Why Can't I Get A Girlfriend?

Bug Mee 4 years ago

well put.

maham 4 years ago

i have bf :) thanks nice informative hub

steve 3 years ago

I suppose its a decent article, but not sure how relevent it is to most people who cant find a date for the life of them, everyone I ask says their is nothing wrong with me, and I try as hard as I can to perservere with women but afater 22 years and not a single date despite the number of women I've tried to ask out I'm pretty much about ready to give up.

john 3 years ago

throughout my teens and up to the age of 24[im 26 ]i was in constant need to have a gf and seeking love and the life so many have and take for granted.im quite good looking,id say thoughtfull intelligent in good health,i have a decent job and have my life ahead of me.but i have never had a stable relationship and have totally give up trying and hopeing.i used to try and make an effort to look good be myself and im always honest,but lately ive lost all care in anything to do with females,i think the very nature of man is to procreate and its this what drives men and when you get to id say 25 and your in same position,u might aswell give up and live how you want without the constant need to impress,its great not having to make an effort knowing all your money is yours,i did want kids someday but ts ruled out,im just pleased to be an uncle now,i think women now have a resounding urge to have dark colored kids[im white]and that is a large factor,however im very happy and have come to terms with my situation and relish my futre travelling the world,in this life u either got 'it' or you aint,'it' is the whole man package and is abundent fortunatly for women,like a car with more features than a standard model i am glad that i will never be needed,i can live my life as i choose,totally free

R P 3 years ago

I think that, if you find yourself trying to hard to "get" a woman in your life, then many great opportunities have passed you by while chasing the wrong women.

Life is full of surprises and any guy that tries to create his own life, to direct the smallest details, will find himself a failure because he has set up for himself an unattainable goal.

Let life and love find you, but remain positive, clean cut and in good humor.

Love will find you!

Jon 3 years ago

i cant find a girlfriend, no matter how hard i try, or what adivice i take. i am considering suicide. i really need help. I AM NOT A TROLL

Pat 3 years ago

Thanks for the advice. I'll try my best to follow it. Most of this stuff i've been doing for a while, and still can find a girlfriend...

I've been trying to find someone for long enough.

Matt 3 years ago

I appriciated your advice. My problem is I have the preserverence, but not the personality. I wouldn't say I'm shy, I'd like to talk to people sometimes but I can't, I just don't have anything to say. I'm somewhat of a personal guy, I hardly have any friends. Often times I feel as if I'm better on my own, I just want to think about girls or dating because it only makes me feel worse. Basically my problem I guess is communication, I'm not good at talking to people I'm unfamiliar with. And its way outside of my "comfort zone". I'm 18, a little on the thin side and have obviously never dated before haha, but the way things have been going, is it ever going to get any better? I'm in college and at this point its somewhat hard to meet new people (especially hard for me to be social). But I don't really want to date when I'm past 30. It would feel like I've wasted my youth and my "good days" would be behind me. I'm not a complete loner, I do talk to some people, guys and gals, but I suppose just not enough, I don't seem to have that "charm". On the other hand just about every girl I know and have meet is already dating! how is a guy suppose to compete with that!? I see couples all around me as I walk around everyday, its a little embrassaing sometimes. Haha yeah I'm a mess I know, but its life I suppose. I just want things to start improving, I really want to start feeling better about myself.

ashes 3 years ago

being single and hanging out with mostly couples really fucking sucks. I realized that earlier.

Fuck impressing women

Pat 3 years ago

Tell me about it. I've tried really hard lately just to get a date to prom. I still can't get one and Prom is in 5 days. I just gave up and accepted the fact, and i'm going to sit it out this time. But It's like i can't impress them, I'm 17, Never had a girlfriend My whole life, never even gotten close. I try alot, and i'm a really funny person, great sense of humor, strong (for the most part), but i'm too skinny. I'm underweight but tall. I'm also a very nice down to earth guy. But they always say no to me and yes to the next "Stereotypical hunk" that asks. It's been that way for me my whole life. Even asking a girl to homecoming was hard. The guys they usually reject me for is those "Strong", "Plays every sport", "complete jerks", and "attractive" kind of guys. I have my doubts that there are no girls around that would say yes to someone like me. but i'll try to hang in there for a little longer. It's driving me insane!!! oh and for the record i was trying to keep it clean in this post. Do you have any advice? Mr. Pseudomen

Pat 3 years ago

Thanks man. That extra advice helps. Not saying asking a girl to homecoming was hard, but finding one that wasn't already taken was. But anyway thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep in this.

LonelinessKnowsNoBounds 3 years ago

Screw the whole world.

some english guy. 3 years ago

All good advice. But here's the thing...what if you are just butt ugly?.

You can be clean, have a good haircut, Be funny, attentive have bags of conidence etc but none of that is going to matter to the women if she doesn't find your face attractive.

I know this. I am the guy with the butt ugly face...No surgery is ever going to make it better.

some english guy 3 years ago

Nice link man.

If he's actually dating/fucking a 10 then I'm impressed.

advice givers know zip 3 years ago

I am middle aged and have not ever had a gf. Those interested were boring and just did not inspire passion. Those that inspire passion are taken or have been raised to think noone is good enough and then complain about there being no guys. Women are no longer needed in relationships. let them be the only College registrants, take over leadership roles and start dying young like us. I have found just being the best person you can, putting out as much love as possible, being confident and happy is the best. You wait, all your friends will soon be bitching non-stop about their lame lives in slavery where eventually you can't ever escape the nagging and nesting self-centredness. Sex is overrated. Women offer little more.

Ethan 2 years ago

I've 17 and I've never had a gf either... I tried trying hard to get a gf, and I've tried going with the flow and nothing seems to work... So I've decided just to wing it and do NOTHING! Best thing ever to do. If you ever heard the song invisible kid by metallica, that's pretty much me.... For me, my problem is I hate myself to no end. Every picture I see of myself I hate, I hate the way I sound, look, think, everything.... I feel really negative inside, but I still try to be possitive, my friends aren't "bad" people so to speak, but they make me feel belittled and like my opinion doen't matter. Even the popular kids at school seem nicer to me. I guess I'm kind of the punching bag of my friends. Anyway, I'd have to say I'm clinically depressed. The only thing that keeps me from sleeping all day are video games and work. My dream now is to be like Metallica and play huge stadium concerts, but that dream is just not reachable.... I'm not good at singing, I can't play guitar(yet).... Idk I'm just going to stop wine a@#ing now :)

RP 2 years ago

Well, learn the guitar... life is just starting for you, find friends with a more positive outlook and you'll fare much better with the women. School does end, then life starts. Don't forget that. RP

PS. Take a look at http://www.gettingagreatgirl.com

edd 2 years ago

idk for me its just something strange, like if life didnt want me to have a girlfriend, i mean im good looking actually i work as a male model, im 18, ive traveled mostly all over the world, i speak 3 languages, im talkative, i get laphs from girls when being funny, as i said no girlfriend but i have had quite a few women to make out with (about 15) and have slept with only one girl but all the girls have said im a fantastic kisser and lover, unfortunatly thoes girls havent been up to my standards a big reason is cuse i live in a country where there arnt alot of hot girls, allthough i have found some which i really have liked and have rejected me with answers like your not my type or i think we are good as friends only even though i know 100% sure im better looking then them and i could get a much better looking girl basted on my looks i know it sounds egosentric but i just want help and im being honest, id say that some reason i could have truble finding one is: im homeschooled so i dont see people my age everyday allthough its not reason enouph since i do have many friends and go to alot of parties and i think the only thing girls could not like about me is i can be a bit needy but thats cuse ive tried to relax and go with the flow and it hasnt helped eather, my firends do have gfs and i dont understand, like the usuall friends i hang out with, one is fat and the other is short as hell and neather of them are dsitinguished or charmingand im completly different i mean as i said im a male model, im talkative and alot less shy then them to approach girls, what is it that girls dont see in me????

edd 2 years ago

hmmm thanx for the advice, maybe your right, maybe i should try harder, allthough im sorry, i didnt really understand the thing you said about,dont puich the sex thing, could you pleasee explain further on that?,(i dont really understand the meaning of the word puich, sorry my first language is not english) thanksss!

Pratap 2 years ago

Hi Nice article..

Indian. Here it is little different(You know). But now it is changing..

Still I want have gf one who loves.

I am short ( 5.3') and little small build.

And next one is about personality, as I have many friends and cool, confident etc.. person.However little reserved.

And about perseverance, I never tried myself..:)... One reason is shyness. other reasons are like my environment/ family/friends are like that.

What do you say?Pseudomen... :)

Pratap 2 years ago

Hi Pseudomen,

Thank you for your immediate and caring reply!

I have gone through the link and found those 10 points are interesting.I will try to understand those practically.

Thanks once again.:)

Matty 2 years ago

Im only 18 but i have never had a girlfriend i don't even know how to kiss!! i feel like a freak

I have been told im good looking, i have a really nice body from gym and karate, very good hygiene in very good health but i cannot speak to girls!! even if i just walk past them i get really nervous

im just like scared of talking to them, i really want a girl and feel like i am missing owt i just wish i could be someone else

pat 2 years ago

thanks for the info but that stuff does not help me. i am 22 and i can not even get a girl to give me the time of day. i like to joke i could not get a girls attention even if i had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of my zipper.

V.C 2 years ago

I'm actually quite nice.

But I can't get any girl because I'm not very confident.

I'm too shy when I see a girl around me.

It's hard to be confident.

Yorkfort 2 years ago

I suppose it's easy to state what you need to do to get a girlfriend if you're someone who can do it but you'll never understand what it is like to be someone for whom it is literally impossible to instigate relationships. Even if a girl makes the first move on me or shows an interest I still fuck it up. It's the most damning thing in the world to know that no-one wants you and even when they do STILL not be able to make anything work out. I was brought up Catholic but these days I just believe in God to hate him for making me the way I am

cubsfan1537 2 years ago

Let me give you a little insight to the female mind. We want someone that isn't afraid to make eye contact. If your eyes go straight to a woman's chest it's a major turn off. Look the woman in the eyes when you're talking to don't talk to her chest. That will only get you slapped or make the woman walk away. If you're looking her in the eyes it shows us that you're confident. If you're looking right at the chest then we know you're only looking for sex. If you look a woman in the eyes and can hold her gaze for more than five seconds then you have a chance. Most guys just want sex these days. Start out as friends and go from there. It is better to be friends then wishing you knew the woman.

chris 2 years ago

I'm 27 and I've never had a girlfriend. I used to try so hard and then I realized that it looked desperate, so lately I've just been working on my life. I'm getting my college degree next year, I'm going to be a cop soon after, I workout 7 days per week, and I volunteer at schools to help children with homework. I'm just trying to make my life as meaningful as possible, but I still feel like a kid because I can't get a girlfriend. I have no personality; like a machine. I have absolutely no charm or game; I've tried pretending to be funny and cool, but it's too hard to act like something I'm not. I'm not afraid to talk to women, but I just can't think of anything to say at all. I don't know how much longer I can live like this.

Andy 2 years ago

I am a short guy, only 5,5 or 5,6 but I am good looking. I am 33, but look younger, have a great sense of humor and have heaps of talent as an artist. Can I get a girl I like to even seem remotely interested in me? nope! All my life it has been this way, when I was 21 I used to console myself by thinking "it's ok, by the time I am in my late 20s early 30s it will be different" But no, it's not. I have never had a serious girlfriend, I had a casual relationship of 1 year duration back in 2004 and last year a pretty latin girl I met when I was traveling south america, but she just used me as a cash machine and was always yelling and screaming at me so I told her to get fucked. And thats it. I don't what I have done or am doing wrong, I try to remain positive on the outside, but on the inside I have pretty much given up. I have developed an anxiety disorder and extreme depression over the last 10 yrs, mainly due to being so lonely all the time. At last I am trying to find professional help for this, as I am starting to hate women, and I don't want to go down that dark path.

It just seems that whatever I try, whatever approach, wherever I go it's the same story. I think maybe I am meant to be alone. Like Chris said, I too am trying to make the most out of my life, but I am getting tired....tired of everything, tired of thinking about it, of living it. I am thinking whatever wrong I have done to anybody I've paid for and then some. And unfortunately we are animals on this planet and I just don't feel any attraction for the ugly or fat girls that show interest in me.

I don't know what to do.

Anyway, I guess I wrote this just to let folks know that they're not alone and also to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.

derek 2 years ago

i am basically somewhat skinny guy, just turned 20 years old didn't really want to get into a relationship until i started looking about almost a year ago. i basically wanted to go to college which i'm doing and then during or after look for love. everything else in my life is going good for me, but i just can't seem to find a girlfriend or at least go getting on dates now. well, i've been looking probably 8-9 months talking alot of girls i knew from school or wherever else some in person, others from facebook myspace(but i knew these people before), and anyways my strategy was basically talk to them be friends then eventually ask for their number and ask them out. basically i went after girls that i liked both in personality, and looks (in between average to good). i've basically only been able to go dating with one girl which i liked, but to make a long story short, didn't like her past and just decided to be friends. I'm basically looking for that special someone, but can't seem to be able to just be more then friends with girls. I'm not doing it to impress anyone at all, just want to at least get a date, and go from there in a relationship. after i talk to them for a few weeks maybe every other day, i ask them for a number or ask them on a date and the response i get is pretty much i'm busy, or mostly just kinda ignore it or either say well i have to see then don't call back. can anyone give me any advice on what i'm doing wrong? I try to be nice, and can keep a somewhat good convorsation, but i just think i'm missing something that they just don't want any kind of even dating or love. advise would be appreciated

Kevin 2 years ago

Hey... Im 15... i've never dated before... Theres this really good looking blonde in my class and i'd like to know how to approach her... I know i shouldn't aim for looks over personality but i cant help it... I'm just attracted to her... Some people might say im too young but thats not the answer i'm looking for... I'm average looking... But even good looking guys havent tried to ask her out so what would be wrong with me trying?..

Craig 2 years ago

Hey I just started college and met a nice girl in one of my classes. She gave me her number and she and her roommate are new in town. The first time i texted her...towards the end i said we should do a movie sometime when she's free to get to know each other better...She writes back saying "sure just let me know when". Am i pretty much set? I am also debating whether or not to invite her roommate to come with. She might feel more comfortable that way and if so i think i should bring a friend as a wingman. What do you think?

David Sadvicate 2 years ago

I don't understand why you would be considering killing yourself because you can't get a girlfriend. Why not kill everyone else? What have YOU done wrong?

Francine Smith 2 years ago

Canada, you make one fundimental mistake in your hub; women are do men the favour. Truth, we are just as insecure, complex and lacking in slef confidence/esteem as any jock/geek. But we are different when it comes being shallow gold digging hookers. If the nice man from Bombay in your picture wants some 'hot totty in a cold wet tanktop', he should max out his cards and act like an amoral wall street banker. Very soon he will become a Slut Magnet. And that's, I guess, all most guys want to be. Spend spend spend. That's how you get a girl (who is no) friend. If Bombay wants a wife, tell him to marry the village virgin.

Have a nice night.

Poet Ro' 2 years ago

Good read, but it ignores the reality that women are also as shallow as men. An equally important piece of advice is not to overreach. Don't expect a dime piece, when your own appearance is at or just above a penny.

Francine Smith  2 years ago

Canada, you say "the things that most guys miss out on is the fact that they are not getting dates because of only two things: Personality and Perseverance". You see, I read the article!

I've been poured over by dozens of guys with NO personality. Often at our computer department's christmas party. Agreed, many are persistent, but this because many are sociopaths with no understanding that no means go jump in a volcanic lake you buttugly freak. Sorry. However, you *are* right that persistence does pay, even for the guy who thinks photographing buses is a fun hobby. Insider fact, eventually, most women give it up because, at three on a Tuesday morning, the guy with the missing wedding ring is the only one still putting it our there. Maybe I should move to Canada? Have a nice day.

Francine Smith 2 years ago

Canada, I'm nice to every guy I meet, even the *holes I work with. That's why I am the go to girl. But not in the way you think. I have immunity from photocopier rage. Anyway boys, at 3AM girl's aint looking for Mister Right, they're desperate for Mister Right Now. Which is a bit of a hint for any guy who's gone beyond speed dating and is looking for a speed relationship. Guy's beware, at 3AM there's a lot of damaged stock on the shelves. Happy hunting ;-)

butt ugly face 2 years ago

hi im buttugly and is this article suitable for yall to answer for 13 years olds(and I go to public school and hear a lot of bad things from queers)

What am I doing wrong? 2 years ago

I've had many girlfriends in my past, but never quite cared for any of them. I only dated them because all the girls I've ever liked turned me down. I tried different approaches, but none seemed to work.

I have personality and perserverance, I'm attractive, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm a gentleman, I'm caring, I'm fun, I'm a great listener and conversationist, and I'm talented. I'm not at all cocky about any of this, and I rarely ever let people know if I'm feeling gloomy like this. I just can't understand why just one girl can't say yes to me.

I have actually asked a couple girls (who I was rejected by, but became close friends with) what's wrong with me. They told me nothing's wrong with me and they couldn't see why I would have trouble finding someone. So then I asked why they turned me down and they say they don't want a relationship. But, that's a lie; I find every girl I like just lying to me and dating someone else.

Can somebody help me? It seems like I've tried everything. I want a relationship, but I want someone who I like instead of someone who I accept. I'm sure all the girls I like feel the same way (they want to date who they like instead of me). I just can't find a girl who I like that likes me also.

Goid help me.

Mark 2 years ago

There is one surmountable problem today, and that is women have a stereotypical image of the man they want-good looks and wealth. I am the exact opposite and no matter how "nice" I've been, treated people with respect, shown empathy and been generous, NONE of these have made the slightest difference.

I am now divorced after a disastrous 5 year marriage where I ended up in debt trying to support my wife and two children on a wage meant for one. I met my ex-wife through a newspaper advert-DO NOT TRY THIS! I must appear very sad as apart from two other brief daliances I've never had any confidence with girls who I've really liked-it has always been too overwhelming to actually strike up a conversation and take things further. EVERY ONE of them wanted a good looking guy, never mind kindness, chavalry or good communication!!!

My age? I am too ashamed to mention it. I am now actually beginning to resent confident people in happy relationships. It has totally destroyed my life and as a result no one has ever shown ME any affection or love whatsoever.

Bas 2 years ago

Im 20 n never had a gf. im realy tired of this n this problem is taking over my mind. a few times i wanted to do suicide bt i can't. never. i dont even hav a proper friend that is a female. i just want a good life like a lot of ppl like all my friends. im quite confident but it just never works n i dont know the reason. this is really evil. i realy need help.

bas 2 years ago

im really suffering from depression coz of this. i need to find a way somehow. why do alot of ppl get girlfrends and why the minority like me cant. its really unfair on how this is. its destroyed me jus because of this. its a nightmare and it is in my head everyday.

TANK 2 years ago

hey man,

Im 16, no matter how hard i try i cant get a girl. all of my friends has a girl but me. i feel lonely. i used to be huge i lost weight got my ears pierced and done all these things... but i never took a chance to think, why am i doing this? is it for me or for the girls...now my only question is who am i?...am an imposter?...i turned my self into a diffrent person but i yet cant find a girl.

bmg 2 years ago

Im 20 and never had a gf. im realy tired of this. I dont know how to get a gf. i dont even hav a proper friend that is a female. wen i approach women they r mostly not interested or dont like me. i dont know why its like this. most ppl has and can get a gf bt i cant. i dont get why i cant. its reallly depressing. its destroyin me jus because of this. its a nightmare and it is in my head everyday. its very unfair tht most ppl can get it n the minority like me cant. i need som help on advice man. wat on earth is goin on.

ForteX9 2 years ago

Okay guys when everything fails there's another option and it works for me all the time. If you're like me and hardly go out just to work and back home then you might want to go on myspace - you guys heard of myspace.com before, right Okay, now add whole bunch of girls close to your zip code one of all of those you added has to talk to you! By the time you know it you'll be exchanging numbers... texting? Try it. Hehe. I work at McDonald's (It's sucks I know) and lots of girls there' have myspace even the managers. Just ask them straight "Hey you have myspace?" just don't go crazy asking everyone that right away... lol

Having your co-workers on myspace is a big plus, you can now think about what you're going to say before you type it any time. I'm skinny and I talk very little, but when it comes to girls it's a different story. They say I'm different than many guys so that's a big plus for me.

Oh and I just turned 24 and I kind of have a girlfriend, she doesn't want to go away! :)

lonelyman 2 years ago

Dating is impossible for someone who is ugly unless they lower their standards & date someone equally or more ugly than they are...that's basic math. If you're a 4 on a scale of 1-10 you cannot possibly hope to ever get a girl that's an 8 or 7. You might be able to get a 6, maybe, but you will need additonal factors in your favor (money, social status, type of job). Personality cannot makeup for being unattractive. The only possible ways to get a g/f while being unattractive is if you have a giant tubesnake in your pants or if you have tons of money. In order to change ugly you need hundreds of thousands if not several millions of dollars. Surgery, fashion coaches, dating coaches, stylists, follow-up surgery....it really adds up to more than a regular person can afford or will ever make in their lives. It isn't a one time $19.95 procedure then your good-to-go. Then on top of that when you have a g/f it's a never ending abyss of spending money on her.

I am unattractive but cannot see the point to pursue an unattractive girl. I haven't been on a date or in a relationship in 9 years & now I'm almost 38y/o and will never get those years back. Even if I got a g/f any time soon I don't see how it could make up for too many years of not having one. Having been so long without a g/f I have absolutley no confidence to approach someone for a date nevermind the fact that I'm unattractive. On top of that is the depression and dispair I feel being so lonely & in a hopeless situation. I'm stuck with the 3 fatal flaws....unattractive, lack of confidence, & lack of dating experience. I'm so hopeless when it comes to women not even Hugh Heffner could fix me up with one. The only woman I could go out with would be one that couldn't say no to a date with me....like a corpse. LOL

Joe 2 years ago

If you ain't got a girl, get rich! 'Nuff said.

If you're ugly or overweight, get plastic surgery!

Mystery 2 years ago

Snake on the money kidda.

Marco0208 2 years ago

Hi

First of all, thank you very much for the article.

I have never been in a relationship before. I tried many times and everytime i failed i blamed myself for being short (5 ft 6) ........ Ugly...... etc

Sometimes i just think why is the world so unfair..... why somebody could get as much girls as they wan. I couldnt even get the one i wan.

I am a funny guy... most of the ppl say that.

This month i met this girl i really liked. I tried to talk to her but the negative thoughts always come up...... ( i am not gd enough to approach her). She said hi to me the other day but i was so nervous that we end within 2 mins. Afterwards, i blamed myself for being such a coward.

I am quite a sporty guy as well but......... i just dun understand why can i get a girl....

Many Thanks

Marco

CoolGuy101 2 years ago

Check it..get a Myspace & hit up them bitties..

simple as that...

Mark 2 years ago

My problem is I hog the conversation because I feel that if I don't say something she wont and then its awkward. I feel if there is an awkward silence then im messing up somehow and that's where I lose perseverance. I am 24 years old and I'm going bald which ruins my confidence so I wear hats all the time to hide it. I think I am a pretty fun individual and have a pretty good physique but I am petrified to approach a women in fear of rejection plus when I am talking to a women and I feel she is uninterested I immediately shy away because I feel like I am annoying her. Can someone please help me? I'm desperate

salroc 2 years ago

so im 19 and ive had a few gfs back when i was in HS. I am now in college andi find it so hard to find tha special someone. there are some girls that like me, but i do not like back. but the ones that I like, i start talking to them and whatnot, most of the time we connect and i always think its the right time to tell her i like her blah blah and at the end of it all they say they are not looking or some bs like that and heyget bfs like the week after that. I just wanna give up on this...its too depressing. im a nice guy and everything i just dont know what im doing wrong.

Tree Man 2 years ago

Advice is always useless if you dont follow it. Honestly, anyone under 20yrs old shouldnt be worried about women. Focus on your schoolwork. Honestly, they will come to you if you are a good guy and even a "LOOOSER". Be patient. It's about quality, not quantity. Believe me. i am one of those 'loosers'. I suck at interpersonal skills, yet I am getting married, because my fiance is a women willing to deal with me. And she FOUND ME!

Patience guys, Patience.

Namewitheld 2 years ago

I am 20, and I've never had a GF. Not that I want anything serious, but I sometimes feel ashamed and frustrated that every other guy my age (especially my mates) seems to have it so easy.

Thing is, I see some of the problems, but don't always know how to deal with them. I am relaxed, good looking, laid back, fairly confident, but I'm a bit reserved (especially when it comes to concealing when I feel unhappy) and find it hard to open up to people sometimes, not knowing the sort of things to talk about.

In fact the only time I got a date by simply popping the question of going for a drink tonight was with a German girl in France.

I have had other problems (like fear of beautiful women) in the past, but I've managed to overcome many of them.

Instead, I'm afraid of the potential of them already having a boyfriend (which seems to be almost always), and when I find they DO have a BF (99% of the time), it angers and frustrates me.

But I also don't want to give up like some of the guys here. I am terrified of being still in this situation years in the future. That's a horrible image that I want to avoid, and I don't want to give up (I think most guys who give up are being unfair on themselves), nor do I want to commit suicide because then I DON'T stand a chance. I'm actually not a virgin, but that was the only time unfortunately.

To be honest, I'm considering going/moving abroad if it keeps going on like this.

Steve 2 years ago

Hi R Pseudomen i need your help !!!!!!!!!

Steve 2 years ago

Hi R Pseudomen i need your help !!!!!!!!!

Roberto 2 years ago

Just turned 47 and have never had a girlfriend and have never kissed a girl. All this advice is bullshit! If you haven't had a girlfriend by the time you're 30, your odds are less than 10% because you are what you are. Either you have what women want from a guy or you don't and if you don't there is nothing you can do about it. Except make the most of living alone and getting your fantasies on sex web sites.

lifesucks83 2 years ago

Im 26 and have asked out probably close to 200 girls.

Denied every damn time. Perseverance and personality don't mean shit when your ugly as hell.

cyrus wragweed 2 years ago

i am an accomplished pianist and i love classical music.i also have a large collection of jazz 78s.i am six feet tall ,44 years old,have a full head of hair yet i cant get a girlfriend.what is wrong with me?

LeMONdRoPs 2 years ago

RJHome, the only reason why girls from foreign countries like you is because of one thing. Its called a GREENCARD.

stop being a douche. I, for one, a girl, would NEVER want to date a guy who takes advice from a cd called "How to stop being a loser." Guys, take it from me, generally all we want is a sweet guy that we can rely on. I mean good looks are nice but even if a guy is rich and handsome, if hes a bastard towards me, i wouldnt want to date him. I must admit there are some shallow girls out there who go for that type of guy, but would you really want to date someone like her? The Personality and Perseverance thing is true too. DONT GIVE UP. Im sure you'll find a girl who likes you just the way you are. Get off your sorry asses and start looking for her. Shes out there. CHIVARLY IS NOT DEAD.

randy 2 years ago

I dont get it I did all the stuff u said but my dream girl sill said no. I think she still said no because im ugly:[. we were talking haveing fun and i asked her she said she would think about it she did 4 3days but she said she said she wasent looking 4 a relationship but the next day she gets a goyfriend but he is the most annoying selfsented person I know so if you could give me some resons why she did that it would b great

JP 2 years ago

My problem is that...after so many girls have said no,i just dont know how to talk to them anymore, like u said abouve: they feel the negativity and it turns them off.I try fo face things happily but i don't know how anymore (obviously girls aren't my only problem) i don't know what to do.

Saint32 2 years ago

I still can't

James 2 years ago

Hey, my name is James

I have 2 things to ask!

1. Whenever I like a girl they just like me as a friend, I try to get to know them first but it never works because at the end they just see me as a friend!

2. I like this girl and today she said that she likes me as a friend

So how do I change her mind and hoq can I get to know a girl without getting too "friendish" with her

-whats your advice about dating?

chasey boy! 2 years ago

people love. especially girls! but the 'just freinds" term is somethin i have a problem with.

Chalen 2 years ago

love is like God, they both don't exist.

lol 2 years ago

I am crap at love. Don't think I am ugly but just not good with women. Maybe I just do not try hard enough ?????

big pimpin  2 years ago

think about this....if u lower ur standards u wont be turned down!!!

Becca 2 years ago

I am almost 18 and finishing highschool, and i honesty found this site completely by accident during a google search, but i started to read some of the comments and was extremely saddened by many of them, and i thought maybe hearing a girl's perspective might be helpful. Honestly guys, personality does trump looks. Im not saying this because im ugly either im acutally "hot" or "sexy" or whatever u want to call it, but i can tell you that pretty girls do not want to be subjected my cocky, jerk guys who just want some ass, attractive or not. The guys who left the best impressions in my life were the ones who made me laugh, or were just honestly nice, caring people. If there's a girl you care about, or would like to get to know, just acting genuinly friendly is a good start. Even just being an open friendly person day to day will help u meet people and eventually you'l find someone you click with. Girls can totally tell if you're not being yourself, so i know it's cliche to say be yourself, but if you do then the person you eventually find will like you for exactly who you are.

I will also tell you that my current boyfriend of 5 months is someone that at first glance i didnt pay any attention to,and people who dont know him tell me i could do "way better". But even if i brushed him off at first he wasn't afraid to make it obvious he liked me, so eventually after getting to know him i realized what an amazing person he is. You should just know that there are girls out there who are willing to give guys of all types a chance, and please dont ever give up on yourself, because god made you the person you are for a reason and somewhere out there is an amazing girl waiting for you.

Joe 2 years ago

My advice to you guys who can't get dates is simple: be brave and approach women and TALK TO THEM!

"Confidence" in the dating world means being able to approach women easily and take charge of your interactions with them. I actually don't like how people use the word "confidence" for this because it's not exactly right. You can be confident IN YOURSELF but still not get dates. If this is you, your problem is you're not approaching women enough, either that or you're just not being yourself.

Here's a challenge, next time you're waiting for your coffee at Starbucks, or waiting for class to start, or whatever start a conversation with the women closest to you. JUST DO IT. Act like yourself, be friendly, don't try to be a "player" or something just BE YOUR DAMN SELF. If you keep doing this you WILL find a woman who digs you and will go out with you if you ask.

Okay? Just do it.

BS 2 years ago

I'm 31, going on 32. The last thing I'd call a relationship ended 6 years ago, after 3 years being together, she cheated on me. Since then, I've had dates but nothing I'd consider a relationship. In the last few years, I barely even get that. I find that approaching women, doesn't work very well for me. I'm told by my female friends that I am attractive and would be a good catch for a woman. My confidence has went down dramatically after being rejected so much that now at my age, I really don't expect anything to happen. Pipe dream is gone, no wife, no kids. I always try and put my best foot foward, but after so many failures....you get tired. I've even tried several online dating sites, good luck even getting a reply from women on those. I love how they say what they're looking for, and when they get an email, they don't even respond. Talk about shallow, online dating is more cruel then just going up to someone to ask them. I suppose that's because of the lack of actually having to see the person and give them an actual response. It's easy to click delete.

Sammy 2 years ago

Hey I'm 17 and I've only had one girlfriend in my life. I don't understand why I'm six feet tall in very good shape (I got to the gym five times a week) I don't have acne or anything like that. Girls say that I dumb but im not I just can't help acting dumb around them. Any advice?

frylock 2 years ago

some people just don't get girls

simple as that

in life, some people get to be happy and get what they want

others never get anything

theres nothing we can do about it except to admit defeat

we must accept that we are here to make others feel better about themselves

life isn't fair, i know its cliche, but its true

as soon as you accept the fact that you'll be alone forever, you can move on with your life

you need to learn to get rid of your emotions as they do you no good

there is no purpose or meaning of life, its just there, so just accept it

if you believe in god, then you can believe that your terrible life is merely a test to see if you'll go to heaven

those with good lives are either predetermined to go to heaven or hell, as god has no need to test them

J.J 2 years ago

Hi I was trying to get a girl and just said I liked her and asked if we could go out she rejected me. I'm buut ugly with peanut for a head now my friends going to ask her out what do I do.

J.J  2 years ago

Hi me again like I said i'm butt ugly with a peanut for a head I'm 11yrs old in middle school I feel like i'm the only one without a gf also I have dandruff. I doubt plasic surgery is going to help. I'm rich (185$) and I thought she sais yes about going out. I'm half black half white but with brown skin color she was mexican but I want a white girl what do I do

NP 2 years ago

To J.J

JJ, ur only 11 years old come on u in the 6 grade, you way to young my dude, just because everybody else have a partner doesn't mean u need one, u have a lot of time a head of so dont rush things cause when u do, ur going to find the wrong thing.

Andy 2 years ago

Hey man I feel the same as u I asked so many girls out I get rejected I never use to have this problem I had girls wanting me left right and centre why can't I even get a single girl now. I just want to settle down and be happy this girl I met recently was like omg ur soooooooooo funny and such a nice guy I charmed her told her she was so pretty she was ringing me at 4am in the morning wanting to talk to me ringing me like 5-10 times a day and txting me but then she sends me a txt one day saying im sat nxt to this guy whos soo hot i can't stop staring at him I txt her bk and said I was jealous then we have not really spoke since. I mean idk what to do I can't get a girlfriend I did everything they say to do to get the girl and I just can't?? I use to look so hot I look at old pics of me and not to be vein I was freaking gorgeous even in my passport photo I had like 20 girls in 1 year telling me they liked me I rejected every single one that year I had huge standards. This was like 5 years ago though. Now I have 0 girls telling me they like me=\ I look at the pics I take now and think I look ugly as hell how did I change so much?? Maybe its Gods revenge for me rejecting them girls and treating them like shit?? I just feel so lonely now and say to girls I don't even like that I like them because I feel so depressed I tell them I feel ugly they never say ur not ugly. Some women said to me ur handsome and my mum went yer he has lovely eyes doesn't he. Maybe I turned so ugly no girls find me attractive anymore I don't want to die lonely im not a jerk anymore im the nice guy whos caring and makes girls laugh not make them cry=\. Maybe girls are as shallow as I use to be life sucks=\

Jack 2 years ago

Ive gotten lots of girls, but then all of a sudden they stopped dating me like that. Ive been talking to this one girl and she says she really likes me, she even said that she would go out with me. I asked her out. She said, "IDK i like being single right now." I'm like WTF ok w/e.

c w 2 years ago

Hi i have a different problem i need help with. I can't get over my ex we broke up just before xmas last year and i just can't get her out of my head. My friends tell me just move on, but i still love her and when you love someone its impossible just to simply move on. Whats worse is that we are in the same class at college, i think she stills has feelings for me but talking to her is really hard it feels like im meeting a person every time we talk, please help thanx im 19 btw

R W F 2 years ago

Well I have a real big problem I'm in the marine corp and I'm about to be deployed to Afganastan where it is real and I hate the fact that the only people who love me is my family. And now that's all good and all but I just want someone to love me and care about m just as much.

anonymous 2 years ago

good article. but the reality is that its difficult to find someone in the 'game of dating' because there are many bad people out there.

no one is perfect, but being that there are many bad people out there who like to hurt other people - this in turn makes it very difficult for those of us who want to find someone that is good.

its easy for one friend (who has found someone) to say to another friend (who is still going through the emotional trauma) -'yeah, someone is out there, just wait, when you least expect it'...you have to be going through it to know what its like.

guy in need 2 years ago

Im in high school and Im not bad looking. Im pretty confident and most people say im funny. However I always get stuck in the friend zone. Or the girls i like say they just dont feel like dating me woudl work. Im gettin sick of it. Help please?

To Andy: 2 years ago

Up to a certain age you can get away with being a cocky jerk and girls will think its hot and be all over you, but there comes a point where woman no longer find self-absorbed superficial guys attractive. They know they wont make good boyfriends/husbands or be good in a relationship because the attraction is only skin deep. That's probably why you cant get women anymore.

Julian, Australia 2 years ago

I recommend a book by Neil Strauss called 'The Game- Rules of the Game'. It has the potential to be a life changing book, but it all depends on how committed you are. You'll know what I mean when you read it.

Evan Sackett 2 years ago

You know, I have often considered suicide because I could not get a date. But you know, when you hear or read somebody else saying that, you realize just how stupid that is. "I can't get laid so I'm going to kill myself!" Here's ,y advice: its all for sex. For $250, I can go just a few miles and get the best piece of ass a man could want from a real woman, nos trings attatched, just business, vs. spending $150, date after date, and "maybe" getting some. Once you get some ass, those suicidal thoughts go away. Buy the shit. Just remember, all those hot girls you see, it is nothing you can't buy.

Raptor 2 years ago

Sometimes getting a girlfriend is all you can think about when you're on your own. I have actually had a few girlfriends, 4 in total, and 3 of those were sexual partners.

Yet here I am 35 and single. If you think asking them out is tough, then let me tell you, the relationship side of it all is tougher still. I loved my last girlfriend so much, but that didn't stop it from being the worst relationship I ever had. She was young and didn't know what the hell she wanted, sometimes it was me, sometimes it was her ex. Which caused me a lot of pain.

It's been a few months since I have seen her, and even though I told her to leave and never darken my door again, I'm still in love with the stupid cow! However I have enough dignity to know that if I tried to contact her again she would use me just like she always did.

I hate being single, and the last relationship has basically ground me down so now I think all girls are selfish lying b!t@h£s.

I live in hope I will meet someone that actually likes me for me, but I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let "getting a girl" be the only goal in your life. I think guys that are single and find it tough to get a girl tend to just dwell on it and it becomes some obsessive disease in your head.

You gotta just get out there and live your life, see your friends and do the things you enjoy. Chances are you will bump into a girl at some point.

Jason 2 years ago

I'm a freak-in-the-face. I still look very very good, but there's zero chance of getting a second date due to simple genetics. Nice guys do not finish last--far from. The slightest imperfection in your face and you're lower than dirt. Any suggestions, genius?

Dillon 2 years ago

Im one of those guys who plays 3 sports(football,wrestling,track) I wear my varsity jacket I start on the football team. Why can't I get a girlfriend? I entered high school 3 years ago with this preconceived notion that football players/jocks always get the girls it just happens. Unfortunately I guess for linemen it doesn't. I know I'm a big guy but I work out everyday I have big muscles. Is it just my looks? I talk to girls and it seems to go well I make them laugh I've even asked some of them out and usually somehow the date gets canceled. I don't get it can someone help? I'm thinking about giving up.

Jason 2 years ago

@Dillon Specific advice for dating and attracting another person is pure rhetoric--biggest scam in the world--so don't listen to it. What you can do is try all sorts of different things. Each person is different, and you have to unlock each person with a special key, even for a simple date. I personally think you shouldn't be incredibly indicative of yourself. Maybe drop the "look at me I'm a football player" and try to show that there's more than that underneath the helmet? Some might be too intimidated by your size.

no name 2 years ago

The advice people give where they try to be positive, here on the internet, is such crap. It totally always overlooks the real gravity of someones situation just so that person can sound like a good person. If you actually have something to say that can help someone tangibly, good, otherwise keep your self righteous platitudes and cleches to yourselves.

Rasetsumaru 2 years ago

I'm a hispanic 21 year old u.s. marine and not to brag I'm very attractive have decent sized muscles but no matter how hard I tried in the past I could never get a girlfriend even now its as if it wasn't meant to be yeah maybe 1, 2, or 5 times but to get rejected 68 times! I've gotten close sometimes but never sealed the deal now I have given up and the only way I get by is by not thinking of women, everytime I see one look the other way, if they smile or say hi ignore them, and now avoid them at all costs!

David 2 years ago

IM HISPANIC 21 YEARS, 5'11 LIGHT BROWN , TONED BODY, VERY MATURE..... CAN BEING TO MATURE SCARE GIRLS.???? I CAN BE PRETTY INTIMIDATING IN THAT ASPECT....... I DONT THINK IM UGLY.. I DO GET COMPLIMENTED EVERY NOW AND THEN THAT IM GOOD LOOKING... THE PROBLEM IS NOT BY THE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THAT FROM... =/

I HAVENT HAD A GF FOR 4 YEARS NOW... I REALLY DONT GO OUT MUCH, I DONT HAVE THAT MANY FRIENDS..... . I JUST TURNED 21 AND IM HOPEING OF HITTING THE CLUBS TO TRY MY LUCK THERE...... SO IF YOURE FROM LOS ANGELES AND WANT TO HANG OUT LET ME KNOW... HIT ME UP ... uc_irvine1@yahoo ....

leep123 2 years ago

Women want 2 things: confidence, (or moreso, overconfidence), and POPULARITY. I cannot stress that enough. You can be hideously ugly, but if people know who you are, women will flock to you. Popularity is the key. No one seems to realize that. And money helps too.

leep123 2 years ago

Like I said, I can't stress popularity enough. Get out. It doesn't matter if you're yourself, or trying to be someone else. it's all about WHO YOU KNOW. If you're an artist, in a band, or hilariously funny, and if no one (including guys) know who you are you won't get a date. I'd be willing to say that 75% of guys who can't get a date are not getting OUT enough. Exposure will make girls want you more. Exposure will make people NOTICE you. Trust me.

dragons1 2 years ago

im 18 never had a gf. its not if i havnt tried i get really shy around girls like i freeze up. i have never kissed any1 eitha i get nervous thinkn about kissing. when im around my mates im fine but as soon as a girl comes over i jus stop talking

Danny 2 years ago

I am 17 still a virgin and I haven't had a girlfriend in about a year. I used to have loads of girls every other month now its depressing there is no girls on my course at college and I don't hang about with any outside. What can I do?

agent47 2 years ago

This is my problem, i have loads of friends at school(high school)but like only one friend that is a girl. Now, i don't even get on with 'guys' that well, but still i 'need'(term used loosely) them more for study motivation ect... because in my relativity money is the key to happiness and one of the best ways to secede. I did go out with this chick for a little while, but it fell though very fast, now, i want a girlfriend again, but the girl i have liked forever, ditched me for some fag guy,that everyone hates... =( it seems how hard i try/don't try, how funny i am,am not, nothing works, making friends, pfft, easy, getting a girlfriend, i think i will have to stick with making money and passing school.....

N boy 2 years ago

16 years old and never kissed a girl...I have lots of friends but they see me as a friend.

They seem to like me but the friend way...What shoul i do???

lonelystill20 2 years ago

well i had tons of girlfriends in highschool and i thought i had met the one. we ended up dating for 5 years and in that time we had 2 awesome baby boys. we recently broke up and she found a boyfriend within a couple days. it seems like i cant find a girlfriend now because i forgot the rules of dating. im a little rusty at spittin game. im scared of rejection, and idk what to do.

Shitpickle 2 years ago

I'm 20.. I kinda gave up sometime ago. I had GFs in my life, nothing special, not a single stable relationship. I'm the fat ugly kid, my face isn't too bad and it couldn't stop me from getting girls, but it does now. I feel myself pretty worthless, every idiot has a girlfriend, I see couples everywhere, it makes me sick. Last time I had a Gf (if we could call it a relationship) was about 2 years ago. She sent me to the bottom. It's kinda rare to find girls who are interested in me, I like things that are so "uncool" these days. Even if I could find a girl that's interested in me, they're all want me to be their "actual best friend" - little blood suckers pff.. - I have friends, they're telling me the same crap over and over. Be positive and etc. Well maybe I'd be positive in their position too (long, good, stable relationships yeah yeah). I'm a funny guy, always making the girls laugh around me, they like because I respect them, but still nothing. I'm always the "best friend". I also play various instruments, I draw too. But I guess I'm not special enough for girls :D I don't have money, car or anything that makes them wet. Girls are like parking lots, the good ones are already taken, the others are shitty or ya have to pay for them ;)

Cy 2 years ago

i always feel uncomfortable talking to girls ( except relatives ), every time I'll try to be that humorous natural comedian that i am to the opposite sex ( that is not a relative ), i....can't. i lose it, the thought that "i'm just doing it to impress the ladies..." comes into my head. it makes me uncomfortable, i suddenly withdraw. the reason i get uncomfortable to the idea is because of the fact that i don't want to look like an asshole. i'm not an asshole, i try my best not to be an asshole, i'm really using that term because...it makes me wonder; do i have to be the absolute jerk face that i'm not to get a date? is there no one in this world ( no, really i'm asking, the world ) will ever appreciate my high practice of high respect, perpetual smile, shining dignity, and absolute neutrality? do they hate for being me because they can't be me? is that the idea? you guys would probably think " good guy eh? then why do you poat such whiny comment? ", my answer, because it hurts. it hurts that I've been doing this for 11 years ( i'm 20 ) and no one seems to appreciate me for being that. it hurts me so much that i looked around me, i'm smiling, but no, they'd rather be getting cigarette-smoking "bad boy" there rather than "stupid, creepy, boy in plain clean white shirt and brown bland pants and shoes, with big smile" on that corner. it pains me that i wake up, every morning, expecting nothing but to one day finish school, get a job, get old, die i an apartment from heart attack, depression and loneliness, only to be discovered as a rotting body three weeks later. maybe it's my body " going through the unsuccessful phase of finding a mate " talking, i don't know. it's annoying, as i'm typing this i'm sad, i wonder where did i go wrong, am i evil? am i being punished for something? i look in the mirror, everyday asking; " what the heck is wrong with me that i can't see?!! ", " why are they happy? ", " why am i unhappy? ", " why do i feel this hatred to myself? "...i feel like a failure, am i a failure because unlike most of them, my interest is comics, videogames, cartoons, and jackie chan movies? am i a failure because I'd rather be washing my hands everytime i handled money, or that i always brush my teeth after a meal ( or even just a snack )? am i a failure because i always look at myself at the end of the day to evaluate myself, always seeing at the end of the day how many mistakes I've made, cursing myself, for wishing i've never done those mistakes. maybe this is one of 'em, typing this down, hoping to find some help, on random site, filled with strangers...i don't know, maybe i'm like this because i don't know what it feels to feel "handsome", i never felt handsome in my whole life. i always see myself as this blank figure that people find uninteresting...yeah, maybe i'm right, maybe that's my end. to die alone in an apartment, from loneliness...i feel stupid. :)

CPT 2 years ago

Gratitude, self-confidence, mind set and all that stuff you are either born with or not.

You can look in the mirror and tell yourself you are a confident happy person everyday, you can walk round with whatever mindset you can think of but at the end of the day your still in the same boat and still have nothing.

Im 26 now and no female has ever give the slightest **** about me in any way shape or form. I wasn't born confident, funny or charismatic and NO its not possible to change that, YES i have tried, repeatedly. Its just not who i am, name one person in the world (any of you) who has successfully done a complete personality overhaul....

There is nobody, unless someone is capable of altering their own DNA and genes then you are lying my friend.

I know i will never find anyone, but people misunderstnad that and spew out the generic:

"o but thats negative and its a turn off so you wont find anyone with that attitude/you have already give up so you wont now anyway"

NO, its the truth based on logic, reason and probability, not false hope.

You expect me to walk round all smiles, positivity and happiness? Well that didn't work either, i was still in the same boat as any other mindset at the end of the day.

Another grevance for me if half of you don't practice what you preach. For example i seen one here telling a guy to go around and smile at women. You really think that works? haha. I did this for a while and guess what....nobody smiles back, you get strange disgusted faces and still nobody gives a damn. Im not talking about 1 or 2 here, try around the 50 mark.

Don't spew generic advice when it don't work.

Heres another great one:

"Talk to the girl at the till"

She dosn't care if you drop down dead infront of her, this is not a mindset/negative thinking or any of that bullshit, this is from facial observations, tone of voice, body language i KNOW that she REALLY DONT GIVE A ****. Again this is not 1 or 2 this is ALL of them. Its not the way im talking to them ive tried all sorts of happy & interesting ways. It just don't work.

And my all time favourite generic statement" Get yourself out there!":

WTF does that actually mean? out where exactly? and do what?

Walk up random people in the street? Most people are going about their business and DO NOT want to be disturbed (Again something ive tried extensively).

At work? NO most are a lot older than me and already married/kids etc. Changing jobs is not an option.

Through friends? Same again, as you get older more and mroe marry off and have kids. Nobody here.

Through any sort of hobby? What? driving? nobody is going to open your car door and get in for a chat. Car clubs are full off men and ego. I suck at any type of sport or game, pointless joining a football team for example when you completly suck at it.

At a gym? People don't want to know, they have earphones in, working away facing a wall in the corner....if there is even a female in the building.

Online dating? If you don't look like a male model, state that you swim with dolphins or your an astronaught then you can send 1000s of msgs with 0 replies. 30 guys to 1 women on any given site. Women have their pick. The shallowest of the shallow reside here.

Clubs & pubs? Pubs are for old men here in England, Clubs are like dating sites(20 guys to a girl, shallow women) and you can't even hear anyone, nobody can hear you.

Again, the above things i have TRIED, TESTED AND FAILED.

This won't apply to all of you, some of you are the ones that piss and moan but have never even tried.

I could write a 1000 page essay on this but to spare you and me the time and effort i will end it here.

Fix this and you are are superman, people who study human nature and psychology for 40+ years who i paid good money to see can't.

Danny 2 years ago

Hey , I`m 15 and i never had a girlfriend , i don`t even know how to kiss . Everybody says i look good , i have the perfect weight for my size ( im 170 cm and 54 kilograms) , I have a nice muscular body couse i always liked sport and i`ve been skateboarding for 2 years . the problem is that there are alot of girls that like me but , most of them are ugly in my perception , some of my friends say they are hot . anyways when i like a girl i talk to her and she smilesi tell jokes and stuff and at the end of the day she tells me that im her best friend but i never get past this and this fucks up my mind . becouse everytime i like a girl i can be only her best friend and that makes me fall into depression and makes me hate myself . why are there like 10000 girls that i dont like but they love me ? but there isnt only 1 girl that i like that could like me to . PLEASE HELP ME!!

Danny 2 years ago

Thank you Pseudomen

Michael 2 years ago

Hello - I have really appreciated your responses on above topics however one area I would appreciate covered. I am 27 have only dated one girl and got engaged with her...unfortunately she cut off communication cold about a year ago... phone number changed and no replies to emails. Never did get along with her family so guessing that is the reason but I am divulging from where I am meaning to go. I am religious and a bit over-talkative...I can live with this and work with it however I am having a very hard time finding where to meet girls... I do not drink and also work in a profession which there are no younger (under 40)people besides myself. Where and how is a good to meet opposite gender and where is a good place to go to see how to start communicating in that area? PS - most friends I have are basically circular through church... or at least I have not found one that is comfortable setting up a date for me so that area is kind of out. Thanks so much for your time.

Daniel 2 years ago

This article is depressing as anything. It appears whenever someone has a "problem" everyone tries to find ways to "fix it." The thing is, you don't need to have a great personality or even perseverance. I know men who are angry all the time, and their personality is anything but miserable. Yet, they go home to their wives and children. So it's clear that those qualities you speak of have nothing to do with a lasting relationship at all.

When I think about it, I think in life you either have it or you don't. It's all based on circumstances that you're in. Sure, the more you go out and try, the more higher your chances are. However, that doesn't mean that everyone who tries the same things will get the same results. I think some people are meant to live alone and I think even more so, this world sort of laughs into the face of these people. It's clear that every evil man in this world tend to be single. Think about all the powerful dictators of this world. None of them are married! Most of them force women to be with them, and in all they were single. So it's clear that relationships have a profound effect on your mind and body. In my opinion, you should just wait to see what circumstances come available to you. You shouldn't try to change who you are, because that only drives to insanity because it won't always work out the way you'll expect.

Chris 2 years ago

I am 30 male..... no girlfriend or touch any women before. considering suicide this year to leave this lonely place.

Mitch 2 years ago

Go places where you have another purpose, and finding women is secondary. This way you don't come off as desperate.

Ballroom Dancing is a great place to meet women, Community College, Conventions of various sorts. I met my wife at a community college.

If you are still in High School i recommend looking for women who do not go to your school. That way its based on looks and personality alone, Not on their friends opinions

Don't go where women are already tied up with friends. ask for email adresses not phone numbers, then from the email see if they want to hang out at a public place you both like, bookstore, movie theatre, out for coffee, and if you had a good time reschedule before the 1st meeting is over. This is where she may give a phone number. if She is reluctant say you will Email her, if no reply leave it alone and find another friend.

Give those tips a try, they seemed to work for me.

David 2 years ago

Dude, im a very picky guy, and i recently found a girl i really liked, talks to her a lot, felt like she really liked me only to get a text from her once saying that she feels discomfort around me... all my relationships are like that... i try to be very nice and romantic but i dont know... it sucks.

David-A 2 years ago

Hello all,

Here is a problem I am having. I am in my mid 30's now, and I have had only 1 girlfriend in all that time. I pretty much considered her "the ONE", after getting to know her for the better part of a year.

Neither one of us wanted our relationship to end, but there were things that were beyond our control, and let's just say "life" happened.

I never even considered having another girlfriend for about 3 years after that. That was quite a long time ago, and now I am starting to feel all alone and by myself again, but now it is practically impossible for me to find a girlfriend.

I am in the worst possible sitution for attracting a woman at this point in my life.

I am currently unemployed thanks to the current economy. I also now am rooming at my mom's place since I can't even afford an effeciency or small apartment now.

How can my sitution get any worse? Everybody knows that no stable income and living with your parents are two of the biggest turn offs with almost all women.

I really don't have any clue anymore on what I can or should do at this point.

James 2 years ago

I have never had a proper date in my entire life and I'm forty two and unemployed. I spend most of my life trying to get a job and the women I like just ignore me. I never had a single girlfriend or date hrough out my entire teenage years or twenties. I am reasonably confident now but approaching a girl I like still worries me. I have pretty much given up on women.

belle 2 years ago

because your a whiney bitch

nobody 2 years ago

hi my name is nobody

i dont know if ill ever get a reply to this but i thought id put it up anyways. this is the first time i openly talk abt myself on the net. im not being cocky, but im good looking. people have told me that. im 18 btw. thats not the issue. i have no personality, i like to feel reassured, i like to be given compliments, i always want to be the centre of attention, but when i do get the attention, i falter and stuff everything up. im so hard to understand. nobody in the world understands me. i feel like i have nobody in the world, not even god, although sometimes i wish he was beside me to tell me what to do. when i feel like i got no friends, i feel depressed, but at the same time, it reassures me for some very weird reason. im not an intravert, but not an extravert. im not the life of the party, but i always wish i was. im noot popular, but ii wish i was, and when i do get some attention, i never know how to cope with it. i feel like i should have been born an animal, i wish my looks can be given to somebody who needs it more. i would trade my looks with anybody in the world who has bad looks, in trade for a better personality. sometimes i wander to myself, am i the only guy who feels like this? im not a depressed case, im not suicidal, i enjoy life as much asi can, and i have a lot of friends are university, but i always feel like i have nobody in life. nobody understands me. i wish i can get with girls. i know i have the looks, and sometimes i feel i have a great personality, but often when i reflect, i find that i actally dont. i hate being overlooked. many people judge me badly. i wish i can be a better human. when i was young, i lived in lebanon for 8 years of my life. i was carefree (from what i remembeR). i had a different perosnality. i had friends, and girls loved me. i had a beautiful life. i now live in australia. i have conformed. i am no longer what i was. i am no longer the same little lebanese kid who came to the country and everyone adored because he was different. i am now just a nobody.

to those who didnt want to read this and feel bad about themselves..im sorry.

to those who read this and felt that they feel the same way, please reply to me, it comforts me to know there are others out there..

and if i get no reply, well..ill keep talking to god, maybe one day he'll answer me..

thnanks everyone.

man26 24 months ago

Hello guys, i've read almost every post here within the last hour, trying to get tips and I also am seeing that what I feel inside is brought up here by other gentlemen on this site.

I actually read on many websites about the issue of never getting laid and often i can feel suicidal and i have contemplated suicide, because its getting to heavy on me, like a burden that i cant beare, but this website offers me some hope thou, because it is a comfort to know your not alone. I really don't want to be a part of the problem, instead a part of the solution, so I'm not going to whine anymore. Anyways, I'm 26, but have zero skills when it comes to women. But sometimes I feel like a parasite, kind of needy, which does not display my character in a good way. Overall, I like this website but I don't like to see my peers (which seems to all be good men)feeling this way, and we MUST support each other. I am trying to be optimistic now.

I wish all the guys here the best and don't EVER allow suicide to be the last resort, or I will be angry with you. I rarely speak about this, but I believe that masturbation has kept me through this insanity LOL. I am sincere, otherwise I would blow my brains out. Afterwards I'm not even wanting a girl, I want to be by myself. But I hope the right circumstances will come along for you guys, and IT WILL, if you just try to think outside the box for a little bit.

In fact, when it comes to this matter, I had nobody to understand me, not women, not family, not God,..the only thing that rescued me was YOU GUYS. And I hope we guys stick together and watch each others back, because no one else will (well actually im sorry for using Gods name in vain, I know that he is the one caring for us). Yea, anyways this post got a little bit too long.

Although I am the last guy to give any advice I will give one anyway.

Whenever you see a hot sexy woman but your feeling to insecure about yourself or you think you are too ugly and that you are not worth anything and want to give up, THEN PLEAAASEEEE, think on us in that situation, we are 100% behind you and know that you are not alone, you belong to the brotherhood of MEN. Wether you may be a teenager of a middleaged man or a young man or an old man. Women are really good human being and they afterall gave birth to us so we must atleast in return not give up, instead FIGHT 4 OUR RIGHTS. And it's going to be cool and you'll find a cool lady only 4 YOU.....................Peace

V 24 months ago

Yeah, tell that to the 50+ year olds that have never had one.

You are raised with it as a child/adolescent or you are not, the ones that say they have gained these skills (like the guy answering the questions) had them all along just didn't realise it.

When your brain is developing and pathways are constantly being formed, if you did not acquire the relevant experience(In a very broad term) then you will always struggle.

In layman's terms its more like "You can't teach an old dog new tricks".

I wouldn't start teaching a 70yo to fly a plane, would you?

I knew a friend like this who gave up/miserable/hopeless but i always knew he could do it if he tried. He did.

Then i knew someone else who was also hopeless and i know he just does not have it in him at all, even if he did try. He is now 33.

I won't be as nasty as to say your defects in the gene pool but in nature the weak and those unable to mate die off.

Sucks to be in this position, i know im there myself but at the end of the day it is hard and if you don't get to pass on your genes then so be it, thats just nature taking its course, instead strive to do what you can to help society in any other way you can.

Nima S 24 months ago

Very Well put .

man26 24 months ago

lol, very well put, it's true what you have said. No man want to find himself in such a situation. This is not a single vs. married matter, this is a about being single, not by choice, but by default, being that there is no option for the guy. 50+ virgin men really need to manipulate their own thought pattern radically to accomplish sex, too nice is never good to be because people will step their feet all over you. Remember, women was put here to satisfy mens need, not the other way around (if you want to be blblical LMAO),nah but seriously,in order to have a good life, I believe you need a healthy sex life too, and each men are responsible to care for their needs as do women. Honestly, without being that philosophical about it, I think we're heading into a feministic society. I bet you that the young men in the 30's 40's 50's would have a hard time finding women in he 21'th century. I believe women were more easy back then, in order to increase the world population or something, but now in our time, nature wants to regulate it, so it won't be too overpopulated maybe, I don't know I'm just ranting, just a thought. From mens perspective, it is uncalled for, but from natures perspective, everything is in order. Hey, I just want sex, let's worry about children later, I don't even want kids now, I just want sex, you know sex isn't just about having kids, it's about more than that.....Peace out dudes

j 24 months ago

I'm 28 and I've had a few girlfriends, but small talking with women or really anyone for that matter is soo hard for me. I ended an 8 year relationship about 4 years ago and have been on but a couple of disheartening dates since.

I love living alone and doing what I want/need when I want, but I am starting to get really lonely from time to time. I have never had a huge group of friends and as I have gotten older I have less and less; which means I have less and less opportunities to meet women.

I'm afraid that the feeling that I have nothing of value to offer is growing inside and I think I am starting to resent others for it.

All I would really like to have is a chick to squeeze every now and then...someone other than a relative that truly cares about what's going on with j.

The author says change what you can and accept what you can't, but what about those of us for whom personality is the unchangeable obstacle? I mean I'm not mean, spiteful, chauvinistic, or generally just a jack-ass; but I am cripplingly introverted and wholly unable to engage in small talk. And yes some may say that these are things to "work on," but ultimately for those of us that have such issues, they will never be wholly rectified and we will always struggle to make connections.

v 24 months ago

The Internet isn't as good a tool as people make it out to be.

Dating sites are feeding ground for the shallowest of shallow women.

Women with nothing/very little to offer looks wise or personality wise expecting a perfect 10 guy.

If your picture does not look like a male model, your profile does not state you are an astronaught or you swim with dolphins then you will not get so much as a reply.

Do a little test.

Make a profile with some good looking guy with a fancy job and watch the replies/views/first contact pour in.

Now go back to your profile and message the same women.

Nothing...

Any given site there is 20 guys to 1 girl, so if your not similar to the guy i mentioned above then you won't get picked above the others.

Women know they have their pick of the guys so they take the best.

If you were really that good looking with a top notch personality you would not be using a dating site to begin with.

I personally have sent 1000's of message but no matter how interesting, personal or funny you make them seem they go ignored, simply for the fact that im not an astronaught/sky diver/undercover agent, i work in I.T and im not a male model im average looking.

Taking the internet in general for meeting people; because its worldwide the chances of finding someone remotly close to you are very slim.

Disregarding dating sites and taking other social things on the internet into account like gaming, forums, Q&A sites or even this one.

You meet people from other countries, other continents or maybe even your country but an entrely different region.

Chances that its a female and lives within a 100 mile of you are just way to slim to rely on the internet.

Like i love how people pull out the phrase:

"Theres 3 billion women on this planet"

But you will never meet the vast vast majority of them.

All it takes is a little commom sense and you can work it out:

You are not going to be looking outside of your country

So for me, take the population of England = 50 million

Minus the males = 25 million females

Population of my region = 5,300,000

Minus the males = 2,650,000 females

Minus those too young = ?

Minus those too old = ?

Minus those of ill health = ?

Minus those of disability = ?

Minus those that are married = ?

Minus those that have children = ?

Minus those of stong religious belief = ?

Minus those of different race = ?

Minus (Another undesireable trait)

Minus (Another undesireable trait)

etc

etc

etc

You can work it down to such a small number that the phase "3 billion women in this world, so surely you can find one!" and relying on the interenet to find somebody is a joke.

Bas 24 months ago

I hav read these comments, I wonder why a few of us cannot attract women. I dont get why like me.

Bas 24 months ago

Is it that we are not manly enough, is it that coz we are too manly or is it that we are miserable or too nice. The way of attracting women is really hard and I dont know how to. The society really sucks coz women only go for their best ones, only those who are talented. I dont get why women dont want men who care for them or want to be with them. I really need to know the ways to attract women. safe!

Taylor 24 months ago

Okay well one thing I did not read this article but I do have some asdvice on how to get a girl to be intrested in you enough that maybe you will be able to go out on a date with her. First, you should show confidence in yourself because women love it when you are confident, but not cocky. So do be to into yourself show some intrest in her as well, but when she wants to know about you, you have to be confident in yourself. When talking to her give her good feedback and actually pay attention. 2nd- dress apporpriatley for the occasion, if you guys are going out to lunch I suggest wearing nice jeans and a casual shirt, but if your going out to a fancy resturant wear something more sufisticated. Be nice and treat her with respect but most imprtantley be yourself. O and wear lots of colone and brign her flowers and make sure you dont wear unserwear o and also GET A LIFE and FIGURE IT OUT ON YUR OWN

Bas 24 months ago

But how do you show confidence to a girl. How do you express it, what words do you say and how do you chat to women.

Someone 24 months ago

Hi

I'm a 20 year old guy. I am not a model, but I think I'm at least OK. I have a good sense of humour (though I must admit that I am in an ironic/sarcastic style), I'm highly intelligent (I don't want to sound egocentric but I know my values), and I'm playing in a number of bands as a singer/guitarist (not famous though, as I do not play pop or emo shit), and I must say I have good expectations for a good career both in my civil life and in my musical career. And I AM CONFIDENT. Yes I am. And I still can't get a girl. I constantly get rejected.

There are times when I get close to a wonderful someone, everything goes as it should be, I feel my luck is changing, and BOOM. I never reach the finish line. Well, I must also admit I have high standards. Not exactly model looks or such though - if I have at least some physical attraction towards a girl, it's the personality that counts then.

My friends, even those that are uglier than me get girls without effort. But as I want a serious relationship, I do not approach girls as they do - in a cocky and arrogant way, like they were roadside sluts.

And it seems the world just wants to piss me off... One day introducing me to a beautyful, nice, charming girl, who likes me, looks up at me, and think I am a great person... And the other day messing things up and making me fall down to Earth again.

I just don't understand.

Bas 24 months ago

Man the way it is is not fair lie. The unfairness is unbearable. Alie I dont know how to impress or attract a girl. I dont even hav friends that are female and I dont know how to get them. I need help! Blad what do you need to hav and show so that you will get a gal?

Bas 24 months ago

I will pay money if someone finds me a girlfriend!

