have not known each other for long (only about 5 months and been exploring sexually only for about 1). he recently came out of a long-term relationship, so i know he has reasons not to be wanting another any time soon.
he approached me about the situation as an open relationship- said he liked me and wanted to spend time with me and since neither of us were involved with other people why not, if some times we wanted to, just have sex. i immediately called him out on it being fuck buddies but he said no. something between a relationship and that.
in the beginning it was great, we both enjoyed talking openly about sex. one day he offhandly told me he had fallen in love with some girl...i got jealous and thought about it for about a week without seeing him and decided to end it with him. it was just a silly first meeting crush for him that turned into nothing but i didn't like the way he so openly talked about loving someone else so i told him i didn't want to be sexual with someone that didn't appreciate me. he told me he didn't agree with what i was saying and then spent a couple of days trying to convince me that he did care for me. we got together a couple of times after that simply as friends...with other friends. he was very attentive of me and i felt more chemistry in those days than i did before.
then we got into a fight...mainly because i told him i thought another friend was interested in me and i thought it would be smarter for me to like this other guy than it is to like him. recently we hooked up again. we spent the day together and ended up giving each other oral and then stayed together for the afternoon. but this time, before and after, there was no affection whatsoever. good conversations...and a fun day. but nothing more than that. when i got home from the day he chatted me on fb and ended up saying a similar 'i just fell in love with someone' comment. i went off on him about respect and then we basically agreed to disagree and let it go. afterwards he initiated a conversation about romance and how he would do anything for a girl that he loves and how he's cold on the outside but not on the inside.
i can't figure it out? to me all the signs are saying he doesn't care for me, but he wants me to think he does...which frankly, is not very friendly.
what do you think?
Hello Anonymous,
"That being said" kind of says it all doesn't it?
I am sorry for saying this but there is a "gender bias" with relationships and sex.
THIS IS THE RULE: the longer a guy can maintain a relationship without having sex with his partner the more respectful and caring he is for her.
If the sex is casual "FWB" then emotions aren't supposed to be involved.
EXCEPT that women are emotional beings and men are logical beings... (not meaning anything bad by that, so don't give me hell, it's just the different ways women and men approach things).
Women do not "dislike" a guy they have sex with, in the normal routine of relationships.
Women like a guy and share "the experience" with him. They may lie to themselves that they don't want more... but who would willingly use themselves sexually, just for "the experience" if not also for the feelings involved?
Guys would, women wouldn't.
Every woman that has read this article and commented or asked for advice have found themselves in exactly the same position:
"I like the guy but he doesn't want a relationship, or more of my shared feelings for him, or to go farther than Friends With Benefits."
Tell me, who exactly benefits anyways?
The guy, that still runs out looking for a hookup wherever he can, or the girl on the other side of the FWB, waiting for his next call, his next text?
I wrote this article to hopefully warn women about the dangers built into FWB relationships... but I am only being heard by those already in the "trap".
Girls: Stand Tall. You have value beyond minutes of pleasure and days of wanting.
You WANT to have a stable relationship more than you admit... why do you lie to yourself?
And why do you allow a man to continue to use you for sex when there is NO chance he will extend the relationship into anything meaningful?
Why do you continue to allow yourself to be played?
RP
hello i'm 20 years old and I've known this guy for a long while now (he's 20 as well) and I've really fallen for him. He told me he likes me alot but I feel like he's given up on liking me but I dont know why. he now wants to be FWB only.. but what I want is the real thing. I'm confused. I don't know what to do because I really really like him..and we joke around and chat alot. text. talk at school, i guess flirt with each other..and all that good stuff...and it's hard to figure out if he's playing with me or not. how do you know when a guy is being genuine or not? what should I do? maybe i'm being naive.
Hello Tornintwo, I'm glad that you've paused and sought out advice about your situation.
I can understand liking a guy a lot and hoping for a real relationship with him.
But "Friends With Benefits" is really "Sex Without Committment" when translated properly.
You have strong feelings for the guy, don't do the FWB thing with him.
Why?
Because what you're saying to him is that your feelings don't matter and yes, he's free to date other women, even have sex with them, and you'll still be around for his spare time.
YOUR FEELINGS MATTER!
Do not get played into a situation where it's what the guy wants when you want more.
I hope this helps, you and all the women that will find themselves in this situation as they get older and bolder.
For some advice that goes along with what I have often said here, take a look at http://girlgetring.com You'll find a video that has some of the answers for questions you haven't even thought about yet.
Good luck,
RP
I have been talking to a guy and told him I wasn't going to have sex. And we have hung out four times and no sex or anything but I still feel that's what he wants only even though he said its not. I dont know if its because of my last relationships in which guys only wanted sex....
Also we dont text on the daily and school ended so we both went to our homes about 2hrs from each other so its not too too convenient to see each other. . I usually wait fir him to text first and every few days hhe will text me.
I just dont know what to think?