Bas 24 months ago

Can somebody find me a girlfriend please! I cant get ne myself coz im not talented. If anyone finds me a good one I will seriously pay you!

Kyle 24 months ago

Im in junior high, ive never had a GF before. I try to get some confidence in myself, but ive made so many foolish emberassing mistakes in school that people remember me by, especailly girls. I do have some friends but i feel like whenever someone looks at me they think im some sort of fagot or loser.

Brian 24 months ago

Hey Kyle. You're in middle school. I'd change schools if I were you and then start from scratch. Ask your parents to change you schools. Those girls that age can be really superficial and immature. Ignore them they aren't worth the pain. They will grow up to be bigger losers than you I guarantee it.

Tommo 23 months ago

Man, it's all well and good to say personality and perseverance prevails but what if the only girls you seem to attract are sluts, liars, cheats or outrageous flirts? I like to think I'm a good looking, personable guy. I have a little trouble finding things to talk about with girls one on one and am a bit scared of rejection. I just can't seem to find a girl that I "click" with. I don't know why and at my age, 24, every one of my mates seem to be in a relationship or at least starting one and I haven't had a girlfriend to even start with. I'm at my wits end, I just don't know what to do.

carl 23 months ago

I need one last help.

Many girls tell me im sweet,they laugh at the things i say so easily and sometimes at parties( i am 16) i stay alone with girls and talk to them. I really got alot of friends,even people i just meet seem to like me instantly.

But,here's the problem, when im with a girl the things I do and say dont seem to work for her, I can't get any kiss at 16!!!! what do I have to do???

moore 23 months ago

I'm 28 and have only had 1 gf: it only lasted 6 months, then she left me because I don't have enough money. I hope to have another gf someday but I know it's not likely.

x 23 months ago

I'm 21, had some girlfriends but weren't really happy with them. I didn't fall in love with them, but they were still long relationships. Now it's been 3 years since I'm alone, and I feel really miserable and sad. I have a good number of friends, and I think I am quite funny and intelligent. I consider my looks unattractive, though others keep telling me I'm not that bad, but I can't belive it, I just don't see an attractive guy when I look into the mirror. And this ruins my confidence, but even when I get myself together and act confident, I get rejected, and I just get more insecure and inconfident. I really don't know what to do. I have a good number of hobbies and creative activities keeping me busy, and I'm at university, but I feel more and more that I can't go on until I get some energy boost from a girl... But I don't know what to do. A few times I grew very fond of girls and it seemed we'll get together, but then each situation got messed up and I stood alone.

Otherwise I am a positive person, and my friends think of me as creative, intelligent and funny, but my family is upset that when I'm home, I'm often in a bad mood, and I don't want to make them feel bad 'cause this is my problem. They won't believe that all I need is a girl beside me. If I could reach that, I could go on with my life, but now I feel terribly down when I'm alone with my thoughts.

x 23 months ago

An addition, entitled to Moore. The simple objectivity of your comment, and that you are not whining, only stating your situation made me symphatize with you. I know it's not of much use, but please accept a virtual pat on the back, and do not give up. You are not too late and life may change some time. Be on the look out. Until then, strive for other things you want to achieve, and never lose hope. This may sound silly from someone 7 years younger than you, still I think I know how you feel. I wish you strength and good luck in your life!

jason 23 months ago

i've been single pretty much my whole life, im 21. i've had a couple girlfriends and got f'd over hard each time. not to mention in the last four years after countless dates set i've only had 2 girls actually show up. neither of them had any intentions of going further than that one date either. I've been told im attractive enough, i have a great sense of humor and am excellent at conversation. actually do a little small time stand up comedy every now and then. i have been open about my intentions from the start with most women as well as patient, to a point. i dont need another friend. i have plenty

Art 23 months ago

I think I'm aiming to hi, and the gas problem doesnt help.

bobby 23 months ago

I'm not sure if a same problem was stated. But I'm 19 and I have a problem with the friend thing, when I think a girl likes me or seams to like me, the next day she's dating some random dude she never mentioned before. Am I Just going to slow paced or am I doing stuff that suggests that I just want to be friends? How do you tell if a girl is giving you signs that she might be into you? I always look backk at the girls I've hung out with and can't help thinking about the things I should of done or if she even liked me. I know its a bunch of random problems but if you could give me some pointers I would be thankful.

Gingerbread Man 23 months ago

Hello Guys,

Like most of you, I'm also single, and still looking for the girls my dreams. I learned that through perseverance and constant motivation you'll succeed. Likewise, you have in balance. You have to respect yourself first, developed and hone your personal and technical skills and live with a good health. Just don't quit!

Zac 23 months ago

There have been so many posts I don't kno if that's has been asked, but Im 18 and I have a problem alot like bobbys, but is there a way to get out of the 'friend zone' cause every girl I try to go out with, I get pushed in the that 'friend zone' I know too well. Any tips?

Bas 23 months ago

I cant even get a friend zone.

Fel121 23 months ago

This is all such bullshit, it is nice for generalities but sometimes simple, just go get it, answers are as transparent as the people giving them.

Bas 23 months ago

Firstly How do you chat up a girl?

And what do you mean by this, (take her "gift shopping for your mom because you need a girl's point of view for a great gift. That's your one try pass to the starting line of dating her.) ???

I cant even find a girl to be friends with, its hard.

C.S. 23 months ago

I am a 20 years old guy, and I'm just desperate. I didn't have a girlfriend for 3 years now (and those 2 I had back then were lucky coincidences), and I have no idea how I could change my life. But I must, because I'm awfully unhappy. I have self-confidence in other areas of my life, but none with girls. I see myself ugly, and when I go out with friends, inside I always feel that every one of them is more attractive for a girl than me. This is terrible. I love my friends, I would never have ill will towards them, but I can't help to be jealus as hell for their confidence, and their at least average looks. It seems so easy for them. When I meet a girl I like, and I get to know she has a boyfriend, I feel revealed deep inside, because I don't have to try and fail again as so many times before.

It's easy to tell "be confident" when you've had positive feedback on yourself. I never had. Even my past girlfriends told me they didn't like me at first, only when they got to know me. But most women won't let someone they don't like get that far with them. Why would they? I wouldn't get together with a girl whom I don't find attractive, but she's kind, intelligent, etc. Relationships are partly about sex, and there's no point being with someone you don't find sexually attractive. So I can't even blame them for that.

But then again. How could I have confidence after so many rejections? Also, it is very humiliating to be rejected. If you don't try, it hurts less. But I can't live this way any more. I'd do anything to change my life. Anything.

BOSKO 23 months ago

If the world was communist then these people won't be suffering like this. Because we live in a capitalist world alot of women go for the men in the top hierarchy. Women are after money now and confidence. Communism should be spread so that the world will be more equal.

Rick James 23 months ago

With lady gaga as a role model setting the cultural standard, this all really doesn't surprise me. I hate to say it, but the majority of the women I came across are all corrupt and contaminated. Everything is a head game and they seek only money and "confidence"(really arrogance). There was this Korean/American girl I went on a date with a while back. She was about the only girl I dated here for the 2 years I lived here. As I sat and listened about her previous relationship with a guy who she had dated for 2 years, who had 2 kids from 2 different women, i couldn't help but start to wonder.

Anyhow, I thought, hey, maybe she really wants to find someone serious and have a good start for a change. I was wrong. She obviously would prefer to be with someone with the baggage and drama, as opposed to someone who was serious and drama free. But then again, that's why reality tv is so popular!

I am beginning to think there aren't any down to earth, simple, humble women anymore in this country. They have all been polluted and have gone extinct by the game.

I still sometimes wonder about going out to a bar, possibly meeting someone human, but it just gets disappointing having everyone ignore you, trying to make you feel bad.

wez 23 months ago

i have been single for a while now and its really bringing me down, whenever i think that i'm in a good relationship i just end up getting used and hurt all i want is to settle down and it seems like that will never happen. i'm reaching breaking point here, i would say i'm a good looking bloke but i just cant find anyone decent, i've been told that i'm too nice and i get walked all over. please give me some advice as i am losing hope :(

Mo 23 months ago

It's so easy to get so cynical these days when it comes to dating and trying to get an effin date!!! Women these days have a list beyond belief that they think they must follow and make dating as hard as can be and make it just as hard as getting and effin job. Are ya kidding??????????????? Dating is not an effin job search. Oh yeah then when it comes to getting a date women are very judging on the very first date and if you’re not this and this and this and have your top top game going than a lot of women on the first date are like ugh well then no second date for him, no if's and or buts. Jezze give us an effin BREAK we may be EFFIN nervous, everyone is different, not everyone is absolutely perfect at carrying on the most perfect conversation right off the bat. It's no wonder so many women are still single because so many women these days give the heave ho to the first date and give him no second chance. If women just effin CHILL out and actually get to know him, who knows it may take 2, 3 or 4 dates until he can start to open up, start to relax etc. I think men feel so threatened on the first dates anymore because women are so incredibly judgmental and makes the men fell like if he's not at the extreme top of his game then she will just run because she has in her mind mainly from media that there is this guy, he instantly walks in immediately can take on the conversation, never has a pause, the conversation is flawless, he instantly makes her weak at the knees and she will fall in love with him instantly on the first date and ride off on the magic horse with him etc etc etc...... It's MEDIA and that's like less than 1% out of BILLIONS of men YES BILLIONS and that’s IF he even exists. That's SO NOT REALITY!!!! Most men and women it takes TIME to get to know each other, to start opening up, starting getting the conversations going.

Mo 23 months ago

Ok Jon or whoever you are.. It's serisously not that bad... Nothing is worth taking your life. Were all just letting out frustrations but not sucidial... That's way too extreme... We all will eventually get a girlfriend, just have to keep going for it and eventually it will happen.... Also think about the positives about being single for the time being. There are a lot of positives to being single or bachelor until the girlfriend comes along... For instance being a bachelor you can do whatever you want without having to consult with a girlfriend, if you want to go out then you can go out, you can watch ever the hell you want on TV, you can do you're dirty dishes when you want etc etc etc..... There are positives and negatives to both sides... Maybe think of it this way yeah it would be great and nice to have a girlfriend but in the mean time I can do what ever the hell I want to until I get a serious girlfriend, no nagging, no having to give up your Xbox if you have one etc etc..... But certainly don't go sucidial, no chick is worth that lol :)!!!!

The ugly 23 months ago

I think all the "personality" stuff is bullshit.

I'm 28, never held hands, never kissed a girl, never dated one, never got attention.. The only time I had sex was when I paid for it and that was a one time event only. I want more. I want a girl to love and i want to be loved.

I am ugly and that is the only reason why I don't find a girl. Of course not having money, a job, a car and all the rest that is required to impress girls these days apparently isn't helping either.

I am really unhappy with this situation and gave up looong ago. I'll never find someone. No sex for years is bad. But a future perspective without any love and to die alone is truly horrofying.

nick 22 months ago

i have had girlfriends in the past, but certain things happened in my life where i was stuck in my house for 10 months without being able to leave. that combined with multiple family problems lead me into a deep deep depression, and talking to girls was pointless at the time. before this happened, i used to have 0 problems with women, not to sound cocky. obviously ive been rejected, but rejection never got to me and i just brushed it off. but now i feel like i have lost the charm i used to have, i used to be able to get any girl i wanted when i "zoned" in. now that i have a car a job and am able to go out again, my confidence is coming back and i am slowly getting back to the point i was once at. the main trick is hoping for the best but preparin for the worst. take the attitude of okay, you want to turn me down, you dont know what you just gave up. tell that too yourself everyday. also, one thing i learned is when women see you get rejected and DONT let it bother you, they can tell and are turned on by this. you show your self esteem. just a piece of advice for everyone i thought i should share.

Greg 22 months ago

Thanks to all the fellows on here who were actually bold enough to open up about their misfortunes with women. I have run across some real helpful advice on here to actually take to heart. I'm also a single man who can't seem to find a woman for a serious relationship. No matter how much of a gentleman I am towards them, no matter how nice and polite I approach them, no matter how many dating sites I go on, I continue to get rejection left and right. And whenever I do get lucky with women (such as sex) it always comes in spurts. I'm 34 years old and I've had better luck with women when I was in my 20's. Now, all I seem to run into is women who are materialistic and all about themselves. I am a real laid back, down to earth, kind of old fashioned type of guy. And all I really want is a woman who I can connect with who has those similar character traits. I want the type of woman who's down to earth and can appreciate the simple things in life, but, yet those type are so hard to find these days. Nevertheless, I'm not on the verge of suicide though. I do have fun hobbies and things I enjoy doing though. For instance, bowling, skating, going to the movies, trying new restaurants, going to the park, going to the bookstore. I live in Atlanta, and I also sing, play keyboard, lead guitar, write songs, produce, etc. I don't know if it's appropriate to leave my email address, but, I am looking for some positive feedback. Not only when it comes to women, but also any positive advice for how to start my career in music. Or just talk about life, period. Anyway, my email address is bluecreekforest@yahoo.com . I wish all you fellows the best of luck in your pursuit of women. Be blessed and take care!

Chris 22 months ago

It's not a bad guide although in terms of getting a girlfriend..it really randomizes and extremely depends..sometimes you can't usually tell what a girl thinks..i've read past guides on the ideas of acquiring a girlfriend but the same method doesn't work for every girl/woman...sure it may work where you live and such but in different places and location it really depends on how social you are on that period...for example if your from NYC and your trying to get a girlfriend...chances are you might find girls that only interest in dating men that are only handsome/have money etc. and chances are most girls would only want both at the same time...It's sometimes not a Male's problem..MOST problems come from women that demand a status and attribute of certain men..So where's the love in that?...There is none..considering how society is...Women usually have to realize that not everything is about the tech you have and the amount of money you have..but rather how positive and how social the male is...Trust me...Most Good Looking Beautiful girls are usually the ones that want demands that's practically not even a love search...you will hardly find Beautiful women that don't care about materials and care about love.

Chris 22 months ago

I mean come on...Let's be real on this..Women tend to have problems that seem to be ridiculous at some point. For you all guys posting here...Usually don't stress yourself saying that the guide is not helping...It really depends on the women your encountering..For once you all make it seem like this guide is the trick to get women but that's not entirely true considering you need to play mind-games just to get a woman which is absurd and ridiculous..Women nowadays tend to be not open-minded and they usually give a disgust thinking of how you feel about them. and one TRUE fact is that most women in the world are completely spoiled probably because the path they chose will make them look good around others. plus race ideas from women tend to play a part as well for example i'm going to write what most women will say when meeting them:

Woman 1: Sorry but i only date White/Japanese/Black. because white men make more money or black men have long "censored"(Which is not entirely true) or japanese have this or that..

Chris 22 months ago

Woman #2 Sorry but you gotta upgrade your phone or must have expensive clothing etc.

This is one of the most dumbest things i've heard a woman say. For once women think technology plays a part in a relationship but that is completely stupid...for once sure you need a phone to get in contact with your mate but to brag or demand something that isn't necessary is stupid. For example if you have a SideKick LX..and your girl ask you to upgrade your phone? why should you?...as long as you both get in contact right?..women tend to think they get embarrassed to be with a man who is smart about not upgrading a phone? ridiculous...you should only upgrade when you REALLY sure you want to upgrade...

You see...Guys need to understand and stop becoming soft on women...Girls Really take advantage of that and most likely keep you on lock and have a somewhat advantage to break up with you...If you ask a girl out and she rejects you...Surely you will have the time to ask is there something wrong?...If she answers what the problem you have..at least she was honest and explained to you on your approach..but women that simply just deny you and clearly walk away...Don't just walk away...If you hate that disrespect you have every right to talk back and say "Oh that's how you really feel? Alright see you broad or whatever names you want to call her. trust me you will definitely feel good on the inside because you told her straight up about the way she rejected you without a response or a disgust face from her..It's all about self-control and mind games.

Chris 22 months ago

@R Pseudomen..Are you sure you understand what i'm saying? You do realize that your Guide is not 100% accurate?...Here let me jot this down for you...6 ex-girl friends & 1 girlfriend at the run for me so far...basically i am getting girls at an alternate pace..Takes a real man to decide positive changes? Yes that's true however men tend to give up too easily because the shyness or the personality of theirs is bringing them down..If the person feels like he's not ready then he has all the time in the world to be ready...it's not about forcing.. and yes it's about confidence..however confidence itself is usually not the problem...Confidence building materials?..are you Patronizing me? My mindset has already changed and it sure as hell works for women...Spoiled women = Bad society..Look your guide is amazing and it jots the basics down but it's not 100% accurate..what i'm saying is that Men shouldn't give up and at least try to bypass the shyness or the rejection..there will be times you'll get rejected but that's life..however MOST cases seem to be also women's problem...They simply cannot think of a saying to you when you ask them out so there goes for 1 simple answer they don't know what to say...."Rejection". reasons? none..(Sometimes..Not all rejection is that simple unless the woman herself is intelligent.) asking them the reason why is sure to help the person..if she's honest and tells him..he has a strategy on what to avoid and follow the explanations she has given you...my major point is that women tend to just simply deny you because of what you look/are without actually telling you.

Chris 22 months ago

@R Pseudomen

Yes i understand you perfectly...And i'm well aware that your guide is an amazing starting point. however my response is somewhat to the guys that already tried and the random minds of women...and yes i also believe that women also fear rejection..but that doesn't really count to the women that already experienced being asked out in general...Most women usually know what's coming to them when a male meets them...It's practically similar to Psychological relations. women response is something like: "Oh wow a stranger just simple walked up to me...he might try to ask me out but since i don't know him..i might just reject him if he does ask me out" (usually at this point the male didn't even get the chance to get to know the female because of the female way of interaction). or "Oh no..this guy doesn't meet my conditions...going for the rejection"...these are just examples..Women are just as unpredictable as men...anything could happen..if women was predictable by a male's standards..men wouldn't be posting here and they will have all the time in the world..but women like us are human..(sorry for the little nostalgic reference there.) but seriously it's like meeting a friend for the first time...sure this person looks like a good buddy but in depths of that he might be a different person than you actually think...and people can change sometimes...especially women. Women chooses a path that is simply wrong and have no intention of changing that without actually meeting her satisfaction needs.

Chris 22 months ago

Chris 22 months ago

It is either this or becoming spoiled...if you ever find women that is charming and understand your situation...Good. but i'm actually talking about the women that are quite opposite of that in personality-wise. Women can also be Spoiled/Harsh/Not open minded to conversations which leads to a point of simply give up on that one girl and look for another.

Bosko 22 months ago

Alot of women are very harsh, spoilt and not open minded because of the capitalistic system of the modern day world. I'm not trying to take the piss but the way the society is run these days is bad in a way because there is a very big gap between the socio classes. Women these days mostly go for their perfect male who has talents, sense of humour and of course money. They think that men with no money or that they are boring to them are not men. There is actually no love here.

I'm 22 years old and never had a girlfriend. I am trying really hard to improve myself concerning my attire and social interaction. Also I get ideas from these advices given here by Mr R Pseudomen.

But I think because of this capitalistic system that we have to live in makes it harder for men like here to find a girlfriend. But these guys suffering from this should never give up and put their chin up high and find ideas to improve themselves!

Robert Louis 22 months ago

Well I feel that one must certainly have money & a stable job history with a high college education, to have significant other in this modern age of reform. I would certainly assume that most women are only interested in how much money you make or how prestigious, you are. They want some who is intelligent & prominent at the same time. Which I am defiantly not, I am what you call a southern back woods loser... I am 28 years old & I have nothing to look back on, I live in a gang redden community, with no chance of success. I have always had trouble achieving my dreams & aspirations (to no avail did I ever succeed). I gave up a long time ago & I think its best that way, are destinies and paths our chosen at birth. Therefore, I feel that if you just set back & take what life has to offer you, you will finally be at peace with yourself. If you never find true love, will that's just the way it is and you have to accept the reality of the world, we certainly don't live in a world of fantasies & make believe. So instead of complaining about not having a girlfriend, we should try to work on helping others achieve there dreams… My dreams may be over, but not the young generation, they still have a fighting chance. The only advice I could have given myself when I was younger was to be extremely positive & absorb as much education as I could have. All education is the key to success weather it is academic, political, or artistic. However now it is certainly too late, for a grown man who is almost in his 30s…Lost Youth…

pete 22 months ago

I am 17 now and still haven't got a girlfriend, mainly because I haven't tried.. But my problem is, I don't see any girls outside school, and its kind iof hard to build up confidence and look like an idiot asking a girl out at school, because I care to much about what other people around me think of me. I like a many girls at schol, some because of physical features, but others because of talking to them in class. But I just don't want to break my compfort zone and look, well, I don't stupid infront of people..I guess thats my biggest weakness...

A guy 22 months ago

hey i hid my name for personal reasons.

i'm 19, never realy had much of a relationship, and dont really have many people i could call friends, i'm not the worst looking guy around or the least caring (infact, i class myself as quite caring) i listen and am sorta shy.

i'm pretty much most of the things you'd expect from a decent enough guy, but i suffer from a skin condition and i think thats what turns most girls away from me, normaly i have times where i just can be happy by myself but then i get times where i feel like i'm missing someone in my life since every couple i see is... happier then me :(

please give me some advice.

thanks :)

Chris 22 months ago

@R Pseudomen

Specifics or not..Encountering and finding the right woman is all randomized. also with your reply about Bosko with something related to Cuba/Soviet...i vastly disagree on that...Spoiled women are everywhere in the world and NYC is one of them..and yes many beautiful women go for the brightest and the richest but since there are many men like that..Competition is enabled. Most women tend to enjoy moments like that...A male has a date and meets a woman...This is an example and i'm pretty sure this common and it happens..The woman will go out with the guy but she's not really happy about it ...Next day your girl is in a diner by herself..another guy comes in (Handsome, has money etc.) and pretty much tries to score with your beautiful girl without you knowing and play a set of mind games like everyone does...For example: "Listen babe..You should come with a real man like me..I have Money...Cars..I'll take you anywhere babe".

Chris 22 months ago

At this point you cannot be sure if the girl you started going out with from the previous day is faithful..Is the woman lucky enough to find a man like that?...She might say "This is my only chance to find a man like him". and then the next day she stops calling you or she no longer answer your phone calls..THIS is Partially what i'm getting at.There is no high chance to find a faithful woman or a type that will really understand oneself. iIt's all a random-based trial of a guessing game to see the woman you approach is what you think...Most problems is women themselves which is a fact...The women problems are Before the Results & After the results...So basically Not all problems come from men..and i'm only stating that to the guys to make sure they don't go depressed because they think it's all their fault they couldn't find the right mate...First you think...Follow up to a solution to what you think might of happen..then you best avoid it next time...For women on that part they have to decide on that...but since they usually don't realize that..this my friend is a major problem.

usermethis 22 months ago

hmm, interesting thread. obviously i have found this due to my recent feelings of insecurity. not going to ramble on about my story...but theres one thing Pseudomen:

you have been very helpful and straight forward with these ppl. but after reading through just about this entire thread i have found an error. "you stated that we arent born with confidence" very true. but that we are born with a fear of rejection. not true. we are born blank slates for the most part(socially and economically) rejection, fear of rejection, and confidence come in many forms to us when we are growing and learning.

we are conditioned from the day we are born. just like you arent born riding a bike; the same goes for having confidence or fear of rejection. now...it is possible to have fear of rejection at an early age. depending on how you are raised(mom dad leave you alone alot, always say no, blah blah) but not "born" with it. im not here to prove you wrong as much as i am trying to prevent these ppl from actually believing its an obstacle they have faced since the beginning of their time. which is not fact, they were only conditioned to fear rejection. nice article/words. your pretty knowledgeable. props. but GUYS, just start talking to women, start with "hi" if you have to walk after that...do it. try again until you get to "hi, how are you?" etc. once you start talking to women, youll realize that you had better luck reading braille(abc?)then actually getting rejected. youll find that many women are very receptive to a smile and a "hi" you just might be making THEIR day! peace and good luck fellas.

usermethis 22 months ago

first, you basically just agreed with me agreeing with you. I said that i agree with your statement: "we are NOT born with confidence." did you even read what i wrote? second, I quoted you...YOU stated "we ARE born with fear of rejection. NOT true. then i gave my reasoning. I completely lost on how you missed everything i said. My paragraph didnt even remotely come close to explaining reasoning why "we are NOT born with confidence." why? because i agreed with your original statement.

My argument was me explaining my disagreement to YOUR statement: "we ARE born with a fear of rejection." which again is not true. re read what i wrote carefully. it makes sense. aren't means are not.

remember: i am NOT disagreeing with the statement: "we are NOT born with confidence." i fully agree. please understand this is not out of bitterness or anger or feeling superior, I'm just trying to meet equal ground here. there was just a misunderstanding during the "reading" part. Thanks.

bullshit 22 months ago

Pseunonomen, are you getting chicks ? You watched those David D courses, right ? So, you transformed yourself like I did too, but my situation is still the same.

shadowball68 21 months ago

hello everyone.

well im 19 years old and single. it seems that im kinda afraid to ask out girls. i keep getting told from different girls that im a good listener and a girl would be lucky to have me. but yet, girls who tell me that just dissapear from my life. dont get me wrong, i dont make them feel uncomfortable or anything like, but we just start slipping away, and it seems lie theres nothing i can do. i love to listen and help people with their problems, and be the person who makes people smile and laugh and feel better, especially girls. if i respect girls, never push them away, always listen. and always make them laugh. why is it i cant keep a girl in my life long enough to where i can even hve the chance to ask them out. im not fat or ugly or anything like that. theres no annoying habits i have. so what am i dong wrong? any idea or advice?

Coolio 21 months ago

Thanks for the article, and some of the links you posted as well. I am 16 and never had a girl friend, I actually had a girl want to date me but she was playing hard to get games and I'm not good with that stuff so I didnt take initiative and now that girl isnt even interested anymore =( I have been working out and I'm ok when it comes to talking to new people. I have quite a few friends including some of the "popular" kids, but that might be a problem in and of itself. Every time I meet a new girl and sit by her at school and talk during lunch or something my friends are close by and they tend to be more interesting than me so they steal the spotlight. I would think my time to get a girlfriend is coming up soon though, I also hope so because Im planning on joining the military when I graduate high shcool and I want a girl to call or write to when I'm gone, as odd as it sounds, I want someone besides my family who will miss me.

Another thing I have noticed about my difficulty getting a girl friend is that I am an only child, and I have heard that when a guy has a sister (particularly older) they have a better chance of impressing a girl because their sisters sort of tell them and give them advice to winning over a girl. As far as I can tell, this is true, I have 3 friends with older or same age sisters and they all have girlfriends, I also have a friend (and myself) who is an only child and has never had a girlfriend.

I wouldnt say I'm uncomfortable around girls, I have hung out with girls many times and I would consider some girls to be better freinds than most guys but I guess I'm just not interesting enough, I am pretty plain but thats my style Im not going to wear skinny jeans and spike my hair up because thats not me.

David jones 21 months ago

Lots of useful stuff here. guess i'll have to write them down :p and i find it interesting on the posts made by chris, i have to agree on alot of what chris says. Lately i've met a bunch of girls that act like that and i felt like i'm nowhere near the level of achievement =( and believe it i have confidence! mostly everyone i go to i tend to say hi first but i feel as women just deny conversations like all the time. i even shower daily and i'm pretty good decent size or higher than most girls. i made 9 tried this whole week and what i saw was eyes being rolled back, a harsh look away, and heck i managed to finally get a girl to respond back but turned out she was the same as the others and i have to admit but i felt hurt when one girl says i wasn't her type and another which i felt really shocked from her response when i approached her on a restaurant, i asked her if i can buy her a drink? and alas the result was a bad looking expression on her face =( Pseudoman can you please help? it's probably not even worth it but i want to add some enjoyment to my life for a much better life. So far i've only talked to beautiful girls with amazing physical appearances and body features. Not to be mean or anything but i don't want to settle down with a girl i don't like.

Also here's my bio of me:

Age 21

Lightskin

Athletic (Close to body building).

Shower daily

Low cut caesar hair with daily hairline cleancut

Matching clothing (sometimes matching colors for a nice bright style.)

That's about me so far but maybe it's because how i look? i mean i look at the mirror sometimes and i can't really tell if i'm ugly or not and if i am ugly how can i bypass that?

Mike 21 months ago

hehe it aint hard to get a girl...you guys puttin too much into it...

shadowball68 21 months ago

R pseudomen,

thanks. i actually realized that was something that was lacking. but you know, a week has past by. so things have changed let me give you a scanario, let me see what you would do

ok: theres this one friend i have. she has a boyfriend. everyone hates this guy because he judges people before he gets to know them. so no one likes him, except my friend. but when me and my friend hang out with other people, people think were a couple by the way we act since were always hugging, lay down real close to each other, and everything else (except kiss. btw, her boyfriend doesnt hang out with us, nor does she talk about him.

so she went on vacation for a while. but we still texted we other everyday. well she has a friend that i met. she is someone i barely know, so i figured i would get to know her. so weve been hanging out alot lately. but me and her get along real well. that if i ake her out, id know she'd say yes

now heres the thing, i dont have the same feelings for the girl that i just met that i do for my friend. but lately, ive been feeling more and more sadder when i hang out with my friend. because i know that all the affection, isnt real, at least isnt real for me. she doesnt say she loves her boyfriend, but theyve been together for months.

so what do i do? do i keep gong after the girl i like, or do i go ask out the girl i have less feelings for. if i tell my friend how i feel about her, im SURE she wont feel the same way :(. i keeps saying im such a good friend. so what would you do if you were me?

Broken 21 months ago

R Pseudomen, this question/comment is specifically for you. I've had plenty of women in my life. Some flings, some "real" relationships. From the ages of like 12 to 24, I had a steady stream of females, with no "dry spells." At 17, I met the mother of my children, and was with her for 7 years. This is when she left me, and almost immediately got pregnant by another guy. I haven't had a girlfriend since. I get the occasional flirt on the RARE times that I leave the house, but I never act on them. And I'm still finding out things that she did while we were together, like sleeping with my uncle. My entire family knew about this, and I'm just now finding out 7 years later. To make this as short as I possibly can, the great confidence that I once had, is now non-existent. I have major trust issues (can't even trust my own fake ass family). I've been in a state of major depression (not clinically diagnosed, but I have all the symptoms) since she left. I have been taking steps to get myself back to normal. I just started working out again (had let myself go). I just haven't been able to "break through." At 30, it seems like I've let my best years go by, and when and IF I ever snap out of this, my options of suitable, fertile, unattached women will be severely limited. What's holding me back here is the fact that, trying to get myself past this isn't working cause I didn't do anything about it. How can I call myself a "man" when I let my uncle and the mother of my children disrespect me, and there were no reprocussions. Although, I did not find out about the uncle thing till this year, my other family members have been constantly calming me down throughout the past 7 years, telling me "not to do anything stupid." Were I come from, you don't disrespect someone to that extent, then just walk away scott free. I need some real advice here. I can't keep living the way I have been, and I can't move forward until I put the matter to rest. I have no one to confide in. As you can tell from this story, I CANNOT trust my family. They all conspired, and kept this secret from me for years. I have no close friends, as I distanced myself from them all when in this relationship, trying to be the ultimate "family man." I haven't totally given up, YET. Please give me some advice here, man to man.

Dean 21 months ago

Some interestin comment's on here, im in the same boat with a lot of guy's on here, im 24 and have only had 1 girlfriend in my life which was 7 years ago, nowday's i find it impossible, i just cannot seem to get any girl's to date with, i even find it hard to get them to talk online, like for instance i try to speak to them on dateing sites but they never reply, im not a bad guy quite good lookin and slim, i dress pretty well too, i dont have any friends, i live with my parents still, i dont get out a lot either, been unemployed for a while which wont help, somnetimes i think girls want talk to me because i havnt got a job, other than that ive no idea, its on my mind everyday :(

KuJay 21 months ago

Hello, R Pseudomen. I'd appreciate your response to this specific issue of mine, since I'm really not sure what to do or where to go with this.

Thing is I have an extremely "specific" problem when it comes to this. Where I live I'm surrounded by a common crowd of people, that is, almost all women are the "same" in terms of interests and the things that they enjoy and how they are. I completely desire to find a girl that's different than all these..mind you, this is in personality and who she is, NOT her looks (I care very little for physical appearance, though I appreciate someone who takes care of their health, naturally.)

I'd dive into specifics on what I mean, but it probably isn't needed to get my point across. Also, no, these aren't perverse or bad things that I seek in a girl. It's actually a specific positive attitude, able thinker, and common interests that are (sadly) different than what a very large percent of everyone here shares.

I'm 24 and haven't had a "serious" relationship since I was 17. Even then that relationship was more a "hey we're physically attracted to each other, let's hook up" it truly wasn't built on a strong foundation.

Because finding a compatible girl is such a "one in a million" (due to my specific situation) I get extremely dejected and I feel very little desire to approach any woman..they all just seem the same over and over, it's like a hopeless search. On top of that I *am* extremely shy about approaching anyone to begin with, but if I knew she was someone I could connect with and form a meaningful bond then I would be less reserved.

I can handle conversations and have given many powerful speeches before (or so I've been told, It depends on the subject matter). I speak normally and (providing common interests) can have a great time just talking with someone.

Summary:

I'm capable of social interaction, though I am a timid and shy person on the "approach". After that phase I'm a very good speaker and listener. I simply can't find a girl that isn't just the same as the 10000+ (or whatever) others living here. This concept completely depresses me and dumps me into a deeper loneliness.

Rado 21 months ago

I want to know why women like bad boys and why nice guys finish last. I really want to know the reasons for that. Do alot of women like bad boys? Why is it like this?

KuJay 21 months ago

Settling for less hasn't worked out too well in the past, so I have to maintain that level of superficiality in this day and age. Thanks anyways, I was curious to the advice you'd give regardless for personal studies.

-Good luck everyone!

RW 21 months ago

Hello,

I've been reading a lot of dating and self-improvement articles as of late. I won't bore you with too many details, but basically growing up I was in a pretty hostile school environment for many years with little assitance from the faculty, and I cracked, withdrawing into myself - basically hiding from my problems. My confidence was non-existant, literally, but in the later years of high school I began to claw my way out of the hole in which I found myself. I wanted a girlfriend. But, to put it bluntly, I didn't know shit about shit and the subsequent rejections (being flat-out ignored was the worst) just tore me down again. By my Senior year it was really too late, as most relationships don't survive the college transition anyways.

So now, I find myself in college, almost 19 years old. Being far away from my town, and by extension my relatively painful past, I'm ready to pick myself up and start living. I've been working hard on improving my posture and my general demeanor to make myself appear more confident and happy, and it seems to be working a little so far. The nature of the environment means its not too difficult even for me to approach some women and introduce myself, but I still have some issues.

Time and time again I've read about the importance of eye-contact, especially initially. A man is supposed to hold eye contact with a woman of his interest for potentially a significant length of time to establish "sexual tension". Despite my efforts I still find this extremely difficult; it's been an issue for really my whole life. Sometimes I just can't help but think of myself as being creepy, and even if I don't, it's still very unnerving to me. I'm not sure why, though I'll keep trying until I get over it. I guess it's just a little unfathomable to ME that women might enjoy being looked in the eyes for that long, likely from a stranger.

Regardless of my troubles I've managed to get a couple of phone numbers so far, but both of the women ended up having boyfriends already. Being a little down on my luck urges me to resort to my earlier, destructive habits of non-action and wallowing in self-pity, but I'm trying very hard to resist the urge. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have time, and that it will happen.

Have a little confidence, and - dare I say - have a little faith guys. Keep trying, and learn a lesson from every encounter.

Tokemz 21 months ago

Its not my personality thats the problem, most* women are dirty cheating sluts these days.

Joe  21 months ago

I've come to realize that most of the reason guys, like myself, often have trouble finding good relationships with attractive girls is because this generation's girls are absolute trash. Girls care about money and looks. And every girl cheats. That's actually a fact. I really don't need to start going into details about anything, because it's a very simple concept. Girls are recyclable trash bags. If any girl is reading this and is offended, good. Fuck you.

RW 21 months ago

So it's a subconscious thing? I know that I don't consciously pick "safe targets", because I know that I want a relationship and it would just be stupid to start talking to a woman I can't get that from (...or am I just deluding myself to believe that?). How can I avoid this in the future, as since I first posted the same thing has happened twice more? Of course I'm not very self-confident. I haven't been in a long time, indeed mostly by my own fault. I let things get to me long ago that I shouldn't have. But I'll be damned if I can't muster everything I have to at least try to make it appear as though I'm confident, until I build up some actual confidence. I hate how miserably I lived before - at least it's a start.

Every few days or so I'll go out and exercise for a couple hours. If I come across a woman I'll practice good eye contact, and it has produced positive results. Perhaps in my last post I wasn't quite as clear as I wanted to be. Conversationally speaking, I have no trouble looking a woman in the eyes. It's the initial contact that I had difficulties with, but I'm improving.

I have no trouble admitting that I'm utterly terrified of being the guy who fails with women and romance - the guy who will be alone. It's out of that fear that comes the desire to better myself so I can avoid that. Thank you for your time, R Pseudomen.

TSE 21 months ago

Hey! I am an 18 year old that is just about to go to uni and has never had a proper gf like many here. The only one I have had lasted a week and after she told me she did it for a dare in front of all my mates. Personally I don't find myself attractive at all (I know not a good thing lol) however that doesn't mean I don't try. Recently I asked a girl out by recording her a CD of me singing (People pay to hear me sing so I am reasonibly good), it obviously failed. I realised my mistake and moved quickly on. Next I started talking to a girl on prom night, over a period of about 4 months we became really good mates and I finally plucked up the balls to ask for a date, she shot me down in flames via text. Currently I am in a weird position with a girl whom I like, she clearly likes me (We've kissed 3/4 times and she is very into cuddling me) however when I asked her for a proper date she said no and says she is too into another bloke. I am rather confused! I am told I am a good listener and I like to think I am quite funny, I just don't want my current luck to continue into uni. Any extra advice you can give? It would be gratefully recieved. Thank you!

Coolbeans 21 months ago

I liked the article! Gave me a bit of insight and what exactly I should try to work on...unfortunately, I'm the kind of guy who is quiet even around his family. The only girl I ever talked to already had a boyfriend, we did get along good, but I think I prefer being alone. I'm not a party person at all, and I believe myself to be completely independent. It annoys me when my friend asks me "Have a girlfriend yet?" My response is not that I don't, it's that I don't want one. I don't feel the need for the extra commitment or the priority I need to give. If it's not going to last forever, why even start in the first place? I barely sign on my facebook once a month, and I feel happy enough on my own. I know I CAN get with someone, but I'm not sure if I want to.

chris 21 months ago

hi,

i have never had a girlfriend and im not sure why, people tell me a nice guy and that but every girl i have asked out has just said no to me, the only thing i can think of is me being abit overwieght. is this the problem or is it sumthing else?

John 21 months ago

Truthfully, all this 'advice' given about attraction and dating--what a woman unconsciously wants but does not tell you she wants, strategies for attracting women, keeping a 'positive' attitude--is at most mildly usable, and most of the time a total placebo.

Everywhere you'll hear the same thing--"have a positive attitude"; "don't get discouraged"; "don't be clingy"; "make a good first impression"; "be confident" (followed by "you can be confident by doing xyz"); "be scarce (at first) and make your time valuable"; "don't be afraid of rejection."

The problem is that these platitudes don't take into account the biological and sociological factors involved. By the time you reach 25, your brain has fully matured and the way your psyche functions is solidified. The way you process social situations is fixed; you are operating off of social skills or a lack thereof learned (or not learned) during these 25 years of development. Up until then, you can learn it through mimesis or just experimentation--after that time, it's not going to come naturally. And women pick up on that, and reject it. They don't want a man with a lack of social skills; and they CERTAINLY don't want a man who tried to learn his social skills late in life by reading self-help books/columns/blogs. Exceptions to these well-established biological and sociological laws are exceedingly rare.

Which is problematic, because those rare cases are precisely the same people giving this 'advice.' They think "If I did it, why can't everyone else?" They fail to see that they are the exception to the rule, and that nine times out of ten following all the advice in the world doesn't do anything if you are naturally awkward.

Lastly, all this 'advice'--bought on CD, downloaded off the internet, posted on a blog, whatever--proves to be a bit of a sham, because it only ever works in the following way: A.)You have a problem with socializing and getting dates; B.)The advice, like forms of therapy, eliminates some of the bad emotional symptoms, which puts you in C.)a state of mind in which you think the problem has disappeared. The hope of any advisor is that 'part C' is enough to start getting you dates. But ultimately it only ever treats the symptoms; the underlying problem--one's underdeveloped social skills--remains, and will ultimately catch up with you.

In other words, the ugly truth is that 95% of the time your only solution is to get lucky. The 5% that don't follow this formula write the self-help columns oblivious to the physiologically and sociologically overdetermined nature of their readers' problem. And, at the end of the day, while experience can very mildly improve your odds, it's still luck. You are not--and never will be--in the driver's seat.

K. 21 months ago

Hi!

I'm 21. I didn't have a girlfriend since I was 17. My looks are totally average, but I'm intelligent, refined, funny, I have my style and I've reached things that very few people do so young by their own effort.

I'm not the one to walk up to girls, I never knew how it works and I never felt shame for that. I've had chance to get to know girls through my friends, through school, etc. and it's ok. In almost every case, when I felt attraction towards a girl, and she agreed to meet me, they liked me, and wanted to see me again. They always told me I am one of the most interesting persons they know, and they like my attitude, the way I see things, the way I look at them, my positive attitude, etc. Occasionally I was even "handsome".

Yet, when I wanted to make the step, I always got refused, with explanations that barely made sense. And this happened so many times it just tears me apart slowly. I can't understand, and I'm beginning to think the problem is in me. I just don't know where, or what it is.

I really want a woman by my side, someone to care for. The occasional moments when I can take care of a girl, make her comfortable, give her safety - even if it's just a false illusion of a relationship - are the only truly happy moments in my lafe lately. And while woman keep telling this is what they want from a relationship, I never get the chance to show that I'm just like that.

I don't know what to do. I couldn't and don't want to change. I love myself just the way I am. I just can't understand what am I doing wrong, or what's the problem with me. Any idea?

Peter 21 months ago

Hi

Im 25 and never had a girlfriend. First I dint care much about it, I was thinking that it will come later, but it didn't. Im little bit overweight and ugly. When I look at the mirror, I want to vomit.

Everybody tells me that I need to have a self confidence to get a girl. But how am I supposed to get a confidence when Im nothing and hate myself. I cant even imagine to have a girlfriend. I also have really rubbish job with rubbish pay. Im starting to hate women for being self centred and shallow.

Why it must be this way???? Why somenone can get tons of girlfiends and I cant get even lousy one??? My time is ticking away and i dont want to die alone. Its NOT FAIR!!!

Any advice please???

TSE 21 months ago

Hey thanks for the advice, I backed off a bit and ignored her etc when she talked about this other bloke, and well shall we leave it at the fact it worked?

=)

Thanks again!

TSE

L Nguyen 21 months ago

Does ethnicity really matter on what girl you are getting? Because it's hard getting a girl for an Asian American guy like me...and I never have been in a relationship with anyone before.

M. 21 months ago

hey,

im 18 and i've never really had a gf, im average looking and dont smell but thats not the problem, whenever im around a girl i like and think i have a chance i get really nervous. i can converse with a girl and joke around but i don't know how to close the deal( actually get a gf). it seems like most girls just brush me off as the friend type.

any advice would help thanks!

Erik 21 months ago

I am 26, been single all my life, and it's horrible.. The worst thing is I think about this for hours every day, even though I know it's probably very contraproductive. I always end up in the friend trap with girls. I get to know them, I like them, they like me, but for some reason we always end up as friends. I think it has something to do with shyness and lack of confidence, and lack of experience. It's probably best to have a lot of positve experiences in the teens. I was mostly a loner then, I didnt kiss someone before I was nine, and no sex before I was 21. I've only had sex a few times. So what is your best advice to not get caught in the friend trap over and over again? I feel I'm soon giving up, as I get older and older.

Terry Grant 21 months ago

first off pseudomen, i just wanna say i appreciate you being her for ppl for the last 2 yrs. it takes a lot to do that for that period of time. Thank you.

My story is that i am 22, never had a gf before either...i dont know what is wrong with me, i have a car, a good job, and work out and in realy good shape. my looks are average i think to most, but i think i always look good, but obviously i have my off days and not appreciate what i see int he mirror sometimes. we all have those days. anyways, for the past few years i couldnt really focus on my education because i was single and had no female attention. My game has really improved the last few yrs. i have a good group of freinds and meeting girls is no problem. starting a relationship is. the thing is, i have high standards. the girls that ive gotten dates with are considered hot and have always been checked out by other guys when we go out. I could say some of them are even better looking than I am. at the end of the day they would always say were nothing more than freinds, ihave gotten it too many times and now im torn apart just depressed in my room. another major problem i have is this. PLEASE READ ON and if anyone could relate please give me a shout or email.

whenever i start to catch feelings for a girl, i start to think about her day and night to a point where I could barley eat or sleep, soo afraid of rejection that i start to get nervous around the girl and somehow always end up expressing my feelings like a weakling. i am no longer the cool, charming funny guy. i have caught feelings and now i act like a worthless scared loser thats lost for words and say the wrong stupid things...it always ends up with her rejecting me. friend speech, or "i just got out of a relationship speech. I have thought about suicide a few times but know i wont do it. Please help

M 21 months ago

thanks alot for the advice i also read the advice you gave to the others and it makes alot of sense i've never tried this before, i just have one more question.

i'm actually trying to go for this girl i work with right now, shes alot of fun very flirty and theres definately alot of physical contact when were joking around.

my only concern is that she flirts with other guys to its very obvious because i see the wall to wall facebook messages on my homepage (btw im not a creepy lurk the messages pop up wen i scroll down my news feed)

srry for rambling but i just wanted to know if maybe im just wasting my time going after this girl and shes just a tease??

once again thanks alot for your help!!

Erik 21 months ago

Thanks for advice! Yeah, I don't have anything to lose when it comes to getting a girl friend other losing a few friendships I don't care so much about anyway (although I have female friends I want to keep, and I don't think there's anything wrong with having oppsoite sex friends, it can be a good thing looking for a girl friend even). Maybe the problem also is I'm trying on girls who are kind of out of my league, cool girls with hundreds of friends, good looking.

M 21 months ago

Alright i'll take your word for it kind of a bummer havent hit it off with a girl like tht for a while.

thnx for the help!

Bob 20 months ago

My issue may be a little different than others. I'm 27, I am active in Toastmasters, give good speeches, work in customer service where when I'm behind the counter I LOVE helping the people. I feel like I can be myself there. People comment on my wonderful personality all the time!

I have a problem with wit and flirting with women. I can be physically playful, pushing, blocking, dancing, smiling but I can't crack a joke and am not really funny. I don't see myself as boring because I sing to my favorite songs blasting on the radio, dance, smile..etc. I just can't flirt, let out my wit. My conversations are all "Hi How are you" "Good, glad to hear it" "Tell me about X" "What do you do"..etc. I understand people like to talk about themselves. I certainly don't have much to say, so I'd love to just listen and learn!

It's odd. I had the confidence the other day to teach a girl that I like to dance Salsa in the electronics store where I work and she is a customer. However, can I have a "fun" conversation with her? No. I mean she was giggling though the whole lesson and do I ask her out? No I say "come in again" and she says "Oh I will!" Grr... And BTW, i didn't say "hey I'm going to teach her to dance." I just walked around the counter, said go like this, took her hands, and told her how to step..etc.

I also have no real "freinds", nor a best friend. I have a couple good friends that I've had for YEARS. They are all WORSE with women that I am, some are even boring and they make me think I'm boring when I'm with them.

Some guys are able to just talk with a girl and get her laughing in seconds, and I want to be able to do that.

Some guys say to a girl "Hey me and my friends are going to a party, you should come" I would not want to subject a girl to some of my friends! It's like she'd think less of me because I don't have guys to go play poker with, or watch sports, or go to a BBQ.. (not that I care much about poker or sports) It sucks..

I've been to 5 third world countries and never been on a DATE. or KISSED a girl! Oh I dream of it though.

Mr. X 20 months ago

Hi R! My problem is I always come close, but never more than that. It seems I'm liked by girls. I have heard I'm handsome by some, I easily make them laugh, I think many find the things I talk about interesting. I'm quite inexperienced even though I have passed twenty five, maybe it's got to do with lack of experience, what works and what doesn't work? Maybe I don't know how to flirt even though I think I do? Maybe I'm just unlucky? Too shy when I need to be non-shy? It always seems like I come close, but when I make my move I get rejected without knowing why. But I have started to become used to it, so I'm not dissappointed anymore.

Bob 20 months ago

Its alot about communication when trying to get girls. You need to communicate in a way that will attract women. I dont know how to communicate to attract women so its hard.

Jeremy 20 months ago

So I have been going to the strip clubs a lot lately. I get shot down by all of them. Am I ugly? I don't really understand how I am to pick up any of them at all. Can someone please help?

Robert 20 months ago

I'm 27 years old and can't get a girlfriend. In fact, I can barely get a date. Despite nearly two master's degrees, strong athleticism, six figures in the bank with no debt, and a good sense of style, I've only been on three dates in my entire life. Women these days have impossibly high standards. If you are even slightly imperfect or different from her ideal in any way, you will be immediately disqualified. In our modern society, the vast majority of women no longer need men and will NOT settle. Attractive women have the power; they can literally get whatever they want whenever they want it. In my experience, the only thing that works is treating them like garbage. Unfortunately, this is the only thing they respect. So keep your heads up, gentlemen. Even successful, athletic, good-looking guys get rejected constantly. Especially if they're "nice".

Bob 20 months ago

I know it sucks that nice guys get rejected but WHY? I don't what I have to do to get a girlfriend. my chances are so limited as well which is very unfair. this dating game is a crisis for me.

lonely dude 20 months ago

Got to say man thanks for the article. However I am real close to throwing in the towel on the gf thing. I am 23 and I have never even been on one date before ever. I don't think I am ugly or anything. Six foot four in the army national guard. Have my own cars etc. For some reason the only ones that like me are the older ones like 40 plus. Never kissed a girl or even touched one really. I am very close to getting myself castrated or something to remove this feelings from me. Not sure what to do!

Larry 20 months ago

I have a problem that i still don't understand is a very complicate to explain, i feel i losing myself, i becoming totally different, i trying to get i date i am the funniest guy in the classroom all the girls know me and want to be around me, some chick friend that i am lucky because i am attractive but when i try to date a girl is just don't work i don't know what is wrong, look at first they are the ones that call me and want to know me, i make them laugh i hear what they told me but when i give them complement like u have petty eyes they just act totally different, some girl even tell me don't look at me, i already give her gift in valentine day whats wrong i am losing hope, i am gaining hate, losing love. i am to nice??

Manny 20 months ago

Hey im 17, and I feel like im never gonna find another gf ive had a few but always got cheated on. So I gave dating a break now that im back on the scene I feel like I lost my touch I have no self confidence. The girl I like just considers me as nice, what do I do to get off the nice to I like list. She told my friend im not her type is it already over? But I am lucky enough to have her as my homecoming date what do I do to get her

Ninguna 20 months ago

I saw the guy up there at 22 who was giving up, I'm going on 27 and the longest relationship I've had was 1 month, and that was because she was a psycho and wouldn't stop calling me. I've gone on many many dates lately but none of them work and last night I took this girl out on our second date and she wanted to go to a party. So we went and she kept fluttering around flirting with other guys, I pulled her away from one; about an hour later I went to make a call and she was literally screwing this jagoff in the bedroom like it was senior f'ing prom, and the other a*holes at the party didn't tell me she was in there and this one guy was f*ing with me telling me she was waiting for me; I guess he meant sloppy seconds, or he was just an a*hole.

After some pounding on the door by the owner of the house, the door opened and my "date" was cleaning up after a twenty-odd minute romp with a guy twice my size, who had two friends a head taller than me.

I guess the lesson is never date a chick with a tattoo you think is dumb as hell emblazoned on her wrist who makes you feel like she's siphoning more and more of your brain through your ears the longer she talks.

But yeah, it's pretty damn hard to be positive right now.

To Terry G 20 months ago

I'm probably not the best guy to give advice but I have been in a few relationships and understand the "standards" issue you speak of.

At my stage in life I find that in order to avoid the problem of feeling like you really met someone special, is not let it affect you too much until it's reached a certain stage of commitment. I literally tell myself, this is nice, but it could blow up at any time to remind myself that more often than not it will. And I also give certain girls I ordinarily wouldn't feel are strong gf material a chance because you never know what might happen and I find that the more girls I have dates with or are talking to the more confident and approachable I appear to be (or feel to be).

I think the other half of that equation is to never stop looking unless you've reached a certain stage of commitment with someone--cast a wide net and you're likely to catch at least one good fish I guess.

Ninguna 20 months ago

I completely agree with you, I think I need to learn my city better and find out what's out there and where to take dates. I always have trouble figuring out what to do with them once I get them.

I also need to not mistake easy-going for just easy.

And to realize I really really don't like keggers or house parties because the ratio is always more guys to girls and I don't want to have some creepy bald guy bs me about how many college girls he's managed to score with while his buddy nails my immature inebriated 22 year old date.

Good advice

manny 20 months ago

well thanks for ur advice bro, but she juss got done telling me that she juss wants to be friends but its all good ill juss get at someone else. any other advice u got for me bro? ohh im going to homecoming with her, does that mean its gonna be awkward?

manny 20 months ago

I do talk to girls in person I juss think im 2 picky, cuz the ones i like are always super hot and the ones that like me arent. Any advice?

ThisGirlKnows 20 months ago

It's amazing how there are certain guys like this, who have never had a date, or a kiss, or a hug, from a girl --- and they wonder why. These types of guys are woman-repellents. Unfortunately, some guys have too many negative qualities about them. It doesn't matter if you are ugly if you have a fantastic personality, usually. Some girls are superficial but those are the ones you shouldn't consider worth your time anyway. It's your personality that is the problem. I think of one guy, for example, wonders why he is 26 without ever having any romantic encounter with a woman---He's a diehard Christian but can't answer why he has faith in God, he has no real answer, he just believes it because his parents told him to, he is not a critical thinker, he is not a free independent thinker, he cannot grasp deep conversations, he cannot analyze himself let alone others, he cannot pick up on body language cues, he's very selfish---always looking out for himself, can't ever do anything nice for anyone, of course you have the complete opposites, they are creepy---always buying things or trying to do nice things and are just downright overbearing and freaky. They have extremes. He's ADD and and interrupts everyone when they talk. Every time. Then he says something, and can't sustain interest in anything longer than 5 seconds. He's a party pooper, a sore loser, has an awful personality and can never go with the flow or try something new. Watch out guys, cuz this might be one of you.

ThisGirlKnows 20 months ago

Lots of guys like this have no backbone---and then the other problem is, they think that having a backbone means being an asshole. Ya guys like that just don't get it all.

Robert 20 months ago

It is serious. In fact, it's ridiculous. And I wasn't trying to imply that I am better than other guys. My point was that given everything I have going for me it shouldn't be so difficult. I admit that my attitude could be better but it's hard to be happy and optimistic when you're constantly rejected. You also mentioned that you thought that I was meeting the wrong class of women. I agree. Attractive women are the wrong class. In my experience, attractive women are evil. They lie constantly and have an amazing sense of entitlement. I think they actually enjoy humiliating men. For example, instead of admitting they're not interested, they'll give you their number with absolutely no intention of ever talking to you again. It's sick. This happens to me constantly. I am always respectful and straightforward when I meet a girl. I don't use any stupid lines or play games. I just introduce myself and ask if we can go out sometime. Then she'll give me her number and then I never hear from her again. It's like she's just trying to get rid of me or something. But it's weird because it's always a real number. All I know is that I've become seriously jaded.

jonny 20 months ago

I am Asian guy, I am kool, 5-10, with good body shape. I m studing post graduate. I have good moneyas well. I am located in UK, and I m on study visa. I am nver able to get a single date. I usually ask girls (in indirect way, like do you like to have coffee) for date which have bf.

I am getting older now, 27, but still no experience?

help me pls?

Brian 20 months ago

They left out no money- the absolute lynchpin of finding a woman. A woman is so greedy, and so much of a slut, she cannot function around a 'poor' guy.

scorpiozone 20 months ago

hi there im 24 and had a few long term gf in the past, but recently just seem to be getting no luck at all. was seeing this girl for few months then she just backed off and 'didnt know what she wanted' now shes seeing someone else?? im quite outgoing but not as confident and arrogent as i used to be and find that girls im texting/ talking to on fb arnt really interested to meet up or take things beyond frienships now?? it really frustrating because cant help thinking im doing something majorly wrong?? anyway ive come to the conclusion you need to put yourself first and not try and chase women and focus on a gf.ive decided for a change and applied for uni next year and going to focus more on my mates alot more in the meantime, then just see what comes my way :) do you think thats a good move?? oh yeah people at work dont seem as drawn to me as they used to when i was younger for some reason??

Beowulf 19 months ago

I don't know what I'm doing wrong at all. I know for sure a few girls have liked me and I have givin them hints back that I want something more but then it's just like out of no where they asking some other guy out and I get rejected out of the picture. I've asked my friends which are girls of what's wrong with me or what I'm doing wrong and they don't know either. My current situation is that me and this girl are close. We enjoy being around each other and flirt around but she doesn't want to go out with me and instead stay in a dying relationship with her bf that cheated on her

Steve 19 months ago

I am 19, I have just about to give up, i am good person i accept myself and other people i always believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and to give everyone a chance and have been described by my friends as one of the most witty funny people they know but i just haven't had a girlfriend in so long i have already had myself fooled into thinking one person liked me but no i was wrong, i just don't understand what it is im doing that is wrong here.

Steve 19 months ago

Sorry to re-post but I'd like to know what exactly about being a good person makes me a loser?

Peter 19 months ago

Hello! I have and have always had problems with getting girls. I have showed interest in many, by asking them for a beer or a coffee, but often don't get a straight no even.. I never try with anyone I don't feel I have a good connection with. Maybe I meet to few people or that I'm too shy. I never know how to make the right moves. This may sound general, but how do you think is the best way to ask someone out and show interest? Do you think I have to do it face to face? Also, my lack of experience has always bothered me, is this something I should care about?

Oliver 19 months ago

Hi, so I'm 21, in college, very smart, very funny, and in my opinion a pretty attractive guy. I am awful with women though. I always feel like I'm competing with 20 other guys in any kind of social setting and I always feel like I'm the least likely for any girl to be interested in. Why? Well simply because thats how it's always been. I've only had sex with one girl, my girlfriend of q year and a half who I just broke up with after finding out she had been cheating on me with multiple guys. It makes me feel like it's my fault because I caused her to lose attraction in me. Anyway I don't care about her anymore for screwing me over, but now that our relationship is over I feel like my sex life is too. Never have I ever been able to pick up a pretty girl from a party or bar, it's too nerve racking, I scream insecure if I approach any girl. Also, I love to dance, it's one of my favorite things in the world. I cant remember the last time I danced Anywhere though because I always seem to get rejected by girls even on the dance floor. I feel like I have so much going for me, but sadly will die looking back on my life and feeling extremely regretful for being shitty with the ladies.

Liam Marshall 19 months ago

Hey!

Found this page today after finally becoming fed up with my lot. I'm in my mid twenties and the only experience I've ever had is a 3 month fling with a friend of a friend where I ended up being her rebound. I'm a shy reserved guy, don't often talk about myself because of my private nature so unless its close friends my conversations usually revolve around the other person/people. I also don't 'fall' for many women, sure there is the whole physical attraction thing, but I want more than a fling so I like to get to know women better before I end up liking them... not that it ever seems to come to anything!

Anyway to cut to the chase.. I found this quote in the comments sobering:

"2. Stop hitting on unavailable girls. If you've read this post you should know that girls that have a bf are only interested in talking to a guy and training him into being another "girlfriend". So stop it."

Reason - This is exactly my situation atm. I've been into this girl who I have to see everyday for a few months now and she truely seems an amazing person but she's taken. I'm pretty sure she knows I like her (I can be kind of a flirt when comfortable and she flirts back) and have dropped hints, but alas she'd rather stay with her cheating, low life boyfriend (not slandering him, he actually is) than take a chance with me. This has only darkened my perspective as I really am a decent guy but cannot catch a break whilst I see guys like the above having so much joy, then not even appreciating what they have. This is based on past experiences also.

The quote above opened my eyes though, if she's made her choice I'm going to have to withdraw and move on, though I do have to see her everyday! I don't want to be used and feel the way I do now. Though with my past form I can't see why anything will change in the future.

As another poster said you either got it or ya don't!

thedirtygupta01 19 months ago

What!

thedirtygupta01 19 months ago

What! This is a load of typical feminist crap. U can't be anyone's doormat and keep getting rejected left and right. Being too nice or too mean hell just act the way u want 2! Women don't know what they want, except 2 suck a man dry with no money and a divorce!

bullshit 19 months ago

wow no help i'm gonna go kill myself now

Lightning_Archer 19 months ago

Hey,

I know that you've answered a lot of questions already, but I was wondering if you could help me, too. I'm a 19 year old college student that can't find a girlfriend. Girls think I'm way too young for them because I look really young and I can't find any that is interested in me. Also, I can't find any I would be interested in, either. I usually have a "poker face" when I'm with people I don't know, but the more I get to know them the more I talk, laugh, and show emotions. I believe I'm kind, decent looking, and funny, but I just can't seem to find anyone. Help?

K. 19 months ago

Hi

I've already written there maybe 2 months ago...

What you've said was useful, though there are still problems, and I'm becoming more and more depressed by this every day...

I just can't seem to find the common language with girls. Either I'm too kind and then they take that I'm a "wussy", or I'm too confident and arrogant (yet I don't feel this, I just act as I always), and they think I'm rude. Or, if they talk to me more, they think I'm some weird mixture of the 2. Funny. I have no idea what are the certain things that I do wrong...

Like there was that girl in the last few weeks, we met on a party, I talked to her and made her laugh many times, she said I'm funny, we then agreed to meet again, on another party next week. The first few hours were good again, but then from one moment to the next, she became "hostile" towards me, and she stayed that way the whole night after. And I have no idea what could I have said or done. I didn't change my behavior. I just can't understand and this is so bad, because I mess it all up every time...

I wish I had someone beside me who could analyse my every step and then tell me where did I go wrong...

K. 19 months ago

Belive me, I can notice signals, there weren't any. Infact I didn't manage to get in a situation where we could be alone. So that wasn't the problem.

Erik 19 months ago

Hi! I wrote earlier, a few months ago, about always coming no further than the friend zone. Nothing has happened since then. Where I live I don't have a very rich social life with close friends and I don't get introduced to a lot of new people (I'm not living in my hometown). What can be done about this? I'm not the type to go out to bars alone.. Also, there is a problem that every time I ask someone out I get a yes first, then I get a no/maybe (that turns out to be a no off course) later, before the actual date? I'm not kidding, this has probably happened to me ten times last year. Or I go to what I think is a dinner invitation because she is interested, then I come there, and there's another guy there she's kissing! This happened to me, I just sat there looking angry and sad.. Part of my problem is I think a bit negative and lack confidence, but again this comes from bad experiences with girls (read: very little experience). I don't want to become an anti-feminist woman hater, but why are they sending me a text writing "I like you very much", then when I ask them to go for a beer or whatever, they don't respond even (even after trying many times)! If I were paranoid I would think they were having a conspiracy against me, giving me hope, then crushing it every time. Girls have told me I'm quite handsome (not Brad Pitt handsome, but not bad either), that I'm funny and other good things, so I don't know why it's so difficult. Any advice how to get out of this horrible situation, how to not get rejected everyone I meet someone I get a good connection with? It seems they often find faults with me also, like if they were searching. WHY? Please say something smart, you seem to know a lot about the subject.

Erik 19 months ago

Just a short follow-up answer (if you can use that expression): Saying "meet me" might sound as a command, and I don't think Scandinavian feminists like that. But doing it the right way it might work, and I totally agree about being more direct. It's only that I'm in a small school environment where you know people a little too well it's hard to break out of the polite (semi)friendly contact. It feels like you need to be more cool and know the social codes, whatever they are. Life is difficult..

Erik 19 months ago

Plus the thing is maybe that the girls I talk about are not that into me as I hope/think, but I see all kind of people, with little charm, intelligence, money/status etc having great success. What I want to do is make them want me, become one of those guys. The question is how.

dave 19 months ago

i'm 18 been single all my life and always been told i'm ugly and a nerd even though i suck at studies. I'm naturally skinny and not just skinny i look like a stick.

i had a few friends who were girls in school, not close though and they always thought i was a "nice" guy and thats all. Most girls in fact will never date me because i look like a kid i'm just 5"6 and my very skinny frame makes me look 14 so i've been told by some girls.

I don't have many friends and i don't expect to get a girl friend as girls want a mature looking guy who can stand up for themselves not an "innocent" looking nerd.

I've decided to just accept it, as there's nothing i can do about it. I have no confidence as i'm so ugly as well.

K. 19 months ago

Erik you are totally like me. Such shit happens to me all the time. Seems girls just enjoy giving hope to men and then kicking them in the balls.

Guy 19 months ago

Hey,

I have a problem that gets me more depressed each day. Im 17 and never had a girfriend.. never gone beyond 2nd base either. I dont know what my problem is. In my honest oppinion i'd say I am fairly good looking, better than average, been told it a few times too as proof. I have no problem at all talking to girls, im especially good at making them laugh and being whitty. I go to the gym too and have quite a good body too, and this is what drives me mad so much. Every girl I ever talk to seems interested at first but then changes her mind, and there's always a reason for example the ex boyfriend or they all of a sudden fancy my best mate, or decide they arent ready etc. I just feel like life is taking the piss out of me now. My best mate looks like a donkey, is worse at talking to girls than me but has never had any problems at all. I try and stay positive and confident and some days think, hey maybe im not that bad looking i should be able to do this, then after getting fucked about by the next girl i hit rock bottom harder than the last time. I get a bit conscious about my size, only being 5 foot 6, and after the latest dissappointment I think I have hit real depression now. I feel so strongly right now that theres no point anymore and life just doesnt want me to be happy. I really don't know what it is, it's not looks or personality its just the way the world seems to work. I really do try and keep a chin up and think there are people worse off than me but somethey they all seem to be able to get girlfriends!

Lucky Dog 19 months ago

I'd like to ask a question. What do you do about bad luck?

And I don't mean generic, Oh no girl likes me, kind of bad luck, I mean situational long-lasting bad luck on a few levels.

First, I'm a confident guy, not arrogant really. I'm 23 (balding bad, but had surgery to correct this so it'll be reversed in the near future. I don't normally tell people that, especially in person, but I do still appear sort of bald and will for a while.). On a scale of 1 to 10 for looks, I range anywhere between a 6 to a 8, I've been told, and I'd view myself as such anyhow. I have good people skills, make girls laugh, am good conversation, and able to make friends with little effort, overall. I'm normally not the life of a party at each party, but I every so often I step up and chose to shine in a fashion like that. I'm a natural flirt - so much so as it's built into my personality. I never take other guy's girlfriend, or flirt with them once I find out who they're taken, I respect the boundary. I have a lot of fun flirting, though I do so with some moderation, but I'm getting to where I'd kinda like to cut flirting and look a little more seriously around, but I can't really seem to get anywhere. The girls I could have a deep connection with are either taken or just not interested - not much I can do about that, so I just don't worry about them. If I go out with my friends, who are fairly attractive guys, though all taken, they get noticed immediately, as I, while not ignored, fall to the background, as they're considered hot and I'm considered cute: if say, there are 5 of us going out, then pecking order for getting attention from women results in me being the 5th.

When I'm on my own, I do allright, but again, I can't seem to make much headway. I make girls laugh a lot, though I don't come across as a clown. I'm smart with common sense, for the most part at least, cause every person has dumb moments. For the most part, I'm thinking it's just really bad luck. What do you think, and can you toss me any advice?

K. 19 months ago

Guy, I know how this feels like... It sucks when;

- You are intelligent, refined, ambitious, humorous, interesting, and live a healthy life

- and someone you know is rude, lives a meaningless life and takes his fill of booze and weed as much as he can

and still, the girl you are interested in will choose him instead of you. Quite a kick in the head -.-

Erik 19 months ago

Yes, being more direct is a good advice I will try to be more aware of. However, when years pass without any success you start to wonder what really is the problem. One thing that has happened to me many times is that a girl says "come to visit me" (in another town), but when I say "I can come then and then, is this a good time for you? I look forward to seeing you again" etc etc I don't get an answer at all. I wont write more now.

dennis 19 months ago

hi i thought id share my expreriences as an ugly guy. no matter how nice, confident, funny, well dressed i am i will never get a girlfreind. im a 21 virgin and never had a proper girlfreind. and its all because i have a big nose that makes me look ugly how pathetic and sad.no matter what i do and how hard i try its impossible for me to get a girlfreind which sucks becauase i would love to have one. no matter what people say, girls will rather go out with a good looking guy that treats them like shit than an ugly like me who would really aprreciate them and treat with the upmost respect. so what chance does a guy like me stand if a guys good looking and has a nice personality? 0%.im not being sad or feeling sorry 4 myslef im just being realystic.ive realised im just one of the unlucky ones, cursed and destined to never experience such a nice thing as a nice relationship with a girl, and so i have to accept my fate as a loner. if anyone that has a girlfreind is reading this i urge you to appreciate your relationship and know how lucky you are to have a girlfreind, its the stuff guys like me can only dream of.

Eric 19 months ago

Hey I feel like this article is well put together. I'm 19 (turning 20 soon) and was always had a girl problem but then realized something I was doing wrong and that CONFIDENCE is the KEY!!!! I've never had sex am still a virgin but that's more my choice than anything else. Lately I've wanted to try going out on a date and I tried talking with this girl who's in my psychology class. She's not the best looker in the world but she's above average (6 or 7) with a decent/nice smile. We took the bus to our stop (get off at the same area) and we were just chatting it up and I was making her laugh with some of the stuff I said (looked at her in the eyes for the most part) and was CONFIDENT doing it. When we approached the bus stop she had told me there was this nice place that serves good drinks right across the bus stop where we got off and she said if I wanted to join her (unfortunately I had to pick up my brother so I couldn't -_-) I told her that but then said how about the next time we have class after we finish if you want too and she said sure.

Do you think I did good there RP? I think confidence is truly the key. I'm not the best looker in the world (I'd rate myself a 5, 6 at most and 7 on my good day lol)

I think the best way (I think) to approach woman is too chat with them for a bit. Figure out stuff bout them (like where are they from, what their interests are, etc.) then afterwards tell them if you want to meet up sometime for coffee, lunch, or at the park, etc. To talk more and or just get to know them. Then take it from there and see if the girl really likes you or not. You could even tell her how you feel about her.

That's my take and this is coming from someone who hasn't been on many dates. What do you think of my analysis RP?

-Eric

Owner of a broken heart 19 months ago

Hi, im Chris ( 16 years old, Holland)

i've met a girl for like one week ago and i think i like her soo much, i would really do anything for her.

but i dont think she likes me

and beleave me... it sucks being me right now

i dont think im that ugly i absolutely have got no idea why she doesnt want me

there are a lot of ' players and loverboys ' in the world (especially in holland) but my meanings and feelings are for her so true

But the main question of this story is:

How the (..) can i make her to be my girlfriend? i would do anything for her

Thank You

-Chris

Al 18 months ago

hey RP, I asked this girl during the summer if she'd like to hangout with me since she only lives up the street. She said yes and things were great I was so confident and I was able to just let everything out so easily that day. Because of it she told me she really liked me that night and that she felt very comfortable with me while holding on to my arm and she even rest her head on my lap and fell asleep while we were watching a movie. Anyways we hung out for a bit more than a week after that and she was so great to be around, she would constantly say that she liked me and she got very close to me... things like grabbing my hand and putting her fingers between mine, or hugging me.

Anyways, I had to leave for a month to visit family in wales before school started. I made sure to message her everyday on facebook while there because I missed her and in every message of hers she seemed so interested in how I was doing there and how much she wanted me to come back.

When I returned home, I made sure to see her the next day because I really couldn't stand not being with her any longer. I went to her house, gave her a gift I bought there that she loved but I just wasn't as talkative as I usually was... I don't know I was just so nervous all of a sudden but I didn't want to be. I feel like because of me being so nervous that day I have destroyed what we had... She got a job and started to go to clubs while I was on the trip so it was hard for us to just spend so much time together like we used to. Anyways, we have a class together and every time we are in it she just doesn't seem like she's as interested in being with me anymore... she'll always speak more with her friends. I sent her a text today asking if she's free at all this week because i'd like to hangout with her. She replied that she was very busy this week due to work and school. I don't know how to respond to any of this... does she not want to spend time with me anymore? Is she actually just very busy? If she doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, is there anyway that I can recover what we once had? I think she's so special... everything about her is amazing and I feel we share a lot in common... I just can't stop thinking about her and it's hard to sleep... it's hard not to think about how I once had this amazing girl all over me and now it's all gone.

evan 18 months ago

I am 27 and only dated a couple of times ,because I am new to dating life ( in my back home country no dating life exists )

I improved my self a lot within these two years and I consider my self above average , but the problem I don't know any body here in America , therefore I completely depend of hitting random girls , but the problem I cant find girls to pickup them , I tried to go to many places ( bar , supermarket , library , etc ) but believe or not the young women is very few , I just wonder where can I go to find girls , I have job, car , good looking , and did alot of eye contacts and some pickups , but as I said cant find girls to pickup

echo73 18 months ago

I'm 37 and at about to give up. I was expecting to have a family and kids by this point, but I'm still alone. I've already lost all my hair, and I have permanent back injuries from a car collision. Internet dating was a bust and women laugh at my looks at bars. The rest of my friends are all happy with their families, yet I am always alone. The one girl I got in college was just taking my money and cheating behind my back. I'm running out of time to have a family.

Brice 18 months ago

Good blog but stop trying to sell shit man. Guys, all u need to do is be yourself, its when u give up and act or try to be someone else is when you get into the habit of confusion. I dont care if your excuse is your butt ugly, have 14 toes or have man boobs... thats YOUR!!! excuse. you need to get over it - if you dont you will be sitting at home reading about why you cant find a gf until your 80... if you make it that long. If you are absolutely yourself 100% of the time - YOU WILL find someone. It's when you give up and go on sites like this to figure out whats wrong with you. Time is key..& the key is time.. gl people.

dave 18 months ago

To RP,

Its not my fault that my post "didnt offer anything new to the conversation". I'm just laying out the plaim bare facts that an ugly guy like me will never get a girl. If you can't offer a solution (which there isn't) don't try and change the subject.

kongl337 18 months ago

@Brice

You're clearly wrong.

Chris in Vegas 18 months ago

Why are you worried about it!! A girlfriend will make your life hell. Here is some advice.. finish college, get a good job, work hard, save money, stay in good health and shape and travel abroad a few times a year and date hot foreign women. Trust me you will not want to be tied down to just one girl.

rob 18 months ago

It's alot to remember i don't think i can keep all of this in mind if i try to talk to a girl.

I'm 19 and have also never come close to having a gf.

chris 18 months ago

My name is Chris, I'm 20 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend......ever. I have been searching my whole life to find just ONE girl that will show some way,shape, or form of attraction to me. I'm not a bad looking (6'4, 280 pounds, I've lost roughly 60 pounds since the start of this year and still losing weight, and attempting to become a bodybuilder). Now I have the confidence to ask a girl out, that's not the problem. The problem is, absolutely NONE of the women I know, want to go out with me as a boyfriend, they all tell me that they see me as their brother! Now I have a great personality, I can change to fit the situation at hand on a dime. I'm outgoing and kind to everyone I meet, but the one shred of self-confidence I have has been cut thanks to them saying that.

I see couples walking around all the time and it makes me want it so much more but, it's like I already know that it's never going to happen. I hate not having a girl to hang out with, (much less have a relationship with) for just a holiday (say the 4th of July or Christmas). I'm losing my mind thanks to all these years of rejection.

I have asked just about every woman I possibly can out for just 1 hour of their time to go on a date or something. I got nothing back from them after a week or so, or either they had something come up and can't go. I have no clue what's wrong with me, but it seems like a rat has a better chance of getting ONE date than I do.

Any advice would be great.

rob  17 months ago

i feel hopeless.i seriously think i'll be single my entire life.it's really depressing when i go out to places and see hot girls and i can only stare at them cause i know it's not in me to do anyhting about it.and even more depressing when i hear about my friends getting girls or having sex or making out.cause i've never done any of those things.

what can i do?

tavie9 17 months ago

well im officially hit rockbottom.i havent been in a relationship for four years and i feel like im not handsome.i mean i always thought i was growing up but when u been turned down so many times or women just dont seem to look ur way it starts to dawn u that u might not be as handsome as u thought.im 21 and im really lonly.i mean iv been laid several times and had one night stands but havent been in a relationship in forever and i just want someone to share things with now.all the girls that seem to approach me r trolls.women that r like....4s and 5s i want atleast 7s.i mean i guess i could but some new clothes.i havent in a while.but women just dont seem to find me attractive nor interesting.its getting to a point where like alot of people here im starting to resent women.they just seem to be a different species then us simple men.they always seem to be turning men down lol me included.im goin to school soon so i can have the money appeal but i want women now not after school.iv given up on women for three years now but i want to try again.just not sure how.

ian 17 months ago

hello, im 14, and i have had 2 gfs in my life, though it was luck. But i KNOW i can get one somehow, some way, though i dont think im trying hard enough. I have an anxiety disorder, and have low self esteem. I'm sure confidence is in my reach, but i dont know how far to reach, or when to reach. im in the 9th grade, i can impress many girls, because i perform magic tricks at school. im VERY good at them, i play guitar, (intermediate level) and i also do graphic designing. I have all these plans in my head, though when it's time to start the convo, i become nervous. I have some confidence, but apparenly not enough. and I'm very social, i can start a conversation about anything, have lots of friends, and im a good listener... a lot of people think im mr. therapist or something. what do you think i should improve on, or do differently? should i just walk up to a girl, talk, get info, and go from there?

Arash 17 months ago

I am 22 and not so good looking,maybe ugly.1st semester in my uni,i loved a girl.but she chose a good looking boy and he is my best friend.now,i didn't know before that beauty is so important for boys.i have tried some more girls and they rejected me for the same reason.but i have a good result which they don't care.now,i am so frustrated.should i give up?what should i do to forget my frustration?

richmonchillin 17 months ago

Ive hit a super rough patch since i broke up with my last gf about 2 yrs ago. im 26 now and never had a problem finding a date or sex or anything up until after my last gf. recently ive just been thinkin that maybe ive gotten ugly, or maybe im not funny enough or something. Im a person with tons of friends, all the girls in my group of friends are gorgeous, but they all have bf's. they often try to introduce me to other friends they have, but never turns into anything. They never seem to be interested in me. ugly girls like me sometimes, but im not a person that is going to settle for less. i dont need a ten, but only threes and fours like me. anyway i just dont know where to go from here, i dress nice, am employed, a tad chubby, but not fat or anything. maybe im saying something wrong... i dont know, i guess thats why im google searching my situation...got anything for me

AVM 17 months ago

Well folks, if you thought you were bad at getting women - you aint seen nothing yet. See I am a 33 year old man who in the last ten years has tried his luck unsuccessfully on approximately between 10,000 and 15,000 women. I am the worlds biggest loser and have been named the most undesirable man in the world.There is no man in any corner of this planet who is as bad as me in getting women. It has gotten so bad that I have quit approaching then. Through online dating, bars, clubs, my places of residence and at colleges I have studied at in the past I have had horrible luck in getting women. I bet that no man on this site will challenge me for the most undesirable man in the world crown because I am just that horrible in attracting women. The only time I could honestly say I had a girl-friend was when I was 17 and even that was more of a pen-pal relationship which never went beyond hand-holding. The main point of this post is just to let you men out there who are having trouble attracting females that there I am worse than you are in attracting women and that you cant be that bad. It does not get much worse than this. I don't think I am bad looking. I am a hard worker, I am not rich but I am not poor but all of what I have tried just seems to always fail. I have held the same job for a long time and I am good at what I do. I have bought books on how to get women and paid a lot of money to these dating gurus for tips on how to get women but all that has been a waste of money. I have even approached the women which many men tend to not approach i.e. women who are considered obese, ugly or with "baggage" but even they will not give me the time of day. I have been the subject of ridicule and scorn from friends and various others for approaching some women who seemed like nice people but they carry a few extra pounds. I never cared about what these people thought about my choice of woman but what really hurt is when the women would turn me down. After looking at the numbers and doing a calculation, it is estimated that the chances of me getting a girlfriend is 1 in 216 million. For all the guys out there who feel they are having women problems - I have some advise for you. If you keep trying, you more likely than not will find a nice woman because you have way more women attracting skills than me.

In the area of dating/relationships with women I am damaged beyond repair!

farce 17 months ago

this is a farce, it is all about the money, no money = no dating, dating can be very expensive and most poor guys who are not only socio-economically disadvantaged but also economically disadvantaged eg: uni or professional school graduates can simply never find the right girl. Going out costs cash and nobody these days in this economical climate can afford any of this. You're judge on what you wear, how your face looks like, whether you work or not, what job you are doing and generally on the type of a car you drive though that might not always be the case "the care you drive that is", its always almost about the money and women tend to gravitate around money, and money can do wonders, open up almost all doors in the world and hence in return make you look good and attractive. So many decent cool good hearted guys miss out because they come across characterless women who simply destroy them in sight, just because his runners are cheap, because his jeans is not of a brand name and just because his jacket is a cheapo one or he looks too simple, classical and so 1989 yet lost in time and space of the 2000s and 2010s.

I am sure that most of you will agree with me. Dating these days is simply impossible unless you have a decent amount of cash on the bank account potentially your own house or apartment, a decent V8 powered car that gets you in the back of the seat and good looks, all this requires either inherited property and money or hard work and savings based on your education and merit or simply hard work.

These days there are no more feelings, its all money and the heart, true character , soul and love is gone, the end result is money money money and the human element has been extinguished for ever.

cheers

David 17 months ago

I AGREE WITH (FARCE), ITS ALL ABOUT FINANCIAL STABILITY CHICKS ARE ALMOST ALWAYS AFTER. A NORMAL BELOW MID CLASS GUY CAN NOT AFFORD A GIRLFRIEND, PARTICULARLY IF HIS JOB IS CASUAL OR UNSTABLE. FINANCIAL STABILITY IS WHAT MOST OF THEM ARE AFTER, NOT SEX OR LOVE, BUT AGAIN NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME, ULTIMATELY A GIRLFRIEND IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND. AND TO ADD TO IT, YOU REALLY NEED TO BE A FRIEND, LOVE AND A SOUL MATE, AND THESE DAYS ITS HARD TO FIND THAT SOUL MATE, A RELATIONSHIP BASED ON SEX ONLY IS (A MORAL), THE MEANING AND VALUE OF A RELATIONSHIP IS EVERYTHING, NOT JUST THE MONEY AND SEX. SPEAKING OF DIFFICULTY FINDING A WOMAN, I LIVED IN A STREET FOR SEVERAL YEARS, OVER 20 CHICKS, LITERALLY GREW UP IN THE STREET/AREA AND NONE OF THEM HAVE NEVER ASKED ME OUR OR EVEN SAID HELLO TO AS TO A NEIGHBOR , IT WAS A COMPLETE LAUGH AND A DISASTER, NICE SUNNY DAYS, SUMMER TIMES, BUT NONE OF THEM WOULD WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME, WHAT A WASTE OF LIFE. I GUESS MY CAR WAS TOO CRAPPY, I LOOKED UGLY WITH MY LONG 80S HAIR STYLE AND I GUESS THEY HAD SOME PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS ABOUT ME NOT GETTING TOO MANY MALE FRIENDS OVER MY PLACE THEREFORE THINKING THAT I AM SOME LONER OR A LOSER.

THE CONCLUSION IS, ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY, LOOKS AND WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE.

THE ULTIMATE QUOTE WOULD SAY

(When you've got the money, you'll always have friends, girlfriends f$##R$ buddies and activity partners, but when you do not have the money or the looks you will be rejected, pushed away and or forgotten as if you've never existed on the face of this Earth!)

thank you all for reading this is not without an objective reason interpreted from a subjective stance.

tr 17 months ago

I'm 16 almost 17, i had 3 bestfriends growing up but about 5 months ago they all got gfs, 2 of them r dating twins the other friend is basically a man whore, he gets new hot gf every week....curveball, i was probably the best looking and funniest while we were all hanging out 5 months ago. Thing i think is my problem now is im antisocial, im 6'3 170 lbs, i work out 5 times a week but i still am in my bedroom every friday night playing xbox or WoW, a girl likes me now but i consider her to be like a 3, she is cool but not hot at all, i was thinking of going out with her just to get dating experience, is that wrong? what should i do?.....By the way im a nervous wreck around hot chicks...it sucks.

tr 17 months ago

i read my first post and i hated what i wrote so im going to rewrite. As u know im good looking and a complete loner, i plan on enlisting in the army or marines right after high school....I have NO WAY to meet girls, besides at school and most girls probably think im weird because i never talk, i have kissed a girl before and it was awesome but she just wanted to stay friends, never really had a girlfriend before, how can i meet girls that won't think im weird?

giffondh 17 months ago

ok i have alot to say but im going to try and keep it short and clean as possible. I am 23 going on 24, i live orlando and a college senior. I have never been in a long term relationship, and neither had sex. Just like every guy on here i tried so hard to find a girlfriend but its not working out for me. I have both the personalty and persverance. Girls tell me that im cute and attractive but never wants to date me. They say chemistry is most important thing in finding a relationship and so far its seems like i have alot in common with some the girls but still no date. I go to school that is the largest in the state and 2nd largest in the country and still cant find a girlfriend. I asking my friends girlfriends to set me up and they never do. What am i supposed to do? i feel so depressed and lonely.

brucedwolf 16 months ago

hi R Pseudomen,

you've really offered some great advice to a lot of guys I just hope you can help me out the same way. Please take time to read this.

I am somewhat in giffondh's boat. Same age just live a million miles away in Asia!

But the story's quite similar, never been in a real relationship ever and I haven't even touched a girl in over 3 years, to put a long story short was in love with my best friend, "thought" we had a relationship turns out I was the rebound to another older ex and later she the slut went running behind some rich dog who had, well more currency than brain cells.

Anyway I was heartbroken blah blah for a long time, and whatever I did I couldn land a date despite having good personality and decent looks( not trying to boast). Nor did I wanna hurt some girl just to get over that dumb bitch but the girls I like just didn give a second look and boy are the weekends lonely. Nothing's working and I thought I'd never get out of this rut until recently.

Finally I met this girl who happens to be a dentist, she's really pretty and thankfully I haven't managed to make a dufus of myself infront of her (yet!), here's the thing, I have managed to get a younger cousin for some treatment but its winding up and I may get to talk to her only a few more times before we are done. I really wanna get to know her better, she's makes me forget my shit(not to mention i might be in love with her) but I have no idea how to get her to like me in a short time, or at least get to know me better. Please help! I need some outside perspective on this.

orion 16 months ago

i feel u guys.im 23 in final year at my University,plays soccer.i just dont know what girls want these days.i cant be myself at all around them, like im cheating myself for the sake of impressing them.but probably anotha thing is im having serious family problems n maybe that has affected my confidence n my effort. for a 23 yold guy im a lil bit small on the outside, but im a top student in my class, active i sports. but whenever im close to girls im always finding ways to avoid a conversation.i feel scared to embarrass my self.i do have friends but v have probably nothing much in common.i dont even go out on the weekends,my family important for me.but i really feel empty n just downright useless at times.i wana have a good career a simple life. n enjoy life.i dream a lot of having a wife, kids, in laws, n a big family.sometime i just feel that will never happen.ever.

n anotha thing is probably ive fallen for the wrong type of girls.girls who dont share my aspirations n needs i life.i have got rejected like 4 times.

i feel i wana give up n compensate girls for pets..

i do feel depressed at times with problems at home, n i so desperately need some1 to talk to, to hug, kiss, n just look into their eyes.but every time i do make an effort it just goes wrong n im left dejected n sad.but i know myself if i love sum1, dat person will be the luckiest person alive..

maybe some guys are meant to be by themselves.

g 16 months ago

hmmm, i dont think its too late at 30+. I am 31, and finding women attracted to me now more often than at 21. I have always had an avoidant personality (that i fight against) after having taken huge amounts of bullying at school - and this has meant me breaking contact before anything could be achieved in every contact with women.

Sometimes I belive that was the reason I was bullied so much... to stop me reproducing, because I behaved differently at school and didnt really try to fit in with the norm.

orion 16 months ago

R Pseudomen, would love a perspective from u

g 16 months ago

fact is, girls... if you asked them "what do you think of this picture of this guy", they would say "oh he has confident eyes, or kind face"; guys would say of women "she has nice eyes... nice lips... etc". Women are way more up on personality, and they even link it to looks. You can be a reasonably OK looking guy... but if you cant project your personality positives (that you do have because they were selected by someone in the past), you're dead in the water. Women want confident guys.

You can even be shy and confident, speaking in a soft voice... just so long as you don't give out any negative vibes, that usually go with actual self doubt. Do that, and its game over. Do it first time you meet and its a serious up hill struggle from there to get back any kind of positive vibes with that girl.

Its easier to stick to the above if you've had a good solid childhood without abuse or bullying. Parents can only do so much... they cant control what happens at school.

D 16 months ago

It's quite obvious that this was written by a guy who's never had any dating difficulties in his life. I'm 30, I earn decent money, I'm a chef. I communicate pretty well (I have to because of my job), and am in the presence of women and able to talk to them on a casual basis quite regularly (also because of my job).I make people laugh, don't focus on my negatives and can comfortably talk about almost anything. However i'm pretty bad with alcohol, I get overly drunk too easy which has caused me to more or less stop drinking more than 2 or so drinks or to not drink alcohol at all. This doesn't work well in a social environment, especially in a society that for some fucked up reason sees the abilty to get stupidly drunk as something attractive and to be revered. I have one of those metabolisms that mean i never lose or put on weight, I've been a very skinny 60 KG's since i stopped growing, It's almost impossible to put on weight or muscle, when i do try it's expensive, time consuming and i simply can't eat that much. I'm not overly shy, but i'm far from confident. i can talk to girls without a problem, but making my move is very difficult. I am a pretty awkward looking guy, kinda ugly in the face, have big ears that stick out and have uncontrollable curly hair that i can not do much with. I've asked out about 6 girls in the last 8 months, all have either said no, lied to me or stood me up. However, I can grow very nice dreadlocks. I have better success with women when i grow them, they see me as interesting, rebelious, and quite attractive. Last time i had dreadlocks i went from not even so much as kissing a girl for over 2 years, to getting asked out and having a date with a girl (a doctor, no doubt) the first time i went out with my dreads. In fact i've never even kissed a girl unless i have dreads. In the 2 or so years I had them last i dated 2 incredibly sexy, beautiful, interesting women. Women would come on to me. Since i've cut them off, women treat me either like a child or like i'm scum. The difference is black and white. They are sexually condescending to me ("i'm too crazy for you"). I am the exact same person the only difference is my hair. The fact is that people these days (not just women) are shallow, materialistic, superficial pieces of shit. They only care about good-looks, confidence or power. If you don't have those, you are screwed. Since i cut off my last set of dreads i've become a very cynical, negative person and have (unconciously) started to resent women. My point is, it might seem very easy to just say "oh all you need to do is just be positive and keep persevering". Put yourself in the shoes of someone who has these problems and you'll find it's a lot fucking easier said than done. I've seen it from both sides, and the evidence says that it just comes down to the reality that people are shit. I want to get plastic surgery and become incredibly attractive, just so I can turn down every woman that swoons over me just to spite them.

orion 16 months ago

D...nice ..at least uve kissed a girl.

n ya i totally agree with u.

g 16 months ago

I think truth is everyone who is an older inexperienced guy has a different reason... like everyone who is long-term unemployed has a different reason. I hate to draw similarities, but they feel very similar don't they? They both rely on people accepting us... and on us seizing or creating opportunity. I am not long-term unemployed, but I have been in the past, after leaving university... and it sucked too.

It was a big shock for me to be 23 and find it all passing me by, because, when I turned 15-16, I suddenly got the signals you get from the opposite sex at school that should mean all is well... but at the same time, due to large scale and long-term bullying, something in me snapped, and I became terrified of groups of people. I began to find it impossible to make eye contact with people - to the point of it being so painful that I would have to look in the opposite direction of a stranger in the street, as we passed. I began to think everyone was focussed on me whereever I went (I was not taking drugs and was not ill). I missed most of the last year of school. Then the years between age 16 and 21 felt better because I was now avoiding social situations all-together. I didn't realize how wrong this was. I thought my sex life would start when some girl would come along and bridge all of my barriers and ask me out; I didn't grasp how big my problem was and how impossible this was, considering I would have to at-least give out some positive body-language first (no good if I look in the opposite direction!)! Eventually, at 20, I realized I had to move far away and drop in to university... but when I got there I naturally discovered myself woefully inexperienced, even in normal social interaction... so all this had to be picked up again from scratch, in a painful learning process that should have taken place at 13-17 and not 21-24! Lots of lessen were learned the hard way, for me! I never completely erased the forces that made me avoid people at age 16, but they are much weaker and I have learned to avoid the feeling better rather than all the people. I am the kind of guy who will fall for one girl who I trust (only if I am attracted to her), and then pursue her, or I will fall uncontrollably for a girl who I don't trust, but I cant help myself anyway. I haven't approached many women, that's for sure! The ones I have, I have had some success (where success is measured in their reaction and feeling rather than me getting a home run). Often circumstance gets in the way (they have a boyfriend... etc).

I don't hate women at all. I harbour no bitterness against them, as it is my problem that has kept me like this. Women have been this way since the cave-man days.

I still have reasonably strong hope that I will enter that world soonish (I am now more confident than I have ever been), although I absolutely dread having to explain why I have zero experience. When to bring it up?? How to bring it up??

I have come a long way though!

D 16 months ago

G -When you do finally get a girl into bed, just be honest with her and just explain your situation. Chances are she'll appreciate the honesty and probably find it cute. You're a clean slate that she can form into her own mould, you can be her sexual project so to speak. When i first slept with the second of those girls i was with, it was really bad, I had trouble staying hard, i was just too nervous etc.. It could have ended there and then as she thought that i was unattracted to her. I just explained that I hardly ever get laid and that I was nervous and under a lot of pressure to perform. After that we slept with each other every night for about 2 weeks straight, even if i would say no because my back was so goddam sore after shagging every night, she wouldn't take it for an answer. She persevered untill i was as confident as someone with a regular sex life. Even after this 2 or 3 year drought i'm in at the moment, i feel like if i did meet someone tommorrow i could fuck like a champion. And it's all due to honesty.

I don't want to be resentfull towards women, but it's something that has just come about, it's not through consious thinking. I blame society and partly myself, not so much women.

123Tynz 16 months ago

It's ok to feel that way. Women in general are complicated beings. It's more of a cat and mouse game. To some it sucks, but women, even in this generation, let's face it-wants to be wooed.

If one turns you down it's their loss, not yours. Get yourself back up. If they don't appreciate you for who you are then she's not the one for you.

The world is round, expand your horizon.

Drake 16 months ago

The question related to the above post is how can you stop being weird. I don't think im weird but alot of people around me thinks im weird for no reason and its limiting my chances with women. I dont know how to make people around me not to think im weird and also I dont know how to attract women. Some women think im weird but i ask myself the question why. How can i change?

g 16 months ago

Drake, Maybe if you are meeting a girl through a common friend with the girl who doesn't think you're weird, then that would really solve the problem of them thinking you're weird.

Maybe you need to find a new crowd of people who don't think you're weird.

Drake 16 months ago

well the more people i meet the more the word weird i hear behind my back.

g 16 months ago

Why don't you ask for an honest opinion about why they think you're weird. Weird usual relates to interests, style or personality. Its not always a bad thing to be a bit weird, then again it depends; it could certainly hold someone back, if that opinion is floating around. You cant fix what you don't understand.

XMZERO232 16 months ago

I'll Try It.

g 16 months ago

Actually, my problem is I live a rather isolated existence outside work, accept from my immediate family.

I get on with the people I work with - and am being accepted. I'm funny and can joke around (have OK social skills)... but there are hardly any available and suitable women wherever I go. Being a guy in his early 30s, I'm a bit beyond going for girls in late teen and early twenties, which of most of the very few girls who pass through our way, they all are. All the 24-30yr old women, at work, are taken... naturally (24-28 is my rough target age). I don't really have a social network, locally - as I live in a rural village a motorway's journey from clubs and bars... and most of my previous friends, from uni, are spread out across the country (... the UK that is). I could go and visit some of my friends I haven't seen since uni, but its a long trek, and I cant see me being able to do it for a sustained enough period to meet anyone.

I certainly don't have the money at present to move away to change things... and I'm at a dead-end in trying to get my brothers or loosely connected friends to introduce me to other groups of people.

Then, there's the online dating scene, of course... but to be honest, it scares the hell out of me so much that I keep looking at it, but wont sign-up... don't know why!

I can imagine people saying... "well, find clubs and interests where you know you'll meet the people you want", but its far easier said than done. I kind of think my life is set up in an unnatural and rather isolated way at the present time.

Then there's the random encounter with strangers where there is some positive energy, but these are people who work in shops... and I'm not the kind of guy who would try to get a random girl's number, after chatting her up for 5 minutes... that's just not me. I've never really tried to do that.

So I guess that just leaves only the online dating scene or hoping the right girl walks through the doors at work, as a new person... buy they keep hiring a lot of young guys, and taking on a few college girls.

Drake 16 months ago

well i cant really ask them coz they always say it behind my back from far away. I dont think alot of people accept me. I live in the uk but i find it here really discriminating. Alot of people wont accept people who are different. i have no female friends. If someone is a bit weird to them, alot of people comment about that behind their back n wont accept them in their social circle. this is a common behaviour among middle class or upper class people. I did however get along better with the working class despite the fact that they did take the piss sometimes and fighting but they they never called me weird. I dont know if america is like this or not concerning the attitude towards people who are a bit different, i need an answer to that,

but anyway UK has probably the most discriminating people on earth. They seem to be less racist but their attitudes towards people who seem a bit different or odd to them is severe from what ive been experiencing. women are worse than men concerning this situation. I just want to be accepted by the british people around me into their social circles and to have fun and laughs with them, i really want to change, but the people are not helping. Alot just ignore me, take the piss behind my back or just use me as a second class person. I want all that to change, get a girlfriend, make more friends but i literally dont know how to do it.

Walawala 16 months ago

Hi Pseudomen ,

Is it safe to still go after the girl you like when you have sort of messed up(shy, show lack of confidence, can't hold eye contact, trembling) in front of her several times? Is it still safe to chase her? Is there some hope in getting her?

Obadiah 16 months ago

Well here's the deal. I turn 18 very soon. I am in high school and it seems like regardless of my efforts I can't get a real girlfriend. Last one was last year around august. It's pretty sad. And the longest lasting one was only 7 months. So total, I've had 3 girlfriends. I make out wit em, we cuddle, all that good stuff. I haven't been laid though. In essence it feels like I haven't been able to keep a solid functional relationship recently because of my feeling of wanting to experience having sex. I am 6'3 300 lbs. defensive tackle on varsity and it seems like everyone else gets girls to fuck them but I can't manage it. I'm handsome, half black, and I have great eyes. I'm the strongest kid in my school. You'd think a girl would wanna get on my nuts. But nope! Somehow they don't. I'm not some pervert who's only interested in sex, I look them in their eyes, I'm usually confident, and I'm a fantastic listener, please give me some feedback as to why you think I may be stuck in this predicament. It's akward when friends talk about sex because I haven't had it yet. Thanks bro

Seeking hot girl 16 months ago

Hi

I am 27 and have not had a girlfriend. I reckon I am decent looking, I dress in designer gear and have a hot car but the best I can do is get a few glances from girls. nothing more. What should I do to get a date in the first place?

q4298y8o 16 months ago

The biggest reason I can't get a girlfriend is probably because I don't know many people my own age, and I don't come into contact with people that often. I just really have no means (non-stalkerish means, I'm against meeting people on the Internet)of meeting people, or getting to know them well. I don't have any "groups of friends," which I interpret are necessary for getting a girlfriend/boyfriend the "socially correct" way.

mellow 16 months ago

Hey R Pseudomen, thanks for being out there. I was a bit on the downside, but I read a few comments from you which you gave to all the commenters here, and you made me realize that a part of my method of reasoning was flawed and that flawed reasoning did make me feel miserable.

Joey 16 months ago

yeah BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah i tried that too many times and it doesnt work

Long long dong 15 months ago

This site is a bunch of skunk shi**. Im not saying i am a casanova but ive dated several women. Sexed a few. And, its about confidence, trial and error, but mostly chemistry. Men and women wont even stay togeather unless there is some magnetic pull. You think all the confidence in the world will allow you to keep your dream girl with no chemistry? Thats why these guys set themselves up for falls. You have to realize by the initial contact not only was there attraction but chemistry. Thats my current problem i am in a relationship with a perfect girl but there just not chemistry that binds couples. It's causing me discomfort. My humble advice from experience, is to be yourself, dont play games. You need to realize dating is a numbers game, if she doesn't think your the greatest thing since sliced bread her bestfriend might. Find that chemistry!

jimmy 15 months ago

this did not help all girls think i am ugly as dirt and i will not get a date to prom this year.

q4298y8o  15 months ago

isn't there a way without trial and error, or to minimize trial and error?

one of the things i'm worried about that happens as a result of trial and error is if a girl (i don't have a specific girl in mind, i've never asked a girl out, although i had 1 unhealthy relationship 6 years ago in which the girl asked me out) says "no "... i'm scared that everybody that knows that girl will then know that i have bad social skills...

then i'll lose my chances with all the girls that know her, and all the guys(i don't have guy friends, but i think guys that have mixed groups of girl and guy friends get dates easier, or more in number) that know her will tell all the girls and guys they know, and all those people will think i'm a loser and won't accept me, and i'll lose my chances with all the girls that know any of those people

i've come to accept rejection (even though i've never asked a girl out lol, i've mentally prepared myself for rejection), so it's not rejection itself i'm afraid of

in short, i'm scared by asking 1 girl i'll lose my chances with all the others...

btw i'm 20 and college (it's pretty big and most people commute, so no one really knows each other that well), i'm not even sure if the social circles matter so much anymore after high school?

Lonly 15 months ago

Well i am 17 years old, have had no dates at all. I met this girl in school but she already has a boyfriend. I feel like if i would do anything for this girl!!! Any advice??? Anything will be apreciated.

q4298y8o 15 months ago

thank you R Pseudomen

but my main fear isn't rejection of 1 girl, it's rejection of everybody (of all potential girlfriends or even friends)

if i ask a girl and am rejected by her, will that make everyone (girls and guys) think i'm weird, a creeper, or a loser?

i have confidence in everything but my social skills... i actually think well of myself, i'm just worried about what others might think of me

q4298y8o 15 months ago

Oh and R Pseudomen, like your 7 year dry spell, it will soon have been 6 years for me since the only date and relationship i've ever had...

maybe 7 will be my lucky number too? lol it seems doubtful though, it just seems like something that might end up never happening... i'm getting older and older and not moving forward with girls or even friends... i'm almost 21, it seems too late, you have to date at least 10 years before marrying to have a lasting marriage, but it's not nice to your kids to have kids any later than 30 years old...

although a majority of the part of me thinks I don't want a relationship or even friends because i like doing my own thing and a girlfriend or friends are time-consuming, stressful, and i would have to deal with their drama,

i also realize that i probably like being alone better than around people because i have social anxiety and when i'm around people i'm out of my comfort zone...

because of not fitting in all the up through my high school years and people making fun of me to my face or behind my back, when i'm around people i feel very awkward like everyone is watching, laughing at, and talking about everything i do and thinking i'm weird or not cool by just looking at my body language

the thing is i don't know what people really think of me, but i have a feeling they think i'm weird, messed up, or simply "not cool"

also i like being alone because i'm very selfish and like being able what I want to do all of the time instead of what other people want to do, but when other people want me to do stuff, i can't say no--i act like a pushover but am really selfish deep down

also i'm afraid to get close to people because they will eventually find out i have almost no friends (and no guy friends) and am by myself most of the time, that i never got drunk and never had sex at almost 21 (not 21 yet, not legally allowed to drink in my country), and they'll think i'm really weird... because honestly that is very weird for somebody my age

yeah i have a lot more reasons why i'm kind of stuck without a social life at this point in my life, but i wanna go to sleep now lol

Adam 15 months ago

I'd just like to say, your doing a great thing here dude.

Really good to see :D

I'm 21 and I've had a girlfriend,

But the past few years I've been invisible,

I read alot of this and it just makes me feel better,

And it's nice to know that when I feel down about it, there's

People here to talk with, thanks everyone x

g 15 months ago

q4298y8o, I do think your being rather pessimistic for a 21 year old. For example, my friend (same age as me) met someone at 22, then spent 7 years with her, and now he's single again, after a really painful split... so even if you did meet someone at 20, that doesn't guarantee the future happiness, even if you did spend the next 10 years together before marriage. People can meet people at most ages, have relationships and then split-up again... and there is no rule about having kids before 30 (especially for men). My dad was 34 when I was born. He's still fit and healthy and I'm now 31 myself.

Also, there definitely is no rule to say you have to be with someone 10 years to have a good marriage. You could start talking to a girl and suddenly find everything clicks straight away and you're on the same wavelength... and become really close within a year... or spend 7 years in a less than adequate relationship... then tie-the-knot, and have a divorce within the next 5 years.

If you can get out and talk to more girls confidently and put the negative thoughts out of your head, then you could maybe do OK.

Its easy to get into a downwards spiral of "by now I should have done this"... "and that", but they are not worth thinking about in that detail, because that line of thinking is not only wrong, its highly self destructive and will totally hinder you.

TArok 15 months ago

Hi im 23 have tried about everything to have a relationship ,,, went to clubs like crazy when in school went out in groups had many girls as frnds nothin works ! had some relationships that didnt work becuz i get veryy obsesed and nervous that i fuk it up ... then when i put my mind to it i just get more nervous and start thinking about the future and will it work ??? .. so now im out of college nt seeing girls and cant find a job it seems its getting much harder any advice ?

Ellis 15 months ago

Hi, I'm 18 and the problem i have is that girls only ever seem to want to be friends with me. None of them want to take things a step further. I can only assume that it is something that I'm doing wrong because I am still waiting for someone to want to go over the line from friendship to relationship. It used to bug me a lot, I use to drink a lot and girls was a large contributing factor, but after the last one somehow I lost all of the emotion and passion inside of me, so I'm not all that fussed about finding one, but suggestions as to where I was going wrong would be greatly appreciated. :)

g 15 months ago

Well, from what I've read, a guy is at his most desirable to women (as a mate) at around 26, then declines over the following years. So, at 18 or 21, you're not anywhere near your maximum value as a mate to women.

Jake 15 months ago

Hey, I'm 21 and have only ever had 1 serious relationship. When i was in High School I was the new kid in school, ended up meeting a really pretty amazing girl. Dated her for 2 years and then in grade 12 she ended up dumping me for one of my best friends at the time... and they won best couple at the grad ceremony.

I was pretty messed up for a year or so after all that happened, I entered into university where I crashed and burned because of a lack of focus and desire due to the fact that I really don't know what i want to do with my life.

It took me 2 years, tons of reading, a serious bought of depression (which led to a very lame half-hearted attempt at suicide mostly because I was so depressed that I didn't even care about ending it all, I was depressed beyond my depression.). All of this led to a massive pendulum like change in my personality, behaviour, and thinking.

After my grade 12 year, I was a high level hockey player at the time, I took steroids to bulk up, I did MDMA/Ecstasy, Coke, smoked massive amounts of weed, did a ton of ketamine, wound up in some pretty sketchy places, with some pretty sketchy people, All this continued until I hit rock bottom and K-holed one night. I had what Maslow described as a "transient experience". For what felt like a lifetime, I cried, I screamed and yelled, but i couldn't get away, I was trapped in a state of being that i thought would never end... I'd say it was an experience akin to a "near death experience". While in that state, something finally hit me. I stopped. I just stopped and looked around, and then I started getting this nagging feeling, I wanted to know... everything... about everything. I wanted to know why this had happened, what caused it to happen, what global warming actually is (it's all a bunch of BS btw, none of the supposed "experts" can actually explain global warming / climate change and all their statistical information is just all the stuff the can't explain mixed together... pretty stupid eh? lol NE WAYZ) What i'm trying to say here is the answer to all the hurt and anger and sadness and hopelessness I felt smacked me right in the face.

The answer is... there is no right way to do anything... there is no 1 answer. and when i realized this, I started to look at EVERYTHING differently. Ok I just realized how epically long this is getting... what happened is I started to empathize and began asking why (curiosity) about EVERYTHING that happened... In a way it was sort of like the movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey and I went on this rampage of finding stuff out and being super crazy keen about life... Remember le pendulum I spoke of earlier? this is when it was swinging back the other way... I quit everything, including drinking (I still don't drink and rarely do any other substance) and was super awesome happy man for like 6 months... until I stopped again and looked at myself and was like "wow I want to punch myself in the face for being such a tool".

Anyways to wrap it all up, I am now getting closer to the middle and continue to do so everyday as the pendulum starts to slow down. and the moral of the story is, for all those guys that are all freaking out about not being able to get a girlfriend, my advice to you is this... Be honest with whoever you are with and ALWAYS BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, Be trusting to those who you feel deserve it and ALWAYS TRUST YOURSELF, and Be respectful always ESPECIALLY TO YOURSELF.

Anyways that was an intense word fest of fury... hopefully it does something for someone... even if that something is you being all like "yo dude check out with this giant n00blet wrote! hahaha what a LEWZER!!!" :) S'all good.

oh and as a side note pertaining to the guy talking about "sex being overrated". Speaking from "a lot" of experience (don't even try to beak me saying that i'm only 21 and i can't have that much experience... shut up i've slept with a lot of women and i'm alright to say that on here cuz i'm pretty much anonymous and if you think i'm lying, that's your choice) sex is most definitely not that awesome most of the time, ESPECIALLY if you are a guy that can make girls cum (3 types of female orgasms btw)... BUT when you meet a person who has gone through a lot f'd up crap like you have, and you completely let go and are completely 1. HONEST 2. TRUSTING 3. AND RESPECTFUL of one another, sex is the most unbelievably amazing experience in the history of experiences and the best part is even just remembering that kind of experience makes you feel pretty awesome. So anyways, went on a bit of a tangent timothy there, but you get my point... It's not black and white but shades of gray. (It's with an "a", I'm Canadian).

To whoever actually read all of this... I'm flattered and thank you :). I hope you drew something at least somewhat useful from it and I wish you the best of luck! :D

Sincerely

Jake

Charo 15 months ago

Well done Jake, a great comment, I read it all very interesting. To the rest of the people here I think the whole needing a girlfriend business is mostly induced from outside sources like friends sometimes family especially the media, they make out as if everyone is in a relationship and thats the way to be, anyone not in a relationship is this or that or not normal or whatever. The logical question people need to ask themselves is, IS IT REALLY WORTH HAVING A GIRLFRIEND? IS A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT FOR YOU OR DO YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO BE IN ONE BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS APPARENTLY IN ONE? what was ever wrong with leading the single life? (I know this forum is for people who truly need some advice)but why does this sort of thing bother so many people? I dont understand its not logical, sometimes in life some of us come to realize that it was never meant to be and then when we try to find out why and discover that it was something we truly never wanted anyway but because friends and people we knew where settling into relationships we thought we should have too, for years I wondered why I couldnt find a girlfriend, I saw my friends all settle down but only over the past year I realized I was truly happy as I was, and I only learned that when I dated a few times and found it wasnt what I thought it would be and even got depressed while I was dating which is unusual because its usually the other way around. So people ask yourselves what you really want, if you truly want it then go for it but if you are only doing it to fit in or because you feel left behind then take a long hard look at the situation.

g 15 months ago

good comment jake.

On subject of why people want to date though: yes, society implies more pressure with expectation, but I feel the biggest pressure comes from our DNA. The DNA that didn't want to reproduce isn't around any-more (because it didnt reproduce), hence all DNA alive today has written strongly into it's code that if the organism isn't reproducing it will feel very bad about it. In effect, its the same reason we are scared of death and pain hurts us and forces us to move away from a hot plate that is burning us; our genes want to survive and be passed on more than anything, and if we are failing in this task, then our genes are going to seriously make sure we know about it! That is why so many people who remain single feel so bad... because their DNA is screaming at them to pass on their DNA. If they still fail, then they will undergo a kind of torture.

Max 15 months ago

Yeah I pretty much cant form ANY relationships with a girl. Its almost like their is a magnetic force that repels every girl i meet and "befriend". Im funny, really smart and skinny but with a developing muscular physique, but absolutely nothing. Last year as a junior in high school, i liked this girl but she wasnt interested. Instead of simply rejecting me she started to screw with me. Telling everybody i liked her, giving me weird looks, chasing me in the subway station, making dumb comments on facebook etc. i got back at her but why the hell did she do all that. thats not fair plase tell me

g 15 months ago

if you're in school its a totally different ball game. A lof of people are selfish and cruel, because they haven't experienced the world. a lot of guys that do OK later don't do well with girls in school. If you're in school, you're still developing and so are the opposite sex. I wouldn't worry about not being able to do well yet. The number one most important thing to that age is to see life positively, because it will affect your outlook forever, if you get hung-up on negative things in school. That same girl will probably be totally different in 10 years time.

Anthony 14 months ago

r pseudomen i understand getting these people to accept that they can only change who they are and become better men is true i think that saying things "smile more often you sad pathetic thing" etc... isnt helping them feel any better and especially when some are comtemplating suicide the tough love approach isnt probably the best thing to do. i think you should rethink how you deal with these guys looking for advice.

Anthony 14 months ago

What I mean to say Is that sometimes people might think that you are being too harsh thats all, you have a good blog here and It is helpful dont get me wrong and Im sorry that I came across in a nasty tone, anyway thankyou for replying and keep up the good work.

Jack 14 months ago

You CAN get a girlfriend! there are a number of simple things that you need to do to achieve this, but most of all believe in yourself, have confidence. Confidence is so attractive to the opposite sex. If you are struggling for confidence, here is a great way to find it within yourself. Remember a time when you felt confident and remember the things you saw, the feelings that you felt and the things that you heard. Make all those things bigger and brighter and take all those feelings into the situation with the girl you want.

Loads of other tips are available here:

http://www.my-onlinesolutions.com/getanygirlsystem

Andy 14 months ago

hi r pseudomen. your blog is really good but earlier you said that you may have to ask 100 girls and 99 may reject you, isnt that really hard to find? I even find it really difficult to find even 1 girl to ask out. i dont know how to get close to women or get her to talk to me. its hard to get talking to women. i cant get the conversation going which is my main problem. i just dont know what to say and when to say what to women and even in general conversations. i sometimes find it difficult to reply to questions. please give me advice.

Adam` 14 months ago

I think this is helpful and i think i fit what i says but ive been single for 2 and a half years with no sucsesful dates anymore advice?

Brian 14 months ago

Hey Pseudo, you got any websites that go more in depth with the cocky and funny attitude when talking to girls. I read Davids book already and understand the basics of it but sometimes i go blank when I'm trying to think of something that is funny and just end up making it awkward. Nothing makes you feel like more of an ass clown than that! So some help would be appreciated!

Asian Grandmaggot 14 months ago

For most of my life, I thought I couldn't get girls. Notice I said "thought". But at the age of 37, I am in a real relationship with a gorgeous older woman. It could easily be a younger woman if I wished. How did I break the cycle of dating impotence? Simple. I turned to my inner caveman.

What does a caveman do? He never accepts starvation or death as viable options. If his locality cannot provide him sustenance, he moves. He knows when to fight, when to run, and when to tolerate bad situations. He also thinks primarily of his own survival.

Think of it this way. A cavewoman cannot truly hunt or fight on her own. She needs a man who is powerful enough to scare away other men, or popular enough to enlist other men to help do things, or savvy enough to create a burrow that is impenetrable and totally safe. I, as well as most guys here, fall into the burrow category.

For years, I could not get women. Then I completely changed my life direction and moved out of town. I still struggle, largely because of myself. But everything changed when I got fed up with life and said "I refuse to accept failure as a life goal."

Women everywhere have total respect for a guy who can hold his own in whatever way he can. I earn very little money and have no social status, but I get women because I will not give up. Even if I die trying, women respect my drive despite me not having looks, money, good job, height, or class.

I know guys with everything going for them that women won't mess with. I know guys like me that have nothing going for them and yet have excellent opportunities with women. My willingness to survive at all costs is my most attractive feature, and it is a feature that any man of any age can learn. You won't succeed at anything without that survival mode.

If you cannot meet women where you are, move to a better spot. If you lack confidence, search for the root cause and fix the problem. If some woman doesn't respect you, dump her and find a woman who does. And if you consider yourself hopeless, then get out of your current hole and dig a new and better hole that can accommodate your future family.

Women want strong capable men who will fight to the death for them, provide for the family, and set good equitable household rules that everybody can live by. Be that man and you will put yourself in positions where women will select you. And once you become that man, do not ever quit being that man!

Mathers 14 months ago

Psedomnen is it true what these people say about your genetics dictacting whether you get a girlfriend or not? I came on here looking for advice and a confidence boost I suppose, instead I get all this stuff about how it is destiny for me to live alone.

Asian Grandmaggot 14 months ago

Genetics influence dating because genetics influence e survival.

I am a 5'5" Asian guy who doesn't get along with the majority of people. I was bullied through high school and through my early working years. I have had all sorta of dreams smashed by enemies despite my best efforts. I broke the cycle by starting my own business(es) that cater to the select few that will work with me.

Because I have fully established my niche as a lower who does his own effective thing no matter what society says, I am now treated like a decent guy by the majority of women I meet nowadays. I have put myself in places where I am at my best. There are bigger and handsomer and richer guys than me in the places I go, but those things don't matter as much to the women I meet. I should also add that I feel that I am meeting and dating good women who do not think of me as inferior.

The difficulties of Asian guy dating are well known and researched. Yet here I am, dating away. I should also add that the vast majority of Asian women refuse to date me, and I am dating a Norwegian beauty right now. She gets hit on regularly, but I am her guy.

I refuse to be punked by anyone. I refuse to accept a crappy life. I will defend my keep, and I stand by my friends and family. I am far from perfect and do amazingly dumb things, but I try to deal with my mistakes. I feel that I am doing as much as I can wig what little I have. And if that isn't good enough for some woman, it is her problem and not mine.

I am doing the best I can with my genetics. Good women thus see me not as a walking, but as a good real man.

Mathers 14 months ago

Yes it does thank you very much, it is just when I was reading through some of the comments on here it made me feel quite hopeless about the whole single life situation, but thanks for the clarification!

g 14 months ago

I find tiny alterations can massively alter chances with women. If you get out and about and take part in social activities, then you'll become more confident, which will project to women. Also, if you have a regular exercise routine then you will develop an attractive (to women) physique. If you lock yourself in the house with DVDs and computer games, avoid human contact and don't take part in the social (we all go through that period I think), it closes possibilities, because you cant project confidence: social skills become blunt... etc.

There are some things you'll never be able to get, because of genetics... but there are soooooo many important qualifying traits that you can sharpen to win!

hank 14 months ago

What if you are attractive for others, but the problem is like... you hate others. Right from the guts.

Haters gonna hate?

razer 14 months ago

i'm 19 and for me the problem is not how i look....but its that the right circumstances didn't happen so that i may get a girlfriend....and probably because i have no friends but that's not my fault..it seems that i always end up to be surrounded by idiots..the sort of people who you don't want to be friends with....because of that i've become a loner with no friends...things just happen and you just go with the flow because there is nothing you can do...i belive this is called fate.... so i feel bad because i want a girlfriend and i look at others with girlfriends and i feel curious,sad,angry and scared...and i don't show it..i'm good at hiding this and i act like people expect me to act....i know i'm only 19 and i have time to get a girl and get married and all that....but if i reach 30 and i'm in the same sitiuation like now i rather chose death by my hands than live in failure.....i hope fate will solve my case with a happy end verdict

Blackfield 14 months ago

Im 20 and never had a girlfriend. I think Im average looking, I dress well, have a good job and own a car. It doesnt matter what I do, Im always seen as the nice guy (I think a lot of people here know what Im talking about). I do socialise a lot with my friends (who all have steady relationships), but I just cant ever seem to hit it off with a girl. Im already starting to get the questions from family members that are subliminally asking if Im gay. The only thing against me is I have a psychiatric condition (and no its not like I grab the nearest knife and try to stab everyone, Its a simple chemical imbalance that affects my moods on occassions. Im medicated and havent had any issue for a few years).

I have asked my friends if they know any single girls, but they are all either taken or under the age of consent. So Im a bit stumped as to what my next gameplan is. My life right now revolves around going to work, coming home, feeding my dog, going to bed and getting up for work the next morning. I would love to have someone else to share my life is all. (2 things: 1. I know the paragraphs are all over the place but I just scraped through English in school, so bear with me on it. 2. Please dont write anythong like "you will find someone one day". If I had a dollar for everytime I heard that, I could propably buy half the female population lol).

Yeah 14 months ago

Ok perseverance and attitude are great, but what the hell do you do if you have spent your entire life being told by girls that they just want to be friends, or you aren't their type. I'm 275 lbs, ugly, have no car and no job. Girls dont want me, and it's making me sick. My family asks me all the time "why dont you date" and it makes me feel even worse. I'm extremely depressed, i cant even join a gym because i dont have the money, and my family is so strapped for cash they cant spare it. I've tried walking/jogging on my road but my chest and shoulder hurts so much i cant keep it up. You want to know the really pathetic part? I'm 26 years old. I live with my parents at that age, how pathetic. Both my sisters have families and they're younger than me. My friends all have girlfriends because they're thinner and taller than me. I'm so tired of being the fat friend, or the ugly friend.

RJ 14 months ago

This page is interesting reading. I'm over 35 and what I learned is that the world is a big planet. Why are you limiting yourselves within the confines of the U.S.? Work hard, save money, get a passport and travel. Your dating lives will take a 360 degree turn. There's more women on earth than men and as soon as I figured this out, my desire for local women dropped. Having options equal power and with power comes confidence.

RJ 14 months ago

Asian Grandmaggot gets it! People who succeed are people who will try anything. We're close in age and our perspective on life is similar. Whether its moving to a different area, traveling or doing things by yourself, the key is to put yourself out there. Sitting in front of a computer screen and complaining about how the world sucks will get you nowhere.

Yeah: Bro, you need to change your headspace. your biggest enemy is you. You don't need money or gym membership to get in shape. part time work can be found in any major city(minimum wage is better than no wage). Don't worry about what your friends look like, becuase chances are they don't give a damn about you or else they'de be helping you get in shape and meet girls. You have more power than you think bro.

Peter 14 months ago

Hi R Pseudomen!!

I just need little advice. Im 26 and cant establish relationship with woman. Not even friendship. I'm not best looking guy around and I notice that confidence and self esttem is wired to your looks. I mean if I look good I would be much more confident. But unfortunately I haven't been gifted. I feel like women hate me because no woman ever gave me eye contact. But do you know what is worst about all this??? That every friend have a girlfriend or occassional relationship with girl and I can't. It hurts and it make me feel worthless and hopeless because I have never done anything wrong to anyone. Sometimes I go to prostitute but it wont replace the feelings I have. I wish to have just a normal girlfriend that I can talk to and share my life with, but it seems to be impossible. I have learnt that woman wont give you any time of a day if she's not attracted to you. And I cant use my looks because im ugly. I dont have much money and as I said I dont have confidence and most people who are ugly dont have it either. All people around me keep saying that I am miserable but have no other option. And one more thing. It's so easy for good looking or rich person to preach about confidence. But if you are ugly you would speak differently.

Even If I manage to get a girlfriend (which is impossible), I probably would give her up because I have nothing to offer her. She would be probably ashamed to walk with me. And Im not picky or anything like that, I dont need 10/10. Just ordinary but still cant get one. The fact is that when you are born ugly, everyone hates you , not only women. You are outcast and no one wants to talk to you.

Sorry for writing so much. Do You think there is any solution for me except suicide?????? Thank You

Will 13 months ago

Hey. I was wondering alot of the same things other people are on this page, Im 21 i would say decent looking, im in amazing shape. I play soccer and hockey work at the local grocery store go to college and i have an ok social life going out to bars and such once a month or so. Saying this i cant seem to get a girlfriend i have had them before but this was like highschool and that exposed you to alot of people. I have a good sense of humor am friendly and a good person i also can have a good time. i have alot of friends that are girls and we talk when we see eachother but outside of bumping into them at sports or work or school or out on the town it never develops into anything. Just wondering if you had any advice because the nights sitting on the computer alone are sooooooooooo boring.

Jimmie 13 months ago

Hey R Pseudomen, great article! I have both the personality and perseverance but I've been single since sophomore year in high school. I am 20 years old now and in college. Looking back I realized that I was more outgoing with my friends. I was so got damn funny in high school. I made every single person laugh, even the quite, serious ones haha. My point is that I was able to show my true colors because I was able to socialize and I didn't have the pressures of college in high school. Now it seems, my true colors are suppressed by everyday college work and general work itself. I am so occupied with things that I sometimes think that I am lucky I don't have a girlfriend because I would never have the time needed to sustain a good relationship. I'm not giving up, I'm just going to let life take its course. Wish me luck!

g 13 months ago

I was at a club with some friends recently I hadn't seen for a very long time. I was standing there alone at one point. Then all of a sudden I felt these arms pass through mine and close around my chest and someone press against the back of me. My initial thought were that it was one of my friends (man hug?), but then these hands started to move places that confirmed it wasn't one of my friends. Anyway, I turned around to see a really nice looking girl. I was really surprised and she smiled back at my expression. I looked around again, but was somehow unable to turn to face her. You see very light flirting is well within my experience, but the possibility of actual physical stuff, that's not. I could not even manage the situation. I'm confident with people and all other aspects of my life, but when it comes to this... I don't know, this is what happens. In the end she walked off, but I feel bad for her that I couldn't handle the situation in my early 30's! I could have turned around and said nicely that I had a girlfriend (not true), but I couldn't manage even that. I guess I just didn't really know what to do. I still want to find someone, but it would have to be someone I trust I think. Any other single guy would have turned around in a second though.

g 13 months ago

Not really, I would always respond the same way to a complete stranger making such a strong advance, I'm afraid. I don't seem to have a massive prob attracting (atleast some people), although what happened that night was different, for sure. I have a prob responding (always have). Although I must admit, I don't go out to clubs that often really. I don't think I'll be finding someone from a club or bar. But where else? Online dating sucks for a guy. Everyone I know in my work is taken, pretty much.

I have a friend same age who split from his long-term relationship and he's had a string of brief encounters over the last 2 years, but I think where he differs from me is that he can build up an all important rapport with different girls, and eventually he comes across that one that is available and is for him. Me: I find girls tend to react well to me, I can get a bit of a rapport going (they tend to think im cute...etc), but im not that outgoing you see and I always seem to find myself boxed in, socially, where I don't have options to meet new people.

Ben 13 months ago

[I'm not trying to troll, I am simply seeking advice. :/]

Will I ever find a decent relationship ever again?

I've made several attempts with absolutely no success. I've joined several dating sites, attended pub gatherings with friends, went numerous galleries, just to find myself going back to my apartment at night alone. I do take care of myself, make sure that I eat healthy, exercise and I groom consistently, because it makes me feel good and confident. I just do not get it. Why is it that I am having so much trouble finding a girl? I would like to think that I have much going for me - I am in school working towards a possible career in the arts, I have a job, an apartment, I've been told that I am attractive, I am always there when someone needs me, caring etc...

As stated above, I usually make myself available when a friend is going through a rut. Most of my friends are women, mostly because I find it difficult to get along with guys. Most of them consistently complain about how hard it is to find a guy that is truthful, genuine and caring. It would be safe to assume that most - if not all women complain about it at one point in their lives. I just wish that someone would give me the benefit of the doubt and see that I don't fall under that category of men.

I do have issues regarding my self-esteem. I tend to be unsure of myself when approaching a women that has sparked my interest - most of the time I tend to stutter or say something that doesn't completely make sense.

I was in a relationship that lasted four years - it was wonderful, but in my naivety (mostly because of how young I was when I got into the relationship) I lost sight on what was truly in front of me. Now I am sitting here alone and questioning either it will ever happen again.

It's so frustrating!

SpellCheck 13 months ago

Obvious typo rain->reign

g 13 months ago

Ben, wouldn't totally give up on the online dating thing. It can be the most frustrating and negative experience, but it can begin to work if you have a good profile and you wait long enough. Its another avenue...

Castle 13 months ago

Now, try to picture my situation. When I started high school a few years ago, I found myself from the first day in an entire new community which failed to accept me. However, they seemed to leave me alone for two years. It was fine. Then bullying started and for another two years both teachers and classmates told me how ugly, useless and complete failure I am... that I never will get to a college, I will end up drunk and half-drunk in a dark, cold room. I started to believe them, although they were wrong. I got to a pretty good university, then they told me that my life will be so miserable, as it was earlier.

But I wanted to prove that they're not right. They cannot be. But their voice is still whispering in my ears, so it's a messed up situation. How could you defeat ghosts which are continously haunting you? So, I don't have success with people. Low self-esteem. Still. However sometimes a few girls show up, showing interest in me. It's quite surprising.

A few weeks ago a girl dropped accidentally her ring, and I managed to give it her back with a smile on my face. (It's miserable but it was a huge success) Then, yesterday when I walked next to her and one of her friends, she was saying out loud that "there's that cute guy". The friend asked her why, and she started to tell her the story.

The only problem is that either I do nothing in these cases, and say that I'm because it a rude person. Other times I try and mess up everything. Ghosts of the past are still behind my back and try to destroy me. :) It's like devil's circle and I can't get out of it.