I have this friend, and we hooked up twice (he cheated on his gf with me) and then he had another girlfriend and we remained best friends but then when they broke up he called me to "hang out because he was sad" but then we hooked up again, and we stopped talking until a month ago that he said straight that he wanted to hook up, and we've been hooking up since then once a week. i've told him that i don't want to keep doing this because it's not okay, i don't want the feelings and he told me, please, i like you a lot, you're fun to be around, you're my friend. But i am not sure what is he meaning, should i keep with this or what? HELPPP !!
Hi Marisot,
He's trying to rush you into something you don't want to do.
Do not sleep with him, go with your instinct and leave him to work his "magic" with some other unlucky girl.
You have plenty of time to find someone that will appreciate you for more than just being a "playmate".
RP
Hi Carmie,
Just stop it. he's a user and you're next on his list to use. You've let him before so you're a convenient target. Stick to your guns, no means no.
RP
Well , I had a blackberry , and I had bbm which I met this guy from NY , and I live I'm NJ . We talked on the fone every night , and text all day , but we never seen eachother . He told me he likes me a lot , and I confessed my feelings for him as well. He told me I was the only girl he was talking to you , and he intends to get a little jealous knowing I'm hanging around with my guy friends . He told me flirting will be the farthest as we'll go . But I don't know what to do , I don't know wether to believe him or not . What can I do /:
I've been dating a 32 yr old guy, I'm 34 / first date we kissed, and we've been hanging out for 2 months now, we haven't had sex yet and he hasn't pushed me to it but the thing is I don't understand why he never asks me out to know his friends, (I know some of them) or he doesn't include me in his social activities, and he can only go out with me on weekends, once per week. I really understand he has to work very hard the whole week, even on sundays sometimes...(he has to leave my country in 1 year, he's only for work here).
On date 3 I told him I didn't want to go fast with him because I really like him and I had really bad experiences in my past and don't want the same.
Should I say something about us? or do I should I let things flow?
I wouldn't like to become his FWB if we keep kissing, we can end having sex for sure...that would be sad.
Last time I saw him was really nice, we had breakfast together and a very long 3 hours talk about personal stuff, we laugh a lot, we spent a very good time together...he's great but honestly, I don't believe in anyone.
He never calls me "baby" or " beautiful" or any of these things, even if the physical attraction is very strong, that is something I really like, he never says anything but there is something on the way he looks at me, maybe I'm crazy or dreaming but I feel no one never saw me that way before.
CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THANKS!
Hi Camila,
Stop living the "fantasy" of the LDR (Long Distance Relationship).
Stop using BBM to randomly meet guys.
RP
Hi Imea,
The real issue is: is the relationship going anywhere?
You'r ea little bit lucky that he isn't misleading you and trying his hardest to get you into bed before he leaves.
But because he's going you're feeling the time ticking down on the relationship and you want to be with him.
All understandable.
What remains is whether having sex with him will allow you to end the relationship on good terms.
It won't.
You do know this otherwise why the questioning of it's possibility?
Stay true to yourself and don't give in just to be hurt more later.
RP
I met this guy last year and we hit it off right from the start! We had a lot of fun together although i knew that he obviously wanted sex cuz there was alot of sexual tension btw us. We ended up having sex after about 3 weeks of meeting then we became fwb. We cuddled alot after sex and we would talk, watch movies and fall asleep together.After about a month, he asked if i wanted a boyfriend and i said no cuz i really didn't want one at that point and he looked kinda shocked at my answer. (not sure why)
It went on for a while and at a point i let him know that i knew i wasn't the only girl he was seeing. He seemed surprised by my "calm" .But then i decided to stop sleeping with him. When i told him about it he wasn't upset or mad like i had expected he would be but he offered to "help" by not asking for sex anymore. We still talked and then one weekend he came over..he asked for sex again and when i said no, he didn't really show that he minded. He stayed that whole weekend and all we did was cuddle and talk.
Then when we were talking once, he randomly said he had decided to be celibate and ended up telling me about his ex (when i didn't ask about her). When i asked y, he said he just felt like it. I was kinda surprised bcuz he was kind of the player type and loved to have sex..So it's been bout 9 months now and i admit i fell for him. I recently decided to just tell him and see what response i would get cuz i was tired of the mental torture of not knowing where we stood in each others lives. So i basically told him i didn't wnt to "share" him anymore and the response i got was "Not now!" I said it was ok and that i appreciated his honesty and he said that it was nice of me..we haven't spoken since then (4 days)and i'm not sure what to make of the whole thing.
I had a fwb for 2 months now...I was the one that get hurt....he don't want nothing to do with me but sex....I text him he never replied me back...but he text me when he want to have sex....I text him that I'm going to walk away he didn't reply me back....what should I do????I really wanna get over him but I just don't know how?
Tim Blackstone 20 months ago
I think 'friends with benefits' simply means, yes I fancy you but my heart isn't into you. It's a lack of chemistry for one person while the other is happy to do anything to be with them because for them the chemistry is there.
Maybe this doesn't always apply but that has been my experience. You can really like someone as a person and physically fancy them but somehow the deeper feelings don't develop.