Sorry for writing too long. By the way, I found out that I like writing. I managed to create an SF-book (in my mother tongue) and two publishers wanted to read the manuscript. Now, they will decide, in a few weeks time. Maybe arts will get me some confidence, if I succeed. And maybe memories will leave me alone. Don't know :)

Castle 13 months ago

Thanks for the advices, I will try to follow them. My next step may be moving to a country far away, and leave these people far behind. Of course I'm more a fighter than a quitter but everywhere I ever went people said that I should just stop breathing, the world would be then a better place. (And it's not just in my head, starting from parents to the readers of the newspapers where I was a trainee.)

Often when I see hatred in people's eyes, I just try to be more "provocative". I like seeing how annoyed they are when they see that I didn't go to hell, yet. :) But sometimes I just sit in a closed room, listening to a song of Warren Zevon...and hoping everyone will leave me alone from tomorrow.

The thing is that I know people who are in worse situation. Trying not to lose their homes, defeat serious illnesses. No matter what, they don't look back, just keep on fighting.

This is why I've read a lot of Bukowski. For some people life just sucks. It's living on the mirror's edge. Bigger than us. But anyway...winners never quit and quitters never win, or something like this :)

g 13 months ago

With online dating, I was initially getting no messages and all my messages ignored, although I was getting views and stuff. So I eventually posted a help me post in their forum and whilst some of the posters were a major pain in the butt, some of them actually helped me out.

Thing is we're not used to really selling ourselves in that way, accept perhaps in a CV - therefore my profile looked as dull, boring and generic as a CV.

In the end I removed the pictures of me on my own and I used some pictures of me actually taking part in social activities and I made my written profile section more appealing to read. Now I'm getting quite a lot of first contact messages. Its not persistence in doing the wrong thing that gets someone success; but eventually someone either deletes their profile or seeks help, hopefully the latter.

So what I've learned is:

1) Use a variety of pics of yourself that actually show you to be a social and healthy being. Could be one at work, one out with your mates at the weekend. They're not just to show what you look like; they're to sell you as well.

2) Make your written section fun and interesting. Best approach for that? Close your eyes and imagine you're talking to someone in a bar about yourself, then type it.

It seems to have worked for me to a level I'm happy with anyway.

Castle 13 months ago

Pseudomen,

I've started to read the DeAngelo book which you recommended. The only problem with it is that he writes that to do all these these you have to be positive plus confident. Now, for someone who was bullied for years...it is just impossible. ('cause you're always down)

He also writes that if you think like a "negative" person, you should delete the book and die where you are. I don't see the point of this book, or how it helps for people. For me, it won't. I guess.

g 13 months ago

Castle, your experience seems to mirror mine. I was bullied at school for two years after moving into a new community. I know the damage that it can do. I only started to pick-up to some level of social functionality through real effort, after my two years of being bullied at school (aged 14-16). I spend a very long time (ages 16-20) avoiding people because I was left with a sever social phobia and also left with depleted social skills. But I got myself off to a distant uni aged 21, and initially struggled, because I did lack social skills.

But what I found is that I could eventually gain enough confidence to learn and get back all of my social skills.

If you engineer your life to bring you into contact with positive experiences, then you will grow in a positive direction. 10 years ago my first block at uni started to bully me as soon as I arrived, so I dumped them and found some other friends. My 2nd block at uni were great and really took me on-board (we're talking about the yr 2002).

You need to have positive experiences.

Castle 13 months ago

It seems like I only have weak points. And I fail in doing anything. It's like I played music for almost 7 years but I stopped it because I didn't see the point. Then journalism didn't work out, and now at the uni I get back papers where professors write like "It's very, very, very poor." Maybe I will drop out.

I really don't know why is this. I tried harder and harder and I failed more and more. Funny thing. Losers seem to exist.

Preston 13 months ago

Reading this made me realize that at the age of 18, i still have a lot to learn. I am a man who truly has a big ego and a lot of darkness deep in me. When i was younger I believed i could get a girl, but as the years passed a cynical nature swept into me, making me a bitter person at the age of 18. Thing about me is I have personality, but I don't have confidence in myself. I told a friend about this today and he told me that I must first focus on me. The girls will come around. I like your article, Sir. It made me realize that it is possible to find love. I realize now that "Perseverance" truly is the name of the game for me. Thank you!

Ben 13 months ago

Please don't bitch to me about suicide.

Rant time.

I'm now 23. I've dated a few but nothing really came out of this.

Women (not girl) are really hard to find. Girls are still difficult. I struggle with the fact that I may not be good looking enough. This isn't based upon what I see but results. We don't choose to whom we're attracted too. I understand that much has to do with age and individual people as well. I understand that even if I dated that is at least some "success."

I ENVY that the female gender have it so easy. Everything is WORK to us guys. Calling. Walking up to her. Talking. Making Conversation. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.G. I'm really tired of stupid teachers (namely "sociologist" and other feminist misfits) telling me that women have it harder because of magazines and other pseudo "social constructs" that destroy these poor females. Strong, smart, and independent...until things become a little tough. Um...is that why men are more 3-4 times likely to kill themselves? Or how they live shorter lives? Laughable.

Call a girl. No response. You took all that fucking time to call her and the bitch won't even take the time to call you back. Really? Now I have respect for someone telling me no from the beginning but to give the number without calling back? And what is laughable is that these girl--no sub-human females--tell me that it is because "they didn't want to hurt my feelings," when in actuality, they were pussies and it was easier for them to ignore. There is a reason why "pussy" is associated with cowardly and weak. It takes a lot of BALLS to call a someone--NOT to be called. It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there and be rejected--not be the one making the choice. It takes a lot of balls to propose to someone in marriage--not accept or decline.

I'm thinking about suicide because sex is part of man's existence. Love is communicated through sex and intimacy. No sex= miserable sexually frustrated man. If someone can't find another then life isn't worth living. I laugh at the fools who say "happiness comes from within" "or just enjoy yourself." Then after the statement they continuously go after the opposite sex. It is true to some degree, that by enjoying yourself others will gravitate towards you. However, if they reached the epitome of "enjoying themselves," truly it becomes irrelevant to continuously still seek out another, nay? No. Happiness comes from within up to a certain point. But as biological creatures we have drives to be with another. If "happiness comes from within was true" the human specie would be extinct as there is no need to have another person in your life. The "hippy argument" fails.

I'm tired of the female gender. The bullshit that I, as a man, have to put up with. It really sucks. Like I said before, I E.N.V.E.Y. both women and girls because they have it so easy.

g 12 months ago

Its true that men are pursuers and women are not. That is why love-shy men (men who cannot instigate) are very likely to end up with no partner, whereas shy women are more likely to end up with a partner.

11114lil 12 months ago

im a girl and i came on here to see what guys thought it was like but i have to say some of the things you said were good but others wrong and i honstly think the main reason it is hard for a dude to get a chick is because the anger and the way they treat each other like usally when a dude gets mad they tend to yell and call names unknowing that it is for a totally stupid reason and i think every guy that is having a problem with finding a girl should just keep trying it is not that hard to find someone you like and if they like who you ara too a guy has to be open and try because it is hard for girls to tell a guy they like them without knowing the guy likes them back thank you for reading i wish all guys the best of luck with girls! :)

Castle 12 months ago

I finally finished the DeAngelo book.

Here's the conclusion: if you're not Batman, then the girl will go with Joker to the prom.

"I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth. "

Drake 12 months ago

Some of these online dating ive heard about are sometimes scams but the modern man thingy is supposed to be really good as they demonstrated it even on fox news. Its true. what is the truth to all this? One thang fo sure looks are really important as this gives the first impression. anyone can improve on their looks u know! second go for the one that you think she likes you as these will give a higher success rate. timing is important also. and show confidence and act comfortably. share some interests like! another ting is dont try too hard. get an interest in somtin, join a club/society. go travelling. also read books, watch movies and learn and engage in some humour. well these r my main factors. dont know if r pseudo will agree to all. I dont know wat exactly it is that is holding us back from getting a girlfriend. maybe r pseudo can demonstrate on that. Anothr important thing is put ya head up watevr situation like this ur in!

By th way g the fella thts been tlkin ere for quite a while i dont think its always true tht love shy men(ppl tht dont instigate) are very likely to end up nt having a gfriend. some mite get one out of some sort of luck. also there are certain ppl tht want to instigate bt dont know how to n who are not exactly love shy, dem ones suffer too. anotha thang also and this is to all is rantin alot about this n thinking alot about this problem can be a negative impact on getting a girlfrend. just live life the way you will without such problems and enjoy. try man try! of course get advices tho.

neway gud luck to ya all. God bless to all!

g 12 months ago

Drake, "Love-shyness is a specific type of severe chronic shyness that impairs or prevents intimate relationships" and that's the actual condition. Its not normal shyness. Most people with the condition actually find it hard to form sexual relationships. That's what I was referring to. Not normal shyness.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

Drake 12 months ago

o rite my bad. seems to be a serious thang. i see tht ur frm th uk g, im frm dere too. peace!

deven 12 months ago

im 19 and have never had a girlfriend. im in marine corps so im in good shape but i dont think im very actraive im only 5'6 but have no luck with any girls. id say im funny and have a good personality. i have no problems talking to girls they just seem to show no intrest and its pretty depresing

fatty  12 months ago

I realize that i'm overweight and ive embraced my bad smell why can't anyone else embrace it? i mean, i'm 20 and still rockin the pudding bowl haircut and i'm short so i don't tower over the girls! And still, i've never kissed anyone but my mom, my cat, and my poster of celene dion. Shes my idol. I can't find pants that fit me so my mom makes me orange and red plaid trousers. i also wear a lot of baggy shirts cause i heard thats what the ladieeees want! And still, in all my years, the only girl i've slow danced with is my grandma... Help me get a date please!

dave 12 months ago

Dear Mr. Hypocrit- Your "dating game" is lame, and you,

and others who enjoy it, will always defend it. The rules

are unfair and tilted since you are supposed to "work on

yourself" (when do the women get to work on themselves on

how THEY treat and talk to men?) , but mot "too much".

Can't you see the inconsistency in this. We are

indeed fortunate that we "nice guys" just withdraw so

that we neither offend you nor hurt anybody. You can keep

your lame, lame game!

dave 12 months ago

Also I would suggest you take your page down, it is useless to any rational person.

Brad 12 months ago

For some reason I find myself having a difficult time getting a girlfriend. I've wanted this girl i met on fb..got her number n now she doesn't wanna see me in person?? Like she's avoiding me. Another girl I was chasing in my class she doesn't seem interested...I feel hopeless sometimes because I feel like everyone around me has someone and I have no one...I've actually had gfs before and I'm not a virgin. all the gfs I had came to me or were off of a dating site...I'm 19 and not even that tall and I'm just losing hope...

Thirteen Year Old Colorado Boy 12 months ago

Help! I have a serious dating snafu involving social inequality... To make a long story short I asked a girl out for the first time around a month ago because we liked each other and were not dating but I was tuned down due to the fact that she is "Out of my league". She has may friends and has dated extensively in the past , in fact most kids up in evergreen (where I live) have been dating since third grade and some are in very serious relationships (spooning, lap-dances, buying each other intimately sexual clothing, and even sex) so I am often criticized for being behind on life. For this reason I am in a low social class. And as a result if she dates me she is to. I will admit i am not the best looking fish in the sea(I am Canadian so I am generally considered to be "Big Boned or Heavily Built" can you think of any way that she and I could get around this social ostracism?

Brad 12 months ago

Thanks R Pseudomen but for some reason I dont think that will work, thanks but your advice on this hub page is complete rubbish, maybe I will look elsewhere but thanks anyway.

chevy ma 12 months ago

hi pseudomen im 15and im a freshmen in high school im asian and i like only white girls i tried really hard to get a gf this year but it is just not working.im almost 6 ft as an asian guy im really good looking im nice but im not talkative.theres almost no white girls in my school mostly asian girls.theres only a couple white girls but i dont have class with themand theres only one white girl in two of my classes and she like black guys.i tried really hard to get a white gf this year its just way too hard.can u help me out please.

TA 12 months ago

I'm 18 and never had a girlfriend, which is a little strange since I'm a funny kid, reasonably goodlooking, have plenty of friends I hang out with regularly and am friendly with most "popular" kids. Additionally, I dont really find it difficult to "hook up" with girls, but never really get involved in anything past casual hookups (usually at parties) though I would sort of like to. I think the issue is just I'm always laughing and making jokes, and so people don't really think I have "feelings." I'm also pretty passive in pursuing girls and don't really give anyone an image that I'm interested in them.

Most recently, I took the girl that I like at the moment to prom. She actually asked me but it was as friends (though we have hooked up at a party earlier in the year). Once again we ended up making out and uhh probably would have led to more after prom but we went to different after prom parties. Now its pretty much back to normal for us and we talk a decent amount but its just strictly as friends still. Not sure how to advance at all since I'm viewed as basically not having emotions. shit this is an essay im bored

whiteboy420 12 months ago

Guys...It's all about confidence/rejection and how you handle it. I learnt this doing door to door sales. You need to be confident in yourself, (meaning when your talking to her, don't have the shifty eyes going on) look at her and just feel comfortable talking...even if she is a 10. Also just pawning the question on her "can I have your number" who honestly cares if she says no? just go for it, if she says No, then move on to the next "door" and find the one that is willing to "buy" your love

DoctorRain 12 months ago

Ok.. I am gonna FINALLY type a comment here.

For those of you who think its the short guys who have it hard, Try being extremely close to 6'5. I think some women surely have height requirements that can go from 5'9 to 6'2 and then it stops there.

I have struggled with women my entire life.. If I got any potential girlfriends, many came with baggage or were clingy. I never had a true good relationship like several people who have had most of their lives easy with their work coming easy to them or their social skills come easy to them. I am 30 and I still live with my mom and yes I will be honest about it. I am an alternative free thinker type and this is part of why my development took longer + it was how I was brought up to a degree. I don't relate to a lot of the world and was created to be different ever since I was a kid. I have a small learning disability as well, but can be very intelligent and I do have looks and do not consider myself the average guy by any stretch.

Another problem of mine Pseudoman was the fact that I have not lived in the right location with the right people to compliment me and I have felt helpless about it most of the time since I have been broke throughout my 20s and never saved the money to move. I spent my money on cd's and t shirts and other stuff that I don't buy now.. I live to save money now and this recession has made me a lot better as a person. I am a more matured person now, but I still suffer the effects ntm I have lived far from many of the bigger cities and many materialistic people live around me here in South FL. I am in the outer Tampa far outskirts now and I am moving soon (thank god) to the direct downtown of Sacramento. Its a developing family situation so I did get saved. I get to leave FL and get closer to my goals and I do think I can get lucky there and maybe meet someone and if not, I always have Portland where I have wanted to move to for a long time about 10 hrs driving away.

Online dating has treated me real bad as well and locally to where I currently am, I can't meet anyone if my life depended on it. I have tried too.

My problems with dating I feel have been:

Location/Remotely located/Wrong types of people for me

My height (maybe I was looked at as some clown and not someone to be taken seriously I have no idea what runs through peoples minds)

Maybe I was too good looking that some girls didn't wanna bother.

I am not the average guy (not a sports person either besides NBA)

Politically I lean centrist (becoming a seperatist in the process maybe)

I am honest (in dating site profiles as well)

DoctorRain 12 months ago

I also wanted to add that I do feel feminism and Hollywood are the reasons why women have confidence issues and are very very selective now with men or have things easier and are all materialistic. Thank you Zionists! Now go die!

I am just touching up on what you said R Pseudoman when you said to someone to not blame you or yell at you about it.

Tyler 12 months ago

Hi im 16 and I really like this girl in my class.. wow.. Anyway I don't think she even knows me. I am a shy person. I'm about 6.2 but kind of chunky and the worse part is my face is always reddish but when i have to talk to a girl it goes super Red.. im in grade 11 and now all my friends are always talking about their girlfriends and i feel left out. I really wish i could build up confidence. *sigh* so im hoping you could please help me..

Bobby88 12 months ago

Hi r pseudomen. please take some time to understand and help me concerning my situation. im 23. i have never had girlfriend. im neither a nice guy or a jerk. even though i find it hard to get a girlfriend and attract them i did get a few chances but was ruined due to uncertain circumstances which is really out of my control and is confusing. I actually have something that attracts a few certain women maybe because of my looks but the chances are really limited. the women that was interested in me were varied in looks from just below average, pretty looking to hot women.the thing is when I do get some interest from a girl someone else ruins it behind my back and i know it. once when i was in around outside the uni halls i walked past a quite attractive girl, she gave me a smile and a few moments later around 50 metres away from my back i quietly heard her asking another person who was a neighbour living 2 floors below who i was and was chatting about being a bit interested and the idiot's reply was that im weird. this is a common occurence. even tho i dont do weird things people say that im weird behind my back for no reason and i dont understand why. i always hear this word weird behind my back and it is really annoying as it occurs when im quite far away or going to somewhere else. well this is some recent uncertain events from when i started uni. its really also hard to make friends in here too but i want to like uni and enjoy it so im trying to improve on gaining more friendship and acceptance from people. the main problem affecting me from getting a girlfriend is the lack of friendship and social acceptance which i need some advice concerning this complication that is causing frustration.

a few years ago i attracted a girl who was good looking and i knew that she was well and i mean proper interested in me and this girl was the only person so far that really wanted to be in a relationship with me. i knew it 100%. she was shy and i admit i actually wasnt quite confident at that time. i didnt take the right actions that caused to slip out of my hands. what i suspect was behind my back someone or 2 people said something negative about me to her which really let her down and turned her off and i was able to tell on how she reacted, how others looked and the behaviour of some people at the place that this event occured. the main behaviour was that for sometime she was talking to me as if she was interested like in an attractive way but after a sometime the behaviour changed where suddenly her expression changed when talking to me like if she was not interested in me any more, quite put off, frustrated face when talking to me, sad face. it is actually a confusing story to tell to you mr r pseudomen as it happened behind my back and hard to understand but please think about this. dont question me about people chatting behind my back that ruined this because i know. i have this instinct about what people are reacting and possibly saying about me behind my back. i do hear sometimes from a distance away. this bad event included alot of gossip about me and i did hear things from far away, but unfortunately i didnt step in to investigate it because i was confused and as it was a first big experience. it was unusual which i find it hard to explain here but im trying to. iwant to get advice so that i wont face these problems again. i dont want my next chance to be ruined by idiots. whoever do or did chat behind my back negatively are rats, they r inhumane. if i did find out who they were i would have destroyed them. it was a big miss for me. it was probably a chance that some people here in this hub have ever dreamt of having. living with this miss is a very big sadness, frustration and anger inside my mind and probably because of this experience which happened just before starting uni affected me a bit concerning social accpetance. the anger is dying away as time passes but i wonder would i ever get a chance like this again. i just hope i will get a big chance with women soon. but when i do get a chance i dont want anyone to be involved in it and ruin it. most of the time someone ruins something.

bobby88 12 months ago

those people most probably chatted lies to the girl. but im not sure what he or she said. but i know someone said something to her. i did hear somethings from a bit far away. chatting bullshit, lies and negative things. if i do get a chance with a woman who is interested in me idont want anyone to get involved and ruin it behind my back. its the advice i need to prevent someone from ruining it.

Bobby 12 months ago

thanks for the advice. well i might not be 100% honest at times but concerning the biggest chance I was talking about I know for the fact that people did ruin it at the end. it is hard to tell to someone as it is hard to explain but that one i know it was ruined by people and it was totally beyond my control. I did hear things about me some of the times behind my back. the thing i didnt do is step in and confront those people in which I should have. this all occured in a foreign workplace where I am half of that foreign nationality. i would not say the nationality for some reason but they tend to have this thing about chatting about others when they are not there. also the women tend to be very shallow as looks are probably the most important to the women in that country. from this experience it put me off from one my cultures. im just worried if i would get a chance with a woman and if i did im worried if someone again ruins it when im not around. I just need the advice for that. it is an unusual circumstance. indeed i should control this and stop letting the deeds of others from being too big an obstacle from finding happiness. peoples deeds were big like if they are jealous of me or something but i should be jealous of them as they had a girlfriend. the other problem is social acceptance. alot of people dont accept me like if im a nobody. i just dont know how to improve that, the people dont like the way i talk, they take the piss about it. i dont exactly know what you mean by it starts with beleiving in yourself. its the people's reactions and behaviour which is the problem. anyway thanks alot for the ebook info ill look briefly into that.

TJ 12 months ago

Hey guys, so my story is about the same as the others, im 17 6'3 about 140 pounds, mostly muscle. Im going into my junoir year at high school and ive never really had a girlfriend. It is summer time now and i dont really even have any friends, and i feel it is sorta important to explain why not...Basically its like this...i have 2 sisters who im not close to and family that i never talk to,and i have always wanted a brother. So my neighbor who ive known since i was 4 has kinda been like a brother to me, which is great but the thing is he is kinda a sterotypical nerd, achne, glasses, fat and doesnt shower often. Well it got out this year that i was like secretly best friends with him, so many people dont like me anymore :( even the people who i grew up with dont care for me much. So my confidence is kinda gone...I could of had 2 girlfriends this year but well 1 was a stalker (legit, she followed me around for 10 months) and one day i got so sick of her i sent her a bunch of mean texts, to try and finally get her to leave me alone (i know now never to do that!)...well she sent them to the whole school, which again altered my apperence to everyone, now im a loner and a jerk -.- The other girl i liked still likes me but everyone bullied me when i thought about asking her out, at first i didnt care but it got to be too much so i ended it with her, never really talked to her more than 3-4 times :( SO ANYWAYS i need some advice on how to get girls, i cant talk to many girls without turning red and getting nervous, my only real ways of getting girls are my looks (not tring to sound stuck up)but i have a decent body and nice hair, although that doesnt do any good if u are a complete loner :( Ooohhh and P.S. i cant get a license since i have this stupid thing where i pass out every once in a while dont know if that will change in the future...so yes that means im a World of Warcraft nerd 24/7 especially on fridays nights....its been months since i had anything to do on friday. Any tips on what to do would be awesome. Thanks for reading this. BYE!!!

james g 12 months ago

im a nerd so girls point and laugh at me

so you know that movie 40 year old virgin?

thats my biography if i havent killed myself by then

Lee Buckner 11 months ago

You actually make it appear really easy along with your presentation but I to find this topic to be really something that I think I'd never understand. It kind of feels too complex and extremely broad for me. I'm having a look ahead on your next publish, I'll attempt to get the hang of it!

LogicAndReason 11 months ago

What really annoys me is when some people dont even raise a finger and still find a partner (alot of my friends where like this) and when people like us struggle to find a girlfriend we are told to go out and speak to more people etc, dont get me wrong the advice on this page is very good but as for the girlfriend thing there is no justice for us, I know people who tried alot less harder than I have and got somewhere, I cant even find anyone who is like me full stop its rediculous the whole system.

Roy 11 months ago

Good Information

Tom 10 months ago

What makes you an expert? Not to be rude or anything, but I see a lot of people asking you questions, but I don't know if you have any experience in the "dating advice industry".

Anyway, if you don't have any luck, just give up and focus on something else, women decides in the modern world, not men. So just hope they will change their minds. And they're irrational, that's true.

JR 10 months ago

I've met guys who brag,about their many conquests with women. In most cases,it's not the whole story. Some of them revealed,that they are only getting part of their pay check. A big chunk of it,is going toward alimony or child support. Some revealed that they spent up to nine months in jail,for missing payments. Some said they take medication for herpes. One said he was shot,by a jealous husband. I met a seemingly normal attractive waitress. I found out,her favorite activity was hanging out with black drug dealers and smoking crack. There was a BMW driving,accountant type chump,who wanted to marry her. People aren't always what they seem. Many people complain,about their miserable marriage. The sex drive is strongest when you are young. Never let it over ride common sense. The muscle head at the gym,might not look so pumped,if he wasn't doing the steroids. Don't let the pseudo studs fool you. Women like men who are educated and smart.

Misato 10 months ago

About the statement that personality and persevernce will get a girl, I think is only half right. I can see why personality would play a factor, but perseverence will not do you any good if the girl just doesn't like you. If you keep persevering (i. e. constantly trying to make her like you), that will just make her dislike you even more, unless she is playing hard to get, because she thinks she has to in order to get you to like her as well.

There is still this myth that girls have to play hard to get and men can't call a girl for about a week after his first date with a girl.

No wonder so many guys and girls both have trouble trouble finding one person that really likes them. They don't see the forest from the trees because they are too busy playing these mind games with each other that society has told them all their life that they need to play.

Personally, I just don't play these dumb little mind games. If a girl is interested in me but trys to act like she isn't, then I will just move on.

I'll admit it. I'm really dense when it comes to women. When a girl shows an insterest in me, I'm totally clueless. I will ofter just assume that she's not really flirting with me, she is just being overly nice.

Yeah, I'm dense, but there are some people (men and women both) who are really like that, and that's just their personality and not a real interest in you,and that's the $64,000.00 dilema, isn't it? How to tell the person who is flirtin with you apart from the person who is just a little too nice and outgoing.

Mister Depressive 9 months ago

Hello. I'm pretty much depressed since highschool. I'm 28 years old now and never had a girlfriend. Thankfully i have kissed girls, but only after somebody had to force me to talk or with alcohol. I'm very shy and I'm pretty hard for myself. I lack any selfesteem. I'm skinny, ugly and not that smart (I think). But I know I am lacking selfesteem so I'm really sure if this is the reality.

I never meet girls because I'm not active. Maybe that is the problem. Wow I solved it myself haha. I do am funny. At least people tell me that, but most of the time I tell myself I'm funny in a dumb way. I never ask people because I fear this is the truth. I hate being considered dumb.

I really don't have anything going for me. I can talk to girls. Yet I never do. They just don't ever seem interested in.

I don't think I'll live long this way. I'm already ashamed I'm still a virgin. Can you immagion how I feel when I'm over 30.

g 9 months ago

I don't think hitting on girls is as simple as handling perseverance and rejection. I think if you try to show a girl you're interested and she's not a very nice person she may go behind your back and seriously stick the knife in and make it near impossible to attract other females in the same place (because unless they know you already, they listen to each-other's opinions). I mean as soon as she is sure you like her!

This curious and unfortunate situation has happened to me at work. I walked past someone I liked, looked at her, we smiled... seemed to like the attention at the time, said hi to me many times since that, no worried... then something similar with another girl in the same place, again she reacted reasonably positively at the time, I go away on holiday... come back and the first girl is shifty when I pass her in the corridor, as if she cant face me, which is totally the opposite to before, and the second girl is totally ignoring me, like I'm some kind of stalker or something. Crazy... I mean, I'm just an alight guy trying to find someone... not like I harassed anyone.

Fact is, once you make a move you lay yourself open to attack, and I think some girls get off on the attention and on putting the guy down, rather than just taking it as a compliment and thinking thanks but no thanks (assuming the guy doesn't keep pestering them)...

I think girl 2 said "Oh I think this guy might like me" and girl 1 really stuck the boot in... and now she feels guilt or conflict when I say hello to her... and quite rightly too!

But seriously, I don't understand that nasty female mentality of putting guys who approach them down like that.

I think managing persistence and rejection can only be a safe approach with people who are not connected to your life (work, family, friends... etc). That's why I liked the idea of online dating. But its not an easy approach and the male/female ratio is so high that its nearly impossible to win at it if your expectations aren't quite low, if your average looking that is.

I know I'm a funny and relaxed guy around people I know, but I'm a bit socially awkward and shy around people I don't know, and I guess their reaction is a kind of bullying response to that.

Generally I'm confident in myself (I like myself). I know other people often like me too, if they get to know me... and I know girls have liked me also. Its funny how if you're not in with a crowd, someone can really stick the boot in and other people will follow like drones.

Jared 9 months ago

I'm 17 and ive never had a girlfriend throughout highschool. I'm not bad at talking to girls once I get to know them but when I don't know them I freeze. I've been called cute and good looking a lot, I'm tall(5-11) and tan. I'm not boring, I play sports and snowboard. The last few girls I've talked to have said they just want to be friends. I'm going to be a senior and I don't ask out girls from my grade. I guess I'm a popular guy but I don't party a lot. I'm really close with a girl right now but she said just friends a few months ago. We are planning on hanging out but we have been so busy. Do I try for her? She isn't the only girl I talk to so should I try someone else? I have played a few girls and I'm kinda regretting that. Maybe I should lower my standards.. Also, why do some girls never text back?

john343 9 months ago

R Pseudomen: i think arranged marriage is the only solution if one cant get a gf.

chuck 9 months ago

I'm 16 and I can't find a gf, most of my friends have gfs. It makes me feel unimportant and lame that i dont.

I am well built as I do weights,I can talk to girls but find it hard to start the conversation. The only place to meet girls is at clubs and partys. Most of the girls there laugh at me when I try to talk to them.The hot girls in my class and school are either taken or unintrested.

I have mild acne and i think this is what is causing the problem with me getting a girlfriend and what is worse is that none of the acne treatments are working. Im starting to think I will have to wait until im in my 20's to get a gf.

in-the-know-75 9 months ago

Look, guys. I am short and unattractive *but* I do have some good personality traits going for me that helped me in the long run.

I am extremely stubborn (or "relentless" if you wish) and I do not give up until my goal is accomplished.

Well, I aimed at success with women about 5 years ago. I've slept with 60+ women since (from hot to ugly). Mind you, I am very unattractive. So, I can say I know the ins and outs of all this.

Here is the truth about all this:

1) Women === Men. Ergo: The number 1 thing that attracts them is looks. Also: they love sex as much as men do.

I've seen model-looking guys being attacked by chicks left and right. They did not have - what was it? - confidence & perseverance or any of that. One guy I know still does not comprehend why do I have to go after them and "hit" on them when they are supposed to come to you (lucky a* hole).

2) If you are ugly, short, wrong race (hypocrites: what they say and what they do are completely different things) etc. There are crutches you can use to get them in bed: confidence, authenticity, ETC (collectively called TIGHT *NATURAL* GAME) *BUT* you MUST be good at it. The uglier you are the better at it you have to be!

Now, I said "to get them in bed".

Dating them is a totally different ball game - you have to be presentable in front of friends and family. Women have a big ego and they do not want their girlfriends to talk sh*t about how ugly their bf is.

When you meet them at the bar and get their numbers if you are not "presentable" i.e. not bf-material, she will never go out with you. I have managed to pull elaborate tricks but that has barely ever worked.

What I did most of the time is pull them for a one-night stand, then f* them silly and then I can have a chance at dating them. So, if you are ugly f* them first then *try to* date them.

You have to grow a special skin to be able to pull all that and it may seem as a HARD WORK to most of you. The uglier you are the tougher it will be.

The smallest deviation of the necessary personality / attitude and you are screwed. That's why I sometimes experienced prolonged dry spells for a few months (was pissed off at something or was broke, etc).

I started by reading "dating advice" but nothing beats the actual practice. I went out to hunt pussy almost every night for over 5 years straight.

I've recently decided that I'm not going to push it. I will have as much fun as I wish with it and if I get a decent gf worth marrying I will marry her and have kids. If not (no bf-material here after all), I'll just have loads of fun with it.

When I get old (38 now) and nothing works no more I will retire in the Caribbean and f* cheap hookers as much as I want.

Here you have it from a guy who actually went the self-improvement route. Some people that are more presentable will probably fix their dating life completely with this. For us, the non-good-lookers, at least there will be fun!

This is what you can expect. Warning: most of the dating industry stuff is either a snake oil or a half-truth. Guaranteed!!!

Thanks for reading!

Bob 9 months ago

In High School and College I really wanted a girlfriend but im very shy although some hot girls asked me out on dates, belive it or not I dont care if you do.

It seems that what I thought was true about 2 years after every girl asked me out they got themselves pregnant.

I guess I look like dad material, although I could raise a child to have good moral value and do a much better job in preparing them for the "real world" I am not rich and have never had a job so I feel its morally wrong of me to have a child and not be able to provide for that child. I have no expectations of going to gods heaven but I do like to keep my problems to a minimum even though there are thousands of guys just like me that are the same age as me, and get chicks pregnant.

I am a 26 year old virgin in Los Angeles.

R.P Winters 9 months ago

Man,in-the-know-75 SAID-IT-ALL,nowadays women don't care if you're confident,nice,smart or any of that shit,they just want douchebags with 6-packs that are"hot",don't have jobs or any future whatsoever and fall for The Game that the douchebags master,only god knows why women like these types,must be in the genes.

Im really thinking to just fucking cheap hookers,it's alot easier,cheaper,you don't have to worry none about those godamn psycology games that women are involving into "Dating" and you don't have to call next morning.

HOHOOO.

Tod 9 months ago

lol.. the dude at the top of the comments who told the 17 year old that he doesn't have "boyfriend" qualities yet.. Well, what would they be comprised of? I guess, considering the kid's probably not a looker, money? Status? Don't worry kiddo, wait 'till you turn 30 or so, the same girls that wouldn't give you a second glance'll want to get to know you to get married, they'll be tired of getting pumped and dumped by the dudes you're talking about and ready to settle down with YOUR ugly ass for your money.. If you're cool with one of those skanks being your long-term personal sloppy-twenty-seconds prostitute, just make sure you've got pre-nups so they can't take shit when the time is right. It's all business, in the end.

MD 9 months ago

This thread has been going on for 3 years! Awesome!

Well, I have the same question - Why Can't I Get A Girlfriend. I am embarrassed to say this, but I am 33 now, and have never had a relationship.

For starters, I moved from a different country when I was 23. That culture imbibed in my head was too conservative. I was also painfully shy. I could easily talk with girls, but never about sex or anything sexual. I never asked any girl out.

When a girl invited me to a party, I said I was too busy. I was not. I was just shy. I was 24 then. When another girl invited me to her home, I did not go. Then she borrowed a software CD from me, told me that she left it at her place and invited me there to pick it up. She seemed dressed up when I got to her place. I picked up my CD, talked about other stuff, and left. I did not even give her a compliment.

I started trying to date after 25. I had my PhD by then. However, I had not dated any women. I tried online dating. However, I was scared of putting up my photo.

I started losing hair when I was 16. I had a 5 o'clock shadow beard even after shaving. I had too much body hair. Crooked, but clean, teeth too. I was ugly in my own eyes.

Yet, I got a two responses. One was a Nigerian scam artist. I did not fall for it. The other was a local girl. I met her. She was a bit overweight, but I did not care. I thought she was sweet. We had chatted online before we met. However, she was very critical of the way I looked. She said that I was thin. Not true. I was thinner than her, but I was merely average.

The following 5 years, I dated. I went to events. Most women avoided me. Some talked with me, but I was too chicken to ask them out. I beat myself up over this every time. I felt like a failure. I developed social anxiety. And eventually decided to focus on myself.

I got my teeth fixed with orthodontia. I re-grew a lot of my hair with rogaine and propecia and stopped caring about the rest. I got another graduate degree. And did many more things to build my self-confidence. I also took care of my ailing parents and paid for my brother's education.

I am very confident about myself now. Still not where I would like to be, but many times more confident than I used to be. The little lack of confidence is related to getting laid off and having to struggle for 15 months without a job. I eventually did get a job last year, and it pays more than I have ever earned, but I am not enjoying it.

Back to dating ... I have been trying again since January 2011. I posted my pictures too. Only one picture, with more automatically revealed if I add them to my favorites.

So far, I have got 2 dates. Both did not work out. One because she was too spontaneous (and I am naturally not, I like to plan things out). The second said that I lied in my online profile by making it sound very accomplished while I am humble in person. That was a ridiculous reason to reject me. I have two graduate degrees and a great job, both of which are true, but that does not mean that I should show off!

While I have been resilient with this dating game, I am really tired of this. Most of my classmates from school and college are married and have kids. Not comparing, but I wanted to have my own kids too.

I may not be the best catch on earth, but I am quite a decent guy. I am also well-educated, well-read, decent, respectful and honest. I have been through hardships which built my character.

I recently found out that I have cancer. It is curable, but I might lose my ability to have kids due to the treatment methods. I need to store sperm. I wish I could be enthusiastic about having kids, but I have no hope remaining. I have never had a relationship and I have no evidence that I ever can. I feel like there is no point. If I have so much difficulty dating, how will my kids fare any better. Why should I bring kids into the world who will probably struggle as much as I did? Wouldn't it be wrong to do that?

Do people find love for the first time in their lives after they turn 33?

Zach 9 months ago

ok I suffer from a unfortunate deformity known as "protruding ears." My ears stick really really far out. I get called monkey, dumbo etc all the time. thing is ever since I can remember girls have stated " I'm would be super hot if my ears didn't stick out." I have a baby face, I'm 19 in college but I look 15, blue eyes, nice build. First glance woman only see my ears and automatic ugly zone. But the ones who look past see I'm attractive(they tell me). but the majority of the female student population are shallow over this flaw. I have an amazing personality just trying to figure out how to get a gf. I'm against surgery to pin them back.

Abs 9 months ago

I'm 35, millionaire in my own right, good looking, good body, 6ft, divorced, no children, very independent, very ambitious, and I can get girls easily now from as young as 18

But when you have all this it actually makes it very difficult to find someone genuine.

Women are attached to confidence, money, power, status, generousity,

Unless you can find a way to get all the above your chances become more remote as you get older.

My advice to those who need help

Write a plan in how to improve your life and stick to it

Give yourself confidence by looking good, clothes, workout, spas etc

Eat healthy give your body the right nutrients and drink plenty of water

Sleep well, preferably after 10pm should start your routine for sleep - your brain is better for it

Talk to people - even the security bouncer at a bar- they see it all

Tell people (anyone) you are interested in going places and doing things so they will invite you

Don't give a fuck of what people think about you ever

Be extra kind to those who actually care about you

If you carry on being positive then I guarantee positive things will happen

Give women a chance they also feel the same about men, we do gave lot in common

Appreciate what you have - believe me you are lucky if have the facilities to write on this blog

Don't underestimate the third person , many times I've been speaking to a woman in her late 60s and my mates have been lauging but many times they have introduced me to their daughters.

Last thing become spiritual and attach to religious cause

Im a Muslim and when your a part of a community you do get introduced to the right type of people.

Although i never was a fan of it i decided to try an arranged marriage system that my family operates I got introduced to lovely young girl of which I've now built an understanding with without all the sexual inuendo.

If you want to be meet women with good qualities, you have to good qualities yourself.

I understand some guys get suicidal but a strong woman beside you can give you a good quality of life.

Oh yeah and travel as much as you can and do consider women from poorer countries they seem to appreciate everything a lot more than women with western backgrounds

Lastly smile - your situation -it's not that bad- believe it

All the best

anonymous 9 months ago

Thats great but what if you have everything but a personality disorder?!

anonymous 9 months ago

This is the point you can be good looking and intelligent and interesting, kind etc etc but if you really are unique or even a moralistic realist. This is frowned upon in society because people (and this includes girls) are brainwashed by the endless flaws of mindnumbing Media and in turn Friends and Family.

Unless you blindly and selfishly deny all the wrong in people (doesn't mean you don't see the right either) you wont get into any social situation, date or clique.

Anon 9 months ago

Women who have things going well for them will look for the following in a man - height, money/power/prestige, social proof, full-head of hair.

Women who do not have things going well for them will seek whatever it is that is missing from their own lives in the man.

If you are short and bald, better have money or power or prestige, or be ready to date a woman who does not have things going very well for her, and that means not so good in looks, education, etc.

Internet dating/matchmaking have only made things worse for the short bald guy. Women now have more choices. The same good-looking men will get a lot of attention from the women.

Women are as shallow, and sometimes more shallow than, men are supposed to be. They tell you about how important your sense of humor or personality are. That's a half-truth.

All things equal, they will choose better personality and better sense of humor.

However, if you are short and bald and middle-class with a great sense of humor and great personality, look forward to getting dumped while the tall handsome rich guy gets her regardless of his personality or sense of humor.

To sum it up, whenever you find "any" girl interested in you, if you are short bald and middle-class, settle. Don't think twice. You will have a peaceful married life. She will be happy that you chose her and you should be happy because life for you could have been worse in singledom.

Edward 9 months ago

Dudes in my school I was.the worst person in there but a girl broke up with their boyfreind for me after I went mid range goth and now were a happy couple . My opinion is you want girls just for sex not cause you care about them. You can lie to yourself all you want but deep inside if all you can think about is in bed with her youll never get her

Steve 8 months ago

I get girlfriends all the time and have had over 200 (well had sex with 200 different women, but probably 120 gf's) but I have a terrible habit of breaking up with them when it gets the slightest bit domestic..then I go thru a terrible bout of depression, then suddenly I meet someone-I have decent looks, and an awesome personality but am a bit burned out

Jimmy92 8 months ago

So I'm 19 y/o guy, virgin, who always was cool, in the "cool" crowd and thought that I was better than petty gf/bf type relationships in highschool. But once I was a senior and felt "comfortable". With my social status I started to feel really lonely and weird that I being a cool attractive guy now a senior had never had girlfriend or even a girl that was interested In me...but this girl transferred to my school and I felt I like I had clean slate since she didn't have any impressions of me from the past and I went for it. We became really close, hung out all the time talked on the phone ect. I asked her if she was looking for a bf and she said no. But I fought threw that and kept trying I felt/know she was the one so I kept at it went to parties with her "not looking to meet anyone else" and nothing worked. One night on the way home from a party she told me I was just a friend. Which devastated me after more than a year of trying to show I was boyfriend worthy. I got really bitter and stopped talking to her. No more than two months later I found out she had lost her v-card to another guy she had barely known. This rejection/humiliation Is devastating, something I can't get over no matter how much I try... I feel so bitter and angry. I honestly HATE her. And I know I shouldn't but it all devastated me how we had been so close (basically bf/gf except nothing physical!)for over a year and she just gave het virginity to just anybody. After all work and time I put in I feel I'm never going to have girlfriend, and that reality is is that women are shallow. Please help advice would be awesome.

franko 8 months ago

as a straight man that was married twice, i was a very caring and loving husband that never cheated on them. however, they did cheat on me. i was a very happily married man at the time and was very committed. now that i go out a lot meeting women has become very difficult for me, because of my age. i am in my late fifties, and i would have never thought it would be very hard meeting them. then again, i seem to meet all the very nasty ones instead of the good ones. i do not blame myself for this. they are pretty much to blame because of their attitude towards men. first of all, they dress and act like pigs instead of being themselves. second of all, more than half of them today are drunk to begin with. i go out hoping to meet a good decent woman with a head on her shoulders, which seems impossible. i hope to meet the right woman soon because i hate going out to begin with. i pray i will be in the right place at the right time when it happens.

dave 8 months ago

R. Pseudomen - You are wrong , as usual. You can have YOUR blowup doll since it is your desperate need for guys to have

to spend their money to become someone else. I feel fortunate that I never have to be treated the way you suggest ( Women do not like to pay their own way? Well, too bad!!) Maybe you have done well enough at this charade to make it worth it for YOU, but you have to

admit that it is unfair ( so complex).

Thatguyfromflorida 8 months ago

Your advice is good and i totally agree about the Personality and Perseverance. But what i dont understand is back idk how long ago it was, but it used to be that when you ask a girl on a date it was to get to know them and the first date was the date you get to know each other and if it got off from there then more dates to come, but now adays when you do ask a girl on a date they dont even bother giving you a yes for an answer because they think if they answer yes to a first date its like answering yes to a relationship. That is why i liked how it used to be and how the word date was used where a date was to get to know someone not asking someone to be in a relationship. Can you tell me if you agree or not? R. Pseudomen?

Darren Saxton 8 months ago

I am 16 years of age and never had a gf. I have been mocked and people have even called me gay for that.I have struggled with low self esteem for a while and I admit I have some trust issues but when people talk to me I am honest.I always try to get to know them so I know how they are.I suck at talking.I try to get a convo started and I always say something I don't mean.People have beat me down for me being fat. I have been betrayed by alot of people I know and alot of my family wants nothing to do with me. Just recently I learned the truth about people and I have lost every ounce of niceness,respect,gentleness in my soul for the human race. If people did not give a shit about me when I was going out of my way to show I am a nice person then why should I be nice?There is alot of girls I have liked but all the ones I do have feelings for either have bf's or they would likely say no anyway.I am tired of trying.All the lonely nights hoping I would find a girl or hell a person who treats me like I should be treated.All that is done with me.I have lost interest.I would rather die then put my trust into some bastard.

g 8 months ago

I've been doing the online dating thing for quite a'while now and its been a lot tougher than I thought it would. Its not something I could just walk into and succeed. Had to get the profile right and other stuff... but now, finally seems I do have a date with a nice girl in a few weeks. I've come across time wasters and swapped number with a very strange girl, who I never met and don't think I will ever meet. Had loads of girls message me I'm not into - its all part and parcel of it. Had loads of messages ignored too. Had some nice girls contact me first, but blew them away from me by writing not so good replies sometimes...

But this is it: some people cannot start walking up to loads of women in the street and taking rejection, because it has to be done confidently and some people who cant get a girl friend (long term) are naturally shy and will just come across bad in that approach, but for others it is the ideal approach - so it is worth a try, but if it doesn't work, I don't think it can be improved. And if you do that kind of thing in your work-place or anywhere near your social circle it can leave massive damage there.

So what I'm saying is there is no one size fits all approach to getting dates... its all about what works best for you. Online dating is initially very shallow, because you cant get your personality across properly in your profile no matter how much effort you put into it. The real world relies on confidence and having a thick skin (unless you're really good looking of course!).

Best thing is to find someone like you (within 10 years of your age group, who likes the same things, is at the same point in her life: uni, school, professional career, entry job... etc)... and then go for it. Joining clubs and meeting people with similar interests could work too. Its tough! I agree with the fact that doing nothing is one sure-fire way to end up with nothing...

Try online dating if you dont have much of a social life, your willing to take rejection online (and offline) on the chin and you're willing to stay for the long haul, even when it looks like it isnt working! It shouldn't be your only avenue, but if you have no other (due to circumstances), then it might be the best bet... and you never know. Atleast with online you both know the score; you dont have to walk up to someone and make her think of you as a potential partner when that thought doesnt already exist in their head. You knowing them is all based on you dating them and if it doesnt work then they have no connection to the rest of your life (sounds good to me!).

Hell No 8 months ago

Literally your advice is to be the same kind of person as everyone else. Translated you are saying 'be normal'. I'd sooner be alone and die than fundamentally change myself in any way. I am aware that this is a stupid position to take, but maybe unhappy is better than toady.

Joe 8 months ago

Something that every website, coach, etc. always somehow forgets to mention is that every girl is a complete bitch. Women don't give nice guys the time of day, even for a conversation. I'm not talking about shy, pussy boys who are looking for a mother. Women are only interested in rich, arrogant men who look like models...and as many as they can get, not just one. No woman is honest or faithful. Trying to find a girlfriend? Don't waste your time. Buy a dog.

g 8 months ago

I don't know I agree with you Joe. The world isn't that bad! Its tough, but not completely evil... I mean, I have a friend (as an example) who is the same age as me (we went to school together). He is very good with women. He recently split up with his gf of 7 years, but wasn't single long (a sting of close encounters and now a long-term relationship). He's not aggressive, rude, arrogant or rich in the slightest (which is a good thing because he's not winning any fights), but he's very good with women, as I say... he just knows what to do. They're looking for confidence... its just a lot of arse holes have confidence, but it doesn't automatically mean you have to be an arse-hole to be good with women.

Although I'd class my friend as reasonably good looking, sometimes guys who you wouldn't even think would stand a chance with women (to look at them) do good and guys you expect to do well just can't land the girl they want, ever.

The biggest killer is shyness, as even if you have everything a girl wants, you cant project it if you're shy, because shyness is inhibitory by nature.

The thing I discovered is a women will typically go for a guy with similar level of income and status as herself, so if someone works in a store, its hard for him to land a girl who is a doctor, naturally.

SM 8 months ago

You know what I find absolutely amazing?... Its the fact that almost all these people are equally failing in the dating aspect and most of them sound like really nice people.

If you ask me the 'nice guy' over analyses the situation way too much where as the 'bad boy', who has never had to analyse it, does it naturally (of course, he never had to over analyse anything, why would it be unusual?)... Just like if you have to rethink the way you walk and change it it would become difficult until you re learnt it.

Seriously, everyone and me included have got to stop over analysing everything and go with the flow I think :).

vedant 8 months ago

i said a girl i love you but she refused hat should i do??Im not flirty my love is true

angel 8 months ago

i'm 21 and never settle in a relationship..or even date someone..tho many asked for it and let's say still asking for just a coffee, i don't..but you know, it doesn't mean i don't like them..it's just my choice..if you really love a girl, respect her decision..well if you still wants her, wait for the right time and of course patience is a must!! we settle for a long serious relationship from a long courting process..not just an easy hello can i get your number or hi..it means "perseverance" man..you have to go through a lot of process..then after, live a happy ending :)

JM 7 months ago

I'm deeply in love with a girl I study with. It's a quite small school, so I see her every day, but it seldom feels natural to talk to her. I usually don't fall in love, so it's quite a big deal. On a party maybe six weeks ago when we just had got to know each other, she was flirting with me, touching me while we were talking, saying she had looked all over for me. But I maybe didn't responds in a good way, as I'm very shy with girls (not the ones I'm not interested in perhaps). She is beautiful, intelligent, cute, the more I have talked to her or her heard her talking to others, I like her.. Problems is a) I'm extremely shy, I can't approach her if I'm sober. There's always lots of people around, so it would feel unnatural to stop her just to smalltalk. Problem b is maybe worse, she has a boyfriend. She came to visit her last week, an idiot of course. The thing is he lives another place, far away, so that's a small sign of hope. At another party I talked to her more and when she left I took her hand and touched it like I tried to say "I love you". I think she understood, because she looked more at me in school. However, my shyness didn't dissappear, and it's kind of back to normal again now, nothing happens. So I wonder if I will just tell her everything like it is, mentioning I know she has a boyfriend, but that I need to get it out of the system and move on, and I have to tell her to do that. It has to be a party, but there will probably be a lot of people around. Should I do this? I know I can't be too drunk. Is it weird when I don't dare to approach her in daytime (I have tried to be more tough and just do it, trust me)? I just feel like I have to do something, though chances are really small for any success. It feels pathetic to ask for advice from strangers on internet, but anyway...I'm pathetic.

reality is 7 months ago

feminism

lonebluetear 7 months ago

I'm a woman - thought no fault of my own. It is what is it is. I have always thought I should have been a man though cause i just can't be like other females are. I'n not mean and I'm no bitch. I've always felt others pain and tried to help in anway I could and I can say I've never been mean or vindictive in my life. When I lived in Seattle though, I knew these women who all the cared about was meeting a guy with money - that is what drove them and they looked like shit! I went out a few times but never to meet anyone and just act how I am and every single time the guys liked me - AND I WAS THE ONE NOT LOOKING FOR ANYONE! I believe men can tell the true blue people versus the phonies so that's whey they liked me instead of them - plus I looked a hell of lot better but I don't think that was what it came down to. I believe in being honest and upfront with people and if you can't find a decent woman - trust me, you're better off without them. If you have even one true friend, that is so much. And yeah, I do believe most woman are of low quality so please take any realtionship slow, and listen and watch for inconsistencies. Thank God I have my god - she's my only friend and sanity. Good luck to all of those who think they cannot make it without a significant other in their life. I've also found, when you least expect it, expect it. I wish the best for all you folks and for what it's worth - stay safe

Spencer 7 months ago

Hey. I'm 17. Never had a girlfriend. That's pretty much been my life-long dream and I've been miserable because I feel like everyone around me is able to get one except for me. I try hard, and I try to be confident, but it seems like every time I try to socialise with girls I just make things worst.

I just feel like I can't do it. I can't live up to what women what. I don't even understand guys, which sucks because I have to be one. I don't understand what is it that guys have that girls dont have that makes girls so emotional and vulnerable buts makes guys tough as hell and always having to be hardcore no matter what.

I feel like girls know exactly what they want before they even give a guy a chance, and I don't get how anyone can get a girlfriend. I just don't feel like I have what it takes to live up to the endless amount of challenges and that I'm better off dead.

Ball and Chain 7 months ago

All I can say after 25 years of marriage is... be careful what you wish for - it might just happen!

q4298y8o 7 months ago

I'm a 21-year-old guy, had only 1 girlfriend in my whole life, and it was when I was 15 and then on and off a little when I was 16. She was bipolar, and about 75% of the time she hated me and was really mad at me for no reason. When she was mad at me she say hateful, meaning things (that when she wasn't mad at me said she didn't really mean) that would really hurt my feelings, self-confidence, and worse, make me feel like a horrible, evil person.

I tried my hardest but I couldn't keep her happy no matter what I did. What also really hurt me was that I couldn't help her, I felt responsible for her being so upset all the time. She would always be breaking up with me for no reason then taking me back. It was a very emotionally hurtful relationship for me.

After that relationship I thought I wasn't ready for a girlfriend before that, so I would have to wait till I was ready for a girlfriend before I ever got a girlfriend again. Also after that relationship I wanted to make sure that the next girlfriend I get has minimal psychological problems, because I have a little trouble dealing with anxiety and low self-esteem myself and I don't want somebody I have to worry about all the time, somebody who I can't make happy and who I am always making mad/sad, and not somebody who's going to make me feel like I'm a bad person.

Atually, though, I never asked a girl out in my whole life. My ex-girlfriend's friend talked me into going out with my ex-girlfriend. I said no the first couple of times, partially because I felt like I wasn't ready for a relationship (I was right!), but they wouldn't take no for an answer. I gradually gave in, and my ex-girlfriend basically asked me out. But ever since after my ex-girlfriend, my standards of who I would want as a girlfriend have become very cautious; I feel like I have to be sure they don't have any big psychological problems before I start going out with them.

Now, how my life is situated, I think it really is impossible to ever even meet someone I could ask out, let alone someone I'd have a good relationship with. I have only 1 friend, I don't see them that much, and we don't know anyone else who I think I could be in a healthy relationship with. no guy friends. I go to a college (don't live on campus, just go about 2-4 hours 5 days a week for classes) and I work part-time as a cashier at a supermarket (it was my first job, I've been working there since the start of summer). Other than that I don't have a social life.

I can't seem to make friends at work and school. At work, I think nobody would want to be friend think I'm weird because I was so nervous about my job in the beginning, and they just decided I'm not weird based on their first impression. I don't know how people become friends but I think it's creepy to just ask, I think it just happens. And since it's not happening for me I assume nobody wants to be my friend.

At school, the people probably think I'm cooler than the people at work do because I don't talk much in school and I try to blend in. People don't really talk to each other in class unless they know each other outside of class anyway, there's usually no time to talk in class. So I don't see a friend happening there, either.

I think I need to have some kind of group of friends before I find somebody who could eventually girlfriend, because even trying to just become friends with a girl that I don't know too well in the first place except work or school would just look creepy on my part. With no social life, the only girls I know are strangers, just strangers I see regularly at school or work.

OK, finally, my question is... In my situation, without a social life, was is the socially correct, non-weird way to make friends and eventually get close enough to a girl that I could be in the correct situation to ask her out?

Please don't suggest joining groups, clubs, hobbies, or volunteer work... I am very busy with school and work right now and my grades in school are dropping, I barely have enough time to do homework and study. Sorry I sounded rude there lol

ANOTHER QUESTION: What if I feel I'm happy never having a relationship and never getting married? Because I'm happy with my life and hobbies now, less stress dealing with people and drama, and I get to do what I want to do all the time and not what somebody else wants

... Or do you think only having 1 girlfriend in my whole life is not enough to be able to make that kind of a decision?

I don't feel like I'm ready to date... Should I wait until I mature more or try to date?

Thank you!

q4298y8o 7 months ago

Wait, I screwed up on my description of making friends at work, it was supposed to be:

At work, I think nobody would want to be friend. It seems that they think I'm weird because I was so nervous about my job in the beginning, and they just decided I'm weird based on their first impression.

Trev 7 months ago

Hi RPseudomen

Whats up brother. Here's one for you... dI ated a girl recently who was very keen on me, and when I say keen I mean keen. To give you an idea she told all my friends i was the best thing since sliced bread, once she stood up in a pub and declared she wanted to marry me to some me bewildered bystanders. She said that she was into me, wouldnt let me go, wanted me to meet her kids, (yep she had baggage) she would text me every hour or so, call me each night and told me she was "falling for me" etc etc. Then out of the blue she phoned me and said "sorry i want to break up".

She wouldnt tell me why, but eventually I got it out of her. She said some confusing things. Firstly I didn't "make enough effort to see her", and secondly (and i promise im not winding you up) i farted in front of her which she didnt like (i dont remember doing that and to be honest i wouldnt have done)

Then she said that she liked me but something "didnt feel right" and she wanted a break from men. Then two weeks after we broke up she started seeing someone else.

So what on gods earth is that all about. How did I go from hero to zero so quickly ? Hit me with it dude tell me im a prize douche ag but i just dont get what happened there.

J.R.Kowling 7 months ago

Let's just say... you are one heck of a blogger! I enjoyed reading your comments that have been written for over two years.

Misato 7 months ago

All you need is personality and perseverence? Man, that is so not true! I know, because I am a woman, and I also know some really nice guys out there who have both of those things, and still have no luck finding a significant other. I wish I didn't have to put my own gender down, but girls today don't want things in a man that make for a good long relationship. They want the immediate turn on, they want the bad boy, they don't want a gentleman, etc., etc. Then after they marry one of these guys, the wail and moan about their emotionally and / or physically abusive partners. I used to feel sorry for women in this situation, but I have been around long enough now to know that their unsatisfactory relationship is their own fault. This is what they wanted. Even one of my friends is like this. She won't give a good guy the time of day, and then wonders how come she can't find a good man. I am dead serious about this. She'll reject good guy after good guy and then is stupid enough to think she never meets any good guys.

heeyy 7 months ago

bad advice

Tom 7 months ago

Yes, the "expert" who started this thread is not an expert really. I think personality can be problematic today. You need to be cynical and play the game. Honest feelings doesn't work.

matt 7 months ago

life is really a bitch, i try so hard but nothing good comes out of it, i'm starting to just quit, why try to impress women, what good does that do me, why am i aways alone.

Aj 7 months ago

i saw a video about a man born without arms and legs nick vujicic or something, who gave up on life in his youth.. fell into the darkest abyss so to speak. now he is a motivational speaker, who overcame his barriers..and inspires hope..and he just recently has got engaged!!no arms no legs no worries is his line...

aloke 7 months ago

I am basically unhappy with life for not giving me the ability to grow a beard, so I

constantly have this fear In my mind that I look like a child so the girls will not find me attractive. that's the reason why I don't talk to girls properly and maybe will never be calm. always angry with life for being so unfair with me:|

Wolfwood 7 months ago

I've read this entire post..everyone's opinions and unrealistic suggestions that people pull out of their butt. Simple as this, as the television..ever since Elvis started up began shaping the minds of men and women. Then everyone wanted to wear a nice shirt, slacks..women wanted to wear a pretty dress and their hair poofed up. Now? Women dress in skimpy outfits or pajamas (which is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen) and men dress with these long white T shirts and straight hats with a sticker on it like they got it from the store, Myself? I dress in dark loose blue jeans, black running shoes black sweatshirt and black hat (with curvature), I will change for no one. I have a few women hitting on me occasionally but they want 2 things..Money and children and I have money but I want nothing to do with children so screw em, I'd rather be alone. I haven't had a girlfriend in 5-6 years and I'm 20 6'0ft and 190 lbs not a bad looking guy either I'm just what people would say, "shy" But I am intelligent and some of these people are just not worth talking to. Now back to women, Sure..id love to have a girlfriend but I am so sick and tired of being told..by women with boyfriends, "the one is out there you just have to look"...Right yeah I'll go to walmart and pick one up. The fat girls are snobby, the skinny girls don't even look me in the eye, the "nerdy" ones pay me no attention because they are afraid of me. the ones "out of my league" accuse me of being a loner..and quite frankly I'm sick of it (not to mention that they are uneducated and are a waste of time) there's no winning. Everyone I know that is a couple shove it in my face so I am tired of the fact that these women want nothing but a free meal ticket and babies that I'd rather live up in the Yukon territories with my dog..in fact I dream of it because of how materialistic these women are, each one proves to me that they want someone in the army..or someone that has a masters degree..and they haven't even graduated High school and are MY AGE!...I make well..let me put it this way I have a job where I'm getting paid a bit more than most. But little hotshot honda civic 18 year old with a 10 inch sub and burning oil out the back of his car can pick up women with no effort at all..I'm thinking...exactly what did he say to her? Anyway..I live next to a military base so all any of those women want I guess are punk kids or military officials. I guess I'm asking for help when I say..what exactly do you say to women? People say be yourself and clearly from the novel I wrote above..It isn't working. People say change..I say why should I? Then I would be not myself right? I want to know word for word, action for action what these "ladies men" do..Believe me I can care for, love, and cherish a woman but I've yet to meet one that would do the same for me. All I see are women clamoring over "Bad Boys" and people dressed like the twilight dudes. Any suggestions?

matt 7 months ago

i really hate life, why i'm alive living a lonely life, why was a born, no female ever noticed that a live, all girls do is just treat me like a stranger, being alone really swallows me i just don't know how long i can last, when i have my ruff days there's nobody to support me, i just don't want to be apart of life if i'm gonna be alone forever.

matt 7 months ago

sorry about (why was a born,) i meant why was i born

jwongy 7 months ago

Every other comment on this site says the same thing, "I'm lonely....", "Hey bro, you gotta have confidence to date girls!".

This is for all you people that say you're life is in an abyss, ie no girlfriend for 10+ years; There is an interesting study by a Professor Randy Thornhill about the origins of sexual violence. As a professional in the law enforcement business I can't publicly condone violence against women. for you men in the abyss i suggest you read this study, maybe then you can change your habits

kekp 7 months ago

hey, i didnt find any of the questions with a yes, all positive answer's in my head. i cant really find anything

bad with myself, except that i am maybe little skinny'er than average. i dont really know why i dont have any experience or otherwise, except that i might have a bigger issue with rejection/fear. i really want i GF and

its driving me crazy and have become very suicidal of thinking lately... and to add i've been told that normally you would give hints of sorrow and frustration etc, but i simply dont. im generally a happy guy having fun and am having great life. but i really dont.

i dont know... i guess i really never get to situasion's to met girls. and i dont want to wait until im a 40 year old virgin... please help. im 18 by the way.

Shane 7 months ago

I am 16 years old 6ft 2.5in, 295lbs white(if it matters) never had a girlfriend never kissed a girl ive given up on having sex or striving for it all i want is someone that i can love that will love me back. i fairly over weight but i am a state lineman 1a in texas i can bench 350 i love to eat i play bass and guitar i love heavy metal but i listen to everything(but rap no offense) i am extremly strong in my morals and my religion. WTF am i doing wrong i belive im funny i can say i very smart im not nervous around girls i a few great friends but it seems that its not working ive damn near read this whole damn page God i need help.

no one 7 months ago

I am a 33 year old virgin who still lives with his parents, got a bachelor's degree in art, and then the economy crashed forcing me into a dead-end low-paying job that leaves me so heavily drained of life, that all I want to do is sleep until I have to go back to work. I have lost all my friends because they married and moved far away, that I am feeling very lonely and untrustworthy of any and all people. Severe depression is hard to notice. All I feel is constant emptiness.

JOHN 7 months ago

HERE ARE SOME "tRICKS OF tHE tRADE" FROM nyc:

1) Approach Girls that are in a static environment. These girls should not be hopping or moving around like a jack rabbit. Do not even bother with the women that jog, they'll run right by you.

2) Crowds of people are great for volume.

3) The time you approach them, day, even the weather makes a subtle difference. Girls that are 6+ do not work

past 6:00 pm, get it?

4) final tip: size them up a little ( I can not advocate you do anything illegal). Do they have a lot of guy friends (not good), are they pretentious, alone?

Learned from failure

single southern gent 7 months ago

I have dated may beautiful women and I am still single. I have asked them why in the past 20 yrs of serious dating and looking for serious relationships (im now 42) that I have not found a woman serious for me. I was told im too short, Im a nice guy, handsome, fun, a good lover and friend, but many women like men over 5' 8" im 5' 5". so armed with this information, I think its ok to look for love but some woman just are not wired to like a man that is very short. im not a little person or a dwarf by any means but just like some men like big tatas some women like tall men. they wont tell you this face to face, personality counts he is responsible and all that other good stuff. the truth is some women are superficial and not looking for a serious relationship. so my advise to any one out there suffering from a height challenge in the dating world enjoy the company of a beautiful woman, if she doesnt want to marry you or be serious with you, this cant be changed, but there is someone out there just stay positive.

Phil 7 months ago

So every girl I have met when they where single I have tried to ask out, they always said no because they say I'm more of a friend and they said they couldnt see me as anything more and others say I'm to nice I dont get it

Sophia 7 months ago

Whoa! I actually found this page by accident, like another girl who posted somewhere in all this, but I think it's really important you hear some advice from a woman who's played the dating game with several different kinds of guys. This is really long, I know, but I think it's something a lot of you really should consider after everything I've seen on here in the comments.

First of all, none of this crap about killing yourself over not having a girlfriend. What the hell? Also, don't listen to the advice of those bitter morons telling you to pay for a hooker or just give up because it's "impossible" or you're "meant to be alone." That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and anyone who thinks that needs a major wake-up call. (Guess what, if any decent women get wind of the fact that you're always at stripper bars, you just eliminated your chance to win them over on the spot. Sorry.)

Here's a huge one! If you come across as desperate or clingy, it's over before you've even started. Who's actually attracted to someone who's obviously obsessed with getting a girlfriend? The answer is nobody or someone equally desperate, and I think this is one of the silent relationship killers for a lot of you complaining on here. It's because it indicates that you don't care WHO you date as long as she's breathing, and not many girls are going to want to fill that position because we'd prefer it if you actually legitimately liked us for who we are rather than because we're an eligible creature from the same species. Really. Obviously she should want you for the same reasons if she's at all worth your time, by the way.

I understand that many of you are upset and that it's very frustrating, but let me tell you, I run for the hills whenever I realize a guy is absolutely desperate to get the first girl who will have him. We CAN sense that you have a negative attitude as well as low self-esteem, and those are both huge turn-offs. It's not your looks that are the problem, it's your negativity. Yes, really. I don't care how hot a guy is, if he's an insensitive jerk or desperate then I want nothing to do with him. Confidence seriously does matter: I can't resist a guy who's got his act together and is fun/independent, but it's all too easy to resist the types who spend all their time moping about not having a lady.

As for stereotypes! I've dated the classic "gorgeous rich bad boy" once before to see what all the hype was about, but I lost interest in him extremely quickly. It was a waste of time. Money means nothing, in fact I try to pay for my current boyfriend whenever I can because that kind of thing should be equal, and I don't expect to be lavished with gifts. Any woman who does is not worth your time because she's shallow and materialistic. Bad boys don't know how to treat a girl, and all women who go after that type don't actually know what they want in a man yet. I'm a firm believer that women who actually want to be happy will know what the right kind of guy for them is, and guess what? Nice guys CAN finish first, and in fact they should. I'm really sorry on behalf of so many members of my gender and how shallow they can be at times, but don't waste your time with the ones who play mind games with you. That's just bullshit. As much as girls need a mature guy, guys need a mature girl too.

If girls see you as "just a friend" you've got to change your game, by the way. Also, to some guy who said he asked out 200 chicks and got turned down every time... you ever think it has something to do with the fact that you're asking out TWO HUNDRED GIRLS? Not a single one of them feels like she's actually special to you, that's the biggest problem with guys who ask tons of girls out. Stick to one you legitimately have feelings for.

On that note, my boyfriend is incredible. He's extremely chivalrous and respectful, really knows how to treat a girl right, and he's just a NICE. GUY. Just like so many of you! Not at all a "bad boy." I get the feeling tons of you would actually be great boyfriends just like him if you moved past your insecurities. We seriously DO LIKE guys who don't treat us like crap, at least any girl who's in her right mind does. No, my boyfriend's not super tall or super gorgeous, nor does he have tons of money, and guess what? He's the greatest guy I've ever met. You don't need to be a filthy rich male model to get a girl to adore you, just be yourself and live your own positive life and stop angsting over not having a girlfriend. Life does go on, and if yours doesn't then you're not ready to date someone until you've got a better grip on things.

Point is, man up (but don't turn into one of those jerks to try to win a girl over, it's bad news if you want a serious relationship) and just relaaaax. Not all girls out there are gold-digging airheads. You deserve better than that and don't forget it or let yourself get too embittered. Good luck guys, seriously, and hang in there!

q4298y8o 7 months ago

i don't get how you can be both nice and confident, well if you're in a similar situation to me anyway...

i lack confidence, but that doesn't stop me from treating girls good, i'm really nice

i lose more confidence by hearing from everybody that girls don't like guys that lack confidence

i just can't help it, i try but i don't know how to have more confidence, because people will just think i'm a loser once they get to know me...

i think if a girl or even a just potential friend got to know me they would think i have such a boring life and am so inexperienced, and am weird and a messed up loser, because i have almost no friends, only had 1 girlfriend (also the only girl i've ever kissed), have never been drunk, am a virgin, and i'm 21

i'm not being negative, I don't think i'm a loser or any of the these things, i'm happy with myself, it's that i think OTHER people think these things about me, and it feels like a cycle which is continuing to leave me without friends or a girlfriend

i'm not trying to be negative, i just need some advice as to start taking action again, because i feel stuck, like it's too late to make friends and get a girlfriend because i would have needed experience at a younger age

now with my inexperience at this age i think people just assume i'm weird, not cool, and high-maitenence when they hear these things about me and will just run, or they think they just won't have enough in common with me to like hanging out with me because i lack experience in drinking, relationships, sexual stuff, etc.

again i'm not pessimistic, i just think i'm being realistic, because honestly i am a rare case

i think i'm scared to try (that's right, i never try to make friends and have never asked a girl out, because i don't know the socially correct way to do that without being creepy, and i don't want to show my lack of experience and embarrass myself, and i don't want to look like a desperate loser who has no friends trying to make a friend)

anyway i think i'm scared to try to get friends and a girlfriend again because friend-wise, i was picked on by peers in the past, and girlfriend-wise, i had a hurtful relationship (one of my previous posts describes that relationship in a little more detail), so i don't want drama and i don't want to get hurt again

i have no friends but at least all my classmates, coworkers, and people in public are friendly with me (i come across as very friendly and nice to them), so i don't have bullies or guys that i have a beef with and i don't have ex-girlfriends who hate me

and not to sound creepy, but i have fun by myself, and i think if i didn't feel pressured by society into doing what everyone else was doing (or curious), i would be happy having no friends and being single for the rest of my life

besides, i am very close with my family, we're like best friends

btw, i DONT tell any of this personal stuff to strangers or acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, or people in public, like i said before to them i come across as friendly and positive, not negative, so it's not talking about this kind of stuff that's keeping me from having friends or a girlfriend

sorry for such a long rant, i know i might repeat myself a lot i just didn't have the time to organize and summarize this stuff and i want you to be able to still understand the details

Micah W. 6 months ago

This kind of advice is worthless. That is not what gets a girlfriend. All sorts of guys just randomly have girlfriends. Basically if your life is messed up, these girls are so judgmental that they deliberately ignore you. And also theres the random void of reality itself. I can't even meet a girl let alone get a girl friend, I'm just alone in some nothing existence.

nate 6 months ago

This article is BS. I've done the things you've said because I once wrote a book on it and it was published and I even made some good money off it. Still, I can't get women and I wrote a fairly successful book on how to do it.

q4298y8o 6 months ago

Hi R Pseudomen,

in my situation, based on my 2 newest previous comments (I know they're really long, sorry lol), what do you think I should do?

Gregory 6 months ago

This article, though very well worded, is oversimplified and really doesn't apply to any girl under the age of 25 to 30. Perhaps that was the target audience. But for a 19 year old guy going for 18 to 22 year old women this article has very little relevance.

Your article tells me what to expect when I'm older, that is useful then. My entire generation doesn't seem to care about "personality"; It does not require much personality to sit around your house and smoke pot, which is what most people seem to like to do. (I say most because tailor to the general, not the specific, and I can give you the guidelines I work with.) But perhaps "perseverance" is major factor. I wouldn't say I persevere in the female sector. In fact I'm quick to timid, and easily discouraged.

It almost feels like women are trained to give a guy as much resistance as possible. Everything goes way to fast now, and there is a large increase in social pressure to not impress but compress your personality into tiny bites that can be spoon fed to the simple.

:(

Wai 6 months ago

I wouldn't say I'm shy, I'd like to talk to people sometimes but I can't, I just don't have anything to say. I'm somewhat of a personal guy, I hardly have any friends. Often times I feel as if I'm better on my own, I just want to think about girls or dating because it only makes me feel worse. Basically my problem I guess is communication, I'm not good at talking to people I'm unfamiliar with. And its way outside of my "comfort zone". I'm 18, a little on the thin side and have obviously never dated before haha, but the way things have been going, is it ever going to get any better? I'm in college and at this point its somewhat hard to meet new people (especially hard for me to be social). But I don't really want to date when I'm past 30. It would feel like I've wasted my youth and my "good days" would be behind me. I'm not a complete loner, I do talk to some people, guys and gals, but I suppose just not enough, I don't seem to have that "charm". On the other hand just about every girl I know and have meet is already dating! how is a guy suppose to compete with that!? I see couples all around me as I walk around everyday, its a little embrassaing sometimes. Haha yeah I'm a mess I know, but its life I suppose. I just want things to start improving, I really want to start feeling better about myself

matt

Its the excat same probelm i have i sometimes winder if im really tyat bad looking or is it my personallity why ive been rejected many many times i feel like i will nwver have a gf im losing the point of even trying

Mark 6 months ago

I have been single for 3 years after having had a serious relationship with a girl who lived with me. It was a really unstable and unhealthy relationship and we werent meant for eachother. Basically for the past 2 years I havent even been able to get a SINGLE date and no matter what I do and how many girls I talk to I cant EVER even get a girl to hang out with me at all. It has become really hard and kind of painful seeing everyone else around me getting engaged and married, (im 27), and feeling really left out. Almost every single girl I meet is taken and already has a boyfriend. I think the problem is that im an overly nice guy who will do anything for anyone, and I talk way too much and tell everyone my whole life story. I know that my personality is something I will never be able to change no matter HOW much advice I get, and girls are turned off by it. I have an overwhelming fear of spending the rest of my life alone.

Mark 6 months ago

I just wanted to add that another thing that really makes no sense to me at all is that i KNOW from experience that I am a really great guy in a relationship and i took really good care of my ex girlfriend when we were together. If any women would actually get past my outer eccentricities, they would see that. But they dont. So they will never know. I agree with what alot of people are saying on this page that you shouldnt have to change who you are to satisfy women. But what do u do then if your personality always turns women off? I feel like I shouldnt have to change who I am for anyone, but who I am is what keeps me from getting girls. At the same time the chaevenistic assholes I know get women left and right. Its mind boggling.

lookin for something 6 months ago

hello all, yes this was an awesome read. really helped. i need to persevere more with the chase of women. i am short (5'7") but good looking, confident, i am actually a pro stand up comedian and an amateur mma fighter. but i get this anger in me when women play games or make you jump through hoops to prove you like them. i never show my anger but i just quit them because i just don't have it in me. i guess because i just want a physical relationship and almost every girl prefers monogamy. when the time comes to prove i really like them i fail because most of the time it would be a lie. if you're not tall buffed famous or rich, finding a hot woman is somewhat difficult. i guess my question would be, how do you meet women that want to have fun? without being rich, etc. clubs are good but im not going to pretend to be someone im not to get those types of girls. what are your thoughts?

Child of the korn 6 months ago

Well it seems that many guys has the same problem with me. Years have passed since the time i had a girlfriend myself. Now i understand, it's just that women are the worst entity in the universe. If you are handsome, you have to deal with girl's complex, if you are chasing the girl too much then you are a fact for her and she's not interested any more, being good and gentle is not going to work either. I don't know what you have to do exactly. Maybe it has to do with luck or just the girl you are dealing with. One thing i know for sure is that jealously works well with women. So find an ugly girl date her, make sure that the girl who really attracts you knows about it.. And one last thing, try being as much relaxed as you can in order to have a right behavior with women.

artofburning 6 months ago

It's humorous how women flock to me when I finally learn to live without them yet I'm rejected to no end when I want them. Lol, what a senseless mind game it all is. Women are a joke and a complete waste of time.

Zach 6 months ago

Most of my life I was care free about girls! I dident really give a damn about anything but finishing school and family and friends. Since I am more successful and more laid back women is all I think about. I have had several dates and girlfriends. I've stumbled on some of the wrong ones. My issue is now I cant find a girlfriend. All of my dates and gf are from online dating sites. I don't know what to do anymore. Why is it all the pricks out there get all of the women? All of the show offs and the ones who act like scum bags. Most of them are so damn crazy that there into drugs and are in and out of jail. Do women really want people like this? Its bullshit is what I think. People need to wake up and realize that none of these types of men are going to take care of you. Not to mention that they don't give a damn about you and are there to fucking score. SEX OBJECT bottom line. Hell all of us my as well be damn animals! Thats what most of us out there act like. No care, love or anything. Why do women want people like this? Here is what I gathered most women are looking only in the present setting of time. They could give a shit less what the mans future is or what theres is. Its all about wheres the next party and who's going home with who bullshit! Again people need to wake the hell up! Realizing that life or love is not a game at all! We all only get one life and we have to make the best of it. The idea here is no one cares really how popular you are or how good you might think your shits smells. Most people think that there shit don't stink! In reality there shit smells the worst. The sooner that humanity realizes this the better off everyone will be. We are not equal at all in a sense of excepting ourselves and for who the hell we really are not who we can act like. The sad thing is people when we get in our thirties none of this game bullshit will even be a fact anymore! Some people grasp life by the horns early and have sense. Some people it takes there whole damn life to figure out that life is not a game. Women and men both should relize this. You want a man that loves you for you and someone that will take care of his family not a damn loser. The fact that we here from time to time. Nice guys finish last! Is true in a sense! Let me give you an example! A kid that begs and wines for what he wants will usually get what he wants. The kid that is the opposite will wait a lot longer. This type of realism is true in most males or females that have adhd. A hyper active personality is more entertaining than someone who docent have this type. That is why if you see guys that are wild and only live in the moment usually fall into this category. Sometimes acting a fool will get you certain women. Watch out for snobby people as well. That goes back to who's shit docent stink! Stay away from that type. Find a girl that likes you for you. Remember its all in how they treat you. It takes time! sometimes diving a little deeper will take longer but the real treasure is whats in side.

Rex 6 months ago

Hi RP. I love the fact that even after you wrote this article over a year ago when people still ask you questions you still reply. Ive read through alot of these comments and firstly I believe that death or suicide is NEVER the option. Now the reason I am here is because a little over 2 years ago I had a great relationship going on. Than after 6 months she broke up with me saying she thought I was cheating on her. I would have done anything to show her I loved her and to keep her mine but I couldnt even ask her why she thought this before it was over and now she hates me. Since than I have tried to date a handful of others girls I have grown to like but none worked out. After my last latest attempt at a girl I thought was amazing and truly believed was love at first site ended roughly with no gain for me I decided just to take a break from girls and just have some time for myself and my friends. It was a thing I call the lone wolf. But as I was saying I would hang out with friends, guys and girls making them all laugh, being everyones best friend and being the life of the party. This is how my life was for 6 months. Than about a month ago I went to a party that a good friend of mine was hosting. There I met his sister. She is really awesome and I have gotten to know her quite well to the point where she isnt just my friends sister but a close friend of mine herself. Now with this being said I have recently developed feelings for her and I want to date her. But I have 3 problems. 1.) No matter how close we've gotten she is still my friends sister. 2.) I dont want to ruin our friendship but I honestyly think she could be "the one" and 3.) My Lone Wolf is standing in the way. Please give some advice here please.

Mr. Louis 6 months ago

Dear Mr. R Pseudomen,

We are all already at a disadvantage when it come to understanding what women want in a relationship, or even being able to understand the female mind. As for us men our brains lack cellular connections & a proper limbic system. So how can we even begin to know what women want. It's like comparing a Neanderthal to & Crow-Magnums brain, & the sad truth is we are the poor Neanderthal (men).

Sometimes I wish my brain was super intelligent when it comes to my cerebral cortex. Oh well! What can I do...? I am the lone cave man who will always be mentally dominated. So even if I improve my brain function, I stand no chance of being in control of my dating situations.

Peter 6 months ago

Life sucks and then we die. I'm 19 and a college junior. In freshman year, when I first got to college, I was motivated, I was like a house on fire, I'd talk to every girl I saw. I met a few girls but nothing came out of it, they either got bored or I got bored. I met a girl I really liked but she didnt like me. Sophomore year, talked to one girl and that was it, didnt try that much, just didnt think I had it. Now junior year, I'm pretty much done trying to get a girl, I feel like girls just mess with me and I'm sick of trying to imagine what she's thinking. Ok I call her, she doesnt answer the phone, then I spend the next day wondering why she didnt answer it, Oh, maybe her phone was on silent, maybe its broke, maybe she just wasnt there or busy or she just doesnt wanna speak to me. So I'm tired, I dont wanna have to think like that and I wish women just told men how they felt, like if she likes you, she should say it, if she doesnt, she should say it right off the bat so I dont keep guessing. Anyway man, I'm done trying, if it happens, it happens, if it doesnt, well too bad but there aint much I can do to change anything. Someone tell me, I aint the only guy who feels or has ever felt this way

Rex 6 months ago

Tanks R. Great advice sadly enough though since last speaking to you the girl in which I told you about has begun to hate me so all hope is lost on that one but I move on with my life. No worries. And I guess its for the better because now my friend and I wont have that awkward feeling you spoke of which is always a good thing i assume. Thanks for your help anyways though. That is great advice.

''Charlie Brown'' (or poster child for ''fugly'' guys) 6 months ago

I am a guy in my 40's. I have never had a girlfriend and I have never even been with a girl or woman in any way, shape or form (it's not because I don't want to. on the contrary, I do. I want someone to love, and to be loved). and I know why. was I born under a bad sign? no. was there a black cat in the room when I was born? no. did someone put a hex on my mother or me when I was born?. not that I know of. so, what is the reason? it's that I just don't ''measure up'' to other guys. I don't meet girls'/women's ''requirements''. girls/women are bred (''brain washed''?) to believe that a guy has to look a certain way. he has to be ''perfect'' in order to be accepted by them. as all girls and women say on their profiles on all singles websites ''looking for Mr Right, not mr right-now''(i.e., they won't accept just any man. they want Mr Perfect). so, to describe what is ''wrong'' with me (according to all girls and women):

I am too short (I'm not over 6' as girls/women like a man to be. why they do, I don't know. how does height make a man a ''man''?), my body frame/stature is too small (not a hunky/muscular type, so I'm not a ''hottie''), I'm not ''cute'' (so I'm not a Justin Bieber type. btw, I'm considered ''fugly''), I'm ''too old'' (even women in their 40's prefer young dudes), and I'm not Bill Gates RICH (girls/women LOVE $$). so those are my ''negative'' points (as pointed out by girls/women). I know it isn't because of the way I dress. unless they also don't like that I am a nice dresser and dress in a casual style. I know 99% of girls/women LOVE the bad boy types who dress in the rap/street gang look. so if it's also the fact I don't dress like all those rude/crude, rough/tough guys, then it's their problem, not mine.

As for personality, I certainly have one, and have a sense of humor (I make people I know laugh). plus I'm nice, kind, sensitive, thoughtful, sweet, giving and loving (even if I do say all that myself without being ''arrogant'' or ''conceited'' about it. but anyone I know says those same things of me), even if girls/women say ''there's no such thing as that type of guy'' (well, then it's because they have not met me yet since they ignore me and go for the bad boys).

It's been said ''it's what is on the inside of a person that matters'' or ''don't judge a book by it's cover''. so why are girls and women superficial and materialistic (judge a guy by his looks and how much $$ he makes)? why do they only want to be with a guy who is ''cute'' or ''hot'' and want nothing to do with the guy who is nice?

I just chalk it up to ''that's how society is and it will never change''. (that may sound ''negative'', but it's true)

p.s. some people think, that because of my size, I should "turn" gay and let a gay man have me.

CB 6 months ago

It's easy for you to create this ''how to get and keep a relationship'' and talk like you have all the answers. and then when someone makes a comment on their lack of relationship situation, you beat them down when they already are down.

''I certainly hope you throw out that out-dated measuring stick you're using''

Tell that to women. they're the ones who are using it to compare me to other guys.

''You try so hard to say you're comfortable with yourself''.

Where did I say I am ''comfortable''? if I were ''comfortable'', I would not have posted my comment about being single.

''You manage to explain all the negatives someone might have''.

There is no ''might have''. it's DO have (see ''measuring stick'' comment again. hint: ''compare'')

''without offering any type of positivity.''.

I guess you better read my comment again. there is positivity (hint: it's the part where I said people I know tell me I am nice, kind, sensitive, thoughtful, sweet, giving and loving).

I guess you don't get me. just like women don't get me. both choose to be blind.

Your ''answers'' are more like know-it-all mumbo jumbo rhetoric.

koolboy 6 months ago

psuedomen, I have a problem im a tall good looking guy but when i talk to any girl they are either laughing or are not replying back to me, i want to know why girls are like that to me, im 21 and frustrated and want to give up on women, any advice would do

Bob 6 months ago

Hello RP seems like you ve got a good page here. Im at university and things are looking ok despite having alot of studying to do. I do get on quite well with my peers in my course but the thing is there is only a few women in my major and it is quite hard to get to know women here. I have some ideas like joining societies where some women are about or online dating which will come into action within a month or two when the university work would ease off. I am quite confident when talking to women but the main problem is getting to know them, making them like me and finally to make a woman to be my girlfriend. maybe the online solution would work well, but firstly I want to try and get a girlfriend at university. Ive never had a girlfriend but was once close and was really depressed about that failure back in the day but now I dont care anything about this and decided not to be sad for not being able to get a girlfriend. From now I want to just work on step by step to get a girlfriend which I know would involve some hard stairs to climb because of lack of experience, luck and my chances in meeting women but I know I will get there but just need some advice. If there are some suggestions please reply.

regards.

tyler 6 months ago

Hey I'm 15 every on called me "cute" as a freshman a lot of older people understand my humor thehey say I'm a funny person. I'm nice. I'm am really skinny. Weight 80 pounds and I'm a sophmore and well I I feel nervous somtimes as I don't know what to say and the mainfear I have about dating is knowing when to kiss as I've never had one. Please help-___-

Greg 6 months ago

Im 26 years old. and waaay to skinny. I eat regular portions meal time, i work out often, i drink lots of protein shakes, weight gain supplements, vitamins, do exersize, everything. It is 100% impossible for me to not be grossly underweight.

I am a normal guy I just cant get close to any women, because for one thing they all think im anorexic or bulemic or something, second thing is i have premature ejaculation problems so i am unable to make love. I think that if i had a gf it would just hold me back from achieving my goals. I dont want stability or security in my life, i want to be on the road 24/7. im a musician and just want to continue touring with my band till i die, if i had a gf she would just nag or get the way of my life, i never want to settle down or have kids, maybe when im like 40 or something

I have had one relationship before, it lasted 1 year on and off, she dumped me about every fortnight. i was weak minded back then, i always took her back, she threatened to hurt herself if i didnt. I never had sex with her because everytime we got close i would finish basically the moment she put her hands down there, i dont know whats wrong with me - I just get a boner when making out with chicks and then if it gets slightly touched im finished. fuck my life. so im a failure, a virgin, skinny loser.

sorry about all that, i just needed a place to vent, i didnt mean to make it so long, i was only going to write a paragraph...

guyfromcruleworld 6 months ago

i'm 26 & i just lost my virginity to a hooker @ this age.

no matter how much i try to get a gf it just doesn't work!

i'm always surrounded by very beautiful girls with their bfs which makes go crazy!

guyfromcruleworld 6 months ago

and i got infected with something from that very 1st encounter!!!!

Jason 6 months ago

It's all the fat, useless and demanding women of these generations. Don't go blaming yourself like they want you to--it's a war that cannot be won. I would look toward other countries and cultures because America is straight-up shot. There aren't any women here.

john 6 months ago

i am 24 years old and i never had a gf. i have been over 20 dates with girls but i never managed to get a 2nd date. many of the girls rejected me because they hated the awkward silent moments and that i am shy. should i give up? i always got rejected

john 6 months ago

thank you this is the best advice i ever got because everything you said is true. its like as if you know me. thanks

MathLogic 6 months ago

I agree with Jason ! I don't own a television and I think video games are silly. I just study mathematics, formal logic and philosophy of science; however, i could not get a girlfriend even if my life depended on it (at least not in this nation). My experiences with women suggest that women here are only interested in their own selfish agendas. Women are highly skilled at using their own "God-given" capital against men. It seems to be the case that men need women MUCH MORE than women need men. Reflecting upon this, I came to realize that women are not entities that men should want to "make love to" . Women are the enemy. The best course of action to take is to avoid them at all costs. I see human beings as just sums of discrete properties. For example, I am really just A=[ height, weight, nose length, hair color, interests , skin color, childhood/history, ideology, positions in space and time, ... ] . I can give an entire account of myself in terms of quantifiable properties and predicates/relations .. with this in mind, women can take into account all my properties and compare them with properties of other potential mates . For example Girl B may be attracted to guys that are above 6 ft tall and have blue eyes. I am above 6ft tall but i have ugly brown eyes. suppose there exists a man such that the man is EXACTLY LIKE ME BUT is below 6ft and has blue eyes. Who will Girl B want ? me or the blue eyed guy ? It would depend on how much importance she places on each parameter. from the set of all men between the ages of 19 - 28 , I regard myself to be in the bottom 20% ugliest ^.^ At least I am honest about my ugliness and not in denial. Of course women have different subjective standards but I believe the general archetype for the "attractive man" is the same for all women. This is inherently defined by nature. I guess the problem with our society is the over-emphasis on individualism and self-expression. It is often said that women are most attracted to confidence; however, it would not make sense for me to display "confidence" when I have nothing to be "confident " about .. the last thing i would want to do is deceive myself and my potential mate. I assume women like confident men because confident men also tend to be wealthy , attractive ,and VICTORIOUS (victory produces confidence ) . Women probably don't like me because NATURE does not intend them to like me.. they should not like genetically inferior men like me BECAUSE nature does not intend for us to reproduce .. we are supposed to just die out haha

lost in another dimension 6 months ago

i believe were all animals and its up to men completely wether they end up with someone or not. Yes, women have easier. oh man, you guys have no idea. I mean they have it very easy. why? because we give them that control. And it has been subconsously placed upon us through media, stories, cultures etc. even in disney movies it is often expressed that guys have to degrade themselves to a particular woman because "SHES THE ONE". fuck that. because of that, women have the better end of the stick and in the end they have the choice to be single or not. men dont.soo back to my first comment, yes we're all animals, so in the end it seems like the only reason there are "relationships" is for procreation. and really in natures way i dont even think relationships are meant to happen. they just do because were all so fucking lonely. (because the world revolves around money, not love)so im sorry to all the guys out there who are single like me. dont worry just chill and dont even worry about getting a good girl. because who gives a shit. we only want someone because we feel lonely. a girlfriend is just one solution. ignore them, fuck em, they are cruel as fuck and they could give two shits about us men. men are so fucked

Trev 5 months ago

Hi RPseudomen

Whats up brother. Here's one for you... dI ated a girl recently who was very keen on me, and when I say keen I mean keen. To give you an idea she told all my friends i was the best thing since sliced bread, once she stood up in a pub and declared she wanted to marry me to some me bewildered bystanders. She said that she was into me, wouldnt let me go, wanted me to meet her kids, (yep she had baggage) she would text me every hour or so, call me each night and told me she was "falling for me" etc etc. Then out of the blue she phoned me and said "sorry i want to break up".

She wouldnt tell me why, but eventually I got it out of her. She said some confusing things. Firstly I didn't "make enough effort to see her", and secondly (and i promise im not winding you up) i farted in front of her which she didnt like (i dont remember doing that and to be honest i wouldnt have done)

Then she said that she liked me but something "didnt feel right" and she wanted a break from men. Then two weeks after we broke up she started seeing someone else.

So what on gods earth is that all about. How did I go from hero to zero so quickly ? Hit me with it dude tell me im a prize douche ag but i just dont get what happened there.

MathLogic 5 months ago

@ "lost in another dimension" : I agree with you very much. I believe this is related to the feminist movement. Men have become the slaves to women and women of these days all feel that they are "goddesses" that are meant to be worshiped. My advice for men that are above the age of 40. If you don't want to die alone then FORGET any idea of "girlfriends" . Convert/Revert to Islam and marry a good pious Muslim girl from an Asian or an African country. Western hedonism has poisoned the minds of both men and women. You must remember that "relationships" should really only be structures to secure a stable family life and offspring. Individualistic and hedonistic attitudes have corroded society.

g 5 months ago

I watched this documenty about sexual attraction... and it was interesting. Basically they sent people (with good dating potential) into bars with cameras in their glasses to track their eye movements - basically to show which parts of the body they focused on. The really interesting thing was the men in the trial just casually walked upto the women and said hi, my name is ...., and it was done so casually, as if going into a bar and asking for a pint or buying something from the shop! If I tried to walk upto a women in a bar it would come out all wrong. I would give out seriously nervous and even negative body-language... and what's worse is I would be aware of it. That would trigger a negative reaction in them that would cause a chain reaction between the two of us.

My self doubt is not in my ability to attract (atleast sometimes), its in my ability to maintain a positive social energy with people (strange huh?). And this even extends to the ones I know like me... in fact it's even worse with them... eventually I end up giving out a negative avoidant response.

Maybe seeking help might help, but I dont know what help to seek (if that makes any sense).

Society doesnt treat being dateless as a problem... but maybe most of those people who end up that way do have a real social issue. They might have autism or asbergers (which I dont think I have, as I have no problem readng others emotions). In my case I do have ADHD... but I think my issue could be comorbid (meaning my behaviour during adalesence produced negative behaviour from my peers towards me, which created a longterm avoidance behaviour in me). Now its deeply ingrained and no matter how hard I try (I tried all my twenties and I'm 32 now) I couldnt totally shake it off. I can sometimes get a good energy going in the right enviroment with the right people, with a little work... but there is always that force inside me waiting to change everything and flood me with an overpowering negative feel towards people I dont know well. Since we do most of our selecting with people we dont know well and first impressions are all important that leaves me very challenged.

theTiGor 5 months ago

Nice hub, Mr. R Pseudomen!

As a professional, full time single man, I learned long ago that this is no simple subject. It involves people. People are fascinating creatures who do strange things. No matter how simple some of them may appear, they're usually anything but!

My own situation seems very unique, but the perspective I can share may be of value to some reader out there who is completely baffled.

There are old sayings such as 'water seeks its own level' and 'birds of a feather flock together'. What if you are so exceptional that there IS no one like you anywhere around?

This, in a nutshell, is my situation. I only look normal.

My innate gifts and my unusual life experience have made me subtly but dramatically different. People just do not react well to this!

A select few will find it fascinating, most will be confused, and a regrettably disproportionate number (I blame the demographics of my locality) are scared to death of me. My explanation is that I am 'wired' differently...sort of like a British car with a positive-ground electrical system showing up at an American shop where none of the technicians have ever seen an automobile that wasn't negatively grounded. You can imagine the apprehension.

My entire life has been like something out of The Twilight Zone. It is, by most anyone's standards, surreal, and it only gets stranger. I came to understand some time ago that there isn't a damned thing I can do about it, either, but just to go with the flow.

I don't date women, period. An enumerated list of reasons would become quite lengthy, but it's all what I call 'reality concerns'...all those little, 'That would be great, except...' details that always seem to sabotage our aspirations. The broadest explanation would likely be that I just don't share any degree of agreeable chemistry with anyone! Now, there's scores of permutations on that, but it's the best generality I can make most people could relate to.

It would seem that my reality is out of phase with the realities most other people know. Literally, I have next to nothing in common with anyone else I encounter. The key word is 'next'. There is always at least one, largely insignificant characteristic that I could find with any given person, but it's always a very tenuous nexus at best. Virtually anything that two people could share that matters will become a stark contrast as soon as I enter the picture. To put it another way, a woman will admire or at least find agreeable some detail of my personality or routine. It's usually not going to be something that a 'to date or not to date' question would be hinging on, but even it it was, the way that any such detail actually applies to me personally will not meet her expectations and she is unable to accept or adapt, or else she's going to have a major issue with some other facet of my existence that completely dwarfs the one or several things she liked.

I can't give general advice to anyone at this point, but if you've read this far and are thinking to yourself, "Hmmm...I could have written that!", know that you're not the only one. I may be able to offer a specific suggestion if you ask a well formulated question!

Brian228 5 months ago

I just want a girlfriend! Is that too much to ASK for? :( i need help, im on the edge man!!!!

theTiGor 5 months ago

Brian and John, I strongly recommend that you guys think long and hard about this. You need to figure out precisely WHY you want or 'need' a girlfriend, and then decide if your real reason why is valid and/or worthwhile. Deciding if your personal reason why is 'honorable' is optional.

If it's about sex, well, I guess we're all human, but that's stooping pretty low, isn't it? Almost animalistic, really. Most often it's really a social thing; you are afraid that if you're single your family and friends, perhaps the whole rest of the world, will think there's something wrong with you. This has led millions of men to get involved with the wrong women for the wrong reason. Your family is stuck with you, regardless, but you can disregard them easily enough if their esteem of you is based on whether or not you're attached. Their problem, not yours. If your 'friends' can't respect you if you're unattached, you sure as hell need no enemies! Forget them. They're not any kind of friends if they're like that.

When you're single, you can do whatever you want and you have one less person to have to answer to. Granted, being a pillar in the community becomes extremely difficult for the single person. If you're single, though, you can usually change communities whenever you're sick of the one you're in without too much trouble compared to the more established person.

The old saying about being careful what you wish for is very applicable in this situation. Take a good look at the people you see around you, especially the unattached women out there. It's possible you might land one as a girlfriend, but would you really be any better off that way?

so very much true 5 months ago

as a straight man that had been married twice, i was a very caring and loving husband that never cheated on them and they both did cheat on me. i was very committed to them at the time as well, but that was not good enough for them. now that i am single and alone again, meeting another woman for me is very difficult. i am in my late fifties, and i noticed that the women out there play very hard to get along with their no good attitude. just remember guys it is not our fault that the women have changed today, especially that women's lib has taken over. i myself, cannot even try to start a conversation with them because they are very nasty to me and walk away as well. lets not forget that we are living in the time now where many women now are lesbians today, which very much adds to the problem of meeting the good women. we certainly cannot blame ourselves for what they have become now, that is for sure. like i said before, being single and alone does hurt a lot. at my age it is much more difficult for me to meet a good woman again, especially that most of them now are worthless and not worth meeting. but then again, they will date other men that treat them like garbage, why in the world is that? i cannot figure it out either. the women that do like men, will date so many men at one time instead of just being with the one that would really want to be with her. i hate going out now, because it is trying to win a game that you cannot win. years ago, women were much more easier to meet than now. then again, they were raised well by their parents and not like the ones that are out there now. the times that we live in now, has definitely a lot to do with it. if we had been born years ago, most of us men most likely now would have had been married with our own family by now. i will just go out now and hope for the best, good luck.

theTiGor 5 months ago

So very much true hits on a lot of valid points that are worth examining.

He's absolutely correct about the prevalence of worthless, no good women out there. There's far more of them than ever before! But, let's keep things in perspective here, shall we? It's not that they're women, it's that they're people, and truth is, there are still probably far more worthless, no good men out there than ever before, too. We just don't realize it because we're not looking to date men, are we?

I wouldn't worry about 'women's lib'. I don't think it ever gained as much traction as we give it credit for. Like I mentioned in the last paragraph, women are people, too, and thus many of them will be 'sheeple', as well. They do what they've seen other people do, be it in real life or in artistic depiction (namely TV and movies). Most of them have been treated like garbage their entire lives, so they are now essentially programmed to do the same thing.

Social programming is very much in play here. When you've got the whole rest of the world dropping hints in front of you as to what you're expected to do and how you're expected to be, you're prone to take as many of them as you can and you're embarrassed when you're not able to, unless you're a true rebel or an outright sociopath.

I also don't think there's any more lesbians out there than there used to be, really. Thanks to social programming, most lesbians of yesteryear got married and raised children just to fit in. Just like most gay men did. You can imagine what a quality marriage THAT had to be! The societal pressure to do that is rapidly evaporating, so homosexuals of either gender don't have to masquerade and the odds that you'll end up with in a relationship with such a person shrink every day.

If you want to know what a woman thinks of herself, look at the man she's attached to. That'll speak volumes to you. No need to wonder anymore why women like men who are thoroughly reprehensible and treat them like trash; those women have come to believe that that's the kind of man who they DESERVE to be with. It's a manifestation of low self esteem. Honestly, there are a great many women out there who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if they saw one, because they never have!

It really is a sign of the times. Civilization is deteriorating very quickly at this late date. People are not growing up, they're little children in adult bodies. They're angry, damaged little children in adult bodies. Which is a great reason to keep your distance from most people these days.

Don't be afraid to lead your own life and be your own person. Anyone who isn't interested in you doesn't belong with you, anyway.

theTiGor 5 months ago

Thanks, RP!

Everything you said is true, but...

...consider it a case of a person 'selling themselves'.

I've got some sales experience under my belt, so I can attest that you're not going to be able to sell whatever you've got to everybody. Some days it seems like you're not going to be able to sell what you've got to ANYBODY.

Sometimes a prospective customer just has no need for the product you're peddling. Why should they buy something they have no use for? Other times, they could possibly have a use for your product, but there's something about it they aren't able to appreciate, or else they just don't care for it for some obscure reason. It really matters not, as they're not going to buy it and that's all it boils down to for you, the salesman.

And, of course, sometimes your prospect LOVES what you've got, but they can't buy it. They may not have the money, they might not have a place to put it, they might be about to move and can't take it with them, etc. Again, the salesman is 'S.O.L.' on that one.

A good salesman learns not to take it personally. It's not him that got rejected, merely a business proposal. Move on. Maybe even consider finding something else to sell or getting into a different line of work.

Food for thought, eh?

chris 5 months ago

im 26 and never really been able to see a girl staying with me long, ive had some good looking girls, and some not so goodlooking and always felt the goodlooking ones were using me? my partents seperated after years of an abusive father to my mother especially, so seeing this on a day to day basis has affected how ultimatly i feel about myself, as kind of a weak person for just watching it and not doing anything? ive gone from periods of every girl watching me as i walk by time of ultimate coinfidence, but still didnt form anything meaningful, to times where i feel extremely low about myself for being single, and finding things wrong with me to account for being single, when there isnt. i also find it hard to bemyself or think being myself wont get me the girl i want, watching more soaps and tv is handy as itll give you more to talk about and find in common with the opposite sex, but ultimatly dont put women on a pedastool,put yourself on one!

ethan 5 months ago

I want a girl but she hate's but I love her. What shall I do.

theTiGor 5 months ago

Ethan and Chris's comments hint at something that can be very frustrating.

Chris starts out by mentioning that he's been in relationships with young women who were 'good looking' and some who were 'not so good looking' and how he felt that the ones he perceived as more physically attractive were taking advantage of him. Ethan types like a pre-adolescent.

Here's my observations:

Appearance is much more important than it should be, unfortunately not in the way most of us would assume. If you look around, there's a lot of guys you'll see with some very homely women. Most of these guys one could euphemistically describe as being rather 'rugged' in appearance themselves. The truth is, how physically attractive WOMEN think they are has an incredibly strong influence on their personalities.

Honestly, I've never seen an 'ugly' woman who had a 'great personality'. I'm serious. I've seen a lot of women of exceptionally photogenic appearance who were extremely vain, but all of the women I knew who had great personalities have generally been fairly plain. They look 'okay' or 'average', but not exceptionally 'good' or 'bad' looking. But if a woman has come to believe that she is hopelessly unattractive (usually indicated to the rest of the world by her not trying to take care of herself at all), she generally falls into being a very inconsiderate, mean person. I'd imagine in most cases, 'mad at the world' would be a fair statement.

There's a happy medium in everything, and the appearance of a woman is going to be one of those 'everythings'. If she looks too good, watch out! If she doesn't look good enough, watch out! This is, of course, assuming you could even conceivably enter a relationship with a woman occupying either extreme. For most of us, that isn't likely to happen, is it?

Are there any 'ugly ducking' stories out there, where a woman with less than 'adequate' looks really turns out to be okay? Maybe. I sure haven't seen too many. In these polarized times, everything seems to gravitate toward one extreme or another, and there's not lot of sorely needed 'middle ground' left out there. Young people being what they are today, I'd guess that if a young woman hasn't gotten her head straight as to her looks and that they don't have to make or break her by about age 12, she's likely to be a lost cause if she's anything other than the higher side of 'ordinary'.

theTiGor 5 months ago

RP, you're absolutely right about that!

I must say, though, the degree to which the world is highly sexualized is quite variable, with some geographic locations extremely intense (like, anywhere warm where people commonly appear in public with little clothing, like Florida or southern California) and others, eh, not so much (like North Dakota). And, of course, each one of us lives in a 'world' that's where we're at and wherever we go, including what we do with our time and what we chose to observe or experience (TV, movies, magazines, web sites, people we hang out with, etc.). It's very easy for THAT world to be immensely sexually charged. Or, you can also avoid most of that and not expose yourself to it, which I learned long ago makes life sooooo much more pleasant!

The highly sexualized worlds we can allow ourselves to live in make it very easy for a person to develop most unrealistic expectations of how things are and how we should be.

Going out and getting a girlfriend is a valid strategy for much of the world's male population. I'm thinking that MOST of the guys who want one essentially do just that. The men reading this Hub Page are generally going to fall into two camps: those who, for whatever the reason, just 'cannot' BRING themselves to do it for the reasons this Hub Page focuses on (mostly confidence) - I'd say easily 75% of the readers - and then there are those who, no matter what they'd do, aren't going to be able to 'go get her' because their situation is such that there is, for all practical purposes, no 'her' to 'go get'. These are the guys I focus on.

To those of you, hey, I know what you're going through and I feel your pain! It's rough, but don't let it ruin your life. The way I was brought up, there was a helluva a lot we DIDN'T have. If you're going to survive, you have to learn to work with what you DO have. Clarification: Don't try to live the live of someone else who's someplace else! Live your own life, where you're at, with what you own or else is readily available to you.

You may live somewhere or with some condition or under some circumstances where available women either hardly exist or else any normal woman isn't likely to be sincerely interested in you (often the case if you're disabled). Okay, so you're not going to be able to date women. You'd be hardly the first man who was ever stuck in that situation. On the other hand, with no one to tie you down, imagine what you can do with your time and money that attached and/or married men can't...pretty much whatever the heck you want, within your own personal limitations. Find something you enjoy and go crazy with it. This is how a lot of ultra-successful men got their start.

Who knows, eventually you may find yourself having to FEND OFF hordes of women who once wouldn't have had anything to do with you when you were just an 'average guy'.

q4298y8o 5 months ago

Hi RPseudomen,

I'm a 21-year-old guy, had only 1 girlfriend in my whole life, and it was when I was 15 and then on and off a little when I was 16. She was bipolar, and about 75% of the time she hated me and was really mad at me for no reason. When she was mad at me she say hateful, meaning things (that when she wasn't mad at me said she didn't really mean) that would really hurt my feelings, self-confidence, and worse, make me feel like a horrible, evil person.

I tried my hardest but I couldn't keep her happy no matter what I did. What also really hurt me was that I couldn't help her, I felt responsible for her being so upset all the time. She would always be breaking up with me for no reason then taking me back. It was a very emotionally hurtful relationship for me.

After that relationship I thought I wasn't ready for a girlfriend before that, so I would have to wait till I was ready for a girlfriend before I ever got a girlfriend again. Also after that relationship I wanted to make sure that the next girlfriend I get has minimal psychological problems, because I have a little trouble dealing with anxiety and low self-esteem myself and I don't want somebody I have to worry about all the time, somebody who I can't make happy and who I am always making mad/sad, and not somebody who's going to make me feel like I'm a bad person.

Atually, though, I never asked a girl out in my whole life. My ex-girlfriend's friend talked me into going out with my ex-girlfriend. I said no the first couple of times, partially because I felt like I wasn't ready for a relationship (I was right!), but they wouldn't take no for an answer. I gradually gave in, and my ex-girlfriend basically asked me out. But ever since after my ex-girlfriend, my standards of who I would want as a girlfriend have become very cautious; I feel like I have to be sure they don't have any big psychological problems before I start going out with them.

Now, how my life is situated, I think it really is impossible to ever even meet someone I could ask out, let alone someone I'd have a good relationship with. I have only 1 friend, I don't see them that much, and we don't know anyone else who I think I could be in a healthy relationship with. no guy friends. I go to a college (don't live on campus, just go about 2-4 hours 5 days a week for classes) and I work part-time as a cashier at a supermarket (it was my first job, I've been working there since the start of summer). Other than that I don't have a social life.

I can't seem to make friends at work and school. At work, I think nobody would want to be friend think I'm weird because I was so nervous about my job in the beginning, and they just decided I'm not weird based on their first impression. I don't know how people become friends but I think it's creepy to just ask, I think it just happens. And since it's not happening for me I assume nobody wants to be my friend.

At school, the people probably think I'm cooler than the people at work do because I don't talk much in school and I try to blend in. People don't really talk to each other in class unless they know each other outside of class anyway, there's usually no time to talk in class. So I don't see a friend happening there, either.

I think I need to have some kind of group of friends before I find somebody who could eventually girlfriend, because even trying to just become friends with a girl that I don't know too well in the first place except work or school would just look creepy on my part. With no social life, the only girls I know are strangers, just strangers I see regularly at school or work.

OK, finally, my question is... In my situation, without a social life, was is the socially correct, non-weird way to make friends and eventually get close enough to a girl that I could be in the correct situation to ask her out?

Please don't suggest joining groups, clubs, hobbies, or volunteer work... I am very busy with school and work right now and my grades in school are dropping, I barely have enough time to do homework and study. Sorry I sounded rude there lol

ANOTHER QUESTION: What if I feel I'm happy never having a relationship and never getting married? Because I'm happy with my life and hobbies now, less stress dealing with people and drama, and I get to do what I want to do all the time and not what somebody else wants

... Or do you think only having 1 girlfriend in my whole life is not enough to be able to make that kind of a decision?

I don't feel like I'm ready to date... Should I wait until I mature more or try to date?

Thank you!

q4298y8o 5 months ago

Hi RPseudomen, may i some advice? And TheTiGor, would you say in my situation i fall under the 75% or the 25%?

i lack confidence, but that doesn't stop me from treating girls good, i'm really nice

i lose more confidence by hearing from everybody that girls don't like guys that lack confidence

i just can't help it, i try but i don't know how to have more confidence, because people will just think i'm a loser once they get to know me...

i think if a girl or even a just potential friend got to know me they would think i have such a boring life and am so inexperienced, and am weird and a messed up loser, because i have almost no friends, only had 1 girlfriend (also the only girl i've ever kissed), have never been drunk, am a virgin, and i'm 21

i'm not being negative, I don't think i'm a loser or any of the these things, i'm happy with myself, it's that i think OTHER people think these things about me, and it feels like a cycle which is continuing to leave me without friends or a girlfriend

i'm not trying to be negative, i just need some advice as to start taking action again, because i feel stuck, like it's too late to make friends and get a girlfriend because i would have needed experience at a younger age

now with my inexperience at this age i think people just assume i'm weird, not cool, and high-maitenence when they hear these things about me and will just run, or they think they just won't have enough in common with me to like hanging out with me because i lack experience in drinking, relationships, sexual stuff, etc.

again i'm not pessimistic, i just think i'm being realistic, because honestly i am a rare case

i think i'm scared to try (that's right, i never try to make friends and have never asked a girl out, because i don't know the socially correct way to do that without being creepy, and i don't want to show my lack of experience and embarrass myself, and i don't want to look like a desperate loser who has no friends trying to make a friend)

anyway i think i'm scared to try to get friends and a girlfriend again because friend-wise, i was picked on by peers in the past, and girlfriend-wise, i had a hurtful relationship (one of my previous posts describes that relationship in a little more detail), so i don't want drama and i don't want to get hurt again

i have no friends but at least all my classmates, coworkers, and people in public are friendly with me (i come across as very friendly and nice to them), so i don't have bullies or guys that i have a beef with and i don't have ex-girlfriends who hate me

and not to sound creepy, but i have fun by myself, and i think if i didn't feel pressured by society into doing what everyone else was doing (or curious), i would be happy having no friends and being single for the rest of my life

besides, i am very close with my family, we're like best friends

btw, i DONT tell any of this personal stuff to strangers or acquaintances, co-workers, classmates, or people in public, like i said before to them i come across as friendly and positive, not negative, so it's not talking about this kind of stuff that's keeping me from having friends or a girlfriend

sorry for such a long rant, i know i might repeat myself a lot i just didn't have the time to organize and summarize this stuff and i want you to be able to still understand the details

theTiGor 5 months ago

q4298y8o,

To me you sound like you're definitely in that roughly 75% 'camp' where your primary barrier keeping you out of a relationship is ultimately YOU!

Now, I could be wrong on that. In the end, only YOU will be able to answer that. But generally speaking, the approximate 25% of the men WHO WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT ARE UNABLE TO (NOT 25% of men overall, mind you!) are essentially stuck in their situation because of things they really have no control over. The obvious examples are men with extreme physical disabilities or those who are morbidly obese. I know professional matchmakers who admit right up front that they really can't help those men and refuse to take their money and give them false hope. I'm gathering you're not in a wheelchair, institutionalized, blind, or weighing in at over 400 pounds.

Otherwise, many of those '25%' have a barrier where it's a time/place issue. In other words, at a different point in time and in another physical location, you probably wouldn't have any trouble. Honestly, you have no real control over the 'time' element. You're alive and it's 2011, going on 2012. Anyplace you can be on earth, there are things that make 2011 different than 2001, 1981, 1961, or 1941 were, and in 2022, things will be uniquely different in some respects than 2012 will be. Some things are fairly broad and will be true nationally or internationally, but each local area will have things about its people and culture that will change. People change. It is entirely possible, just by being yourself, to be out of style wherever you're at. A previous generation of women would have loved you to pieces, or perhaps that would be true 30 years from now, but today no one is getting too excited about you. I can think of a number of products that were absolutely ingenious and very near perfect except that they appeared fifty years too early and they failed because nobody understood what was so great about them. People can very much be ahead of their own time, and while they'd be lauded as amazing decades later, they were considered insane or idiotic when they were alive. It happens to artists and philosophers all the time.

The 'place' element you do have at least a bit of control over...you can usually go somewhere else if no one where you're at shows any interest in you. Wherever you land your first career job after college may be a whole different ball game from whatever city you attend school in.

I'm guessing your situation is temporary in that you're very busy with school and work now, but that you don't plan to be occupied with both five years from now, right? If I were in your shoes, I'd be worrying about school now and having a social life wherever you end up after you graduate.

You're mostly right about friendships mostly 'just happening', but you do have to put a bit of effort into it! If people don't know anything about you, why should they like you at all? There's the old saying about the best vitamin for friendships being B1. You're going to have to take the initiative to be friendly and start some conversations here and there with various people you encounter. You'll get friends when people you're already around anyway see they have a few things in common with you, like an interest or hobby that you're on hiatus from while you're in school. If social clubs in your area are like there are where I live, avoid them! They start with the best of intentions and are quickly overrun by the extremists and zealots. If you don't live and breathe whatever it is the club's about, you get left out very quickly. There's a lot of snobbery involved, and usually the only 'successful' members will be those near or past retirement age who can devote tons of time and money to their vehicles/gardens/collections/horses/photography or whatever. In short, they're very ego driven and those with the biggest egos and the largest expenditures dominate everything. College age people just starting out find themselves persona non-grata in short order. No one will tell you, they'll just ignore you until you get fed up and leave! Whaddya' think THAT does to a guy's confidence?

Speaking of confidence, you may be looking at it wrong. You can have all the confidence you want. You know what you are and aren't good at, you know what you can and can't do. You know what is true about you and what isn't. What does anyone else know? After all, they hardly know you, and most of all, they're NOT YOU.

If you accept yourself for who you are, other people will accept you, too. If you are uncertain about yourself, other people will be uncertain about you just as a wild beast can sense fear in a potential adversary and exploit it.

You need to own yourself. Now would be a great time to work on that for a couple of years while you're finishing up school so when you move on, you can be your own person and do your own thing and care not a whit whether anyone else has a problem with that or not.

Best wishes, the TiGor

JS1089 5 months ago

Alright so here is my story. I am a 22, nearly 23 year old college student who has somehow completely lost his confidence when it comes to women. Here is the catch, I am a 6’1 230 pound good looking guy who also plays college football, I’m going to be a 4-year starter and hopefully be one of the captains on the team next season. I have a great shot at continuing to play football after college if I like. I could also coach football or put my degree to use. I am smart, I have a TON of friends, I am witty, funny and love to have a good time, I’m a genuine good guy who would do anything for his friends and family.

Growing up I have always had a ton of confidence, and I still do have confidence in every aspect in my life other than women…. This is why…

In high school I excelled in every sport. At that age I literally did not even have to try to get girls, they would honestly throw themselves at me. I would get on facebook and my chat boxes would just light up with girls trying to talk to me… not just any girls, gorgeous girls.. For example, after wrestling meets or football games I would have different girls come up to me and hand me their numbers, telling me to call them and things along those lines.

As an 18 year old kid, I basically just took this for granted because at the time I didn't want to even think about getting a girlfriend because I had all of these good looking girls after me. The one good looking girl that I dated for over a year, I cheated on all of the time with other girls including her friends. I felt so guilty about this that I told her about it. She cried, and then said she still wanted to be with me, then I broke up with her….

I “played” basically every single girl that talked to me, Ive done pretty much everything you can imagine with many, many gorgeous girls… Most of them who were actually good girls, not slutty at all. The funny thing is, most of these girls knew about this or had some kind of incline that I was a “ladies man” but they were always still after me. I had something that they wanted, what that was I still don’t know but at the time I obviously loved it.

I got to college and continued my ways, partied a lot… I would get a buzz going, but not any more than just a buzz so I would just be talkative.. then I’d wait for girls to start to get drunk and make my move. Talking to whoever, I wasn’t nervous about how good looking a girl was at all and I would bring girls home all of the time.

By the time my sophomore year came around, I think the girls my age started to get out of the crazy party stage and the “wanting to be single” mode and started looking for a relationship. My luck with them started to run out. Suddenly, my ladies man title started to not be such a good thing anymore. These girls started to not want to talk to me anymore and the next thing I knew they would have a boyfriend and are telling all of their friends about me. I go to school in a reasonably small town.. so the word began to spread about how I was a HUGE player. This was the first shot at my confidence and my reputation.

After this happened I decided to slow it down. I would still hook up with girls, but I would try to keep it quiet from others and I still had tons of confidence. Eventually, My bad reputation was gone and the women who I considered datable (I am very picky when it comes to a woman who I would date) started to notice and hear from their friends that I had changed my ways. I continued keeping my sexual behaviors with other girls on the Down Low and eventually began talking to some girls who I considered datable. I eventually weeded them down to one girl.

This was my junior year, and all of my crazy buds had also started to find relationships and were not so crazy anymore. This girl was a gorgeous, small town blonde who I had talked to growing up but would never date in high-school because I thought she was too young for me.. and she was a brand new freshman in college. She had literally every quality that I had ever imagined in a girl who I wanted a relationship with. She had only ever been with 2 other people before me, she was funny, smart and had a great personality, total sweetheart and also did some modeling.

We started to date, I never even thought of cheating on her, I developed strong enough feelings for her that I wanted to tell her that I loved her and it went well for most of the year, but then something happened that I never thought would ever happen to me. She started to back off from hanging out with me, changed completely and she broke up with me!!! She was the first girl who had ever broken my heart, turned me down or told me no and I did not know how to handle it. She decided to do the same thing that I did and just wanted to go have fun and not have to worry about a relationship which I understand now because we were at 2 different points in our lives. She was so young and I was finally just on the turning point of wanting to find a true relationship, I didn’t understand this at the time.

I immediately did everything that I could to try to get her back, became desperate, sent her flowers, tried calling and texting a lot more than before.. all of that stuff.. everything I tried just pushed her away even more. I had no idea that I was doing this at the time until I read some stuff on the internet about psychology of relationships. Then I thought to myself, if I was in her position I would be the same way about a desperate girl, that’s not attractive. Being naïve growing up, thinking I could do whatever I wanted with women made me completely unprepared for a woman actually breaking up with me! I had absolutely no clue what to do. After I had read all of this psychology stuff, I decided to try to act tough and that I was ok with the break-up. I think this would have worked at the beginning of the break up but it was too late. She took this as a relief, while I was still dying inside. One night, at a party she walked in with another guy, one of my friends and I found out that they were talking to each other. I have always been a really protective guy in relationships and I would say that is my main thing that I need to work on in a relationship. Needless to say I freaked, I put the fear of God into the guy. Then I said a bunch of things that I regret to the girl. Don’t get me wrong, I would never ever hit a girl or threaten them. But I threw a lot of F*** you’s and things like that into a long phone conversation with her.

The next day she texted me and said I’m so sorry but I am blocking your number. This event was the beginning of the worst time that I have had so far in my entire life. I became clinically depressed, I felt terrible obviously. I couldn’t sleep at night, lost 20 lbs. and my coaches had to give me some time off from football when I told them what was going on. My grades went downhill and eventually I was put on Depression medication.

I began talking to another girl who had a lot of the characteristics that I wanted, but I always still compared her to the girl that broke up with me. I sort of had feelings for this new girl but definitely wasn’t ready for a relationship with her and the talking was more or less something to keep me sane I think, I wasn’t myself and I definitely didn’t have the swagger that I used to have with women. Eventually, the new girl stopped talking to me... my confidence continued to go down.

One day the girl of my dreams called me back and apologized. I was on cloud nine thinking finally the day has come that I had dreamed about, she is sorry and she wants me back. I couldn’t have been more wrong…. All she wanted to be was my friend. My depression stemmed from thinking too much about making plans to get her to want me back and getting so hopeful to just continue to get shot down. I was back down to feeling like nothing. I had terrible pain from this through some of the school year and most of the summer. She would always text me and get me excited, which would make me think I could get her back. Or she would bitch about what she heard I had been with another girl…

JS1089 5 months ago

Continued....

then one day I asked her if there was any chance of us getting back together and she told me that “she didn’t think it would ever work again between us”. I got to the point where the last time that she texted me to bitch about something that she had heard from someone, I told her that I couldn’t handle her talking to me anymore, I was sorry but I couldn’t be her friend and I needed to be away from her, no contact and definitely not bringing me down anymore.

This actually helped me a lot, it took time obviously but I got off of my depression pills and eventually met another gorgeous girl! She was different than the previous girl but still had many of the qualities that I liked and though I still thought about the previous girl once in a while and compared her to this new girl, I wasn’t completely over her but she basically made me forget about most of it. I started to get some of my confidence back with her, but still wasn’t quite the same. I felt like I had learned a lot from my previous relationship and I was being pretty smooth. The new girl told me that she was really starting to like me and we hung out quite a bit which made me think that this was going somewhere good but I wasn’t getting my hopes up. Then, what do ya know.. she ends up deciding that she wants to go back to her previous boyfriend of 6 years that had broken up with her before me. So in a way, this girl was just using me in the same way that I used the other girl to mend my pain. This didn’t hurt me at all depression wise, but was the final Knockout to my confidence.

Since this event, I basically don’t even deal with girls. There are girls who try to talk to me still and I will occasionally hook up with someone, but basically if it’s not a girl who I would consider ever dating I won’t even talk to them. Most of the times I just do my own thing to keep me busy, football helped a lot but my confidence about finding a girl or with talking to a girl is just completely shot. My family expects me to get married some day and give them grand children…I’m almost 23 years old and will graduate college soon. Most of my friends have been in a relationship for a while and are getting married or will be soon. When I go out now, I usually just get as drunk as I can with my buds and don’t even acknowledge women. I see girls that I would like to talk to or contact but my confidence that I used to have is gone. The thing is, I know how much I have going for me. Im still the same guy, im in the best shape of my life, I know that girls are attracted to me, and I have a good reputation again with the ladies.. but its just not there anymore. I have seriously considered the thought of focusing on my career and being single for the rest of my life, but I know that is not truly the path that I want to go down in my heart. Ive always dreamed of having a family. I also feel like I need to move away to a bigger place and kind of just start over with some people who do not know me so well, but at the same time I love this place and my friends and family.

Sorry that this has been such a long message. I want to know your opinion. I think a lot of my loss of confidence has stemmed from not ever feeling like I will find a girl like the one I had ever again. Writing this message has made me think of her and remember her a lot more than I have in a long time. I have thought to myself that maybe I am jinxing myself by telling her to stay away and not talk to me. I feel like a lot of this is karma and what goes around comes around from my younger days but I feel like the hell I went through with my depression should at least justify some of it… Sometimes I think that I should call her up, apologize and set things straight with her and that might just set me free and open up a door for me. But at the same time I am afraid of feeling the depression that I felt before and I also have the stupid pride factor along with thinking maybe she will apologize to me, realize that she misses me and come back someday. Although, It has been so long and I’m mostly over it, I don’t really know if I would get back with her and think I would be better off with another girl.

That is my story of how I lost my confidence with women and this is where I’m stuck at now, I am happy with every other aspect of my life other than this one. If you guys have any input im open to any advice and would like to hear any similar stories, if there are any.. haha. Inside I know that I have grown up a ton, im ready for a real relationship with a woman. I know that I am a good person, good guy and would make a great boyfriend along with someday a great husband and father.

Hope to hear from ya!

Sincerely,

JS1089

AT2011 5 months ago

JS1089

Your story relates to mine in some aspects. I read the whole thing and I feel where your coming from..

I see what your going through and how that girl that left you is now your vision of an 'ideal' girl. That girl to you is perfect in every way and your starting to compare everyone else to her which kinda puts a constraint on every new relationship you go into. Sometimes it just isn't the time and place for 2 people no matter how compatible they are. You are forced to move on and im sure you have learned this through your depression. From what it sounds like you have so much going for you and if you have the opportunity to play football after college, thats great! You have a whole life ahead of you and college is just a phase where you gain experiences and knowledge about girls and parties and social situations. You will move onto the real world soon when you graduate and you will start to realize how great life can actually be. Girls will come with time just make yourself available and you will meet 'her' eventually. Comparing yourself to others, you have so much more potential and have the willpower to be great. Don't get down on yourself for a girl who obviously missed a great catch. It's her loss, she hurt you so bad and you shouldn't go back to her. Girls are bitches, straight up. Good luck with everything and if you have any responses or questions get back to me here.

Lemme tell you about my situation right now. I myself am a junior in college, good looking guy 6' 185lb fit soccer player. Been getting girls since I was young and they have been throwing themselves at me. I have a lot of experience with girls and I have never had a girl break up with me. I was always the one to end things with them for one reason or another, sometimes for other more attractive girls. Long story short, I have hooked up with and dated many girls throughout my high school life. I came to college with a girlfriend who was the first girl that I've actually loved. We were so close and decided to stick through it through college. One thing led to another and after a lot of fighting, after one semester of college we broke up... with me ending it. This allowed me to go out as a single guy in college and live my outgoing crazy lifestyle partying and making people laugh all the time. This was a time for me to develop myself, hook up with girls all the time and my vision of what I was doing was "I'm doing me."

Don't get me wrong, I love girls. I appreciate them and treat them with respect. I just went on for the next two years enjoying the single college life and hooking up with and talking to a lot of girls. I did not see any potential 'girlfriend material' girls so I had no reason to stop in my tracks. After a while hookups started to get shallow, and didn't mean much anymore. Hook ups were usually a 1 time thing, and after that I have to start the whole process over with working a new girl to get her in my bed. It was time consuming... and yea I hooked up with a variation of girls but I didn't get consistent action like my friends in committed relationships were. I decided my junior year I was going to be a little more picky and try and keep my reputation high and work on having fun and finding myself a girlfriend. I went on a dry streak of only hooking up with one girl from August-November and I kept asking myself what am I doing wrong?! I live in a party house, we have parties every weekend and I am known on campus by so many people and I am still not getting any. My roommates were doing fine and it was just so confusing to me. Why in this stage of my life all of a sudden is it so hard to find someone??

Until one night I met a gorgeous freshman girl at one of my house parties. I approached her, talked to her and her friend a little bit here and there making sure she knew it was my house she was at. There was an obvious mutual attraction instantly and things were going smooth. I gave them both free cups and went on and did my own thing. Danced with other girls in front of her, checked in with her every once in a while making sure she was having a good time. I guess I spent too much time with other people because I turned around and she had left. I eventually got her number through facebook and we started texting right away, a LOT. There was obvious interest, and we ended up partying together at my house and other parties the whole next weekend. She ended up staying over because she couldn't leave (her friend was puking in my bathroom) and it went really well. We talked and kissed a lot a lot of touching here and there but no sex.

We started getting really close and seeing each other a lot and when we were together, it was like nothing else mattered. We would make each other laugh so hard and we just understood each other perfectly. People told us we were so cute the night before etc etc.

I then found out that I had met her right after she had broken up with her long term boyfriend... the only relationship she had ever been in. I was told I'm the second person she ever hooked up with and I started to think wow, then she must really be into me. Then she kinda started distancing herself from me and wouldn't see me during the week and I was getting really confused. I may have reacted wrongly by texting her too often or sending her very long texts and just opening up to her so fast. I texted her perhaps too often and maybe seemed desperate or needy to her. I understand I should have laid back a bit and gave her more space. I should have made her desperately wait for me to text her. I finally asked her one night if we could talk and she said yeah and that night we went up to my room when she came over and had a talk. We stated how were both really into each other and we want to get to know each other etc etc. She said she has been holding back because of her ex and she is really confused right now because she still has feelings for him, and meeting me at first she didn't expect what happened between us. She told me im like the perfect guy in every way and basically gave me some great compliments. So she then said she wanted to take things slow and let her figure herself out cause shes overwhelmed. I backed her up and made sure she didn't rush into anything after just becoming single and made sure I was being nice and fair to her. It seemed to have ended really well and then the next day she hardly texted me at all. Then the friday night I asked her to come by because were having a keg and she said she would let me know, and she ended up going out to another party to see another guy shes been 'friends' with since the beginning of the year. This really hurt me because she sounded so sincere to me and then turned around to hang out with another guy for the weekend. I was told by friends that she was with him in a flirtatious way the whole weekend and this was eating at me. I dropped everything for this girl and she seemed to have been leading me on.

I sent her a somewhat angry text telling her shes fake and she is throwing away everything we had etc etc. We talked again and she said shes so sorry for hurting me she never meant it to be like this, she needs to be single for a while to be herself and figure things out. She didn't want anything exclusive but she didn't want to ruin what we have together because every time were together we have so much fun. She said it was bad timing, because im the type of guy she could see herself in a relationship with. So i understood, she just turned single after 2 years and now she can't just be with me right away.

I went through a lot of thinking and basically it was killing me inside the next few days. I didn't know what to do and all my friends were telling me fuck it don't worry about her you can get any other girl you want you dont need her. But thats just it, thats why i wanted her. Shes the one girl I don't get, and the one girl that was a thrill to me.

Eventually we started talking a little bit here and there through texts and I invited her over for a small party one night. she came by with her friends and her group and

AS2011 5 months ago

Continued...

-- my group had fun played drinking games and had a great time. at the end of the night she came up to me and said, you never gave me a hug. so we hugged and it lasted for like 30 seconds and then we turned and made out for a while. Then her friends called her saying they were leaving and she left. We then went on our one month college break and we haven't talked, just a short text conversation about going home,working, etc. It's good to have this month off to relax the situation a bit. I don't know what to do at this point because I really like this girl... and want to win her over.

I don't wanna miss this opportunity but I am right now trying to get over it, just in case. Trying to see girls at home and friends to keep my mind off of it. This girl is my goal right now and the anticipation and the 2 month chase is escalating everything. I figured that she would choose me because I have so much to offer, I was the obvious choice to her ex who treated her like shit and that other guy. But now i don't know. I can usually figure out girls but this one... I cant.. and it's making the chase so painful. I need advice on how to win this girl over because I feel like I have already swallowed my pride.. and Im running out of ideas. I want to make this girl happy, and make her mine.

Beth 5 months ago

Let me tell you, I'm a woman and the number one problem I see with these is the, "and unfortunately we are animals on this planet and I just don't feel any attraction for the ugly or fat girls that show interest in me." Honestly, I know a handful of vapid women who are only interested in the "athletic" type. I can also tell you that there are a whole ton of decent females out there who simply don't care about that. That's not where your problem rests.

When you degrade other women, most *will* be offended. So calling other women ugly or fat isn't going to get you far and, will instead, make you look like an egotistical and conceited asshole. I feel as though most women are looking out for a fairy tale, and those don't usually include the prince making fun of women for their looks. You'll just make the princess insecure. It's one thing to have features that you're not crazy about within women, it's another to say they're ugly because they're just not perfect enough for you. I'd work to clean up the attitude.

Steve 5 months ago

Dont feel to bad guys. I'm 52 and a virgin. I have been said no too a hundred times by a hundred different women.

No, I'm not good looking or wealthy...I get that - but I still try to be nice/friendly to women and show respect. If I were to never have a meaningful date - I am ok with that- but it took years for me to come to terms with that. So, yes it is difficult at times but I can tell you that life can still be good without sex or dating or a relationship with women. It just boils down to being ok with who you are. Being comfortable in your own skin and staying positive, setting goals, getting things/work done the best you can and looking forward instead of back. Its ok to be you - even without a girlfriend.

Best of luck.

theTiGor 5 months ago

After looking through several very long comments recently posted, I do have one suggestion.

Is anyone familiar with the Scientific Method?

Where I'm from, this is usually discussed in Science classes at some point in the 6th, 7th, or 8th grade. I'd imagine in many areas the concept is at least mentioned to students in their early teenage years.

If you missed it or can't remember that far back, the Scientific Method is the established process for conducting experiments to learn things. For anything to be learned, everything has to proceed in an orderly manner!

The first step of the Scientific Method is "Define the Problem".

If you want answers to a question, it would help greatly if people reading this can figure out just what it is you'e asking. Background information is fine, but it would be good if it was offered as supporting details after your basic question has been presented.

If someone reading your post gets to the end of it and is still wondering what it was you were wondering or trying to say, your writing it and someone else's reading it has been a waste of time.

I would definitely recommend taking some time to think about precisely what it is you want to get across, how to order it so it will make sense, and then maybe even outlining it on a piece of paper if you know your supporting details could make your post a bit lengthy.

If you do this, your questions and/or statements will be much more likely to get the answers or comments you're looking for!

Thanks, and everyone have a happy holiday season!

MM 5 months ago

Hey im 17 , People say i should go for modeling, im funny,hyper, really Nice like seriously toooo nice with the girl I REALLY love but been literally a year tht im trying to get her, u see its really eassy to get a girl when i dont love her but this one got me all thinking, everytime i talk to her, it all changes im not the same me, the old jackass player, Im really nice sweet and keep on sending her messages i know i love her, But , i mean she still never went out on a date with me she has her excuses, DAD BIRTHDAY MID TERMS EXAMS, (I MUST FIND TIME) ...i dont knwo what to say, her friends keep saying ht she loves me and everytime i pass they're all like YO CHECK HIM OUT HES here, but i dont know should i like give up or what ? is she expecting more from me and if so , what is it ? Thank , CYA !

Gabe 5 months ago

Im 14, and it seems all of my friends and people around me are dating ( I haven't had a single gf), and it irratates me. I am in that state where I want to love and be loved, but I have been rejected so much that being turned down dosnt phase me anymore. All of my friends are dating, but not me. And I think that I'm an overall better person than one of my friends, and he can pick up chicks left and right. I'm funny, smart, I am not a mean or hateful person, even if someone hates me, I will go on and not care. I am not a dick to people and I love to help out with others problems. My looks are about average with a small amount of acne What am I doing wrong that I keep getting rejected.

theTiGor 5 months ago

Guys,

Here's what I can offer you:

1) Best overall answer to both questions about what more may be expected and why you keep getting rejected is probably 'Who knows!'

2) Do not make (nearly) every man's mistake of taking himself too seriously. If you're the only one you know who isn't dating women right now, what difference does it make, really? Sure, it helps to satisfy one's vanity, but other than that, it won't mean much in the long run. I can all but guarantee that in five years, all the people you see day in and day out now will be somewhere else and many will have forgotten about you altogether. Live your own life, don't live your life for people you'll probably never see again once you've left school!

3) Do not allow yourself to fixate on any young woman! Any person under the age of 18 for certain and in most cases probably 21 and likely even age 30 is truly a work in progress. This includes you, all of your classmates, and most definitely the young women you meet. What you see in a person today is almost certain to change significantly in a year, let alone five or ten years from now. You need to have a chance to grow up and get to know yourself, to figure out what kind of person you are and what matters to you in life. If you're going to get involved with anyone at all beyond just a casual friendship, they need to have done this, too.

Imagine you're going to buy a car. Would you rather spend your hard earned money on one that you could see, touch, test drive, and go research some customer reviews on, or would you be happy to just give thousands of dollars to someone who agrees to build you 'some kind of car' but that he'll design it as he goes along and TRY to make it something you'll like? Relationships take a lot of time out of your life and usually cost you no small amount of money. Save both and wait until you can spend your time and money on someone who doesn't keep changing on you because they're still trying to figure out what kind of person they want to be and what they want out of life. At least that way you can figure out if you really have anything in common with them or even if you truly like them very much. That's tough to do with someone who keeps reinventing themselves every time you turn around!

4) This is a tough one, but worth it if you make the effort. If you can pretend that you're a woman, great, but that may be too tall an order. At the very least, just imagine that you are being approached by...you! Maybe standing in front of a mirror might help. If the person you see came up to you and started acting the way you've been acting, what would you think? Would you be cool with that, or would you be creeped out? Be honest with yourself. How would you feel if someone who was just an acquaintance kept begging to hang out with you every time you crossed paths with them? Some guys do essentially that very same thing and wonder why they can't get a date. What if someone you knew in passing kept being unnaturally nice to you all the time? What would you make of that? Would it just be a bit weird, or would you think that person desperately wanted something from you? If so, why aren't they just coming out and asking instead of beating around the bush about it? I think you guys get the idea. Now think long and hard about it, and then contemplate how you would want someone to approach you. That's probably what you want to be doing!

5) Finally, do not forget that each one of us has our 'likes' and 'dislikes'. Could we list them? Some. Not all. There are many things you never really think about, but when you see or experience them, you'll know whether or not it was a 'like' or a 'dislike'. Sometimes you'll warm up to some things you didn't care for at first, other times you'll sour on something you initially thought you liked. Your tastes have a pattern that has been developing your entire life, and it's based on your experiences from the day you were born to now. There are things about women that you know you like and there are things you've come to learn you just don't care for. It could be hair color, size, manners, fashion tastes, you name it. You've got a mental list of what's 'hot' and what's 'not'. Guess what? Women do to! They each have a preconceived notion of what's acceptable to them and what they'll gladly take a pass on. Guys who can easily get a date are going to have something about them many women find 'acceptable'. Who knows what it is, could be anything. If these guys can't get into or keep a relationship, the women are souring on something about them...a mistaken favorable first impression, or one or more hidden undesirable traits that surfaced later. If you can't seem to get a date at all, it could be that women aren't seeing something you have they'd like if they knew about it, or else there's something that the majority of the women you're around find as a turn-off. Again, it could be anything.

There isn't really anything you can do about it; it's not you at fault as much as it is other people's perceptions of you based on their past experiences, which you had nothing to do with. Chill out and take it easy. Maybe by just being 'around' a bit one (or more) women will begin to see something they like and warm up to you. Or, maybe something you've got will be an 'in' thing five years from now, or in the next place you live.

Just because it's not all happening for you today doesn't mean all is lost. It could be a whole different ballgame just a little way further down the road of life.

so much right 5 months ago

straight men like me are just tired of going out all the time, and hope very much to meet the right woman for us. i hate being alone myself, it is very nice to have a woman that could love me the way that i could love her as well. it makes you feel very secure, knowing what you have. when you are single and have no one, you feel depressed, sad, and it hurts very much. this is a good reason why they say, married men will always live longer than single men. when your married, you have your wife and children to be very thankful for. life would not be boring, that is for sure. there is a lot to keep you busy. and without a doubt, you are a much happier person. like i have mentioned before, being alone and single hurts, especially when you do not have many friends like i do. most of the men at my age now, are married with their own families, since they were very lucky enough to have met the right woman for them. i will just keep going out, and hope for the best.

Patty 5 months ago

Having lots of experience liking, befriending, dating, and even marrying guys (twice), and having a couple of long-term relationships, I can offer the voice of experience in three points.

First, what I see here is men and boys wanting "a date", "sex", "a relationship", to get a woman to pay attention to them, to get married and have a family. The plaintiffs are not saying "I want the woman." They are interested in satisfying their needs and eliminating their fears, but no one seems to have any interest in the woman herself. I've had lots of relationships of various kinds, as mentioned above, especially lots of male friends (handsome and not-so-handsome), and in all of those relationships we had and have a mutual interest. Somebody interested only in the situation gets crossed off my list for sure.

Second, there are a lot of complaints about not being physically pleasing enough or not having enough money. If I wouldn't go out with an ugly man it's not because he's ugly, it's because he's unpleasant to be with, egotistical (you'd be surprised at how many physically unattractive men are disgustingly self-centered), bad-mannered. If I wouldn't go out with a handsome man, it's for the same reasons. And if you don't have the sense enough to tell when you are being used only for your money (why else would you want more money to impress a woman, if it isn't for the fact that the one you are interested in just wants your money for herself?) then maybe there's no surprise that you can't get a nice girl? Money can buy pleasure, but not love and respect.

Third, hygiene IS important; there have been a few guys I couldn't bring myself to be closer to even though I was interested in his personality. That advice about approaching yourself in the mirror is valid, look at yourself as women might look at you. Go to the dentist, floss and brush your teeth. Wash behind your ears. Shampoo your hair, use ANTIPERSPIRANT deodorant, not just something to mask the smell.

Lastly (I know this is more than three points)realize that there are things worse than being alone. Joining a club or regularly associating with people who have common interests does a lot to alleviate loneliness even if one cannot find a partner. Having a lot of "partners" on a less intense level (multiple friendships) will keep you looking forward to their company.

so much right 5 months ago

to patty who made this comment. i will explain my story to you. i am a man in my late fifties, and had been married twice at one time. i was a very caring and loving husband that never cheated on them, and they both cheated on me. that makes them filthy whores, and i was very committed to them and very happy at the time. i never did anything wrong to cause this to happen to me. i never mistreated them as well. so explain to me, what was the problem? not my fault, that is for sure. so now that i go out a lot, i do meet the nastiest women with their no good attitude. men like me, have feelings too. we should not be treated so mean, especially when there are a lot of good men like me that are out there now. why does god make certain men have a good normal life? are these men any different than me? i work like they do, i sleep like they do, i eat like they do, and so on. i believe god punishes certain men like me, and blesses the other men. i am a straight man that would like very much to meet a good woman, and have a life with her as well. i did not ask to be born, and since god did create men and women, i would like very much to meet one for me, i obviously had two other losers in my life, but with the bad choices that i made it did not help. hopefully, the third one will be a charm.

theTiGor 5 months ago

Patty mentions that what she sees here are men interested in the situation but not the woman herself.

There may be an instance or two where that is exactly what is happening, but I think the real story is that most of the men posting don't have any woman in the picture, yet. Hard to focus on someone you haven't met yet!

And, truth be told, I don't know if that's a good idea, anyway. Seems like a sure fire recipe for a broken heart to me. I wouldn't exert any emotional energy into anyone who wasn't interested in me, and the whole reason men seem to be posting here is because they feel no one is interested in them.

So Much Right describes a situation that I'd chalk up to luck. I know plenty examples of good people who have many bad things happen to them that they had no control over, and I know a lot of slimy, evil, scum-of-the-earth types that seem to get all the good breaks in life. Go figure.

As far as hygiene goes, yes, that is very important. For your health as much as anything! But I have known plenty of repulsive, icky men that stunk to high heaven that were in relationships that resulted in marriage. However, I also knew the women who married them, and I can attest that all was not well with them. Maybe some had a severely compromised sense of smell, but the guys looked as grungy as they smelled, so that probably wasn't it. The women in question I knew to have horribly low self esteem, and they ultimately went with the men they felt they deserved to have.

Das 5 months ago

I will be 26 in this summer, I had a girl f, I met her where I used to work then sooner or later we got close then it's like I became her part of her life she became mine, we were very close we fell in love like it just happens in book or movies, but suddenly everything changed I almost lost my mind I act like a crazy person, my temper got really high I would get mad easily or even little things I'd take very seriously. 1 day she said enough and decided to move on without me. My love story was over so still is. I was with her for more than three years exept the last 6 months evry single day was a golden day full of romance a hope for the future. we wanted three kids together, we did name them even though they will never appear on these planet. What ever it's been more than 3 years that I am not with her. now I am back to normal I don't act crazy, I am calm and good with people, I always try to understand and help other that around me. I am trying my best to move on!! But sometimes it's reAlly hard to accept that I lost what I had and now can't find any, I was her first bf so she was mine first gf for also is the last but in her case more 5 or 6, right now she is with some1 who is more than twice of her age. I know its hopeless, but sometimes I wish I could turn back the time and do it right from the beginning to the end, the truth is I loved her, I still think of her when I am alone, I also tried to contact with her, but all I had ignorant. I failed sometimes I feel like a looser. But I always try hard b4 giving up I succeded in most cases that I wanted to do. It's not like they were easy nothing is simple. But when it's go for women at that case I always fail no matter how hard I try. But I know she will never come back, but I want a family on my own I want to see my Childs face, if I fail on this I failed in everything. All I will have is those 3 years with her means I just lived for3. The only thing I do is now praying to god, hope 1 day I will find my women who really meant to be mine,, but still I am thinking of her it's really hard to forget her....

theTiGor 5 months ago

Das, you didn't fail at anything, really.

You truly succeed at things you do that a person can reasonably expect to have control over. So many things in life are just a matter of putting the time and effort into making a good plan happen. If you do nothing, you get nothing, if you do little, you get little. If you do a lot, you stand to gain a lot.

The thing is, a woman just so happens to be another human being. As such, some will be more easily influenced by the power of suggestion, but that doesn't mean that their actions are because of you; another person's actions will always, ultimately, be because of THEM!

Imagine a candidate for an office of an elected official. You can say all kinds of things to the public, and if you say the right things, you might just find a majority of the people like what you'd said and are voting for you. But the things your opponent says are something you can do nothing about, nor is it in your ability to make the voters like what you said more than what he said. If you win the election, it is because you were fortunate in that more people liked you enough to vote for you than people who liked and voted for your opponent. Did the politician have any control over how people marked their ballot? OF COURSE NOT.

Likewise, it is not up to you what any woman thinks or feels about you, or whether or not she wants to spend any time with you. Sure, you can say and do things that may entice her to spend time with you, but it's still her decision and there really isn't much you can do about it. Therefore, if she doesn't end up in a relationship with you, barring something you may have done to offend her that you should have known better than to do, it's not your fault. Not your fault means you did not fail!

jake 5 months ago

all of the girls hate me

Brad 5 months ago

I hate to discourage all the people reading this article, but it is complete garbage. None of it is true. People say confidence is the key. But that is BS. The logic is backwards. It's the attractive people that have the confidence. Women are vain and shallow. They only want tall, attractive men. No woman is going to ignore the hot, shy guy to go for the ugly, confident guy. Trust me, that will NEVER happen.

If you are short, fat and ugly (like me), then you are destined to be alone. Unfortunately, nothing will ever change that. Sorry for the wake up call.

theTiGor 5 months ago

Brad, there are no absolutes in life. Nothing is true for everyone, 100% of the time. As they say, every rule has its exceptions. Anything having to do with humans and their behavior will have TONS of exceptions!

Of course attractive people have confidence. It comes easy for them since they don't have to work as hard to succeed in many aspects of life. The truth is, attractive people generally know that they're attractive because people around them let them know. If you're less than attractive, then your confidence will have to be derived from some other trait or skill that you have. I've long observed that people who are truly 'good looking' are often quite lacking in other areas, probably because they're so used to their good looks getting them what they want they don't have any experience from having to WORK to get what they want.

Yes, SOME women are vain and shallow, wanting only tall, attractive men. But there's a lot of women who date, are engaged to, or married to short, fat, and ugly men. One of two things happen there: Either (ideally) they can overlook the fact that you're short, fat, and ugly because you're really good at some things you do and are fun to be around despite your unremarkable physique, or else you'll be with a woman who feels she deserves someone who is short, fat, and ugly.

Lemme' give you something to chew on for a bit. I'm short (5'6 1/2"), in fantastic physical shape for my age (30" waist, wear 'athletic fit' shirts, Body Mass Index of 20.4 and less than 10% body fat, all while being old enough to legally run for President of the United States), and to top it off, people do regard me as being a generally rather handsome guy with eyes women describe as 'gorgeous'. Great, huh? What I get to experience time and time again is that women who spend time around me self-destruct. I have no desire to have to watch that happen again, thus, I do not date women! To start, I'm good looking, I'm really smart, I can do just about anything, so they all say. A month or two later, what they all say is, "I wish I was as good looking, as smart, and as good at everything as you are!", though maybe not in so many words. Another month goes by, and it's "I'm ugly. I'm not very smart. I'm not good at anything! Ugh!". They're usually not around a month after that, since they've crawled off into a dark corner somewhere in the world to wallow in guilt and self-pity. Around me, most women out there feel fat, stupid, worthless, and evil. I'd even dare say to an extent greater than if I'd been telling them that or treating them that way! Just by being who I am, most women do not compare themselves favorably to me. Not good. Of course, they then go hang around guys who they don't feel fat, stupid, worthless, and evil around. That means the man is bigger than them, really is dumber than they are, is genuinely worthless, and is truly evil on top of it all. But instead of being happy, they still end up miserable. Go figure!

If you truly believe that you are short, fat, and ugly, and you've convinced yourself of that enough that other people see it and don't question it, I'd imagine there's a woman out there who's been around a guy like me and hating herself for it who'll feel quite comfortable next to you.

I see it every day!

Brad 5 months ago

Wow. So I should just wait around for your rejects? You are so incredibly gorgeous that women feel ugly just being in your presence? That's definitely a new one for me. I should feel good because I'm so hideous that some women may feel pretty by standing next to me. Thanks for the advice? I guess.

theTiGor 5 months ago

That's oversimplifying it a bit, Brad, but a lot of times it sure feels like that's the way it is!

I couldn't tell you what's incredibly gorgeous in a man, you'll have to ask a woman about that, and she probably won't be able to tell you, either. I look in the mirror, and I'm just me, the same one I've been seeing all these years. But the word on the street has always been that I'm fairly good looking, whatever that's supposed to mean. I have a hard time seeing it myself, I always figured myself as 'average'. A lot of people do ask me if I'm on television, though, and while I'm shopping people often assume I work in the store and walk right up to me to ask for help. Happens no matter what city I happen to be in. Go figure.

I don't have to reject anybody. They beat themselves up pretty good and I can't stand seeing it happen time and time again. Which is a good part of why I don't date women at all. And it's not just looks, not by a long shot. I'm multitalented and I do an awful lot of things, many of which are artistic in nature. I'm a former Talented And Gifted student and I'm also the kind of guy who has no problem speaking in front of a large group when the situation warrants or taking charge of the situation, though I prefer to be a quiet professional who hides in the shadows day in and day out. It's these abilities and personality traits that make other people - especially women - self conscious. There should be plenty of women out there who are similar and would feel quite comfortable with me, but heck if I know where. The ones around my area left years ago.

All things are relative and water seeks it own level. If you've convinced yourself that you're so hideous, then effectively that's what you will or have become. Not having met you, I'd give you the benefit of the doubt and just presume that you're a bit understated, if anything. There may be some women around who would feel pretty in your presence, but I don't think that's quite the way I'd describe how it works. I'd rather explain it as they wouldn't be envious of you, hence uncomfortable to be around you, and would feel perhaps more feminine around you than they would around some other men.

'Feminine' is going to vary a lot; beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Ultimately, a woman's life experiences will shape what she feels is feminine, and even if that's something she wants to be. Trust me, some don't! But those who do, do so because it's how they've been lead to believe things are supposed to be...that 'social programming' I've mentioned in previous posts. Typically, this is why women want a man who is taller, older, wealthier, just larger in general, and, generally, just 'more' of everything. Not always, by any means, but generally a woman with a man who's shorter, thinner, younger, and just seeming to have a lesser presence than her is NOT going to be a happy camper. Just kind of the way of the world. Keep your eyes open and watch people, you'll see what I'm talking about.

Too, successful couples maintain a condition of parity. They're basically equal to each other. Not the same, mind you, but he's got 'this' and she has 'that', and it all kind of evens out. If you've got the brains but not the looks, you can do very well with a woman who's got the looks but not the brains. Happens all the time! Or, she may have the looks and the brains, he's got the macho image and the cool-sounding job and maybe a nice car. What doesn't work is when the total of what one partner has doesn't seem to be equal to what the other partner THINKS they've got. Then a lot of resentment builds, and FAST! This is where I've had a problem. But, of course, your mileage may vary.

I wasn't offering you advice per se, more just another point of view to consider. The women who start out thinking I'm so great (my motto these days: If you date me, you'll hate me! Only because it rhymes, though, they end up hating themselves, probably did all along...) and end up feeling totally worthless after spending some time around me are typical for my region in 2012 and they seem to do okay and are rather coveted by typical men around here.

Don't pack it in yet...you never know who will be out there looking for a man who isn't 'good looking' (whatever that's supposed to be), well spoken, reasonably dressed, and good at a lot of stuff. Just a very ordinary, average guy no one else looks twice at might be all she's looking for.

When she comes along, whatever happens then is up to you, friend!

Take care.

theTiGor 4 months ago

Jesse, not bad suggestions overall, and they are generally valid for those men who are in an area that currently fit within the parameters of what most of us would consider to be 'healthy', or 'normal', or 'the way things are supposed to be'.

One should always remember, though, that not every place is like that all of the time. Some places, for whatever the reason, seem to be enclaves of 'unhealthy', 'abnormal', and 'bass ackwards'. If you live in one of these places, you're probably already painfully aware of it. If you're not sure, a great clue is when people who aren't from the area move in or visit and are observed asking, 'Man, what the hell is up with this place?'. Another really good hint is if most of the people moving in who seem to be 'with it' and 'really all right' are moving back out of the area within a year or several. You're always going to have a few people who are just 'passing through' and were living in your community temporarily; often, it's career related and they wouldn't have stayed even if they loved the place. It's when it's an EPIDEMIC you probably know something's not right.

When your community is 'not right', quality people either do not integrate, flee if they were already here when the deterioration began in earnest, 'bunker down' and withdraw from society, or else they get dragged down by the community. The end result for the single person is that dating prospects become rather dismal indeed.

Again, the thing to remember is that sometimes things are such that no matter what you do that *should* be spot-on, no one you would want to be in any kind of relationship with is to be found and more importantly, it's not your fault or any failing on your part. Don't let it cause you to beat yourself up.

theTiGor 4 months ago

Huh. It seems that Jesse has vanished!

That's too bad, because he did have a few good pointers as I recall. The best was to have fun first!

He may be gone from the site, as I don't see his post from two days previous anymore, but I'd expand on that a bit by advising:

1. Don't be serious! Largely, what happens, happens. This is life. Might as well enjoy it as it comes. Ever heard the old saying about life is what happens while you're making other plans? Whoever came up with that one knew what they were talking about, as did the individual who reasoned that sometimes the journey IS the reward. Enjoy today, for who knows what tomorrow will bring? If you think today is miserable, you may find yourself missing how good it really was tomorrow!

2. Don't rush anything! Again, enjoy what happens, as it happens. Those of us who work with our hands learn very quickly that forcing something that doesn't seem to be moving like we want it to will usually damage or destroy it. This is also very true with interpersonal relationships! They're fragile, so use your 'kid gloves' to handle them and keep your sledgehammer or your He-Man sword where it can't be seen or reached for in frustration.

3. Yet another reminder that women are people is due. You might want to spend time around women who do, despite being of the opposite gender, exhibit characteristics you would expect in a friend and steer clear of those who appear incapable of being any kind of friend.

so much very true 4 months ago

commenting to the tiGor, you have to understand, women have changed over the years and are a lot different today. once women's lib took over, it really changed them completely. have you noticed, their attitude stinks today and they have become very nasty as well. i am a very sincere man, and i am not playing games. you have to remember, i am in my late fifties. i wish that i was thirty years younger again, and at my age now time is short. i am a very clean person, by the way. i always and will keep myself clean. when i do go to the book store, i would have thought meeting a woman would be a lot easier than going to the clubs on the weekends. it is not because, most of them are a good thirty years younger than me. even the ones that are much closer to my age are nasty and walk away, especially when i try to start a conversation with them. now seriously, i did not do anything wrong for this to happen to me. where i live, i walk on the boardwalk a lot. you would think after seeing the same women that walk on the boardwalk as well, it would be a lot easier to meet them. many of them are stuck up, and will not give you the time of day. i will say hello, but they are not even that friendly. so you can see, i do have bad luck with women. certainly, not my fault. i do not want to sound desperate, but i will go out every single night not to be home by myself. it gets very lonely by myself. i have nothing to stay home to, so what do i have to lose by going out every night? nothing. i just hope that i will be at the right place at the right time, to meet a good woman for me this time around. you have to admit, years ago meeting women was a lot easier than now. many of them were raised well by their parents. today women have high paying jobs than a lot of men, and now they think who they are. years ago, they did not have what they have now. so as you can see how bad their attitude as changed over the years.

theTiGor 4 months ago

Oh, I very much understand that women have changed through the years and that they are much different today. PEOPLE have changed through the years and are much different today, regardless of their gender. Again, women are people too!

Do not concern yourself with the Women's Liberation Movement. The vast majority of the women you see every day give it no thought whatsoever. Women who lived through the supposed 'first wave' are all gone now. Those who may have taken an active part in what is said to be the second wave would now be in your approximate age range, but most of them, young at the time, did eventually more or less grow out of it and settle down. The ones that didn't were probably few enough in number the odds you'll ever meet one probably aren't too good. Supposedly a 'third wave' emerged about 20 years ago, but I sure never saw any sign of it in my neck of the woods. It probably would have been very limited in terms of the direct impact it would have had on anyone, which mostly would have been on those who were actively participating. Don't give it more credit than it deserves for shaping the world you live in, wherever that is.

You most certainly live somewhere far from where I do, and granted, things in your locale may be quite different than they are in mine. However, I think what is happening is that your observations are good, but the conclusions you are drawing from them are heavily tinted by your own personal experiences.

Keep things in perspective. It's not just women acting that way, it's most definitely men, too! In short, people from all walks of life are becoming detached, unconcerned for other people, and generally rude. This has been going on for decades now.

Almost every woman you see is going to have something going on with her. Most will not be open to spending time with you because they've already got a husband, fiance, or boyfriend for that. Hard to know how many, it varies considerably, but 85% would not be unreasonable. When you were married, you probably weren't very outgoing toward women you encountered on the street, were you? After all, you had a wife.

Regardless of relationship status, a number of women you'll encounter have something of importance on their mind. It could be anything, or everything. Whatever it is, they're preoccupied with that and not paying too much attention to strangers walking by on the street.

Many women will be at least somewhat concerned for their safety while out and about. This is normal in large urban areas, and women who recently arrived from less populated areas may be especially wary of strangers because of stories they've heard about how things are in the big cities. They probably want to keep their distance from people they don't know. Nothing personal, they're just looking out for themselves and they don't know you from anyone else in the world.

Bookstores, in my experience, are not the best places to meet women. It goes back to being preoccupied. They're often more interested in the merchandise than they are in meeting, and they may be in the store for the specific purpose of trying to find a gift for someone or information to help overcome some challenge they're facing in life. Time could be somewhat tight, too, and they want to find what they need and get out of there. Your trying to strike up small talk at such a time could be somewhat to very unwelcome, depending on what's really going on.

The younger generations seem to be even more superficial and self-absorbed. Most of my close friends are women in their fifties or beyond. Women in their thirties and earlier behave much differently. It would seem that the introduction of cable TV in the early 80's and possibly the introduction of the internet in the mid to late 90's for most in that generation has spawned a nihilistic kind of paradigm in both women and men, but you're probably going to be noticing it more in women as you're pursuing them and (presumably) are not interested in getting to know other men very well. If you could make yourself thirty years younger, I'm not sure you'd find yourself any happier. It may be precisely the opposite.

I don't think women having higher paying jobs than many men is everything you think it is. However, high paying jobs invariably come with a lot of responsibility and a proportional amount of stress accompanies it. Most of the people I've known in such positions were either single, divorced, separated, or else in a marriage that was best described as 'distant'. The real marriage, it would seem, was to the job and not so much to the spouse!

Meeting women did used to be much easier. All the stories I hear about 'how we met' from my grandparents' and even my parents' generations - generally just wouldn't work in today's world. A lot of the time, one (usually the man) or both would be investigated, fired, sued, or arrested if they did that today. If they were otherwise good guys, that is. Dirtball losers could usually get away with it, because they're dirtball losers and breaking society's rules is expected behavior from them!

There are very many relationships today that are 'arranged', or at least 'approved'. Not by family, in most cases, but usually by friends and colleagues. I've been seeing this for years. I'll spare you the gory details for now, but the old saying about it not being what you know but who you know applies in spades. Generally, someone you know will steer you toward someone they know, the idea being that they know you're all right or otherwise somehow 'acceptable'. If you do manage to meet someone independently and get a date or two out of it, meeting her friends will often 'make' or 'break' it shortly afterwards. If her friends don't like you, it's probably over. Otherwise, she may stick with you and dump her friends. I've had that happen. I'm not sure it was such a good thing, either...

Keep in mind that a startling number of women do suffer one or more medical conditions that present a barrier to any kind of relationship. Chronic pain or fatigue is an obvious one, but there are others that rather embarrassing and quite often women tend to be rather self conscious. They try to not get too close to people, lest they notice the symptoms (may include sounds, odors, involuntary bodily functions, or just the fear of any of the above), and to make a long story short, they're just not in the mood anymore.

One final thought for you:

There are a lot of women of middle age who are psychologically damaged from their previous relationships and/or marriages. I know many of them. They're divorced, and that's how they plan to stay. They were treated so poorly, often by multiple men, that they want to take no chances of it happening again. My friend Kim, when I met her, was 51. She looked like she was 71. She'd had her skull fractured six times by five different ex-husbands. Would you believe she decided she was absolutely DONE with men? I was 21 at the time, so she felt safe around me; I was more like a son to her. My friend Carol is in her mid-fifties now, and wants me present when tradesmen and other workers are in her home because they ALL seem to want to get a date with her, regardless of their own relationship status. She'd probably tell them I'm a son or nephew, but the idea is that she wouldn't have to be alone with them but could remain with her house. She also complains about whenever she tries to be friendly to strangers, the men all start following her around. She goes to rather great lengths to avoid encountering men, and again, plans to remain 'happily divorced'.

I feel your pain, friend. Nothing much you can do about it, either. It's the times we live in, I'm afraid.

Take care of yourself and hope for the best!

so very much true 4 months ago

to tiGor i hope you understand how i feel, did i mention that i am in my late fifties, i sure that i did with my last comment. being alone and single now, does hurt a lot. i feel as if god is punishing me. why do certain men have the luck to have met the right woman for them and have a family today, i wanted that as much as they have it. it is very unfair, the way i see it. god is good to certain people, and rotten to people like me. the men out there that were very lucky to have met the right woman for them and a family, should go to church to pray and really thank god for what they have. it is the men like us that have no one in their life now, and are hurting very bad. it is amazing that god could give certain men the luck, that others like us can't have. i do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, and i am sure a lot of other men like me will feel the same way as well. i am a straight, down to earth, very sincere man, that would know how to treat a woman. there are so many men out there that abuse their wife and children, and should be very severely punished for it. there is another problem today, there are now so many lesbians out there that are making it worse. since women are now going for their own sex, i have to now compete with other women to meet another good woman for me, go figure. there are so many women leaving their husbands now for other women to be with, just as confusing as well. thank you very much for your support, i will keep going out and just hope for the best.

theTiGor 4 months ago

Yes, you mentioned that you're in your late fifties.

Some days I wonder if I'm being punished for something I did in a previous lifetime, in which case I must have been truly evil! But that's because of many things, certainly not only in relationships or lack thereof, not by a long shot! I live a life most people would find completely unbearable, but I take it in stride. One just has to go about it a bit differently, that's all.

One thing you may consider is that you were able to be married twice. That is something it seems most men posting here cannot and very likely will never be able to claim.

I think it's a fair bet that men who abuse their wife and children will get what's coming to them sooner or later.

It's unlikely there are really any more lesbians out there than there were in the past, it's just that it is much more socially acceptable today than it used to be. They were still there in the past, but the world discouraged them from being open and honest about it, so they married and had children instead, just to appease everyone and not be looked down upon. I'd imagine that would not be much of a marriage. On the other hand, I know a woman who was a high school classmate of mine and later a somewhat close friend. It seemed like I was the only guy (or at least one of the few) she hadn't had a romp in the sack with in high school. At age 21 or so, she 'came out of the closet' as a full-fledged lesbian and moved in with a partner for a couple of years. Maybe five years later she got married - to a man - and now has three children. Apparently it was just a phase she was going through. A lot of women are also identifying themselves as 'bisexual', too. I suspect what's really happening is that they're physically attracted to men, but never were really fulfilled by a relationship with a man and always managed to find what they needed being extra close to another woman. In a way, a lot of men are like that too. They'll find a woman for intimate relationships, but spend most of the rest of the time engaging in hobbies, sports, and pastimes with other men. They'd go totally NUTS spending all day with their wife or significant other. Go figure.

It is entirely possible the women leaving their husbands for other women realized all that mattered to their husbands was power, control, and sex, and that they, themselves, were tired of sex and saw the only option for a high quality friendship in a close woman friend. This should give most men pause for thought...

There are also a startling number of cases where good men are being left by their wives for men who are all but worthless losers. In most cases, the good man was fairly successful, so the wife was able to leave with most of his wealth to go live with a bum. My analysis of cases I've seen has been that this is a form of 'gold digging'. One involved a woman whose husband was in Iraq. She cleaned out the joint bank account they had and left him for some unemployed punk rocker/biker wannabe type. The soldier learned the hard way that since she was his wife, she could legally take his money and do that. That should also be something men need to keep in mind.

The quality of people being what it has become today, you need to be very careful what you wish for. Those who have told themselves they are desperate are probably the most likely to become victims of a relationship or marriage that is not only unhealthy, but not in good faith from day one.

I will say that being a single guy offers a sense of security as I am in full control of my time and resources. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and no one is really able to get in my way.

Sometimes you just have to work with what you've got.

Take care.

imperfekt 4 months ago

read no more mr nice guy by robert glover. guaranteed u would not be the same. the question u would be asking is why cant i stick with one woman lol

shawn 4 months ago

Brad thats not true I am 6'2 have had tons of hot babes..but here I am single...at 32...just had a two dates with a cute girl and she is done already with me...

In fact I see ugly short dudes with hot chicks....the height and looks thing is way overrated when it comes to ladies.

theTiGor 4 months ago

I'm not familiar with Robert Glover's book, but the concept he's probably hawking is familiar enough. You can certainly be TOO nice, and by that I mean unnaturally, obviously FAKE kind of nice. By that I mean a woman with any smarts at all will realize that you're putting her on and that you're trying to get something from her because no one would ever be that 'nice' to everyone! Yet a lot of men keep on doing this, wondering why they're being ignored.

No need to be discourteous to anyone, but do try being 'indifferent', like you're not noticing individual women. Try to treat everyone you meet the same way. This can work wonders for you. Besides, any woman who takes a liking to you because you've been nice to her is probably doing so because everyone else has told her to get lost and she's about to cling to you like a giant squid and suck anything that resembles enjoyment completely out of your life.

You've been warned, guys!

Shawn,

If you could read the minds of the 'hot chicks' you see with 'ugly short dudes', you'd probably find that they don't think that they're so hot. Women will generally pair off with the men they THINK they deserve. You can tell a heck of a lot about a woman by the man - or lack thereof - she's with. Most of the women who KNOW they're 'hot' (whatever that's supposed to mean...but it's all by their standards...yours don't count to them!) have very high standards and are typically extremely picky. They can get away with it, too. Every now and then you come across a woman who is well adjusted with a healthy, appropriate sense of self. Where I live, I can tell you it's increasingly rare!

Johnny Ramirez 4 months ago

I have one the best, genuine, down to earth personalities. I'm confident in myself where I can make people laugh and although I like who I am, I don't take myself to seriously either. I would say I'm a good looking guy, and I'm sure I would be no whorse than "cute or average guy". My perseverance is also their, I'm persistant without over-doing it. I dont like to give up when I know their is still fire in the chimney. The only real problem is that I'm shy to approach women. So I've done alot of online dating and it hardly has bore any fruit. Any other suggestions as what a guy can do? Im very confident and talkative, active listner, just approaching a girl is my problem.

The Boss 4 months ago

I have been reading some of the stuff posted on here and i find that Ive been laughing my ass off at most of it. I have been dating girls since pre-k. No joke, first girlfriends name ever was Destiny, i met her in pre-k. Well i take that back dating since pre-k all till the last year (2011). Honestly ive dated more girls than i can count but only considered a few of them (3 or 4) to be actual Girlfriends. Ya im about to be 16, just passed My GED at Vo-tech. Going into the Military this summer (FSA) and i work out everyday. I dont know if im good looking or not but im very smart, Not good short term memory but great long term memory, i remember being born, my memory is so good. but yea like i said last year i pretty much gave up on dating because i cant seem to find a girl that i really like and that really likes me. I dont do short term relationships anymore so its like FTW.

CB 4 months ago

I'm 26, have had 3 girlfriends but haven't been in a relationship for 4 years now.

There are good girls out there, but the fact is when it comes down to it women are just as shallow as men, they just (try) and hide it better.

At this point, I just don't give a fuck. I've never been one for the bang your head against a brick wall thing with women. If you are going to make a good couple it shouldn't be a massive effort just to talk to them. I'm not saying relationships don't take effort but the initial stages shouldn't be that hard.

I know I'm not bad looking, I'm not some kind of supermodel either though. I am intelligent and I have a good personality (I have friends who I get on very well with, including girls though admittedly only a few) My experience is that many girls at least where I live... they have nothing to say. They just do not contribute to conversation. Probably due to not being interested but even girls who I know casually who know I have no romantic interest in them can't carry a conversation, 1 word answers a bullshit.

Yes. I'm jaded and probably being unfair but I'm done. I figure when I decent girl comes along I'll know what to do. That's how it happened with the last few I've become involved with. Problem is they all end up fucking off to another country. And no not due to me :P

The Boss 4 months ago

Well sorry they keep going to different countries. But yea pretty much that's how it goes, no girls around here are well interesting. I still live in the middle of no where and there are few people i can talk to, i dont go into town all that much but hopefully things will change win i go to the Military, pray for before but u never know

theTiGor 4 months ago

Johnny,

The best thing I can suggest when approaching a woman is to assume that there's something seriously wrong with her you won't know about until you get to know her. Your reason for approaching her, in your mind, should be 'curiosity', not because of anything GOOD you see in her. The reason I say that is men will usually idealize a woman they have an attraction to, focusing only on what they like and literally forgetting anything else about her. Eventually, if you get anywhere with her, all of the less-than-stellar things will come to your realization and then you'll be wondering what you saw in her. But, at first, since all that stuff is being overlooked and she seems so PERFECT, you get nervous. Be reasonably polite, be courteous, be yourself, but most of all, don't jump to any conclusions about her and do not forget that she is still a stranger, even if you are a bit acquainted with her. You won't be so nervous up front, and much less disappointed later on.

CB,

I've long noticed this, too. Now, there are plenty who don't talk much, and their usual replies to anything are, 'Yes', 'No', and 'I don't know.'. Hard to build a relationship with someone like that!

More commonly, though, I've found that I have nothing to contribute to most conversations. About all I could do would be to ask a few questions to clarify what I'm being told, but that would be rather pointless as 1) I wouldn't understand the answers and 2) I don't care! What's going on here? Easy. The conversations are almost ENTIRELY about OTHER PEOPLE. Other people I've never met, don't know, wouldn't recognize if I saw them. Conversations about the personal affairs of these other people, who was at which late night party, who did what when they were totally wasted, who slept with who, who now has what venereal disease, who fathered who's child, etc. In short, lots of stuff I don't care to hear about in the first place, but means nothing to me one way or the other. I don't even know who these people are!

It seems that the high quality young women leave here shortly after graduation high school. Those who stick around, seem to have never left high school, despite graduating years before!

The old saying goes, "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss other people." Life gets interesting when you like to discuss ideas while those around you want to discuss other people!

And, to both you guys, I have no idea what one would do when most women you encounter are completely engrossed in a cell phone conversation. You can't strike up small talk with someone who's on the phone, and anything you could manage to do would be very annoying. But, most of the time you meet new women out in public, it seems they've got the phone to their ear.

The times we live in!

The Boss 4 months ago

This blog has been going on for 3 years....

Dan 4 months ago

Yo, just found this blog. I'm 19 and haven't had a proper girlfriend before. I've had a thing with a girl that I messed up with so doesn't really count and a girl I kind of liked and kissed but nothing really happened. Alot of the time I just haven't cared about getting a girlfriend, because sometimes I genuinely didn't but also I think I probably hoped that it might just happen and I might have a better chance of meeting a girl if I didn't think about it. However, I concluded that this doesn't work at all and you do have to put the effort in otherwise nothing will happen unless you're like Brad Pitt.

I confuse myself by my personality really, I think generally i have a good personality, I'm nice and friendly to people and girls and I think i'm also quite confident with some girls. But there are others that sort of make me numb with shyness if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel shy and sometimes I don't, but I don't really have the confidence to ask a girl out. I also can't talk to random girls, I just can't do it. I can only talk to girls that are friends of friends, because then theres a connection, an entry point to start getting to know them. I've been told i'm quite attractive, I don't think so but then who does, and I'm not an arrogant person at all, the opposite really im really self depreciative but I know that I must be at least slightly interesting because i can engage girls in conversation and I can make most girls laugh thats something i am quite good at and i have quite a wide range of interests so that helps I guess.

I just don't know how to advance a relationship with a girl, im not an idiot i just really don't know the steps to take and i think i get so afraid of failure that i don't even try and take it to the next level. I just tell myself "why would she like me?" etc, i do get very downbeat and i know thats not the attitude to have but i can't help it because i feel like i could do it i just find it incredibly hard to achieve.

Do i maybe think too much about it? Im writing a pretty long response so that may be proof of that, I know i'm not boring but i do fear alot that girls find me weird like i think i have weird personality quirks that people find irritating and offputting. Its difficult to know how to act around girls I know I fancy, people say be yourself but sometimes that doesn't feel enough, i feel like i want to put something on and they might be more interested. Just how do i get girls more interested? I have theories on why i'm not very good at this stuff, i have this friend who has had alot of girlfriends, very pretty ones as well and in fact he went out with someone i fancied and i think this may have dented my self belief and confidence a bit because its like im intimidated by him. Not sure thats the right word, I feel like hes better than me and that gets me down, that i'll never be able to get girls like he can, a fair bit of jealously I suppose. Do you think that could be a valid reason for my lack of self confidence in trying to get girls? I'm just fustrated, there is this girl right now that i like and shes very pretty, has a very interesting personality, is funny and interested in films like me and stuff and i just feel like thats the type of girl i really want to be with but i just don't know steps to take. One final thing that bothers me is that maybe my standards are too high, and that i'm trying to get these girls that are too good/too pretty for me but is that a realistic thing to think or is it stupid? I want to be with someone i truly like and if i go for like an "easier" option that i don't have much in common with i won't feel happy. I'm not interested in sex just a proper relationship, something alot of guys i know would be confused at. And i value personality over looks but I find looks quite important too. So yeah if you have any advice and could reply that would be great, thanks.

Dan

The Boss 4 months ago

No Problemo Senior

theTiGor 4 months ago

Dan, it does not sound like you've been through anything most men haven't been through at some point in their lives.

Consider this:

Did you ever learn how to swim? Maybe you have, maybe you haven't, maybe you're quite good at it, maybe not so much. Some of us are terrified of water. Some of us seem to be half fish. The reality is, it's not that it's all that difficult to do, but you don't fully understand that until you've done it! There's some learning involved in trying and experiencing it, but most of the barrier one has to break through is purely psychological. Once you've become comfortable in the water, you've pretty much 'learned how to swim'. People who 'can't swim' actually are those who aren't yet comfortable in the water and they don't get in trouble because they sink, they get in trouble because they PANIC instead of swim.

This would be more or less what you're facing with approaching women. You have to do it a few times and have at least some modicum of success once or twice in order to feel comfortable doing it and be able to PROCEED instead of PANIC.

Don't give up.

Paul 4 months ago

Reading all these comments sounds soo familiar its like reading my biography - what can i say, im like most you guys, when it comes to really talking to girls, especially the ones i like, then i just have nothing to say and I always, literally always am the one who has to make the conversation, not once has a girl ever come up to me in a bar or club and started a conversation, i always have to pluck up the courage to a approach a girl but right from the get go i can tell that she isnt interested, the usual signs of lack of talking from her part, lack of eye contact etc kind of gives it away and i end up leaving with my head between my legs as usual thinking why do i bother - i just dont understand what is wrong with me, yes im not the most good looking of guys but i dont think im ugly as such and when i see all my friends, family members, neighbours and strangers in street with their gf's i just dont get how they do it but i cant - seriously lost and feel that im always gonna be one of those losers living by themselves, no wife, no kids and neighbours think your some weirdo - any advice would be great as long as its not the usual 'stay positive, chin up' bullshit coz ive heard it a trillion times!

Brad 4 months ago

I'm with Paul. I see people all the time and think, "How did they find someone?" It seems that almost everyone has someone except for me. At least Paul has opportunities. I'm approaching 40 and I don't go out to bars. I pretty much have no options. People ask me if I have a girlfriend. How in the world would I have a girlfriend? Where would I possible find her? It just sucks because, in our society, everyone sees you an outcast when you aren't married. When there is really nothing you can do, it starts to get really frustrating. As Paul also said, the only advice people can give is, "Build up confidence and keep trying." They think it will happen by magic. Unfortunately, it never does.

theTiGor 4 months ago

A few thoughts here for Paul and Brad:

Paul:

Do stop and reassess things a bit. What are you really looking for, anyway? Are you wanting a relationship for Paul, or are you wanting one so you look good to friends, family, and neighbors? You'd be amazed how many people make #2 the bigger priority, because they want to fit in. I've seen it many, many times, and as far as I could ever tell, that's exactly what my father did. It didn't work out too good for him. I sure have no desire to repeat that!

If no one ever approaches you and you have to approach them, and you do manage to start something even though she still doesn't seem all that interested in you, what the hell have you really gained? What have you actually lost? It'll probably cost you a small fortune, take up a lot of time you could be getting some real good from if you weren't trying to pursue a relationship doomed from the start, and you probably really will feel like a loser when she finally wanders off. Do not be afraid to stay single until you encounter someone who genuinely seems to like you. If you are out there trying to find someone just so you're not alone and looking like an outcast from society, odds are good you'll end up with a gal who's trying to do the very same thing. Trust me, nothing good can come from this! Or, at least it isn't likely to...

In my younger days, I had a couple of relationships, not quite girlfriends in the commonly accepted sense, but just very strange friendships with a couple of young women. The first one, it soon became apparent, was looking for a relationship for her parents, not herself. She was trying to go with a guy she thought her parents would like - me - and she was doing it to benefit her relationship with them. It just seemed very weird as it was unfolding, but in hindsight, it's all very clear and I see how I was definitely being used where at the time I just had the gut feeling and no real proof. The end seemed to come when she apparently went off her psych meds, quit talking to anyone she knew, and disappeared. I saw her a few years later, and almost didn't recognize her. Sad, really. She looked awful and the guy she was with (and apparently married) was, let's say, something else...

Not long after that, a classmate from high school found me. I learned a lot about her I had no way of knowing about when I was sitting next to her in class, none of it stuff I really wanted to know, either. She was putting a lot of pressure on me to move in with her, but that wasn't quite what I'd had in mind. The fact that she was like 4'10 and had her bedroom decorated in Walt Disney and with stuffed animals everywhere felt pretty creepy given the things she wanted to do with me as it felt like I was with an 11 year old girl and not a 21 year old woman. She suddenly shut me out when the man she'd been waiting for showed up in town. She was a Mormon and without really coming out and saying it, it was known that she'd prefer being married to another Mormon. He knocked on her door one day, while on his two year mission. He's a great guy and I like him a lot, they're a perfect couple and very happy. I was just a place holder until he came along, it seems so her folks and extended family didn't think anything was wrong with her. Given what her 24 year old stepfather was doing to her at night while she was a 16 year old sophomore in high school sitting in the desk next to me, I don't blame her for thinking that people might be worrying about her five years later.

You can end up in situations like this very easily if you're not careful. I'm used to both losing out on things and just weird things in general, so I take it in stride. You may not be so blessed. Most men aren't!

Brad:

You're right, society sees you as an outcast when you're single. It's been that way for centuries, though definitely worse in the past.

Examine your options when people ask if you've got a girlfriend. Consider:

"Why, are you offering one?"

"I'm open to suggestions..."

"Sorry, I don't own one!" (My perennial favorite)

"What would I want one for?" (Also a favorite of mine)

I don't do bars, either. Can't hold a conversation in one, too noisy. I don't drink, anyway. Odds of meeting a quality individual in a bar, eh, not so much!

I stay very busy and have kept odd hours for many years. That makes relationships quite impractical, except, perhaps, to a coworker. It's been awhile since I've had any I'd want to be in a relationship of any kind with, anyway.

I'm kind of like a Bruce Wayne, myself. And I definitely have an alter ego most people don't know about. I do not look like a giant bat, however. You could say I have costumes, though they're not disguises, but actual, functional clothing that I wear doing the different things I do. Some people have only seen me in one of those kinds of clothing and have no idea what I dress like when I'm somewhere else. There are people who have only seen me in business suits. There are people who have only seen me in camouflage or dress blues, but no civilian clothing. There are people who've seen me in various modes of work clothes but have no idea what I dress like when I go to town or I'm not building or working on something.

When you're a single guy, you can do whatever you feel like and to hell with anyone else. Let them wonder. Works for Bruce Wayne. Works very well for me. Why couldn't it work for you, too?

Take it easy guys.

kingjj 4 months ago

hello there i'm 19 I stopped trying to find love when i realized that wasnt working, and now im in a fraternity where all the guys already have girls and idk what to do its so hard i got over my fear of rejection last year, i even built up confidence, and changed my appearance to have swag that all girls said i lacked. i also have been scouted for male modeling, but without sex even in mind most girls reject the idea of even a dinner with me. i am not egotistical i believe in chivalry and have been called too nice before but i dont believe in changing who i am because i am who i am i will refuse to be fake. still tho no matter what i do i fail miserably with women i get them to laugh and conversate but its always your too good of a friend to lose, and when i just meet people its even your so awesome and we even hook up but no one will date me but i do have confidence and believe i can keep moving but i wont lie to myself this is starting to hurt me inside. and when im around women i have confidence nowadays but it hasnt seemed to help and again i dont insinuate sex at all, but they don't like gentleman or i am just not attractive idk but im not giving up or changing because im me

theTiGor 4 months ago

Kingjj,

You sound like my kind of guy!

You never know what's going on with people these days. I know I'm always struggling to figure it out, and it's never as simple as it seems.

You're in a younger generation than I am - it'd be a bit of a stretch, but your parents could both be my age, though hopefully a few years older - and I have no idea where you're at, but presumably a fairly urban or metro area.

I live in a small city in a mostly rural state. My observations have been that much of what I witness here only gets bigger and badder in places where more people are congregated!

Most anything young people do seems to be driven by a certain mob-type mentality. Everyone wants to fit in! Although everyone claims that they want to 'be themselves', the ways in which they go about doing it indicate that they really are afraid to take the risk of being unique and then not accepted for who they are. Thus, you end up with 'sheeple', who, whether they realize it or not, follow the flock because doing that is both 'safe' and 'comfortable'.

The women you're encountering may very well be so stuck in whatever the local herd mentality is that their tastes in men are whatever seems to be in style with the various cliques of young women. At some times and in some places, this seems to change about every week, and much of the time it never seems to change. Overall, though, what's going on is that to a young woman, her boyfriend is more a fashion accessory than anything else. Her boyfriend is going to be extremely similar to her friends' boyfriends, though ideally he will be *somehow* perceived just 'one step' more desirable than her friends' boyfriends are. All the boyfriends will have something in common. The classic is that they'll all be football players. One of the girls in the clique with the most clout starts dating a football player, and before long, EVERYONE is dating a football player. And that usually means there's a few guys out there who suddenly got dumped for no real reason other than that they didn't happen to be football players. Sometimes it's soldiers. Sometimes it's cops. Sometimes it's construction workers, sometimes it's guy with motorcycles. Sometimes it's guys who are 'goth', are musicians in bands, are street gang members, or who knows what. In some cases, it'll be a different story in six months, other times the group falls on to one kind of guy and they never seem to change that. In the end, the thing to remember is that when this is happening, the individual man is quite unimportant to the girls. It's their friendship with the other girls in the clique that's important and their common bond is the kind of guy they've got.

I don't know how often it happens, specifically, but I've seen it for years. Mostly it's in high school, but it definitely carries over into adulthood. After all, when you're fresh out of high school, high school is all you know, right? This is female juvenile behavior at its worst, though it seems innocent enough when it's sixteen year old girls doing it. It's sad when they're still acting this way at 26, and if it still seems to be happening at 36, something is really wrong!

Of course, how this affects you is that you might not be seen as 'the right guy at the right time' due to how you look or act. Is it your problem? Well, it's not your fault that people are like that.

Hang in there. Someone could grow up and realize her friends aren't as good of friends as she had thought they were. A young woman could come in from somewhere else and wonder what the heck is wrong with the scene there and think that you're A-OK compared to everyone else she's meeting. Things could change and a year from now, you could find yourself to be 'in style'. Or you could move somewhere else where this behavior isn't predominate and people actually think for themselves and not trying to do only what their close friends are doing.

Mathers 4 months ago

My story is a little different to what others have put, but I met this girl over the web in 2007 and we got talking a lot and it was obvious she liked me and I liked her, but sadly I never always showed her the respect she deserved, this eventually lead to us not talking starting mid 2009, how I regret that.

I have socialized with others girls got to know em and stuff, but I can't get her outta my head, it hurts so bad.

I started talking to her again just occassional times, but I was hoping something would happen again, but sadly she started dating this guy who seems to have it all in april of last year. It haunts me the regret and the inability to get her outta my head, I hope I can meet somebody to move on from this.

theTiGor 4 months ago

Mathers,

I don't think there's much anybody can do for you...you're on your own for this one, bro!

I can, however, suggest a few things you might do to make the process of moving on a bit easier.

Have you thought about WHY you can't get her out of your head? Are you certain that jealousy of the guy she started dating last April doesn't have anything to do with it, at least with making it worse?

Seriously, if you weren't always treating her with, in your own words, the respect she deserved, there was some reason you were doing that at the time. It is very common for a person to feel quite uncomfortable when an ex of some sort enters another relationship is gets married, and most often one forgets just why it was that person was an 'ex' in the first place!

And, again, people have a habit of idealizing people they're attracted to in any way; women, men, friends, some family members, celebrities, pets, etc. We get all excited about the good things we see (especially at first) and we are either unaware of, intentionally overlook, or often minimalize the negatives that would temper our enthusiasm for them. Eventually, this does fade. We either accept them as a 'whole person' (or animal) with strengths and weaknesses, fortes and faults, or else we begin to see the negatives as outweighing the positives and we start to reject them. Look at how many people thought Micheal Jackson was uber-cool in 1982, for instance. By 1985, it was apparent that he was a bit quirky, but that didn't bother a lot of folks too much. By 1992 the situation was much different when some other things came to light and a lot of people lost all respect for him and probably felt guilty or ashamed for previously really liking him and his music. This same situation is what leads to many familial falling-outs and most of the divorces out there. Newlyweds ignored or else thought they could live with each others' faults. After a few years, those faults took center stage and the good things about each other had been largely forgotten.

The course of things, as you described them in three paragraphs, suggests to me that she probably wasn't really a good match for you overall and that you're probably much better off in the long run without her. You'll have to do the reasoning as to precisely why that would be, but if you two really were 'made for each other', as they say, you wouldn't have quit talking with each other in mid-2009.

Good luck.

samsander14 4 months ago

Hi, I think the article has some merit but is basically very naive and not of much direct use to anyone who struggles to get a date.

Your replies are superficial. I don't think you mean them to be but they are. Let me explain why.

There is no recognition to the situation these guys face. It is assumed that women are just waiting to be asked out. This is not correct as I will explain. All you are doing is setting guys up for more rejection.

I am 53 and faced a similar set of experiences when I was a teen and in my 20s. I am reasonable looking and good at talking. I had a few experiences with women but struggled to get a girlfriend. When I tell women this now they find it hard to believe that I once had problems having a gf. Women are basically oblivious to the plight of men who want to date.

The context of the problem that is so important is this. Girls, especially when young, want to date the most handsome man around so they can show off to their friends and family. Women are brought up to value themselves very highly whereas boys or men are seen as ten a penny. So girls find the average guy invisible and unattractive because they have set their sights on 5% of men. This is reality. An average girl will get lots of dates with good looking men, on a Monday or Tuesday, as the 5% of guys can have a date every night of the week if he wants. Many girls just hold out for mr perfect and will not go on dates. This makes it difficult for Joe average or even mr Joe a bit above average.

All the guys on this thread have nothing wrong with them. They are in a Western Country where this mentality prevails with women. It leads to young men becoming very frustrated and losing any confidence when they are in fact fine. It is just there are very few women who consider them.

Now I know for a fact this is contextual. If they went to Thailand or some other country these same guys would have women flocking to them and they would have a gf - no problem. Same guy different context.

Try chatting to women from philippines online. They are not gold diggers but sure they want a better life - don't we all.

I too had problems finding a gf. I was very bright and I am now a top professor in a leading universityy. I could chat, have fun and was interesting. I was average looking and not tall - 5'7". Women who want a guy have a lot of choice unless you are in a college with many more women (which was rare back then). Women mainly go off looks first. Never believe women when they say they want a guy with personality. Go off what they do and not what they say. They go for guys they are physically attracted to first.

On this point women were asked to rate guys' pics on a dating site and they thought 80% were ugly. This shows how highly they value themselves, much higher than they should.

OK so now you know what you are up against and the fact there are many in the same boat as you. In fact if I wrote my experience sin my 20s you would weep for me as the story is so sad. In fact it did scar me for life but don't worry I have made some recovery.

What do you do now? Well that would take me an essay to explain but you can contact me if you want to know. But let me tell you that it won't be easy and will take some reprogramming. All the PUA guys are a bit far fetched with their advice but have some good ideas for sure.

theTiGor 4 months ago

Samsander 14, you have an interesting post there, my friend.

I would not opt to dispute any of it per se, only to assert that your reality is different from the reality that myself and the realities many of the rest of us face. Yes, context is everything, as is location, as is time.

You're not the first one to suggest attempting to woo foreign women. Personally, I have some serious reservations about that.

One's best bet may be to travel to a foreign land, whereupon YOU would be the foreigner. That is definitely putting yourself in a different context, no?

Trying to get a foreign woman to come to you as you sit here in the western hemisphere has worked for some, but I see it as rife with potential hazards. Scams, for one thing! But maybe more importantly, you can't really get to know someone without actually spending time with them, first. You can chat all you want online, but a person can easily portray themselves as whatever they wish online. Much harder to fake things in real life!

You state that foreign women, namely Filipinos, are not gold diggers, but merely want a better life. I would say that makes them gold diggers! All things are relative, and as far as gold diggers go, they'd have pretty low standards compared to what American gold diggers would have. Either way, both are ultimately looking to marry themselves out of whatever undesirable situation they're in. Occasionally, it really does work out for the better, but I think it's a very long shot. I sure as heck wouldn't gamble it, myself.

In some places today, what you say about women seeking the most handsome men they can find is still true. It is, however, mostly in the past in much of the rest of the nation. The world is a much more complicated place than that, and I see countless cases where the boyfriend is 100% the OPPOSITE of what the young woman would have been 'raised' to have sought, often to spite the parents, and often because young women have a very distorted sense of self and DO NOT value themselves as highly as they should. If they did, they wouldn't be with most of the criminals, reprobates, and abject losers they're so often seen with, but rather decent, upstanding men.

It all depends on where - and when - you're at.

You are right about the 80% of mens photos on dating sites being ugly, though. I don't know that the men themselves are ugly, but the pictures are lousy and can make even a rather handsome man look pretty awful. Much of out looks, we have almost total control over. The parts we don't, can be dealt with if we so choose.

Where are the Pick Up Artists you're referring to? I don't see any here. They're always trying to see something. Are you planning to sell something to the guys who *might* possibly contact you? Just wondering...

samsander14 4 months ago

Hi theTIGor

You make many good points in your comments and I would not disagree with any of them either really.

No, I am not selling anything, far from it. I put that offer up there because I was disturbed that some young guys were contemplating suicide and I thought if I could be a good listener and of any help than that is the least I could do.

My point about foreign situations and women was just to illustrate that the same person in a different context can be in big demand. Someone who feels that they never get any attention can go to a different situation and get lots of attention. Like I said, same person different context. I am not recommending all guys that cannot find a girlfriend go overseas although I know many people that have done this with success. It is becoming very common in Australia, guys who get no attention go and come back with a beauty. The problems you mention are real and consideration should be given to them. However, I wouldn't discount this option either but it needs to be considered carefully. I guess all love involves risk to some extent. It is something I would consider but then I like Asian women.

The examples about girls going with "bad boys" is true too. It may well highlight their lack of self esteem as they know they are likely to be abused in some form or other. However, it is said they see "nice guys" as boring and not boyfriend material. The bad boys you mention show them little respect and it may be a case of wanting what they shouldn't have.

The point I was trying to make with 80% ugly thing is that women are weird lol! Yes, the mens' pics are bad but so are the women's pics. It is just that they have set their sights so high that that they begin to view the average guy as ugly whereas the average guy will find the average girl attractive. I have asked a number of women it this seems to hold true.

No I didn't see any PUA here. I was just saying they have some good points but are sometimes in a dream land and unrealistic.

For example

theTiGor 4 months ago

Samsander, I'm glad to see your elaboration on your earlier post. Good clarification on several things.

Glad to see that you're not trying to sell anything, either!

I personally would not worry too much about the guys earlier who seemed to be contemplating suicide because they couldn't enter a relationship. If they were live and right in front of us, that may be different. On the internet, however, things can be very different. People can vent in ways that they know would be very alarming if done in front of people they knew, so it is apparently 'safe' to say things like that out of frustration in the anonymity of an internet page like this one. And, too, some people actually think that it's funny or will get a rise out of some of us and are testing us to see what kind of reaction they get. It's possible one or more could be serious, but they've probably got bigger problems for one, and for two, we have no idea who or where they are, anyway. Not much we can do for them.

Your example of changing ones location was indeed a good one, I preach much the same thing myself. But, yes, one needs to be damned careful with that. If you take a job in another country and that's the real reason you're there, super! Everything else is a bonus. But I know of too many who spent a lot of money either travelling overseas or else trying to bring someone from overseas to the US for the purposes of a relationship or marriage, and to say the least, it did not end well. It reminds me of a discussion in a college insurance and risk management course I took. The topic was group coverage, and the principle of 'adverse selection' was the subject at hand. In a nutshell, covering some defined group of people tends to work well, UNLESS that group is defined primarily for the purpose of insuring people. When that happens, you tend to get all the people you really don't want to be insuring, i.e., the bad risks. I won't expound on that any further, but I will liken that to our present topic here. If you're overseas for some other reason than to meet women, any women that you meet are probably a better risk for you. Or, if a woman is here from a foreign land for some other reason (like employment, travel, etc.) than meeting a man and happens to start dating someone while in the country, that's better...less likely to be contrived or for there to be an ulterior motive.

In any case, there is always a lot of danger in what at least one sociologist I know of refers to as an 'exotic' relationship. There is a definite novelty factor involved in dating someone who is not from around where you're at. Men from Europe can be very popular with women here in the US. Men from the US can be very popular pretty much anywhere. In parts of the US where the population is almost exclusively Caucasian, young women seem to have a fascination with black men the past 10-15 years that you don't see so much of down south where there have been lots of black men for generations. Sometimes, of course, the purpose of such a relationship seems to be annoying parents and other adults, but to the young woman, quite often her black boyfriend will be a 'something' that none of her friends have in a town where there may be only one black male. The problem often is that the 'core' of the relationship is the novelty of it, and novelty always wears off. If there isn't good, solid underpinnings to it, the relationship is doomed. This is true with any relationship that is hinged solely or mainly on one factor that is subject to change...and most factors are definitely subject to change given some time!

There is risk in all things, love included, but there's a difference between general risk and unwarranted risk. Frankly, a young man who seems to pin his personal worth to his relationship status and laments being unattached may very well harm himself when his first or next relationship fails.

My thoughts for the morning, anyway. Have a great day, wherever it is you're at!

Lonely 231 4 months ago

I'm 20 years old never had a girl friend never had sex never kissed a girl I don't know Whut it is but girls don't take interest in me I'm in the military I thought being in the military was a + for girls but gess I was wrong have two nice cars and have a job In good physical shape not bad looking have had Whut I consider a half ass date once we met and talk for a bit I was very polite and nice after that she never talked to me again found a different girl she had systematic lupis and brain cancer witch I was fine with I Whent to pick her up and my car got a flat tire ruining the date I had to go home she never talked to me again after that I felt like I'm cursed or something god obviously dose not want me to be happy so why even try eney more I have 6 months. Before I go to afghanistan I am afraid I might die over there and miss out on this part of life

Samsander14 4 months ago

Lonely

Sorry to read you had a bit of bad luck with your dates. I think that is just what they were - some bad luck. Maybe next time it will go much better.

Don't ask me why dating a girl is such a big thing for many men to do in most western countries. After all, a date is just a date, it doesn't mean lifelong commitment or an expectation of sex. Some say it is a numbers game. There are pros and cons of viewing dating as a numbers game. The con is that who has the confidence to keep asking girls out and take rejection time after time (if that happens but you could be lucky first time). The pro is that there more you ask the more likely you will get a date.

Personally, my dating experiences at university were none existent but one factor was that there were many more guys than girls. Then I took a teaching course at a college for a year where there were more females than males. Of course I had much more success in dating and getting to know girls in the college than in university. The odds were in my favour.

So think about where you go and what you do. Do you go places where there are many girls. Do you have a circle of friends? Do you talk to many girls. DO you talk to girls online?

There is probably no real reason why you aren't getting a kiss other than getting out, talking, and persisting. Girls have their guards up in bars and they are difficult places to get to know women. Try the day time, in the supermarket, at the gym, on the bus, you may have more success.

It sucks I know but except for a small number of typically very handsome men, all men have to work hard to get dates on a regular basis. By this I mean you are not on your own. Knowing that should make you feel a bit better.

theTiGor 4 months ago

I wish I knew exactly what to tell you, soldier!

Wearing the uniform of the United States and owning and driving a nice car or two are commonly thought to be the proverbial 'chick magnets', but in my experience, at least where I'm from, there is no such thing! Being a military man myself, I don't see where it really helped me in this respect. If anything, it may have actually been a hindrance! I never had what anyone would consider to be a 'nice' car because I have no use for one where I live. My little brother bought one he thought would fill the bill, and discovered it didn't do what he hoped it would.

Now, is it possible that being enlisted and having some slick wheels will make women want you? Well, yes, but there are some conditions on that. Time and place is a lot of it, as we've been discussing here lately. If you're at a place in a time where soldiers are 'hot' there, you might just have it made. Of course, you have no real control over what's popular where and when, but maybe you can move somewhere else and all will be good.

Maybe. I've seen many cases where a woman decided she wanted a soldier just for the novelty of it and it was the 'exotic' relationship I referred to in a recent post. They tend not to last long. Otherwise, soldiers can also be one of the 'trend boyfriends' for the members of a clique of girls and as soon as one of the girls experiences a breakup, all of her friends will be suddenly dumping their boyfriends shortly thereafter so all the girls in the clique (those who choose to remain, anyway) can all be united in their lamenting being single again. Is that juvenile, or what?

With the car, seriously, you need to stop and think about what kind of woman would truly like you as a person because of the car you drive. I imagine it'd be a very shallow, childish woman who feels that way. I'm guessing the car is usually coincidental to other things she sees in a man who happens to own a 'nice' car, whatever that is. I'm sure different people have different standards there! I'd suspect a woman who likes a man who has a nice car really likes a man who has money and likes to spend it, hopefully on her! Watch out there.

Your 'dates', I'd venture to say, have essentially happened to most men at one time or another, in some form. I've had my share of them! With the first one, who knows what was going on there. Could be anything, really. It's no reflection on you; she could be like that with everyone she has dinner with. Don't feel bad about the second, um, 'incident' involving the woman with lupis and brain cancer. Women with any kind of disability generally aren't going to make great dates due to the complications their condition present. Communication can be difficult, having much in common can often be a stretch, and depending on what the condition is, they could be in pain or just not in a good mood during a date. Trust me, I've had enough pain and injuries through the years to be an expert on this! I generally tried to keep away from other people just so my misery wasn't 'rubbing off' on them. It can be contagious! I wouldn't have made a good date, so I wouldn't expect anyone else to enjoy being with me.

To be honest with you, you're not missing much. Relationships and sex are like many other of the 'finer' things in life. The good stuff carries a hefty price tag! You pay a lot to get a little. And because of that, everyone is trying to get a piece of the action, net result being that a lot of stuff is proffered claiming to be the good stuff at a lower price...but it's just a cheap imitation. I swear for every GOOD relationship out there, there's at least a thousand that are so-so to truly lousy. For every example of GOOD sex, there's thousands of cases where it just wasn't a good thing for one, or maybe both, people involved.

This is the voice of experience talking. I ask you to consider one possibility: Have you ever thought that maybe God is trying to keep you out of trouble or from ending up in a situation that will be unhealthy or leave you unhappy in the long run?

Jay 4 months ago

Hi, my little situation is a little specific but I was hoping for a bit of advice if possible. I like this girl alot, whose is one of my main friend's friend (who is a girl too) they do the same uni course at the same uni. So basically my friend said this comment saying she made this friend and that I would "love" her because shes interested in stuff I like. And so now i've met her, only twice in fact but we just got on really well the first time and second time even more, we do like the same things and we seem like simular people with those simular tastes and personalities plus she is incredibly pretty. I almost made a move on her but I decided not to, because this was only our second meeting, so we just hugged on that occasion.

So I know I fancy her, but I don't know if she fancies me, i'd say probably not because i'm like that. She hasn't said so but I doubt shes as drawn to me at the moment as I am to her. I know she thinks i'm nice but basically problem is I don't know where to begin in trying to make her like me and going out with me. I know theres the obvious answer of going on a date but I dunno whether thats a good idea this early or maybe its better to try that early in knowing someone I don't know...

Also we sort of live in different cities at the moment, well, I go to uni in a different city to her but where she goes to uni is where I live which is why i've met her. And strangely enough she lives where I go to uni. I just really want to know possible ways of getting her to like me, or what I can do to initiate something between us. I can only really contact her by text, which is annoying because I hate texting espicially when you dont know what to say, and every word and line I get paranoid over thinking she'll be put off haha. Im tempted to flirt through text but I don't know if this is a good idea either, should I just be friendly? Should I just try and make good friends with her first or is that the wrong option to take? What do i dooooo?

Ryan 4 months ago

Hi im 16 and a half if it makes a difference, I need alittle advice if you guys would not mind helping me; heres the scenario im sitting at a computer desk and a girl sits besides me and asks how to open up this document on mircosoft office, i show her how by holding her hand on the mouse and moving it over to the document and doing abunch of stuff 35 seconds later i let go, we start talking and joking and laughing and i tell her a story (note it was not the prettiest story in the world it involved a girl and a bus) while i was talking she was staring into my eyes after i was done telling it i said "you were staring into my eyes weren't you?" she turns as red as a tomato and packs up her stuff so fast and basically runs away, Now my question is this did I screw up again? and if so what did I do? and if I didn't did I miss my chance there I'm reflecting back and it worries me, I thought of her as a friend only but i do not know she now avoids me like I have some highly contagious disease also It does not help that my "friends" were saying "Ryan you should get a piece of that" and other inappropriate stuff behind us.

Ryan 4 months ago

oh I almost forgot she use to say im dum and stuff (joking)many people say that the girls like me but i can't take a hint any help on that side of the fence? I love your blog man it makes for some interesting reading and you have well writtin and thought out replies tailored uniquely to each comment that is posted on your blog im hoping for alittle insight as well :)

Jack 4 months ago

HI ALL CAN PEOPLE WHO POST HERE STATE WHERE YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO GET A GIRL LIKE WHICH COUNTRY OR WHICH AREA. Im trying to figure out which country or area is really hard to get a girlfriend or where is easier. I struggle with girls myself and I think its the country or the area im at is the problem. THANK YOU AND THANK YOU RP FOR THIS FORUM!

theTiGor 4 months ago

Okay, guys, today's thoughts:

Jay,

Imagining myself in your shoes, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but like a police detective often has to admit, "I just don't have much to go on".

You don't know her very well yet. It almost sounds like your friend doesn't know her very well yet, either. She isn't near you, and the only way you can really get in touch with her is by text?

Personally, the circumstances are such that I don't think it'd be wise for you to invest much time or effort into pursuing her unless something changes. Sure, it's a life experience you'll probably learn something from, but at what cost?

Unfortunately, there's probably plenty of men around the university she attends, and they're close at hand for her. Unless there's something in particular that makes her fall head over heels for you, that's competition you're just not going to beat.

I know of very few cases where one thing about any guy drives a woman totally nuts, and most of the time, the main reason she's obsessed with that one characteristic of a guy is because SHE is NUTS! Either the novelty of whatever it is will wear off and she'll lose interest in a long-distance relationship that may develop, or else she's not very well adjusted and any relationship with her will be very challenging. Either way, you generally end up on the losing end of things!

Those local guys where she's at have the power of presence, which you're sorely lacking at this point. As the old saying goes, you love the one you're near!

Most of communication is non-verbal, but that doesn't mean text messages and email! It's the subtleties of body language and physical gestures, neither of which come into play unless you're physically with someone! Try to find your girlfriend somewhere nearby so you can actually see her at least a few times a week without it being a major ordeal or costing you a small fortune in travel costs or taking up all your valuable time.

Ryan,

At your age, don't worry about it. You still have scores, if not hundreds, of chances left. Don't start to fret until you're at least 21, and if you're around quite a few people at that point, you shouldn't worry until you're in your early thirties. Then, you may have a reason to worry.

You've got to condition yourself not to get hung up on anyone. Things change fast, no one can keep track of what all is going on with other people, and if you take things too seriously, you just end up hurting yourself.

If she ran away, she could be embarrassed because you 'caught her in the act', as it may be. This is common in young women, who do tend to be rather self-conscious by nature, and is a good clue that she really does like you. Sadly, I've learned it has very little bearing on whether she wants to be in a relationship with you. The truth is that in a school or other social setting, that becomes very 'political' in nature and it's almost never a matter of you and her, but you, her, and whatever involvement she expects or accepts from her friends and family. She may love you to death, but if she fears what her friends will think or how her family will react, then it's a pretty safe bet that nothing is going to happen with you two as a couple. There are exceptions, yes, but remember that a woman who defies this 'way of the world' is either very brave, has an ulterior motive and plans to use you in fulfilling some agenda she has, or else has some psychological problems you're not going to like later on. To clarify that, let me point out that being self conscious and concerned with what other people will think is part of what keeps women attractive to use men! If she really doesn't care what anyone else thinks or feels, she probably doesn't take care of herself when it isn't part of getting something she wants and probably treats people around her with indifference or even contempt.

It pays to know someone fairly well before you get involved with them so you know what to expect from them in the long term. It's easy for someone to put on a good act at first, but you want to be attached to someone who is being real all along. One can't fake their personality for long.

TAKE IT EASY 4 months ago

FORGET THE GIRLS.LOVE YOUR SELF.

Jay 4 months ago

I wouldn't usually stay interested because of the distance thing, but we just clicked in a way that hasn't ever really happened with a girl before. And isn't that what the best relationships are based on? Clicking and getting on extremely well straight away, i.e. love. Not that this is love, not that I understand when it is love anyway. As for the physical distance and travel costs, its 43 miles, so i'm not gonna give up quite yet.

times have changed 4 months ago

women have changed today, and many of them now are not really looking to meet men anymore like they once use too. many of us good straight men are looking, and i have to blame this one on the women.

Dan 4 months ago

times have changed, what do you mean by that exactly?

never wrong says 4 months ago

women were different years ago, meeting women was a lot easier than today. once women lib took over it really messed up their brain. they play very hard to get, but they will go after men that have a lot of money even if they are very ugly. if you are a good guy and do not have a lot of money, they will not want to give you the time of day. what is up with that? a real decent woman is very hard to meet now. where i live many of them now are lesbians, and of course will only go for other women instead, go figure

theTiGor 4 months ago

Jay,

Only 43 miles, eh? That's not quite so bad...sure beats a couple of hours! A guy my dad knew in the Army while he was in Viet Nam told him once that in the part of west Texas he was from, it was not at all uncommon to drive 200 miles back and forth just to go on a date. But, of course, this was back in the late 60's and you could fill your gas tank for something like $2.oo back then. Still, four or five hours of driving, though...

The rest of you guys, yes, times have changed. Go back and read some of my posts during the past few months regarding that. I don't feel like revisiting it yet again. Suffice it to say, I'll repeat that it's not just women, but people in general that have changed and that, of course, women are people, too!

The biggest thing now is that social norms are not at all what they used to be. Women are not at all pressured to get married and have a family by age 21 'or else' like they once were. I wouldn't go so far as to call that 'women's lib', however. I would say that men face more pressure to settle down than women do right now. If you're a woman and you don't, you're being independent. If you're a man and you don't, your a loser and probably some kind of criminal or other undesirable, right? Sure seems that way, but guess what? It's been that way for hundreds of years now. Hell, women can wear men's clothes, no problem. If you're a man and you wear women's clothes, think anyone is going to have a problem with that? There's definitely a double standard. But, what else is news, huh?

There's a lot of children who were raised exclusively or nearly exclusively by their mother. Either no known father, or else he was largely out of the picture. How one's single mother was seen getting on with men very much influences a child's perception of what 'is' and what 'should be'. If Mom didn't date men, generally ignored them, always held them in contempt, ad nauseum, why would a little girl grow up to want to do much with men? If Mom always used and manipulated men to get things she wanted and/or needed, the daughter will very likely grow up to do the same thing. We're seeing a lot of this now. Sons, well, they generally just grow up being very confused not knowing what they heck they're supposed to be doing!

As far as the comment about if you're a good guy and don't have much money goes, why would they want to have anything to do with you? They can't use you! Honestly, most men and most women do not have all that much in common. Why would they spend time with each other? Easy. He wants a reliable sexual outlet and the feeling (most often actually a delusion!) that he has some modicum of power and control. She wants several different things, 'validation' being one of them, but all she has to do in order for that to happen is to merely CLAIM you as her boyfriend/fiance/husband. She doesn't actually have to spend any real time with or around you. She's got her friends for that. And, of course, most guys have theirs and without admitting to it, try to spend the least amount of routine daily time around their wives.

Now, if you're a woman and, for whatever the reason, feel no need to show off a man to everyone you know, Lesbianism or at least heavily tilted bisexuality is now an attractive option for you. We all know the old saying about how it takes one to know one, right? Who knows what a woman likes better than another woman? Damned few men out there know how to be physical with a woman in ways they really appreciate. Our idea of 'great sex' is almost the polar opposite of what most women think is 'great sex'. To us, what MOST of them really want seems beneath us and, well, lame. What we generally like is too rough, too intense, and oftentimes just plain revolting to the vast majority of women. This is why many middle aged divorced women just aren't interested in men anymore - they got much more than their fill of 'rough stuff' by the time they were 30 or so and probably feel they were on the receiving end of enough of it to last several lifetimes. Why would you want to go back to something that you didn't enjoy and felt stuck having to put up with? I sure wouldn't.

And, Jack. I don't think it really matters where any of us are at. The world is much more complicated than that! Again, go back and read some of my previous posts over the last couple of months. You can be in the supposed 'dating capitol of the world' (wherever that may be) and find yourself going nowhere because you're just not the right guy for the times there. Areas with more men that women are naturally bad, but there's still plenty of married and otherwise not single men in those places, too, so things worked out for at least some guys! I say bloom where you're planted. What if you kept moving around the world trying to find 'THE' place to be to meet women and it still just never happened for you? Seriously, it's a moving target, and you may never connect with it, always being in the wrong place at the wrong time. How would you feel then? Probably like a failure. If you chose where you lived for other reasons, like where your career takes you, you can at least be telling yourself you did what you had to or took life as it came instead of feeling like you kept trying but couldn't succeed.

Good luck, guys.

clabi 4 months ago

i'm a cool guy i'm 20 never had gf frdz tell me dat i'm shy, but really i'm not shy but i'm shy in front of girls that i'm interested in or pretty, even i cant cheat on a gf if i have, i'm a black guy ,i'm studying overseas in east asia but also racism makes me shy, i like local indians but i cant get them, chinese also i cant in my class there isnt girls at all, what should i do, i like being friendz with local people than blacks( even if i am) but hard to get them, 1 girl who seems to be interested in me me too the same, i dont find really occasions to be with her only online

plz help

theTiGor 4 months ago

Clabi, you sound like a fairly normal young guy stuck in an unfavorable situation.

All I could advise for you at this time would be to hang in there while waiting for your situation to change (such as completing your studies and entering the job market) and go back over the many posts here to see if there is anything useful you could glean from them.

You're just in a bad situation you need to get out of before you can expect to have much luck with dating.

Best wishes.

chris 4 months ago

why can`t i get a girlfriend i am only 8

theTiGor 4 months ago

Chris,

You and I both know why you can't get a girlfriend at age eight. Boys are 'icky' and girls have 'cooties'! At last that seemed the way things were when I was that age. I knew better than that, which is what really hurt. If you want to know the feeling of loneliness, that, my friend, is IT!

I've sorted out one helluva lot of stuff between then and now. I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't been able to!

But why does my gut feeling tell me that 18 is perhaps a little closer to your true age?

Just wondering...

Ryan 4 months ago

Hi unfortunately im back I manned up asked her out and got slapped in the face she said this "thats for being an ass all these years" and while I was standing there with a look of shock (definitively wasn't expecting that reaction) she leaned in and kissed me and said she was free on friday night not to be blunt but I think I fainted and im sitting here now typing to the world wondering what the hell I should do this is a new one for me any suggestions? Its always different when your the one seeking this advice its not like I can ask anyone else (mom skipped town and Dad works 16 hours a day) im 16 and in high school if you guys haven,t read or remembered what I already typed thanks :)

clabi 3 months ago

theTiGor

thank u,

but i'm suffering nobody around to hang out in weekend or after class in holidays stay in my room nobody for months,

how, i want to change to find 1

theTiGor 3 months ago

A thought of the day for Clabi and those who find themselves in a similar situation...

You're stuck somewhere that just isn't conducive to relationships. Or, for the time being, you've got too much that you're committed to in order to have the free time it would take to establish and maintain one.

Two posts ago, Clabi posts "but I'm suffering nobody around to hang out in weekend or after class in holidays stay in my room nobody for months...(sic)".

Okay.

Now would be a good time to stop and think about what you REALLY want. Are you SURE a girlfriend is the answer?

I don't think it is, personally.

For one thing, you're not having much luck finding one, and that seems to be a bit of a hangup for you. Secondly, if you did find one, who knows how that's bound to go. Some girlfriends are more 'friend' and some are more 'girl'. I guess it depends on their world view, but the traditionalist women tend to be more 'girl' and to them it's not so much the two of you being boyfriend-girlfriend as it is you courting her. If that's what she wants and expects, but she doesn't like the way that's going, the GIRLfriend is bound to leave you for someone she thinks can do her better. The girlFRIEND might not get as involved with you as you like, but at least she won't dump you outright and not want anything to do with you anymore so she can pursue a courtship with someone else.

I think this situation warrants just finding friends in general for the time being, with 95% odds they're going to be other men. You probably need to go do guy things with other guys after class and on weekends before you should worry about a relationship. It'll be a lot healthier for you in the end.

Dean 3 months ago

Hey, im 22 years old and am having real depression lately due to myself.

Im finding it incredibly hard to get a gf what so ever.

the last straw was recently pulled a decent looking girl, chat get on(as usual) then when I say "fancy meeting up for a coffee?" blank, no text. Then if I text again, no reply anymore. it seems to happen everytime I try and take things further(a first date I mean come on?) it seems they are happy to talk to me and seem interested but if I want to maybe go on a date they ignore me and aint interested! its the same over and over again and its been getting me down over the past 2 years or so!

Ive been getting incredibly depressed because I look at myself and im a decent looking guy and a nice fun person they get on with great, but it seems "as a friend" never in a dating sense.

Now im pretty slim framed and im kinda shortish at about 5'9-5'9.5(176cm tall) and Id feel this is the main problem as they always seem to fall head over heels for 6ft+ men who are broad built and "tough guy" look - even if they are ugly and maybe a "dick head who always treats me like crap" but I mean Im not shallow but facially im at least above average looking and probably better(not stand out stunning though or far from it), but being a sub 6footer and skinny is making me seem "not the type" and its really getting me down as most of my mates seem to attract girls! :(

coincidentially out my mates group of like 8-9 only 2 others struggle to get girls - 5'7ish and 5'5 tall...the only 2 other than me who are shorter than 5'10..this is what really annoys me and I keep telling myself "girls will grow up, I will get a girl properly soon" but Im starting to realise it just wont happen as I aint the "steriotype" mr right.

Please help,

theTiGor 3 months ago

Dean,

It might not be really be 'you' that's the problem.

Where I live, it is very, very common for women who are in some kind of a relationship, either a real one, or else a unilateral fantasy of one, to chat quite amicably with any man they want. But that's where it ends.

They may be dating someone, in a long-term relationship, engaged, married (not all married women wear conspicuous rings, nor do they necessarily advertise the fact to the whole world!), or...

...I have known more than a few who had a fixation on some man that they were 'holding out for', despite the fact the man had no idea, was married, or that such a relationship between the two would be otherwise inappropriate. It's like a girl has a mega-crush on a male teacher or an actor or other celebrity, except that we're talking grown women here and the 'crush' is on someone they personally know, even though an actual relationship is only slightly more likely than if it was an actor or performer.

Years ago, I knew a 22 year old gal named Ann who was completely hung up on a 45 year old Fred. He was some kind of mentor or had some role in a youth organization. She was completely infatuated with him, although he was married with children, and she said more than once that if Fred couldn't have her, no one could! This went on about as long as I knew her, which was several years. Instead of a real relationship, she seemed content with hoping for one that would probably never be.

I can't imagine that where I live is the only place women do things like this.

And, sadly, you've got to keep in mind that there's a lot of competition for women and your odds are best when you're a teenager in school. After that, the number of available women you'll encounter declines rapidly! At some point, which will vary based on your specific circumstances, you'll discover that the only women who are AVAILABLE are going to, at the best, have absolutely NOTHING going for them, and at the worst, will have one or more MAJOR MALFUNCTIONS that would make a relationship with them impractical and unpleasant.

Don't beat yourself up when it's not your fault!

Martin 3 months ago

My name is Martin, and like everyone else here I have problems getting a girlfriend. I am quite shy in some ways, but in other ways not shy at all. I know most guys have ways of showing interest with girls, but I have never find a smooth way that works well for me. Maybe because I haven't tried enough, but often when I feel attracted to someone I have no idea how to show it, so I end up talking normal to them. I am quite funny and have much personality, which I'm sure is something I'm liked for. I often hear I'm sweet and cute. Due to my lack of success I have analyzed everything a lot. I guess I could be too cute for some, but it doesn't have to be a problem, it's not like I don't have any masculinity. I often get annoyed at guys with more success than me, guys who seems boring and irritating to me. Often I have found myself being drunk telling a girl I like how much I hate this guy they are flirting with instead of joining the competition. It feels like it's been the same situation for years. Very seldom I have some small success that doesn't lead anywhere, often because of my lack of interest. I have high standards. When it comes to my looks I think I'm normal looking, tall, not Brad Pitt, but for sure not ugly. I have problems with being direct with girls, but maybe it's just lack of attractiveness. When I ask other guys what they do with girls they can never give me a clear answer, which is annoying, as they must do something. I probably seem cold because I am shy. So what to do?

theTiGor 3 months ago

Martin, I doubt you're doing much of anything wrong.

Most people are 'shy in some ways'. It has long been known that the number one fear most men have is speaking in public, which many fear more than dying. What does THAT tell you?

When you're attracted to someone, don't show it. Trust me on this one, EVERY other guy who's attracted to a woman shows it, and women KNOW it when they see it if they're anywhere near normal. Some do make a power trip out of it and get off on having tons of men act this way around them. But many find it to be anywhere from ridiculous to annoying to even outright repulsive.

Often times, a woman will end up going out with the one guy who doesn't seem attracted to her because he seems like the most sane man she's met recently. He looks normal in a world full of weirdos!

But, sadly, while that may be true, it is also a vast oversimplification of how things really are. Honestly, it's like health statistics. Nice to know, but you can't really act on that information and expect to benefit from it personally. You can do all kinds of things to lower your cholesterol, but did you know half of the people who drop dead of massive heart attacks have normal cholesterol levels? Many people with outrageous cholesterol live to a ripe old age. Your odds may be better if certain things are true about you, but it's just a statistical shift, not a guarantee! The old saying was that the Infantry was 10% of the Army but sustained 70% of the casualties. But you could end up just as dead or wounded just as badly being one of the 30% of casualties sustained by the other branches of the Army if you were in the Corps of Engineers and you were ambushed trying to rebuild a bridge, too. You can be the smoothest talker around and not be able to get a date, or you could be the most disgusting cretin and the biggest bumbling idiot out there and not seem to have any problem.

Do not forget that fully half of it is beyond your control and there's not a thing you can do about it. There is at least one other person involved, and they're going to do pretty much whatever they want to and you have very little say in that.

Or, if you're more sports minded, remember that a batting average of .300 is pretty darned good in most anyone's book. Again, oversimplifying things a bit for the sake of discussion, do you think you could get three dates from every ten QUALIFIED women you might ask out? I have no idea if I could or not...where I live, finding ten qualified women to ask could take YEARS!

Most aren't qualified, not by a long shot. By that, I mean: 1)not in a relationship, 2) open to an invitation for a date, 3) would be appropriate to ask out, 4) would be not only appropriate but actually suitable to ask out, and 5) not only appropriate and suitable to ask out, but someone who would would actually WANT to spend an evening with.

When you think about it, it's kinda' a tall order, isn't it?

No point in asking out someone who's dating, engaged, or married. Not only virtually guaranteed rejection, but could be hazardous to your health, depending. A lot of unattached women (and there's not that many of them, either!), believe it or not, actually want to be that way. You're not likely to get very far with them. If a woman is looking for a date, but there's a valid reason that she wouldn't want to date you or you shouldn't ask her, better not go there. If this is the case, you're probably aware of it; teachers and students is one not-so-winning combination I see a lot of in the news lately...it doesn't matter that both are open or willing, it's prohibited, period. She could be available, open, and 'safe' to date, but the two of you may be so different there just isn't any chemistry and you don't have anything in common. You might get the date, but you'll likely end up hating each other as a result later on if you don't tread carefully. And, finally, she could seem all right in every way except she has no personality, there's something about her that just drives you batty, maybe she reminds you too much of your mother or sister, you just can't 'get into' her, or likewise, it just seems she doesn't find you all that interesting, either. Providing you won't get stood up, your first date will probably be an awkward acquaintanceship in the making or a real disaster unfolding. I don't think you have to worry about having a second one at that point.

Nothing wrong with having high standards. I hold any prospective partner to similar standards I hold myself to. Maybe not quite as high, but they'd better be within easy reach. Otherwise, the difference in values is likely to be just too great. This is what leads to the 'irreconcilable differences' cited as grounds for divorce.

All I can really offer you is to just keep on being who you are, hang in there, and hope for the best. And, as always, don't heap blame on your own shoulders that you don't deserve. You can be THE PERFECT MAN, but if no women you meet ever notices or cares, it doesn't really matter. Hardly any fault of yours, is it?

Live life for yourself, first and foremost. If a woman happens along who respects you for who you are, wonderful! If many women pass on you because they couldn't appreciate who you are, consider it a blessing in disguise. You've just been spared from all the misery you'd have experienced being in a relationship with any one of them.

Anonymous 3 months ago

So sick of hearing people say "if no woman wants you, it's their loss...you'll be fine without them." Of course you'll be fine, but, after a while, being alone sucks. Everyone needs companionship. Everyone needs sex. At some point, something has to give.

Svarog 3 months ago

Sorry if I wrote something wrong,english is not my mothers tongue.Well,my unsuccesfull friends,I`m 24 years old,6`5 tall,I`m build like Konan,strong as hell,incredibly talented for drawing and painting and everyone who knows me says I`m smart and interesting.No,I`m not joking at all.I can`t get a girlfriend,because they are all scared of me and they think that I`m some kind of monster.Even when they met me,they say that I`m a great guy,but none of them want`s to be with me.Why,I don`t know.I`m writing this not to get some advice,but to tell you that often it has nothing to do with your look,some people are just meant to be alone.And that`s OK with me,but you have to deal with it.Heads up,God damn it.Tell me if I made some mistakes in text, `m tryng to get my english better.

Svarog 3 months ago

Oh,yeah,I made mistake in the last sentence.Beh...SLAVA SLOVENSKA

right on says 3 months ago

what the anonymous person has said, being alone and single does suck a lot. god put men and women on this earth and the men and women out there that are straight, should be able to meet each other sooner or later. but there seems to be so many gay people out there today, especially the women that seem to be going for women now. what is up with that ladies? you would think it would be easy to meet women for us straight men that are looking, but it is very hard because of the way that women have changed today. the gay people that are like this, well let them be. but for us straight men that want very much to have a woman in our life, it is sure hard to meet a good straight woman today. it is always good to receive love, and give the love back as well.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Svarog,

I hear you, loud and clear! Join the club!

Some women will be scared of you, yes. And why not? There's probably a great many men that are absolutely terrified of you! And very many more only wish someone could say that about them.

Now, I don't know that anyone literally thinks that you're some kind of monster. A giant, strappin' hulk of a man, yes, but a monster? Has anyone told you that outright, or are you just presuming that's what they're thinking?

I don't think it's really your size. It's that you're different. You could be 5'6" like me, instead of 6'5", and find your problems are very similar, depending. What if you were in a wheelchair? That is something that makes one different regardless of their size. Can a person in a wheelchair get a date? Well, yes, they can. The problem is, women don't think about dating men in wheelchairs. Men don't think about dating women in wheelchairs, either, for that matter. It's not necessarily that there's anything wrong with someone in a wheelchair in most people's minds, but it isn't what they had always pictured - dating someone in a wheelchair - doesn't fit the 'template' we all have in the back of our minds we try to follow in our lives. And there's a ton of uncertainty involved. People HATE uncertainty, as a general rule. If you're in a wheelchair and you get a date, it's almost always going to be with someone who you've known for a while that's really come to like you as a person, has gotten used to you, and there isn't any real uncertainty in their mind about you. And, really, this is true in the case of anyone who is different in any noticeable, and even not-so-noticeable, way.

If it makes you feel any better, I scare the hell out of a lot of people. It shouldn't be the case, and the apparent reasons why would be laughable if I explained them, but they'd be mostly commentary on the people you'll find in my area more than anything else. There's a lot of other places in the world I'd fit right in and nobody would wonder about me at all.

By the way, your English is pretty good. It's a tough language, and people who speak it as their only language usually can't get it right most of the time, so don't feel bad.

To Anonymous, I doubt 'fine' is a good way to describe how you'll be. 'Better off' is probably more accurate. You're right about everyone needing companionship. The problem is, a lot of relationships out there have little companionship in them! Hardly a new phenomenon, it's been going on for centuries. But seriously, given the choice of being in a bad relationship that's unhealthy and sucks the life out of you, or not being in one at all, which would you rather have?

It seems like everyone needs sex, but I don't think that's necessarily true. I know lots of people who do very well without it. I'm one of them! I wouldn't tell you that I'm averse to it, but I do not like bad sex, and that's most of it! For it to be good, there has to be a number of things that are gotten right, and mostly, it just ain't happening out there! Regarding people who don't need sex, a lot of the unattached women out there are such people. That's why their unattached.

Being alone is what you make of it. I don't think 'alone' is so much it as it is 'bored'. You need to set goals for yourself, things to work to attain, but make sure that they're all things that are almost 100% within your control. Getting a girlfriend is not. No more so than winning the lottery or making contact with extra terrestrials would be. I'd say mastering a foreign language, writing a book, building a house, restoring a vintage car, or anything along those lines would be a good thing to work on to keep you busy so you're not getting bored. Just make sure it's something that you're interested in and would actually like to do. Otherwise, you might as well be in a crummy relationship with a woman who doesn't love you, doesn't want to be with you, but likes living off of you so she can run around at night and on the weekends with her friends.

Martin 3 months ago

Thanks for the comments. Yes, I know it's something about not taking yourself to seriously, be a little careless and don't give a fuck about women like you or not. Of course everybody is shy in some situations, but I find myself being too shy with women. Sometimes I surprise myself with being outgoing, but if I don't succeed those times, I slip back to my old self. They say women in general have a great sense of reading your confidence, they can sense right away if you think you can get them or not. True? I'm also not totally aware about when I'm flirting, when they are flirting, but I tend to twist around things they say, be funny, mess a little with them, these self help guides on internet have learnt me that it's a good thing. Maybe I lack the ability to escalate from the point, or maybe I don't have the confidence to get the girls? It's hard to say what the problem is. I think where you are also is important. Obviously there is a difference between cultures. I live in Northern Europe. To me it seems like the concept of dating is much more common in USA than here. People tend to be a little afraid of going to dates here, and the word date is said in an ironic way (however, people (not me obviously) goes to dates anyway, but call it something else. A weird thing is that other guys often think that I'm good with girls, which is totally absurd. It might be because I'm funny, and funny people can seem charming and easygoing. I want to find a technique that works for me, as I haven't given totally up yet.

Martin 3 months ago

One thing, your comment about not wanting a girlfriend, that it's a better tactic. Perhaps, the few times I've had success in the past it's often been with this "strategy", but I feel it is hard to supress my real desires and that I must have luck for anything good to happen if this is my plan. Maybe the strategy has worked well together with a certain energy I have sometimes, but I doubt it's enough alone

Brad 3 months ago

Maybe thetigor has moved past the bitter/cynical phase and is now in the acceptance phase. I'm still in the bitter phase. I know that no woman will ever want me, but it still pisses me off. I wish I didn't want them so bad.

J 3 months ago

@ Brad, I think thetigor's point is to tell men to focus on things in life you have control of. If a woman that is meant for you comes along during that time, then great. If not, life can still be happy with those other things.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Okay, guys, here's what's up.

I don't date women. I never have. This isn't usually something I advertise a whole lot, because then people assume that I date men, which I don't do, either. Virtually all of my friends are women. Most ways one can choose to define 'date' with any hopes of it being accepted as valid, you do not date your friends!

The real question is, what makes a 'date' a 'date'?

My take: it's all about ulterior motive. What is your purpose in spending time with any particular woman in any given place?

If it's a 'date', really, you're either courting her, or else you're trying to, um, 'get something' from her.

With my friends, I'm doing neither. I'm there for a good time, hers and mine. I'm one of those rare individuals who draws my energy from other people foremost, and from accomplishment, but that's a very distant second place. I feel good when I'm around other people who feel good. If other people feel rotten, I feel rotten. I keep a lot of distance between myself and people who are negative and have nothing but complaints, insults, and put-downs to offer the world.

If someone doesn't want to spend time with me or do something with me, the feeling is mutual.

Brad and J,

Yes, my point is to focus on what you CAN control, with a reasonable expectation that someone else isn't going to make or break it for you. As I learned early in life, you've got to work with what you've got!

Have a good one, guys!

Svarog 3 months ago

TheTiGor,thanks for the kind words.Actually,I dont`t feel that bad about the fact that I don`t have a girlfriend.I`m dealing with it pretty good.It just annoys me when I go out and when I see gorgeous girls with some irittating jerks who can`t compare to me in anything,while I`m sitting alone.And every time I try to talk to a girl,guess what-she trys to avoid me in every possible way.She`s not single,she`s in a hurry,the aliens abducted her parents,so she`s bussy saving them...Before,I was angry because of this.Now it just makes me laugh.And whenever I want to feel good about my unexisting sex life,I only look myself in the mirror and think-Look what you girls are missing.Man,it feels great.Again,if I made some mistake in the text,please,let me know...

Arron 3 months ago

i don't seem to rightly understand i make girls laugh all the time and i listen to them i can talk to them all of that stuff but i'm always single no matter what i do i honestly think it's because i'm diffrent from most guys and not in the "hey i'm diffrent" kind of way i mean my music taste, ect. Is actually diffrent to most people i'm only in college but i'm fed up with being alone all my friends have girlfriends and i just feel like the third wheel all the time, i think it's honestly because i'm not attractive that simple but i still don't know why making them laugh being honest, nice, caring. isn't "boyfriend material"

Unknowm 3 months ago

Im 26, im a freakin bodybuilder, i am considered handsome. But I am extremely shy and not confident.

After years of being so shy and unconfident I just came to the conclusion that if your shy and not confident, you will always be that way unless you take a class from a pick up artist.

Worst thing I have came up to random women and talked to them, and I was being myself, but being myself meant beig shy and awkward and so I just make situations awkward.

There, don't try to help us unconfident guys by just telling us to "be confident", "stop thinking that way", "just talk to her"... It's not that easy. It's like telling a cancer patient to just "stop having cancer".

theTiGor 3 months ago

You must be right about not being confident in yourself...you posted the conclusion you've reached by identifying yourself as 'unknown' and you didn't even spell it right. Sheesh....

There are no pick up artists required. It is, literally, all in your mind. If you want it to be like telling a cancer patient to just stop having cancer, you've already done it. You choose the kind of person you want to be by the things you do and say. Great people use courage to overcome fear and doubt in changing themselves for the better. Small people choose to defeat themselves before they accomplish anything.

When approaching random women, guys, remember that a smile and a greeting are almost always appropriate, but anything else you'll need to think about a bit and assess the situation first. And, even then, it's easy to be mistaken because we're not mind readers and we don't know 100% of what's going on with anyone. Not everyone is a conversationalist, anyway, but even those who are just aren't going to be up for small talk with a stranger all of the time. Dammit, sometimes we're just not in the mood for chit-chat. And, those of us who are, usually have a cell phone pressing against our ear these days.

If you approach a stranger and your behavior is best described as 'shy and awkward', that will definitely rub off. Imagine if someone approached you and was acting that way. What would you be thinking? I imagine you'd be wondering what was going on and who this person was, or maybe just what they wanted from you. You'd start to feel 'shy and awkward' very quickly, I'm sure.

Remember that strangers are just that...strangers! You know almost nothing about them. The trick is to treat them like a friend, but do not forget that you don't know them. There's no way to predict how they'll act, but since you don't know them, assume that most of the time, they won't be overly friendly. Low expectations, no disappointment! But, if you wait for everyone else to make the first moves in life, you can expect a lot of disappointment in the end.

Brad 3 months ago

I totally agree with Unknown (or "Unknowm") and you totally ignored his point. I'm 37 and just like him (except I'm short, fat, and ugly). At this point in life, I can't just start being confident and aggressive. It doesn't work that way. I can only be who I am, and that is (obviously) not good enough for anyone. It just makes me mad that people think you can just "get over it" and go get a girlfriend (or even a date). If only life were that simple.

theTiGor 3 months ago

No, Brad, I did not totally ignore his point. I countered his point.

Now, I'm presuming that you're more than likely the same Brad who has been occasionally posting here over the last six weeks. Your writing would be consistent with the other posts from someone named Brad.

That being said, I can understand why you totally agree with the unknown poster and why you completely disagree with what Mr. Pseudomen have to offer.

To be clear, go back and read my posts again. I certainly never said there's anything you can do to 'go get a girlfriend' or 'go get a date'. There are things in play with that which are generally well beyond the control of most any man alive.

But, you absolutely CAN control what you think about yourself. I absolutely CAN'T control that, you have to make the decision and follow up by acting on it. All I can do is offer the suggestion and maybe a bit of inspiration. The military is a master of this. They have never been able to control how any servicemember thinks, feels, or acts. But they sure know how to suggest it! The training and regulations are such that by following them, if you're anything close to normal, pride and confidence will be almost inevitable. I'd say that 85-90% of the enlisted personnel and officers who conduct themselves with appropriate military bearing and rigorously follow the uniform and grooming regulations really come out as winners in the end.

You admit to being short, fat, and ugly. I'll have to take your word for it, as I can't see you. I'm not aware that any of those three things prohibit you from being a sharp dressed man who treats other people extraordinarily well. Will that get you any dates? Who knows! But it will get you something, somewhere, sooner or later. You've got something going for you...you've got a talent of some sort or an interest or knowledge in SOMETHING, somehwere, that sets you apart from the ordinary guy. All you've got to do, if you don't know what it is yet, is to buckle down and FIND IT! Granted, it might take a few years. But you need to explore some things.

Anything you've ever had any interest in or wanted to try, go out and get started in it. For one thing, you'll enjoy doing whatever it is you're interested in. You could meet a like-minded woman in the course of doing it, or, more likely, you'll meet any number of other guys with the same interest. Most relationships I see around where I live are 'setup' kind of deals, where one or both of the people involved were steered toward each other ('vetted', if you will) by friends, and friends of friends. Or family. You may become a good friend of a guy who happens to have a sister or a cousin (or even just a female friend, or maybe the sister or cousin has a friend or two...)who's looking. This has happened many times and quite often, it works out pretty darned good. But you'll never know if you stay at home by yourself all the time.

The 'Unknowm' (maybe a Freudian slip because he's convinced himself that he's a gnome?) says you can't be confident without the help of a pickup artist. Frankly, I don't know any 'pickup artists'. I know OF some, but they're known as 'con men' where I live. For a fee, they'll have you believe that you essentially influence anyone you fancy into going out with you. The truth is, yes, a really good one can show you how to make as good an approach as is humanly possible. The truth is, unfortunately, even the best approach generally just isn't going to work. Best case scenario is that anything you do will be effective with 10% or less of the population. It's just like sales. You can be awesome...and talk people into wanting just about anything. Problem is, all you gain is experience in pitching your wares until people buy something from you. You can make them want it really bad...but if they don't have the money or aren't authorized to spend it on what you've got, you're not making a sale! Similarly, I don't care how good you look or what you have to say, you'll probably not get a woman to leave a marriage or relationship to be with you, a total stranger. Most unattached women are such for a reason, and odds are excellent you're not going to be changing that reason in one face-to-face session with her, either! And, honestly, I'd seriously question any woman who would be that easily swayed. Something's really wrong there. Either she doesn't know what she wants and is willing to try out anything (or anyone), or else loyalty and her are mutually exclusive. Not much to gain there!

Brad, my friend, you've got to live your own life the best way you know how. I would just like to suggest for you that you don't be your own worst enemy. There's too many other people in this world that can knock you around, don't help them out by doing the job for them!

Exigoan 3 months ago

I would like to say that the bases of this article is great, confidence is great that is the first step but actually you must have things to talk about and have decent conversational skills to get anywhere espically in high school where a great deal of the readers of this article are properly from, talk to girls you aren't sexually attracted to first, you will soon realize that girls are human beings to and most just would like to talk form a foundation of friendship and once girls find out you are a ok guy things will go for you better.

please don't think this is from a guy who has everything and only works for some special people if you think you have it bad here are some things about me

1. Mom left town and left me with my dad

2. Best friend left me over a video game

3. Lost my house

4. im terribly shy

5. im very bi-polar

now i picked my shit up got a new best friend, got a much better job, decided that being shy made me miss out on things and i am now on medication and a course by my doctor to help me deal with being very bi-polar you guys aren't alone just be nice to people. Talk with out the fear of rejection to girls practice and I cannot stress this enough confidence is key

Exigoan 3 months ago

I would also like to add my two cents for the high schoolers out there: Confidence is the first step, practice having conversations with girls your not attracted to sexually or emotionally, Having good things to talk about, you must first have something in common with the girl in question (classes, teachers, sports etc ), be funny and charming, man the **** up and ask about 3 days down the road just my two cents :)

theTiGor 3 months ago

A couple of good posts, there, Exigoan. You've got the right idea.

I think there's a male fault that haunts a lot of us. We tend to be efficient, sometimes identified, or misidentified, as 'lazy'. But, essentially, we tend to not mess around with unnecessary stuff and we cut right to the chase, setting out to do (perhaps only) what needs to be done and focusing all our energy and efforts on achieving that goal.

Needless to say, that doesn't help us when it comes to women! Yes, we tend to only interact with those we really would like to have some kind of involvement with and we tend to totally ignore those we don't want anything to do with. Why spend the effort on someone you don't want to spend the night with, eh?

Now, combine that with another male tendency we have, which is taking ourselves too seriously. Ouch!

First, when we approach a woman, because we're absolutely interested in her (or else we wouldn't bother), to most of us it's a big, important deal right there. And the fear of rejection starts to set in, the idea that if the woman doesn't accept our attempt to get to know her, that it somehow is a reflection on us personally. This is the problem.

Fortunately, I've long evaded this because, as I've stated earlier, I'm one of those guys whose friends are mostly all women. I'm not looking to hook up with or enter into any kind of relationship with women I meet. They're no different than other guys are, to me, though, admittedly, I enjoy being around women far more for various reasons...generally, it's just a better experience for me as they tend to be more pleasant people overall.

With there really being nothing at stake save for fulfilling my sense of altruism and making the world a nicer place to be, there's really nothing to fail at and no reason to be nervous. If I can't say or do something that makes a woman's day, I just try again on the next person I encounter, regardless of their gender.

You know that old saying about when you're climbing a long ladder you'll do better if you don't look down? Try not picturing a woman as being with you before you approach her. No bubble to burst that way when nothing becomes of your advance, which is 99% of the time, anyway.

Jamal 3 months ago

I've just read this article and it was really enjoyable. I'm in H.S. now 11th grade and I'm 16. It just seems really hard to find another girlfriend. I may see a girl I like but then all these ideas pop into my head like (What do I say?? Will she just stop me now and tell me to leave?? Will I even get a girl like her?? Or maybe I shouldn't even try...) I think most people would consider me not as handsome as all the other guys, I'm not that athletic but what I don't make up with power I make up with my intelligence. I may be over reacting when all these questions pop into my head but I can't stop myself from thinking about it.

Will 3 months ago

Unbelievable..

You people are unbelievable.. You have problems with women, girls? At least you've had a CHANCE-at least you've had sex. Guys complaining about 4 year dry spells, failed relationships, failed marriages...laughable. I'm 26 and I have never even had a CHANCE at a girl. Don't suppose many of you know what that would be like. No girl has ever shown interest in me, and I've spent most of my life alone-not even friends...don't suppose you'd know what that is like? No, probably not. And unlike some of sorry idiots who feel sorry for yourselves, I'm not even exaggerating my deplorable life.

milan 3 months ago

im wondering where ppl that post here are from. I want to ask the question which countries are hard to get a girlfriend and which are quite easy. I live in the uk and i thinks its really hard for me here. I want considering a move somewhere else. I also want to know if america is easier.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Milan,

I can tell you I live in the upper Midwest region of the United States.

I can also tell you, honestly, general locations don't help. You can move anywhere and whether life is any easier, remains unchanged, or gets worse is still just a crapshoot.

If you have any experience in navigation, you'll know that the MAGNETIC north the compass points to is not the same as the GEOGRAPHIC north, and the difference between the two, the declination, must be used to correct for that difference. The problem is, naturally, that the MAGNETIC north keeps moving around! True GEOGRAPHIC north is still pretty much right 'below' Polaris (the North Star), but the MAGNETIC north keeps moving toward Russia lately. There are some very elaborate online calculators available to try to predict what the declination will be for your area in any given month and year, BUT... depending on where you're standing right now, it could be wrong. Deposits of iron and magnetite in the ground below you as well as any eddies or other anomalies in the flow of the earth's core below you can alter the 'magnetic north' the compass in your hand indicates. Yet, if you move a mile or two, it could be something quite different.

Dating can be like that. There's just too many specifics. Difficulty in getting a date for me isn't the same as the difficulty for you getting a date, or the difficulty any of the rest of us will experience. I could be having one hell of a time, you could move here, and find yourself proposing to some gal a week later. I'll be wondering how the hell you did it, of course, but that's just how things go sometimes.

It is all trial and error, my friend. I had a junior high school guidance counselor who once reminded us that in the book of life, the answers are not found in the back.

I can offer you advice all day long, but it is just suggestions. No guarantees, nothing 'sure fire', and while it all may have been what worked for me, you may discover that none of it has any relevance to you and your life.

All I can tell you is to not give up and not be afraid to take any new opportunities that present themselves as long as they appear prudent to take.

Good luck,

the TiGor

Milan 3 months ago

Thanks for the reply Tigor. What is your relationship with women like and how was and is your dating life like in the midwest of america. Im quite interested in moving to america or another country as soon as possible after I have graduated with my college degree. The reasons why I want to move is that I have serious problems finding a girlfriend here in the uk and even a date. I have never dated and im 22 and no woman has shown interest in me concerning dating or having a relationship. I think it just cannot get worse than here for me concerning this situation. I think that its because of my ethnicity but im not sure. I think women here dont like my face because of my ethnic background or just doesnt like my face because it doesnt attract them, but I dont know why women arent attracted to me here. I just cant explain the reasons why I have to suffer like this. its very depressing. Thats why I want to move somewhere like america so that I can move on with my life. america is a big country with alot of states that are quite different to each other and I believe that my chances can be better over there. there are alot of different ethnicities there and seems to be more racially united than segregated. I think women there are more open minded than here. I want to know if that is true. Also america seems to be very nice and actually was fascinated with it since I was a kid.

Well anyway because of all this I think I shouldnt be here so moving somewhere else is probably a good idea. i want to move to a country where women are more open minded, dont discriminate or judge easily, friendly and welcoming and I think america or possibly canada is like that.

however I do hope that my chances here can change and become good so that i can like the uk and i want to. uk is indeed a great country but its just not working right for me unfortunately. i hope women here will become open minded to me.

I give my regards to ppl posting here and RP for this great forum that is growing and growing.

anonymous says 3 months ago

i know what the problem is today? many women were not like they use to be years ago. today, the women are very uneducated. years ago, they were raised well. today, they have a very bad attitude problem and are just plain nasty. so for us good straight men that are looking to meet a good woman now, will certainly have a problem. first they need to educate themselves better, like i have said before. you women need to read a book on how to talk to men, maybe that will make you just a little bit more smarter.

Brian 3 months ago

I think the problem with women today is they lack any real values, they have a bad attitude, they are materialistic hence why they go after men with $$ and they think every guy just wants to get into their pants.

Every woman I tend to come across only cares about 1)looks and 2)money. I feel like nice decent women don't even exist anymore. Then you have the women who complain about how they can't find a nice decent guy but yet, here we are and they ignore us and they go back to the bad boys who treat them like garbage.

And the women who I tend to be attracted to are seeing someone already or have no interest in me. Go figure.

I remember when I was 18 and thought to myself that I had lots of time so I wasn't worried that if I didn't have a date every weekend but now as the years go by and my youth slowly slipping away at almost 30 which don't me wrong, 30's is still young but I'm still sitting here with my dick in my hand while all my friends have someone. You know how crappy it is to be the only single guy in the group. Life is BS.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Well guys, here's my thoughts for the day:

You can make it anywhere, and you might make it nowhere. A lot of it just boils down to luck. You can do what you can to improve the odds so they're in your favor, but even if there's a 99% chance you'll succeed at something, there's still a possibility that you'll somehow get stuck in that 1% failure. It happens.

Your best bet for meeting available women is to stay in well populated areas that tend to stay warm year round, so the south or the west coast are probably best. Women rather universally want to flee areas that get cold in the winter, and while not all of them actually end up doing it, many do at a fairly young age...like as soon as they're able to move away! In the US, the farther north you go, the more the population tends to be male-heavy. Young people of either gender tend to get bored easily and look to go where the action is. You don't want to end up in a place that's best known as a great place to be FROM. Women flee these areas, too. Often, they leave for college and they never come back!

Women are educated, make no mistake about that. This means two things. 1) They'll usually go where their education actually improves their job prospects, which means not small rural towns! Like I've said, big cities, coastal areas, down south and out west. 2) They'll typically want to be with a man who's at or somewhat above their level of functioning. Some of the writing I see here would indicate men who are in REAL trouble in this respect. If you can't write in an intelligible manner, you probably can't think and speak in one, either. Why would an accomplished woman want to be with you? That'd be like a high school senior wanting to hang with second graders, no? They can be kind of cute and definitely amusing, but there's not enough in common for a seven year old and a seventeen year old to really be friends.

A lot of women are very MIS-educated. Mostly due to bad role models, thanks to television and popular media. This stuff can severely distort one's sense of what's supposed to be normal. This is part of why you have all these women that want it all and are looking for someone else to earn it. How many fictional characters and celebrities can you think of who look and dress like a million bucks but seemingly did nothing and continue to do nothing to earn it? Even a character or a celebrity where it's plainly stated what their occupation is - you might see the product, but you'll never see them 'making' it, just the final result. It APPEARS like there's no toil or drudgery in their lives, and while it should be assumed to be there, many people don't make the connection and think that it's entirely possible and in fact preferable to somehow just have good things come your way by having fun and fooling around all the time. Just like on TV and in the movies! Most are smart enough to realize that a 'sugar daddy' of some sort makes this much more likely to happen, of course. Or, a series of them...

Yes, being a single guy can be hell. Most other men, in my experience, view me as a threat. A good number of women will to, but in a different way. If they enter a relationship, suddenly they feel they 'can't' be friends with you anymore...too dangerous to them! Many members of society will view you with a jaundiced eye when they learn you're single, wondering what's wrong with you. More sympathetic people will sometimes be on a quest to try to 'cure' you. A friend of mine, now deceased, thought my being a single guy was a horrible state of affairs and was always trying to set me up with young women everywhere. He was in his early 80's. He tried, very hard, but the results were anywhere from comical to annoying. He never was able to set me up, though. He might have been able to if he'd asked some single women, but to the best of my knowledge that never happened. Where I live, it is extremely unlikely you'll encounter an unattached woman unless she has some very serious personality flaws and/or has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING going for her. And most women with very serious personality flaws and/or nothing going for them ARE in relationships. In short, what's left tends to be the worst of the worst society has to offer.

It may seem a bit like sour grapes to some, but I generally avoid other people altogether, so this works out for me very well. Don't get me wrong, I love people. I just can't stand most of them, that's all! I'm a busy man, and people I get along with well and can relate to well are also very busy people who are always doing things. We just don't have lots of idle time for socializing! People who are available for that tend to have nothing to do most of the time, and 'nothing' is generally what they want you to do with them. Yes, time and youth slip away quickly. You're not going to accomplish much if you waste time, including with other people, and especially with people you don't like being around in the first place.

Life is what you make of it. It can be BS if that's what you allow it to become.

Confused one 3 months ago

People,i just don`t know what to tell you about this...

Maclovin1995 3 months ago

I'm 17 and i never have hed a girl... But im not really busy with it, i just try to do my work at school good, and when i make enough money (when i'm graduated), or have enough financial certainly i'll search for a good girl/woman...

theTiGor 3 months ago

The Confused one really does sound confused. He's in good company with everyone else!

Maclovin has a good attitude about this whole thing. Way to go, bro!

right on says 3 months ago

if women would have been very nice like they were years ago, it would be a lot easier meeting decent women today. men certainly cannot be to blame, since women have changed today.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Right on says: If women would have been very nice like they were years ago...

The TiGor says: You're not wrong, but you're not right, either. You should have noticed in previous posts where I reminded everyone here that women are people, too, and people in general have changed over the decades.

Of course, men are people, too! How can they not be to blame? MOST of the unattached women who are not open to dating or relationships with men are that way because of how one or more men in their lives at an earlier time acted or treated them. Sad, but true...much of the time, some other guy(s) screwed it up for you. Sorry!

There's a lot of selfishness in today's world. People who are really selfish are not open to relationships at all. People who are just selfish, period, are very exclusive in who they'll accept for a relationship, but it's in a vain, petty kind of way. Instead of personal qualities, they seek popularity, status, wealth, etc. Mostly, for their own personal gain. Unselfish people are open to relationships with any quality person who would be suitable for a relationship and are willing to give much of themselves to sustain such a relationship.

right on says 3 months ago

my aunt and uncle are going to be married for sixty four years, this year. they were very lucky back then too meet each other, since times were certainly different years ago. today it is the women that have changed, since many of us men are still looking and hoping to meet the right one. too bad, i was not born back then. i myself, and many of us straight men would have had it made back then. like i have said before, i have to blame the women for this. there are many men like me now that are very serious and would make a good husband, if given the chance to meet the right one. the way i feel is god makes certain men lucky, and others like us not. and forgive me for saying this, i have to blame god. life sucks as it is, at least he could have given us the luck to have met the right woman for us too and have a family as well. but i will not try to lose hope, by going out and hope for the best.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Okay...

Life is complicated. The world is a complicated place, as well.

You need to bear a few things in mind, here:

One is that years and years ago, SUCCESS for a woman, by and large, was getting married and having children. The number of 'career women' out there was very small, and most of the ones who held what seemed like a serious job really didn't as it was EXPECTED that they'd only be doing it until they got married in most cases. This would be teaching school, operating a phone switchboard, and other things women usually did. The role society drove most women toward was that of a homemaker. Since one generally cannot do that without being married, any woman who did not do that by about age 25 or so was regarded as an 'old maid', 'spinster', and other undesirable, derogatory things. That is no longer the case, and that's probably a good thing. There used to be MANY women who would marry whoever they could just so they could be married and not look to their families and the rest of the world like an abject loser. And this wasn't even so much vanity as it was just survival much of the time. Marriage was a way of fulfilling the basic food, clothing, and shelter needs. Quite often, the man was doing a similar thing and married a woman he didn't love just so he didn't look like a total failure.

So, yes, it was easier to get married back then...and live miserably ever after.

But to actually end up in a GOOD marriage that could survive on its own without societal pressure (including the utter SCANDAL that DIVORCE used to be...convenient, no?) to exist and endure...that was fairly rare.

For a long, long time, we had a draft in effect and we had a few major wars in our time, too. I honestly don't know about WWI...unless you live in a British Commonwealth nation or much of Europe...the US got involved fairly late...so I'm not sure how that affected things at home here in America.

I do know what WWII did! Several million American men were in uniform and deployed, and something like about 350,000 of them didn't come home. A few years later, the cycle repeated a bit...this time, 30,000 or so left and never came back. Fifteen years after that, another great many young American men became preoccupied in Viet Nam among other locations around the globe where the US had a military presence. A good 50,000 or so didn't return from Southeast Asia.

IF you happened to survive a period of conscription or enlistment, the thinning of the young male population would be to your benefit as there would, presumably, be more young women available. But, if for some reason, you had been ineligible for service and rejected for draft or enlistment, life could have actually been made worse for you in many places prior to maybe the mid- to late- 60's. For a long spell, it was EXPECTED that you served in the Armed Forces for at least a couple of years, even if you never were sent anywhere. Practically ALL of your peers would have, and if you didn't, that meant you were either a COWARD or a CRIPPLE in most people's eyes.

I wish I had some insight on how guys who came back severely wounded and disabled fared, but I don't. I know the US Department of Veterans' Affairs built a large hospital network right after WWII to care for all these guys, but it just never seemed to be quite necessary. From what I gather, the guys who did come home all shot up or blown apart apparently didn't live long and were gone within a few years. Presumably complications from extensive injuries did a lot of these guys in at a young age. What kind of luck they'd have had getting dates or finding a girlfriend I can only speculate on, but I suspect it probably wasn't good. Might have been part of why a lot of them didn't make it very long, for all I know.

Ah, the good old days, they were terrible! If it wasn't wars that killed guys off, there were plenty of diseases that could do the job at various times. The so-called 'Spanish Flu' was very effective at this, circa 1918-1920 or so. It proved fatal mostly to YOUNG MEN. Strangely, the healthier you were, the more likely it was to kill you! Older people and those not in great health tended to survive it. There were also any number of industrial accidents that could do younger men in, pretty much all of which have been effectively safeguarded against today. And, the good old Automobile. Practically nobody wore seatbelts until the 1980's, and who used to do most of the driving and thus most of the crashing? Yep...young men!

So, sixty years ago, you could talk about being lucky to meet a good woman...but I'd say quite often, you were really lucky to live long enough in good enough health to be able to do that! People just don't die like they used to, ya' know? Of course, if you'd have been one of the very many young men that did succumb decades before they should have, you'd have been making a woman available for some other guy to meet.

Just something for you to think about when you tell yourself it's too bad you weren't born 'back then'.

Andy 3 months ago

Wow TiGor you should write a book or something your good at answering other peoples stuff. I would just like to thank you for answering as you are not required to but you do anyways.

korbbit 3 months ago

Anyone who says its all about looks or money hasnt really looked around. There are tonnes of ugly, and poor dudes slaying chicks. Its all about entitlement, confidence, charisma etc. I struggle alot with girls but i know what my problems are

Troll of truth 3 months ago

this is bullshit, i have to changes my personality, freaking how?! its not like im just gonna say Aey today im gonna put on my george clooney face, and then be that man rest of my life, cause it aint me! why can't girls just like real men, and i dont mean Brian the muscle, but me the sensitive, loveing boy. What the cock girls, learn to freaking love whats worth loveing! thing you always here girls complain about - Why aintt there more nice and sensitive guys, because im tired of waiting for you, and i just bought a gun, Cya in hell sucker!

theTiGor 3 months ago

Today's thoughts:

1. You're welcome, Andy. I'm a writer, that's what I do! Among other things, of course... And, it should come as no surprise that I did, once upon a time, give some serious consideration to becoming a relationship and marriage counselor. In the end, I decided that wouldn't be such a good thing. To start, it's one of those things where there is much NEED but little DEMAND. Demand being an economic term here. As one of my instructors once pointed out, no matter how much an eight year old might want a Ferrari, he can't buy one, so he represents zero demand for new Ferraris! A very substantial part of people deciding it's time for relationship/marriage counseling is financial problems. By the time it reaches that point, the odds that you'll be able to bill these folks and actually get paid by them isn't too good anymore! If you've told them the TRUTH instead of what they WANT TO HEAR, quite often they'll be anywhere from displeased to thoroughly p'ed off at you. You'll be the LAST person who they'll want to pay off then! They'll also tell everyone they know how unhappy they are with you for being honest with them and telling it like it is instead of stringing them along for a fee. Moving every few years to keep ahead of a reputation isn't my idea of a good time...

2. "Back then" is whenever you want it to be, but realistically, it's going to be before most all of us reading this were born! I would say that 'Pre-1965' would be a good way to look at it. A LOT of things in society were changing about that time. The 1950's and earlier were definitely 'back then'.

I'm not so concerned about fads and fitting in, I'm talking more about societal values and the way people behaved, especially towards one another. That has changed a lot on the past 50 years! Saying 'adapt or die' would be a bit harsh, but some adaptation to the way things have become is necessary if you expect to get anywhere in today's world. You can be as old fashioned as you can get away with, but it can become a real handicap if you allow it to be.

3. Ugly, poor dudes slaying chicks? Go back and read some of my previous posts for what I have to say about that. Suffice it to say, again, women will almost always be with the man they feel they deserve.

4. You can always change yourself, but, it takes time. This is why you're in school for so many years! You'll have to decide what kind of person you want to be, how you're going to become that kind person, and then work on making the change, one step at a time. It'll take a while, under normal conditions. I can attest, however, that the military excels in doing it rather quickly, in a period of several months. They get a bit extreme, though.

weiukjasj 3 months ago

theTigor,

i agree with your response to "right on says" that both women AND men have changed... by my observation it seems that women have gotten tougher, more independent, and have made their standards for men higher, but men have also gotten wimpier

both of these things combined make it harder for a guy to get a girlfriend, and i guess vice versa too, but women have more of a choice in the matter (than they used to anyway, it kind of seems roles of men and women in the dating world have started to reverse)

theTiGor 3 months ago

Yes, many women have become tougher and more independent. Have their standards become higher? I really don't think so. I suspect the most accurate assessment would be that women's standards for what is acceptable in male partners has been redefined, but they're not necessarily 'higher' overall.

There have always been women who either were or at least fancied themselves to be 'well heeled' who sought the next closest man they could get next to an Astor, Rockefeller, or even Adonis. Nothing new there! Women have traditionally preferred men who were handsome. No earth shattering revelation there, huh?

I think what has changed is that women used to SETTLE for men who were less than desirable in the eyes of society. Now, there is a sizable segment of the female population that actively SEEKS those men. I feel it's probably the same thing that drives many women (and some men) to pay good money to purchase clothes that our grandparents would have rightfully classified as TATTERED RAGS. It's some kind of misguided base form of self expression.

As I've said all along, women will almost always be with the men they FEEL, on some level, THAT THEY DESERVE.

You're right about women having more of a choice in the matter. They can pick from a very wide selection of different types of men, and if they're really not satisfied with whoever they're with, the only thing keeping them from leaving is THEM. Actions always speak louder than words. When they don't leave, no matter what they say, they are ultimately choosing to stay. Why? Again, it's what they tell themselves, often subconsciously, that it's what they deserve. Why don't they aspire to be with a classier man who treats them well? Because they don't feel they deserve that much. If they did, they'd be doing it instead of making excuses for why they're not.

Are men becoming wimpier? For a lot of them, HELL YES. My opinion is that there are a lot of adult males who ARE NOT MEN. They're still boys inside, often very young little boys. They never grew up! A man takes initiative. A man makes plans. A man goes out and DOES THINGS. A man MAKES DECISIONS. A man TAKES RESPONSIBILITY.

How many guys do you know who manage to avoid doing all of those things? They ain't got the guts to try new things. They don't want to take any REASONABLE risks (just unwarranted, stupid, reckless ones!) that one needs to take in order to get ahead. It seems the intentionally avoid anything that can build character. Fortitude and these men appear to be mutually exclusive.

I don't know that men's and women's roles in the dating world are reversing, but that they're reaching a point of equilibrium, as all things in nature do sooner or later. If you've got 10 gallons of 50 degree water in a tub and add ten gallons of 100 degree water, it won't be long before you've got 20 gallons of 75 degree water. Things tend to meet in the middle, friends!

Old-school gender roles came to be for reasons that were probably once valid in the world of yesteryear, and they were enforced by custom and tradition, even by religion, long after they'd outlived their usefulness.

Things being the way they are now isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's different and not as clear-cut as our ancestors had it.

What really hurts is the lack of civility many people display towards each other, and especially what is ostensibly a display of utter disgust by a lot of people when you behave politely. I'll never understand that, but I see it all the time. There is a lot of latent hostility out there. Probably displaced anger, I'm sure, but it sure isn't helping anything!

theTiGor 3 months ago

Amen to that, RP!

anon101 3 months ago

Here's the deal: I'm 27, own two houses outright (one I live in, the other is an investment property) and am considering slapping down a wad of cash for a third sometime this year, I have a pretty large stock portfolio and aim to quit the day job, trade full time and be a £-millionaire by the time I'm 30, which based on my wealth increase over the last 3 years is not an unrealistic goal.

I have ten or so female friends, including a couple of very close friends, who simply "cannot believe" I have never had a girlfriend considering my relative wealth for my age, the amount of good friendships I have and my interaction with people in general (which is good).

My family members used to say that I'd get them flocking (both the aforementioned group and females in general) by now (at age 25+) when they outgrow one-night stands and want to "settle down" but it's shown no sign of happening so far.

It is not like I direct all my efforts into my job or asset-building either. I used to go to the club scene etc quite a lot a few years ago. I dabbled in approaching girls and simply talking to people of either sex simply to be friendly. Most of these experiences were negative and in more recent years I've tried taking the "friends of friends" approach.

I am still sub 5 in looks if we had to go by the ratings scale, even though I have been trying to improve as much as possible (I'd go into detail but let's just say I have the double whammy of terrible facial features and the dreaded skinny tall frame where you simply cannot gain weight or muscle however hard you try). Once I overheard one of my female friends say that "He's (I) not exactly a looker" when talking about me, or words to that effect. It hurt, but it's true.

So I have come to the conclusion that I'm in a category where women simply don't look upon me as someone with a sexuality, or maybe I'm so bad-looking that the very idea of me having a sexuality and that merely having the potential to direct that at them is creepy and repugnant in their minds?

It's not like I'm a shut-in either, I have a "life", in fact I hate just sitting around the house. In summer on my day's off I do most of my stock transactions on my phone in the park, read books there as well. I play badminton weekly, am always the one that wants to do pro-active things like going to new towns with friends etc just to explore. I even try to avoid the temptation of internet shopping because I'd rather walk down the high-street into town.

I dunno quite where I'm going with this. Probably just a shout out to all those 7/10+ guys that you have NO excuse at all. As I said, I have tried approaching girls and what passes for "asking them out", including some of those in my friend circle. But whenever my female friends go through boyfriends the newest one is almost always a smoker with long hair who lives in a rented shit-hole with like 3 other people crammed in. Only thing these guys have on me is facial features, most of them are pretty charmless, rude and coarse individuals. And their lives seem to revolve around computer gaming and having sex with my friends... I don't feel as bitter about it as I probably sound here because I respect the right that my friends can go out with whomever they like, but I simply find it bizarre.

where are the good women? 3 months ago

i am a straight man that hates going out as it is, because meeting women has definitely become a lot harder for me. then again, i know other men like me that certainly have the same problem. lets face it, women have changed without a doubt over the years. many women out there now, have a very bad attitude problem. they are nasty as well, when i try to start a conversation with them. many women do not want to be bothered at all, especially when i notice other men trying to start a conversation with them too. being single and alone, certainly sucks for me. many men at my age that were very lucky to have met the right woman for them and have families, have a lot to keep them occupied. i had been married myself at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband as well. i never mistreated her in anyway. i was very committed, and very happy at the time. she did cheat on me, and i never cheated on her. she told me that she wanted out of the marriage, and wanted to start over again. i knew that she cheated on me, because i know the man as well. then she came clean, and admit it. i do not have that many friends at my age, because like i have mentioned before most of them are settled down with their own life. it is very true, in the many other comments that i have read about many women are lesbians today. so sad, since many of them cannot make it with a man. what human waste they are. that just adds to the problem, like it was not bad enough.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Guys,

Kind of like preaching to the choir, but sometimes the choir IS the congregation... you've all come to the right place.

I know of most of the things the both of you mention, as I see it every day, and have been for many years now.

Anon 101, I think your situation is a prime example of how women gravitate toward the men they THINK they deserve. Which, really, would be totally fine if they were of healthy and sound mind! Unfortunately, when they've got low self esteem and look at themselves rather unfavorably, the long haired smokers renting an overcrowded outhouse are the men these women feel they can identify with.

It's also entirely possible that you're just outside of everyone's social circles. Seriously, if the women you know run with friends who are as described in the last paragraph, entering a relationship with you would probably do some real damage to those friendships. Sure, they'd probably ALL LOVE to be with men who are as successful and as wealthy as you've become, but NO ONE wants to be the ONLY one to do it! Do you recall how girls all wanted to visit the rest room together at the same time in elementary school? Never underestimate the herd mentality that exists within ANY group of women. A woman who is in any social group is really permitted to be about one shade different than everyone else. Any more than that, and then they are seen as not having enough in common with the rest of the group and will usually be ostracized as a result. Getting the wrong kind of boyfriend ('wrong' meaning simply not more or less like the boyfriends the other girls have; you can be a great guy and a perfect male specimen of the human species and still be 'wrong' for a group of girls who's all dating bums!) will often get a young woman excluded from a clique very quickly.

I'm thinking it's more likely that women aren't necessarily viewing you as repugnant but rather that most just haven't pictured themselves being with someone like you, yet. It's human nature to imagine what the future will be like and when it comes, it can be hard to accept things that weren't what you'd had in mind. Most young women have a crush on SOMEONE. Usually someone they can't have. Interestingly enough, they will very often end up with a guy who reminds them a lot of the unattainable man they had that crush on. It will usually be one of their first relationships, but not necessarily. I have an aunt who was attracted to my uncle because my uncle looked remarkably like a college instructor my aunt had a crush on! This happens a lot more than we think. If you look a lot like an actor or celebrity, you're definitely going to have an easier time getting dates - from women who've had a crush on whatever famous guy they think you look like! Or whatever guy it was, even if he wasn't widely known. Sometimes it's even her father or some other relative...

...And, unfortunately, sometimes your appearance or something in the way you act reminds her of somebody who did something to her, caused her pain, or scared her. I know many relationships where part way in, the woman realized that something about the guy was IDENTICAL (at least in her mind) to the man who'd molested or abused her as a child. Sometimes that's curtains for the relationship right there. Other times it just really confuses the poor gal and she ends up not knowing what to do and the guy involved notices something is up but has no clue but she isn't about to tell him! It can be a real mess. I know. I've been that guy before!

Where are the good women?,

I wish I knew!

Actually, I know a lot of them. Most are old enough they could have been my mother, those who aren't are married or otherwise unavailable, even though they love me to pieces. Strangely, married women absolutely adore me. Some single women out there want me to believe they absolutely adore me, but I'm well aware they only want to use me. That's something you've got to live with when you're good at almost everything, love to help other people, and the world knows it. It's almost as bad as winning the lottery and having everyone with a empty hand or change cup showing up at your door to solicit a donation!

Bad attitudes? Check! Plenty of those here... I'm afraid it's become a problem everywhere. Go read my comment several postings back about the extent of selfishness in the world, and hell, most of the rest I've posted here. Virtually all of that applies here.

The homosexuality thing is tough to size up. I don't think it's really changed much - there's a certain 'core' population of true lesbians (and gays) that have always been in society. There's a lot of what you could think of as 'nonsexual homosexual' men out there. They spend a lot of time with other guys, doing guy things, all except sex...which they'll only do with women. But outside of that, they almost want nothing to do with women, only other men. Actually being gay, while not the perceived vile evil it once was, isn't exactly one of the hot trends now, and probably never will be. Even in the early 80's when Boy George and Culture Club were popular, being gay wasn't exactly 'in style' in most places. Lesbianism, however, practically is fashionable in some subcultures. Some were born that way, and many of the lesbians I've known, it's pretty obvious that's the case when you've gotten to know them a bit. A lot of women are driven to it because of things that have happened in their past where they just can't stand to be close to men in any way. What I know about these situations, all I can say is 'who could blame them?'. I've learned of some truly, tragically sick things men have done to women, and I see why they don't feel comfortable around men after living through some of that stuff. But it's now perceived to be quite acceptable for young people to dabble in lesbianism and bisexuality, despite the fact that a lot of what they do isn't really 'sexual' per se, more 'erotic' than anything else, and maybe best described as a female-only version of 'friends with benefits'.

I couldn't agree with you too much more when you say 'that just adds to the problem, like it was not bad enough'. On the other hand, I also view it as some poor guy out there not getting snookered into a sham relationship or marriage with a woman who just really wasn't into him - or any man - but was only there because of peer and societal pressure to be married. I sure wouldn't want to be stuck with a woman like that.

freespirit 3 months ago

Well, I have to say I think the way I look at getting a girl is a bit like playing chess... that is you have to have a good board setup (have all the pieces in place and be in a good position).

I don’t know about walking up to random women and asking them out on the spot (does that stuff really work in general??). To be honest I have never tried it. I have no idea whether, if I started approaching random women, I was interested in - handing them my number, whether that would result in a date.

I think I'm best at creating attraction when I'm acting naturally and not trying to be someone I'm not, which brings me back to the chess board of life: you have (in my opinion) to have a good social life where you may come into contact with suitable potential partners (or dates). If (like me) you always find yourself surrounded either by your own sex if not gay (at work) or your social life is so non-existent, closed and small that it doesn’t bring you into contact with any prospects, then I think that can be a situation that just keeps on going for years if not addressed.

A good test is to think about how you would find someone (in your current life)and then to be honest with yourself about how likely that is to happen in your current life. For example my current life is going to work in a place with only three female workers who are all taken, with the rest males... and I don’t really have a social life at the moment... so the chances are lame!

So my action plan is to start taking part in my main interests in social groups.

theTiGor 3 months ago

Good post, freespirit.

1. The chess analogy is spot-on. Now, ANYTHING is possible when it comes to relationships. I have literally seen it all through the years. But POSSIBLE does not equal LIKELY, nor is it synonymous with DESIRABLE. I know of many 'freak' relationships in this world. How a certain couple first hooked up with each other is mystery enough, but how they stay together for any length of time baffles everyone. Some of these relationships are healthy, many are not. In all cases, one would generally be greatly mistaken to assume, 'Hey, if he can do that, so can I'!. It probably just ain't gonna' work...kind of like just because one guy survived a 10,000 plus foot free fall from a burning airplane during WWII without his parachute, It'd be beyond foolish for you or I to think we could try that and get away with it.

2. Asking random women out 'on the spot' can work, right time and right place, but generally the odds are pretty poor for most of us guys where we're at. It's definitely a big city thing! Don't do it in a small city or a rural area if you know what's good for you. It will definitely come back to haunt you, and quite possibly any family you have who shares your same last name!

3. Being yourself may not get you into a relationship as rapidly as pretending to be someone you're not may, but it will probably get you into a better relationship that lasts much longer!

4. Yes, that old saying about 'it's not what you know, it's who you know' very often holds true in dating, as well. Especially in less populous areas where strangers are eyed with suspicion by everyone.

5. Social groups and clubs can be helpful, but they can really hurt you, too. Be careful. There is a lot of snobbery in many clubs and leagues. Depending on the interests, you may well be the ONLY single person and you soon find everyone keeps their distance from you. It may be they don't feel they have much in common with you (married vs. single life) or you may be viewed as a threat by the more insecure people there. There's a lot of insecure people in the world who are prone to some level of panic when things start to appear unfavorable for them. Being ostracized from a social group for any reason can cause you trouble for a long, long time. In a larger, more metropolitan area, you're probably a bit safer. In a smaller market where people generally know most of their neighbors, the negative impact on you could last for decades.

Give it a shot, but treat lightly and don't be afraid to execute a 'tactical retreat' before you entrench yourself in any organization. If you just got started and things aren't going well, you can back off and probably not be noticed too much. If you make some waves and become a mover and shaker people pay some attention to, deciding you'd rather not be there and quitting will definitely stir the pot and can be dangerous to your reputation. Reputations, when damaged, can be excruciatingly difficult to salvage.

John 2 months ago

As fake as this sounds I am a 21 year old, who is rich, good looking and tall. I am a voracious reader, do a lot of exercise and have a very good sense of humor.. Still I cant get girls but the ugly ones, and I am fucking tired of picking up the worst of the lot. Measure 7 inches, as of today. I enlist all of my attributes to give you an idea of how fucking ridiculous my whole situation is, in the sense that by traditional standards I am as desirable as possible, yet can only get the ugly girls. A little more backstory, I was bullied a lot as a child and teen for being tall and skinny. Maybe as a sequel of those years something holds me down? Should I lower my standards? Any advice? Not trolling, seriously, I am tired of being alone, especially since I am so blessed with many things, that fall obsolete, when compared to my loneliness.

theTiGor 2 months ago

John, I feel your pain.

I'm afraid it's mostly just the times we live in. The world has changed and men like us have basically been left behind.

As far as I'm concerned, MOST of the women today are ugly. Not by nature, but because they've let themselves become that way. Some of it is youthful indiscretion, a lot of it is poor habits, and there's no small amount of ignorance involved. I see a lot of young women who are significantly overweight, out of shape, and have bad teeth. Diet and lack of exercise are generally to blame. Smoking and drug use really screw up a lot of them. I'd say the least offensive thing most of them have going for them is a pathetic wardrobe. Clothes, at least, can be changed easily enough, should these gals ever come around and get a real fashion taste and decide to start dressing respectably. However, the tattoos I see on most of them anymore are a lot harder to get rid of, and it seems that once someone has one, they're generally going to keep on getting them. If done right, a tattoo can really work for a person. Problem is, most are far from right, and multiple repeats only amplify the situation.

The saddest part is personality. Can that be changed? Well, yes, sort of. The problem is, all of us are the sum of our experiences. I am the product of 35 years of development. You, John, have been 21 years in the making. Both of us have probably had a lot of positive learning experiences along the way. A lot of the younger generation (female and male) have had remarkably few growth experiences and much of what they've seen/heard/learned through popular entertainment and culture is, essentially, SWILL. Any person who has developed from THAT, even if they did a 180 degree about-face today and got started on the right track, is going to be YEARS, probably even DECADES behind guys like the two of us.

I would tell you that the depth of personality is a major factor in compatibility. It's not so much how smart a person is per se, it has to do more with level of functioning, wit, and wisdom. It is the difference between great people and small people. If you tell someone else what's on your mind, and they just say, 'huh?', you're not going to be connecting with them very well, I'm afraid.

There's a reason virtually all of my friends are in their 50's and beyond. I can hold an intelligent conversation with them! What they have to say actually has some background and substance, and they understand me. People my own age or less have a lot of meaningless dribble, mostly about what was on TV or who was seen doing what with whoever else while everyone was intoxicated off their keisters at somebody's Friday night drunk-fest. I can't relate to that! Mostly because I wasn't there and I just don't care!

My suggestion to you is to just be your own man. Lonely isn't fun, but it's an emotion, and it can be managed. Best way to do that is to GET BUSY. Find something to get very involved with and work it hard. You'll be so occupied with whatever it is that you wouldn't even have time for a relationship, anyway.

As it is now, if I live to be 300 I'll still not get around to all the things I'd like to do! Anything more than just a friendship with someone sucks away time I can be using to accomplish more meaningful things.

OBJECTIVE GUY 2 months ago

Instead of writing this,go out and do something.Anything.I don`t know why I came here at the first place.Oh,yeah,because I can`t get a girl...But now I see that this is so pointless,my friends.

chris 2 months ago

i found a girlfriend and we are now married and have a kid thanks to this article

theTiGor 2 months ago

Objective guy, eh?

So you can't get a girl and you've come here. I know lots of people who can't seem to win the lottery, either, even though they've been playing for YEARS and have spent thousands of dollars trying to.

Unfortunately, your best efforts aren't going to allow you to obtain some things in this world. Some things really do require two parties. An insurance claim, for instance. You can do whatever you want, but the adjuster determines how much you're eligible to be compensated for and cuts the checks. If you do something to tick your adjuster off, nothing you can do will get you out of that hole unless the adjuster calms down a bit and resumes working with you. Driving is another great example. Say 'defensive driving' all you want, but if YOU were the only one watching out for yourself, you would be absolutely CREAMED by the end of a normal day in which you're behind the wheel. What if you were invisible and you had to dodge everyone because they couldn't see you? You can to a point, but you would need to be superhuman (assuming that being invisible wasn't) to stay out of everyone's way for very long. The reason we can plod merrily down the road for years on end without getting ourselves killed (most of the time) is because we're not the only ones who don't want to get run into or run over. Just about everyone else out there feels the same way! People may try to tell you to pretend it's you against the world/every other idiot on the road, but the truth is, it's a team effort. Just like relationships. They require two people!

You can certainly do things that will turn women off. I won't enumerate them in any kind of inclusive list, but I think we generally know what kinds of things just aren't going to get us anywhere with most women.

You can't really do things that attract women. A helluva lot has been tried, but most every proactive approach just DOES NOT WORK. In fact, the harder you try, the less success you're likely to have! Sad but true. Women are attracted to things that are innate to a man. Most of them are traits you either have or you don't. There's no valid checklist; we're all different, and we're all going to have some attractive characteristics and we're all going to lack some. Part of being human, friends. The best we can do is work on specific things about us and hope that given some time we'll change ourselves enough that other people will notice and take a liking to us. Everything worthwhile takes time!

So what do you do when you don't know what to do?

I know a lot of people who will avoid or postpone things when they really don't know what they're doing. I count myself in this category. If I don't have a clear vision in my mind's eye of how I'm going to do something or how something is going to work, I stop and think the whole thing through until I know exactly how I'm going to proceed. Some folks just run the other direction and don't look back, at least for awhile. Either of these is not bad when it comes to women. Not getting anywhere? Stop trying for awhile lest you dig yourself an even deeper hole. Deal with other things in life, work on getting comfortable in your own skin, or whatever. Your problem may be lack of opportunities, and sometimes trying to make your own opportunities doesn't work like it should. Wait for a good one, but keep occupied by preparing for the day that opportunity comes in the meantime. You might be better off not thinking about dating and relationships at all for a few months or a couple of years if you're really angry, bitter, or frustrated. You need some time to heal that wound, first!

If one wants to see things as being pointless, well, that's your call entirely. Some things are indeed difficult, even insurmountable. Like getting to the moon was circa WWII. Foreseeable? Yes, but there was such a loooong way to go before we'd get there. Pointless? Sure, for people who give up easily. Tell all the thousands who worked on space travel in the 1950's and 60's that getting to the moon was pointless! A little over twenty years after the war ended (24, to be exact), we'd done it.

Don't ever give up, and think long-term. A lot can happen to a person in five or ten years. You could be like 'OBJECTIVE GUY' today and like 'chris' in a few short years.

always right says 2 months ago

there are many women today that are lesbians in the first place, and that is part of the problem. more women are into women, instead of men. this is the real reason why many men do not have girlfriends, and we cannot blame ourselves for the LOW LIFE LOSER women that are now out there. i myself, as a straight man would like very much to meet a good decent woman, if there are any left.

theTiGor 2 months ago

Interesting how posts keep showing up from people using screen names like 'always right', 'never wrong', 'right on', 'so very true', ad nauseum, that keep asserting that women are all lesbians these days and making other contentions that are only very slightly true.

What's up with that, guys?

Or should I say, guy? It almost seems like the same dude posting under different screen names.

If this is so, it is obvious that you're angry and frustrated about your situation, but c'mon already, enough is enough!

Continuing to blow this out of proportion and see it as an absolute truth will do nothing good for a person, and I can just about guarantee that it will end badly for you sooner or later.

'Nuff said.

M.G. 2 months ago

females just don't like me, No matter what I do, I work,I go to college, I have career goals and plans, but every day females pay me no attention. I'm a guy, so having guy friends no problem, but getting a girlfriend is like trying to do a complicated math problem that no genius can solve. They everyday pay me no mind and go for all the other guys, that look any type of way, and some, have no career plan or goals, and are not trying to get to get a job. everyday I watch beautiful females I crush on,fall in the arms of other guys and not ever me. when will I finally have a beautiful woman or 2 fall for me finally in my life. This was bad enough in high schoool but i'm a young adult now, when are things going to change? because i'm sick of the same merry go round over and over in my life. I'm in college and ain't ever went on a date in my entire life! Female don't ever speak to me, when I speak to them, they don't sit by me on the bus, unless they really have to, and when the next seat becomes avaliable to hurry up and move. all my life i've watch my crushes kiss on other guys, for once I wish I had the most beautiful women in the world in love with me and that's wish I won't take back.

theTiGor 2 months ago

M.G., where are you from, anyway?

The syntax of your English leaves me curious.

Anyway, let me run something past you...

... Are you absolutely SURE that females don't like you? I mean, are you CERTAIN that's what's going on and nothing else? People are very complicated creatures, especially those of the female persuasion. Most folks these days have a LOT going on in life and if we're not running ourselves ragged trying to deal with it, it's at least weighing on us heavily. The women you're encountering may not be noticing you at all because they've got other things on their minds at the time you cross their path. It's not your fault, and it isn't really theirs, when this happens. Never underestimate the power of coincidence!

The power of suggestion should also not be dismissed. A classic example is medical students. As they're learning about various diseases and disorders and their clinical symptoms, it is the rule rather than the exception that they'll realize those symptoms sound like things they've got, and consequently every week the poor student is wondering if maybe they've gotten or had these various illnesses they're reading and hearing about in their studies. The thing they eventually figure out, though, is that while all people who are afflicted with 'x' disease have symptoms 'a', 'b', 'c', and 'd', not all people who have 'a', 'b', 'c', and 'd' have the disease. See how that works?

At some point, the thought crossed your mind or else was suggested to you somewhere along the way that 'maybe females just don't like you'...and now EVERYTHING you see or experience that involves a female you encounter not paying attention to you suddenly becomes proof that this is true.

Most strangers aren't going to speak to you. You're focusing on the fact that female strangers aren't speaking to you, but most male strangers aren't either, are they? Absolutely nothing wrong with starting conversations, but you do probably need to practice your small talk. Preferably do this with men as you'll be more comfortable - you're not hoping to get a date with any of them! There is a definite art to chit-chatting with new people, and you just have to work on it. Try to avoid religion and politics, as always, and do not ever be negative! News and current events are always a good bet, weather can be. Jokes are great, but they do need to be CLEAN jokes that would appeal to most everyone. I try to stick to high-brow humor myself.

Rainy day? Smile at a woman you encounter, once she makes eye contact with you (Strike while the iron is hot! Don't hesitate or your opportunity will be gone.), and don't ask, but declare, "It's a great day to be a duck!". I do all the time.

Sunny day? Same kind of thing. Say 'hi', As soon as you hear 'How are you?' or 'How's it goin'?, or 'What's up?', enthusiastically state, "I'm great! The sun is shining. That's always good...unless you're a mushroom or a vampire...". You'd be amazed at the discussions with total strangers this can lead to! If they ask about or give you any ribbing about citing a mushroom as an example, see if you can work it so you can inform them, "I know I'm a fun guy, but I'm not that kind of fungi!".

Say these kinds of things to men. Great practice for when women come along, but even better, a woman may overhear you say this to a man, think it's funny, and then she may want to visit with you.

Do beware, somewhat, of women who want to be around you because you make them laugh. I mean, they'll tell you this at some point. In my experience, this means that they're prone to being depressed. It won't be long before nothing you can say will make them laugh anymore and they'll start ignoring you or else they'll unload all of their worries and problems on you and drag you down. Misery loves company!

Do not forget that women have men 'hitting on' them all the time, 'checking them out' constantly, and you name it. In all cases, these men are showing interest in them. The trick is to have fun being yourself while apparently not seeming to notice or care that you're talking to a stranger, let alone a woman. In other words, you need to be comfortable enough visiting with people that you're not nervous doing it. If you are, then you're just like every other guy out there. If you're not, then it becomes a refreshing change of pace for the woman and she'll enjoy hanging around with you, provided that she's able and available to do so.

To recap, don't wait for people to come to you, you need to approach them. It just needs to look like you're not doing it out of loneliness or desperation, but because you've got something funny or profound to share and you just want someone else to hear it. That's what usually sets you apart from everyone else and gets that one shoe in the door to developing an acquaintanceship with a new face in your life.

Pracheen 2 months ago

hi Hub, well that's not my name though was kinda embarrassed to reveal mine, anyway am born and bought up in India but, right now studying in U.k. and to be honest I've never been in a relationship, never even had a fling, always wanted a gf but, somehow i never got one, not bragging but, i kinda have all the qualities a girl would want in a guy but, I don't know somehow it never works, like am 6'0, pretty much good looking, above average body type (pretty much in shape) but, the girl i like is not even interested in me and she is my class mate. I've talked this out with my friend regarding this crush i have on her but, even he said that she doesn't seem to be interested in you, which is true though. I always try to have a conversation with her but, somehow it doesn't works much. I've like tried every dammn thing to impress her and win her heart and book that special place in her life but, the truth is am not even close enough to ask her out yet and being in the same course it makes it a lot harder aaahhh i Don't understand what to do, maybe i lack in 'communication skills' but, seriously am fed up of loosing every girl i like, i adore :( is there anything you can help me with??

theTiGor 2 months ago

Pracheen,

Go back and read recent posts here, specifically the ones I've written. While doing this, keep in mind that your problem is that you are concentrating on just one woman.

This is like a salesman obsessing on just one prospective customer, or like Wile E. Coyote's fixation on the Road Runner in the old Warner Brothers cartoons. They'd both actually get somewhere if they'd just move on and go after someone else they could actually sell some product to or catch and eat. In your case, you should move on and hope for encountering a woman who is actually interested in you.

Maybe more importantly, if she's not interested in you, you need to consider why. The first problem is that you're both students. That greatly complicates life, as you're rather preoccupied with your studies. School comes first! At least, maybe it does for her. She may be available afterwards (in a few years) but maybe she's got her hands full with school and whatever else right now.

Otherwise, keep in mind that you really don't know her. You don't know what she has going on in life. Maybe she's already in a relationship of some sort and hasn't let anyone know. It could be she has a high school sweetheart back home, or is in a long distance relationship with a man somewhere else you'll never see her with, or who knows what. Maybe she looks all right but has no real personality to speak of and this is why you can't seem to engage her in conversation. She may be like that all the time, with everyone. It's also possible that she's not interested in men at all or that she's just not a very nice person, which you would be painfully learning for a long time if you were to get into a relationship with her.

She's not the only woman in the world, my friend!

Expand your horizons.

Brendan 2 months ago

Had the same issue with what majority of you guys were talking about, at first thoughts of having a girlfriend would be a great thing, it seemed everybody else had one, so why couldn't I? I thought it would be easy, guess I was proven wrong, after months of trying in high school and now in college, nothing is working, so I gave up and let things go and accepted that I will be alone forever, I'm 22, not bothering to look because I feel it's not necessary, won't do me any good, tried it and moved on. So one day, I was browsing the internet and I come across a Nike commercial, and at the end of the ad, it said "Just Do It" I sat there, just thinking about those 3 words, the following day, I acted on life, I attend school, go to work as a part timer, I took the initiative to get a haircut. buy some new clothes and contact some of my old friends on Facebook so that I can hang out with them, because I know some of them know a lot of single girls, I know this story sounds cliche, but something at that moment, my life changed in a new path, I know what I was doing wrong, and I know what I needed to do right, I'm acting in life...

Foreigner 2 months ago

I did not have the time to read all the comments above, but what you said about being rained above and waiting, I disagree. I love the rain and I especially love storms. I don't feel bad if I get wet, quite the contrary. But I simply cannot find another one who could and would stand in a heavy rain ignoring the fact you're getting soaked and just appreciate the fact you can stand a witness to such a massive spectacle. Not alone, but as a pair in awe of such phenomenon. Can you use such an image as a standard for finding yourself a life-long partner?

Senad 2 months ago

I'm bosnian, so let me tell you guys about my culture and how getting girls over there works. You see, Bosnia is a poor country, ever since of war, but it's slowly improving, women in bosnia are very different then here in America due to being a whole different culture. In bosnia, women are taught to clean, cook and be women for their man, that's what their mothers teach them, the father teaches them stability for the female, telling her she has to know what her responsibilities are and how to be strong, with a male's perspective, your father teaches you how to build stuff, fix cars, help people out with other projects, drive trucks, do a lot of man work where you get to a point that it wears you down, but you are taught to be a man and nothing else. You see, I'm 28, when I was 23 and visiting bosnia for 3 months, I really liked this one girl and she liked me, although we were both shy about it, we knew are feelings for eachother, anyway, so when I was over there, I told my friends who I liked and they knew her, so what they did was help me get her, and the way they did that was brilliant. We were once at a cafe/bar out in the open in the city and it was a beautiful evening. So they invited her and my friends came along as well. We sat there around the table talking, while I eyed the girl I liked and she did the same, my friends knew what we were doing, so one of my friends says she had to use the bathroom, a couple of minutes later, one of my other friends told me, he has to go pay his bill, so that went throughout until only she and I were left, I figured out what they were doing and we looked at eachother and just laughed. The girl and I were laughing with eachother and started talking, we didn't care the least, and we had a great night, we went on further dates and soon I became her BF. Here in Bosnia, the friends you have help set you up with girls, they play with your mind just to help you out, and that's what friends are for, well, there are other things they do as well, but that's just one thing they did for me. Anyway, I married her and now we have a small little girl. We are both proud parents. I love my wife and my daughter. In Bosnia, you are taught to never cheat on women, no matter what, otherwise you are seen a idiot to the country, the word spreads, and that's not a good thing. Another thing is, here there is no bad boys and good guys, it doesn't exist, you go from becoming a boy to a man and that's it, nothing more. You are taught to treat a woman with respect, take care of her, protect her, guide her, and most importantly be there for her. Now let me tell you about bosnian girls living in America. These girls are not 100% bosnian as in their behavior. They are more American/bosnian because they act like losers, I'm not saying they all act that way, but majority of them do. They show no respect for bosnian men here, except their parents who grew in bosnia and know their ways. The girls here are adopted to the American culture and forgot about their culture, it's a shame. I have never dated a single bosnian girl here, because they are rude and drink a lot, not a woman I would like in my life. Some act like they know everything and act like B.......ches, I actually have had a couple of shots with women here, but I denied every single one of them, because they aren't worth it.. My woman here doens't even socialize with them, because she knows they act selfish, she works and hangs out with her co-worker females. We avoid bosnians here and we like it that way, a lot of them are full of BS, In a general big conclusion, I made the right choices, I think, in getting a girl, I went a safer route and I've brought my wife over here to become something of herself, I paid for her college, she is a nurse now, good pay and has weekends off, we spend time together and enjoy our lives, for you guys here, I'm sorry, I don't know what to recommend to you, my culture is entirely different and trying to help out won't do any good, I wish the best of luck to you guys who are single, but keep thing in mind, be strong, work hard, survive, most importantly, be good men

theTiGor 2 months ago

Senad,

That's an interesting perspective you share. I'd venture that in Bosnia, people are significantly more 'down to earth' than here in the US.

I will say (again) that where I live, it is vitally important to the development of a relationship, most of the time, for friends and sometimes even family to be involved. The vast majority of the time, in relationships that I have good knowledge of, the two people involved where essentially steered toward each other by family or friends. I have a brother and sister who got married in the past few years. My sister set my brother up with a classmate of hers, and my sister's friends and classmates set her up with my brother-in-law. That all happened several hundred miles from our hometown, so it would appear that doesn't just happen where I live!

Now, I know that a relationship does not REQUIRE other people to make it happen. But, it would seem that the odds of it happening without them just aren't so hot. I suppose it could be likened to getting a decent job without a college degree. Some people out there certainly manage to do it. But, I'd say at least 85% of the time, you're going to need a degree to get a job that pays decently. Is there a 15% chance that you can get a girlfriend on your own with no vetting or other help from friends or family? Based on what I've observed through the years, I'd say that sounds about correct to me.

Jimmy92 2 months ago

So I'm 19 y/o guy, virgin, who always was cool, in the "cool" crowd and thought that I was better than petty gf/bf type relationships in highschool. But once I was a senior and felt "comfortable". With my social status I started to feel really lonely and weird that I being a cool attractive guy now a senior had never had girlfriend or even a girl that was interested In me...but this girl transferred to my school and I felt I like I had clean slate since she didn't have any impressions of me from the past and I went for it. We became really close, hung out all the time talked on the phone ect. I asked her if she was looking for a bf and she said no. But I fought threw that and kept trying I felt/know she was the one so I kept at it went to parties with her "not looking to meet anyone else" and nothing worked. One night on the way home from a party she told me I was just a friend. Which devastated me after more than a year of trying to show I was boyfriend worthy. I got really bitter and stopped talking to her. No more than two months later I found out she had lost her v-card to another guy she had barely known. This rejection/humiliation Is devastating, something I can't get over no matter how much I try... I feel so bitter and angry. I honestly HATE her. And I know I shouldn't but it all devastated me how we had been so close (basically bf/gf except nothing physical!)for over a year and she just gave het virginity to just anybody. After all work and time I put in I feel I'm never going to have girlfriend, and that reality is is that women are shallow. Please help advice would be awesome.

Jimmy92 2 months ago

I re-posted my comment from 6 months ago for the hope of some advice. Please somebody just give me your 2 cents,, I'm all ears at this point.

Landon 2 months ago

@Jimmy92

Been there done that bro, I'm 24, had the same issue, met this nice girl, I knew she had no bf because I knew someone that was close to her, and she let me on it. After hanging out with her, going to bars, walking near the beach from time to time, inviting her over for BBQ's, I thought I had a good chance, she got to know me and vice versa, so I asked her one evening if she saw something in us, she said that she wasn't interested and liked another guy, I asked who this other guy is, she wouldn't tell me, so I avoided her for the next few months, until one day, I pass by her with her bf, who was this jerk around campus, this guy doesn't even know basic math, I know because he was in my algebra class, yet she most likely slept with him, she didn't even smile or even bother to say Hi, it's like all those times we had spent together meant nothing to her. So, I went on in life and tried many other girls, nada, zip, nothing came along, everything I saw was just messed up, my advice to you and others experiencing this, is phfuck them all, if they want to be treated badly and be with idiots, so be it, but I'm done with women, can't find anything in this country, I think I would have better luck in another country, these American girls here are dumb morons who know nothing of what a real relationship is

1ewoijoj21 2 months ago

RPseudomen, when you say "lose the weight" before asking a girl out, how skinny do you have to get? skinny enough to have ripped abs/"six pack"?

because i've been losing weight and now i'm at the point where i don't even think i'd be considered chubby anymore, but i still have a long way to go until i get that skinny

and i'm just getting older and older, who knows how long it will take, i've already went about 6 years without asking a girl out or even a date knowing i'm not close enough to perfect to not be rejected

i know being in shape's important because women see you as lazy and having a lot of problems and not willing to put effort into a relationship if you're not skinny,

but i feel like i might be just using not being skinny enough as another excuse not to try with girls, and that even if and when i do get "ripped abs," i will still be too doubtful to try with girls

gvccd999 8 weeks ago

Jimmy92, yes almost everyone is shallow.

But the good news is they're all shallow in different ways.

For whatever reason you just weren’t her type.

I’ve been into loads of girls who I'm not their type.

And I've had quite a few girls into me who aren’t my type.

It’s just one of those horrible things about being a member of the animal kingdom.

It’s a shame we don’t have a little thing in our brain that decides that if someone isn’t into us then we are completely turned off them... but we don’t.

Sounds like you wasted a heck of a lot of time and effort on just one person... but you probably did that because you have hardly any experience and you're young.

A lot of people are going through exactly the same kind of thing as you on a daily basis.

In future, cast your net as wide as possible, find out early what the situation is (friends or more... )especially if you want more.

You'll have a better chance of success that way. Don’t let one person's rejection destroy your self-confidence, otherwise its game over.

commanderjin 7 weeks ago

Mr R Pseudomen

Let me start off by saying I found this article by complete accident but im glad I found it. Im 22 years old healthy skinny and in shape I must admit Im not Mr. Universe but im a decent looking guy. Now throught my teenage hood and early 20's I have been rejected by because and I quote what I have told 95% of the time ( that I am too nice) over time I have learn too cope with by not seeking a girlfriend but instead becoming a narcissist. Becoming a narcissist over time helped me better understand myself and love my self for the kind of person I am and not change for anyone. However I digress the reason I am writing to you is because I have a minor predicament. With a woman shes 20 shes a hairstylist and a part time model and I like her.Now this all began back in August of 2011 I went to a barbershop and as soon I entered I saw a beautiful red haired woman. That first time we talked I thought I went well so at the end I ask I she had a facebook and she says yes and tells me her name. As soon as I get home I send the friend request she later add me ect.The point I muster up the courage to send her a message saying if she would like to hang out sometime. I did this despite the fact her facebook page said she was in a realationship to be perfectly honest I thought she was lying to keep dudes at bay but it was true. What I did not know was that relationship was about to end. When she replied to my message the following week becasue she herself said she does not go facebook alot. I went to reply back the message and I saw the status on her wall(car wrecked caught my boyfriend in a lie). So at this point it got awkward thus I told myself I would not go back to the barbershop she worked at again. However every time I tried go to another barbershop there would be some sort of problem that would lead me back to this particular womans shop. It would long wait times at the other places or other places being closed down. Or just got there to late and other places would closed for the day. Point I always ended up going back and every time we would talk while she was cutting my hair. We would laugh and diqust various topics and one evining after she finished cutting my hair I found the courage again to ask her if she would like to hang out some time she said yes and gave me her number to be honest I though it was fake. This was on FEB 10 2012 I called on FEB 29 2012 im military so I can get truly busy. Point is the number was not a fake and when I called she picked up we talked and during that phone call and she agreed that she would like to hang out sometime after I get back into town. I was out of town on military business point is I call her on St paddy's weekend she doesn't pick up. But she does return my call on monday evening we talk for a few minutes I told her didn't have car because mines was at the shop being repaired. And she told her car was a hoopty. And I told her it did not matter as long as you four wheels and a engine your ok. She laughed and agreed we met thirty minutes later and hung out for about 4 hours. I came home at almost 2 in the morning while we hung out we talked about many things including deep and personal experiences among which made me realize we had alot in common but I did not point I out. We had other similarities same taste in music. The tendency to change the style of cloth. Same taste in food even star gazing, im teeling you it was weird but the good weird. So she drops me off at home we lot at the stars for a few minutes I show my the outside of house since I live with my family the house waas mess in the inside so I did not invite her in however I did tell once I had my place straihgten out she could come back and hang out her answer (cools beans).She left and later that week I went to get my haircut I walk in she sees me and sile says hello and as soon as sit at her station she says( why are you being so quite I smile and say I did not know I ws suppose to say anything. Either we engaged in conversation she finishes my hair cut and while im paying we talk about a concert in late april for a bang we booth like I tell I would ask if could tag along with you but since you said you were going wiht friends I dont want ot intruded. She says she not goign unless she gets a four pack of tickets and her friends are having second thoughts point is tell her let me know if need help with the tickets ill be happy to help. She thanks thats cool ill let you know. So now to the point of it all the weekend passes and on monday I evening I call no answer. However she replies with a text on tuesday morning in fact thats what woke me and caused me to fall out of bed. Either way the text said (Hey im @ work whats up?) I reply hey whats up going morning what up I called last to see if you would like to hang out something this week or the next if you like. After that text i send a text with the word night* with an asterisk becasue I forgot the word night after last. Point is there was no reply that was march 27 2012 and now it april 6. Ispoke to my mom and she said and quote( You told me when you and her talked she said that she that her past relationships were you yourself are no strnager to this. And you know it takes time to heal. You sent the text she saw them its most likely that she was not ready to answer from what you told me you did nothing wrong because if you did i would beat the hell out of you. Either you showed me the text you sent her theres nothing wrong with that and stop thinking your a freak your just nice and women are intimidated by that sio just give the girl some space dont call, text or facebook her and wait until you go get your next hair cut the week after you next military training and talk to her then and thats if she does not call you before ) end quote the point she has not called me text me or even sent a comment or message on Facebook what do I do im about to be deployed in 3 1/2 months but after the training I have to attend next week its more like 2 1/2 months? Do I tell her I like her when I see her or... what can I do?!?!?! PLEASE HELP!?!?!

theTiGor 7 weeks ago

There is beauty in simplicity, friends! And being direct sometimes helps, too.

This morning I heard all about a situation a coworker of mine is getting herself into, and I thought about this hub page while she was telling me about it. I'll share it here because it gives a good picture of what some of us guys have to face off with in today's world!

My coworker, Alicia, didn't show up to work for a few days. I'd figured we'd seen the last of her, but for whatever the reason, she was back this morning. I told her that I thought maybe moved on to bigger and better things. She informed me that she only WISHED she had, because she's moving to Michigan in a few months to live with a guy she met who was a member of a construction crew who had been performing work at our facility.

Alicia is 23. I wouldn't call her good looking, really, but definitely 'okay' for this late date in my locale. 5'4" or so, straight light brown hair with hazel eyes, relatively clean, and relatively slightly built. If it wasn't for the tattoos, I'd consider her attractive, more or less.

She asked if I remembered the guy in question. She pointed out that he was the one with all the tattoos and piercings. Honestly, that could have been any one of them! But I think I might know which guy it was. Apparently he asked her out. She discovered they both like the same obscure death metal type band, and that means they have 'so much' in common. Granted, I don't think she'd find anyone else in this town who even knows what that band is, let alone 'like' them...

Alicia went on to describe how awesome this guy was, and while apparently he'd quit his job, he had SO MUCH going for him, unlike all the (presumably early -20's) guys around this town! This was the opportunity she'd always wanted to leave 'this dump'. Instead, she'd be moving to...Detroit. She said her dad was happy for her, though her mother thought it was a stupid idea, but that she didn't care what her mother thought for whatever petty reason (she kind of lost me on that one). Then she alluded to how her kid (I didn't realize she was a single mother) wouldn't be going to Detroit, but how she thought if her kid missed her maybe she could come back to visit every now and then because it was 'only' a 7 or 8 hour drive...

I think I know why her mother thought this was a bad idea.

I had to try very hard not to shake my head while she was telling me this. Instead, I stuck to the 'smile and nod' routine. I guess you learn best what you learn the hardest, and this really isn't the first time I've seen this kind of thing, not by a long shot.

I wished her well on her upcoming 'adventure'.

That's what we get to compete with, guys!

Have a nice weekend!

theTiGor 7 weeks ago

It sure is, RP.

I'm sure escapism is a central component of this, and that's a large part of what made this guy from two states away more attractive to Alicia than any of the many other single men in their early 20's in this city.

This also illustrates something I chose not to go into a few hours earlier when I rattled out my last post. In every organization I've belonged to, him (whatever his name was) asking Alicia out was, let's just way, improper. Sometimes it's questionable, sometimes it's expressly prohibited, and sometimes it is just a line any decent person understands should not be crossed in this day and age.

Now...

When you listen to our grandparents' generation talk about how they met, this kind of thing happened ALL THE TIME. This was also long before the first sexual harassment lawsuit was filed and decades before sexual harassment found its way into employee handbooks and corporate policy!

Worthwhile people value their jobs. Men, especially, while they may not like having to do it, know they need to restrain themselves. The net result? It's like all the gun control laws not doing anything to deter the lawbreakers! Guys who don't really want to work, don't value their job, and don't follow rules or respect boundaries, THEY are the ones who will just go ahead and take some action when every other guy is holding back in deference to company policy and the work environment.

As I have often summed things up in the modern world, sometimes the losers are winning...and society suffers for it.

My second, and final, observation for the day.

juniko1439 7 weeks ago

commanderjin,

yeah if you continue hanging out with her without telling her you like her, you'll probably fall into the friend zone unless she's a take-charge kind of girl who will make the first move

and by time you tell her you like her she might say she always thought of you and just a friend and was never attracted to you (even though this might not be true, she just might have developed a crush on someone else at this point)

i don't know why girls always tell that lie because we obviously later see them with a boyfriend or find out they hooked up...

for me it would help my confidence better if they told the truth, so i would know that it was that just fell for another guy, and that it wasn't me being ugly and that she could only see me as a friend

do they really think that lie is supposed to make us feel better? lol

chris 7 weeks ago

I feel really miserable. i'm 28 going on 29 very soon and so far never had a gf. don't no what it feels like to hug someone, don't know what it feels like to kiss and being kissed. I'v been let down by every girl i tried to go out with (4 in all).

At the moment i have a friend, he's a boy, we go out well together, i like him, sometimes am afraid i like him more than expected. i really don't know what's heppening. sometimes i feel i'm going mad. I feel that my life is over and need help.

Jimmy92 6 weeks ago

Word up @Landon. Thnx for the feedback.

Alan 6 weeks ago

Hi All!

I am having similar story. Had no girlfriend. Whomever I liked, they didn't Like me. Whoever liked me, I didn't like them. Story is going on. Now I started like being single. I have more options. I can talk to any girls if I want. But I believe at times I go for certain types. It creates problem. Recently I liked a tomboy, I said her that I love her. She said she don't have same feelings. I still love her. But why should I wait for her, who don't love me. Guys its part of business, nothing personal. If you think about one, you loose ten. out of that ten there will be two, out of that two You might like one. So be on the dating game guys. Enjoy dating ;)

wqouednou 6 weeks ago

RPseudomen, if you're asking a stranger, how do you know if she has a boyfriend or not?

do you just ask her on a date and wait for her to tell you no she has a boyfriend?

or should you kind of trick her by asking her questions that if she had a boyfriend she would mention him, or ease the conversation into something about her boyfriend or where she would mention her boyfriend without implying that you're about to ask her out?

do you ask her first if she has a boyfriend before you ask her to go somewhere?

and if she DOES have a boyfriend, how do you respond? just "I'm sorry" or something or should you deny that you were asking her out romantically?

Mike 5 weeks ago

Just wanted to say thank you, for sharing knowledge.

mfsdaoifhik 5 weeks ago

R Pseudomen,

i'm 21, so the age group i'm attracted to at the oldest usually isn't that much older than me

and a lot of times it's hard to tell just by looking at her that a 16-year-old isn't 18 or older

so if i'm trying to pick up girls that are strangers like in the mall or grocery store, how can i ease their age into the conversation so i can make sure they're not underage?

i know probably if they're with people old enough to be their parent(s) or grandparent(s) and not with any friends then they're probably not even old enough to drive, but other than that?

Thanks!

pieqrkjm 5 weeks ago

R Pseudomen,

Do most of the same rules apply when you want to just date girls casually and hook up? I don’t want a girlfriend right now, I’m not ready for a long-term steady girlfriend yet, I’m too busy and I don’t think I’m ready for it emotionally. But I still feel like I should start casual dating. How do we go about finding women that aren’t looking for serious relationships, that just want one date? How do we just hook up with girls without hurting them? When we’re trying to pick a girl up, should we find some way to work this into the conversation, because I know girls like honesty and they would be hurt and mad if they hooked up with you expecting a relationship and finding out you didn’t want one? Or should we only mention this as we get closer and talk more?

I’m 21, a virgin, and I’ve never asked a girl out. I’ve had only 1 girlfriend, who got her friend to ask me if I would go out with her (so I never even got experience of asking a girl out), our relationship lasted steadily for about 6 months, lasted an additional year on-and-off because we couldn’t see or talk to each other after school because our parents broke us up, and ended over 5 years ago (or 6 years ago if you don’t count after our parents broke us up), and she’s the only girl I ever kissed. I just feel like I need experience in asking girls out, flirting dating, and hooking up. And I’m horny haha

I don’t how or when to flirt with girls, I can never take it past friends (not even friends, just acquaintances because I never see them or talk to them outside of work, school, or wherever it is, and never even get past small talk!), but all girls I talk to are friendly with me, think I’m nice and think I’m outgoing and have a good personality, so that’s something, they might think I’m gay haha since I never flirt or say anything that could be interpreted as I’m attracted to them. I mean even if I’m not in a relationship, I should be dating and hooking up, because I’m an adult now and that’s why adults do

Thanks!

E 5 weeks ago

I always had plenty of girlfriends.

and when I was between relationships and single,

I got laid all the time!

Ahh, but I turned 46 years old yesterday.

I never married. Most of the hundreds of friends I once had,

got married, or faded out of my life.

Now I have no social circle, and I don't meet any women anymore.

I won't bore you with the cheating, or the other reasons why I could not marry any of my long term girlfriends ....

But after boning literally hundreds of chicks,

it's hard to face the truth....

I'm getting older now, and I'm no longer what the ladies want.

And as much as it sucks,

It is quite possible . . .

I'll never get laid again!

(unless of course, I go back to Thailand )

Lee 4 weeks ago

I feel so ugly! :(

Noneofyoureffinbusiness 4 weeks ago

I get your points R Pseudomen, but your making the assumption everyone operates like you do.

The fact is we are all our own person and unique and the truth is this world has ridiculous expectations which means people are wanting something that doesn't exhist.

Why do you think all these wankers all act the same because girls are stupid enough to go for it, like a moth to the flame.

Noneofyoureffinbusiness 4 weeks ago

Extended-(postcutoff)

I mean you make it sound like "Get over it and just chance your personality"

Like its that easy, So your basically saying to get what you want you have to pretend to be someone else.

No wonder I see so many two faced people out there just blowing air out of their mouth to get ahead.

What happened to loyalty, honesty and modesty.

What im basically trying to say to all of the people posting on here is that the problem is not with you, it is with the world we live in and how we are all raised to think.

I believe the world was suppose to be a place where you can be yourself and love.

Not have to trim the edges of what makes you, you. Just so you can fit into someone elses perfect idea of life.

what a joke you make it sound like a hobby not a way to find true love.

Noneofyoureffinbusiness 4 weeks ago

So it's just human nature to conform?

So being me isn't good enough? I must change who i am and my interests just to be appealing, then what get some girl to buy it all, then settle down and realize you don't really know one another?

I just get sick of hearing 'why is the divorce rate so high?' when its pretty damn obvious?

I mean i think there is one key ingredient your missing out on, ignorance.

Your pretty much just saying to achieve 'cool' one must believe they are the 'coolest' to radiate appeal but that in itself is ridiculous 'cool' and 'not cool' are just stupid illusions that we create to make ourselves feel better about life and help us forget about our own mortality

The fact is we are all the same, well all die and the differences are only in how we think and as long as people think like this i see the world getting even more messed up with it's morality.

Im a caring person by heart that is who i am but i have to hide that most of the time because in this day and age it's a weakness because no-one appreciates a nice person, they want whats 'awesome' or 'cool' and then cue the complaints by women "why are all guys i get with so stupid?" well maybe, just maybe its selection process.

Anyone can learn the strategies of picking up chicks, hell even serial killers can play women like a flute just because they play into the ridiculous cliche that people expect out of life.

So yes you are giving us the tools but not everyone has the mindset to use them effectively because this way of thinking is not for everyone and it shouldn't be.

See the thing with todays society we all spend so much time trying to be something more than what we are.

The facts are you don't know anyone until the bullets starting flying, you just seem to be feeding fuel to the idea of "Do judge a book by its cover"

Any coward can project confidence but maybe they're just really naive and pathetic? But because they hit the right notes women drool all over them, so predictable.

I've also been told im "too nice", how can one be 'too nice' they should be thanking me im not ripping they're throat out.

What im saying is seems women dont want 'good' or 'bad' but they want a mixture of both which is really stupid (2 faced)

Oh and i did read it but I think it's under the assumption that we all operate like how you obviously do and if i am missing the point please, please specify?

forever alone 4 weeks ago

hey guys im currently 17 years of age, medium build ive been called good looking a couple of times but when it comes to talking to women its like all i do is make fun of them or just disagree with them? i dunno whats wrong with me, its like a cant have a legit conversation with a women. is something wrong?

kimmybracken 3 weeks ago

well for one reason if you don't give alady respect we won't be interested and if you don't like yourself then no one will like you

msiofjqjlka 3 weeks ago

kimmybracken,

how can i show a girl respect? by being really nice to her? cause that never works for me... in the past, if i did that, girls would end up just using me and only think of me as a friend (not even a friend, an acquaintance)

in fact whenever i'm really nice to girls now they just call me a "doll" or "angel" or something and think of me as a child or like their little brother... even though i'm older than them! lol

msiofjqjlka 2 weeks ago

oh and it's driving me crazy, girls i talk small talk with as friendly acquaintances with at work even describe things i say or do as "cute" or say "you're so cute" but i know based on context and the look on their face they mean puppy-dog, little brother, not-attracted-to-me cute instead of hot

and i know what i said wasn't weird and i don't talk or disclose too much, these girls barely know me or anything about me

and i'm 21! these girls are younger than me, like 18... i would say i'm fairly good-looking, so i know this can be done for me... how do i go from "cute" to "hot"?

JustAshyGuy 2 weeks ago

Hello RP I really need your help on something.

I'm too shy around girls, can't approach them and I'm actually scared of being 'forever alone'...

I recently turned 18 and up to now only had 1 gf for about 1 month after she cheated on me.

I have had too little experience with girls and thus it's affecting how I communicate with them right now.

To make matters worse, 2 Years ago I moved continents from Asia to Europe... So I basically have to change my mentality (and because their mother tongue is my 2nd language) I have to improve in my German. I mean I can speak and all but I speak way too formal so basically said I bore the girls out. Been rejected by 5 girls in a row.

I'm too shy and insecure. But I can't seem to change that. I guess I've also become really self conscious too!! Girls see flaws in me the whole time, even close girl friends that I've had.

I guess I'm just that desperate to 'fit in' that I'm causing my own downfall.

I have no idea how to communicate with the girls here, and I'm not even going out that much these days so I've no idea what to talk about IF i manage to talk to a girl.

The fact that I'm part asian also makes me really self conscious. Ever seen an (part) Asian dude with an European girl? ...

I need tips please! I'm becoming really cynical and at times contemplating suicide (because of other reasons too).

Help me change my social life!! :(

Oh and... I'm well built (go to fitness), tall (186cm) and a friendly dude. A go with the flow type of guy. But I'm really getting self conscious about my face (skin isn't really in that great a condition)

Hoping for your reply

TheTruth 12 days ago

Where there are winners there has to be losers.

Thats basic science and/or math, its impossible for us all to be 'winners' so the whole point in this topic is null and void, probably to just help the topic starter to feel good about himself and actually feel like he's a 'good person'.

But the fact is he isn't, to pretend to help for the sake of apperances is something this civilization does way too much.

See for me the first 14-15 years i never looked back, did what i did when i felt like it, benefits of having friends in the 'cool' crowd.

But as i got to age 12/13 i began to realize although people may laugh with me and enjoy my jokes that was the only reason they 'liked' me.

While we all grew up and started interacting with girls i saw them hardly having to try and girls would go off with them to hug and such but me, no such luck.

It's like i was the 'No fly zone', this is what was the start of my depression problems.

This began with me starting to doubt myself and why i was here, "Why was the one thing i loved most about the world 'girls' the one thing that despised me?"

But at such a young age i just ingored most of this inner turmoil and just kept trying to go on with my life but seems the more i tried to move on it would just come back to haunt me.

When i thought my positivity was back all it would take is my friends to start teasing me about 'Not ever having a girlfriend'and then my depression would return which left me scarred and the less i mentioned my romance problem the better i felt but i can never fully escape it.

So after years of putdowns and rejections i went to high school with never having a girlfriend.

This was some of my hardest years ever for me, because ive always seen myself as socially retarded.

It's like i have this curse where i have the hardest trouble coming across as confident and cool when everything on the inside was telling me im 'ugly', 'pathetic' and 'unloveable'.

Anyway the first year of highschool, around halfway through i find out a beautiful girl in my class liked me.

thing is because of my past i have been avoiding girls since the age of 10-14.

So when she started to give me hints i was always too nervous and shy to really go any further with it because i felt as soon as she she knew the 'real' me with all my faults, she would either just be weirded out nd not bother or she would find out and laugh at me like most people have.

Pretty much the whole of high school for me, those who really knew me didn't like me and those who didn't know me

only thought they liked me.

so fast forward 4-6 years and here i am, my depression has destroyed me, my friendships and my future.

Im about 20 now and have never had a girlfriend and have never kissed a girl.

stuck in a dead end job and has lost all hope of finding a beautiful girl who could ever love what i am.

I dont think, i know im a freak.

Theres something wrong with me and i just can't be like everyone else.

To me a good day is one where i dont completely hate myself and want to kill myself.

People tell me im a nice guy and that people would miss me if i died or wasnt here anymore.

I know this may be selffish but that isn't enough, to be the nice guy in the corner just standing there ready for whenever someone needs me, im sorry but that is not enough.

I want find a girl who loves me for who i really am but not everyone gets miracles.

Im not saying for all of us its hopeless but im starting to get there.

When people say to me "enjoy these years they are the best of your life" i secretly cry inside to myself because i can't imagine life getting worser from here on out.

Its so hard to 'get back on the horse' when through your whole life you were never on it, and never knew how.

As the days pass the more it seems likely that i will die alone.

Some days i just really want to die and not be here anymore, thats my truth.

RealityKnows 11 days ago

I really hate this whole 'judge the book by its cover' mentality that everyone promotes in everyday life.

If there is a God this is what he is waiting for,

for us to grow up and finally start treating everyone/everything with respect and not just those you like or who can benefit you but even those you may not like or may even hate you, because that it's the truly good thing to do.

People these days throw around words like 'good', 'bad', 'cool' and 'uncool'

without ever actually knowing what they mean.

To assume you know who is 'cool' and 'uncool' is taking the assumption you understand eveything about the world and universe which is evident that most of you have no clue, your just good at spinning your little web of words. (even the devil can have a forked-tongue)

You should NEVER judge anyone by their looks no matter what,

Thats my problem with this whole 'dating-game'

It encourages people to be promiscuous and have fun while betraying eachother,

I mean is this what our Forefathers died for so we can be a society built on arrogance and hypocrites, honsetly why do you think everyone is trying to blow us up.

We humans are capable of great things not because of our standards or looks, It's the courage of our hearts.

In war, soldiers would jump on live grenades so they would be the ones to die and not their whole platoon.

We shouldn't judge on things so circumstancial as looks

because the 'weird-kid' or 'loser' in the corner could be the one who has enough heart and guts to save the world while everyone else is crying and scared.

You can never know what anyone is capable of.

I dont know why its sooo hard for us to get this.

but i guess it's in our nature to be supremely ingorant and stupid.

fqoijoqij 11 days ago

RealityKnows,

yeah i agree with you that it's stupid that in this whole dating game (when meeting new girls) girls judge us all on their first impression of us

i mean guys like us might be really good guys if girls would just give us a chance but just because we're awkward when first meeting us cause we're nervous or don't know what to talk about makes the girl decide she's not attracted to us and completely puts us out of the question

if they got to know me they'd realize how mature, down to earth, and in touch with emotions and reality i am

it sucks for me because i probably won't be able to meet a girl at work the whole summer because everyone there is stuck on their first impression of me that i made when i started the job last summer:

i was really nervous when i first started my job and they think i'm weird, and think i have no common sense (because when i'm nervous i can't think straight or i think too fast so i ask a lot of stupid questions, make a lot of stupid mistakes, get clumsy, and take really long doing things on the job)

RealityKnows 8 days ago

I totally get what you mean, Im exactly the same.

I make one mistake in my first impression's and its like im totally out the question, honestly it kinda pisses me off.

Ive been called weird also, i don't quiet understand it.

Because im 'nice' they think im weird, where im from everyone love to do the whole '2-faced' game where you pretend/backstab to be friends just to further your social status.

I can't and won't do that and for that i've often been called 'too nice', guess because i dont have a enormously inflated ego they think im a weird.

Noname 5 days ago

I'm 17 years old and my junoir year of high school is about to be over, ive never had a legit girlfriend or for that matter even a friend that is a girl, up untill now.

See up untill this year i have had a couple friends but i never did anything besides go to school and play videogames really, so you could say ive been extremlly antisocial, however at the begining of this school year i joined the wrestling team. That has done wonders for me, it has made me more or else popular (not that i give a crap about popularity) and so much less socially awkard.

So everyday i go to school talk with all my friends even talk to decent amount of good looking girls that i like, but when the bell rings and the day is over i go home to my lonely house with nothing to do, no "real" friends to call or hang out with, i actually dread friday and the weekend because i know it means 48 hours of solitude.

A few weeks ago i actually hung out with a hot girl,just me and her!!!! =D My confidence is good, i know im semi decent looking and have money to take a girl out etc.

The thing is i cant ask the girl i hung out with out, shes sort of like a sister to my and my friends(sort of the Elaine of our Seinfeld type group if u will), up untill this year all my friends were friends with her but i wasnt because i couldnt really talk to girls but since joining wrestling team ive built confidence and i actually talk to her oftenly now, shes not the girl im trying to ask out, just awesome to have a friend thats a girl :)

The girl i like is a sophmore(1 grade lower than me)shes in one of my classes and for the past 17 weeks ive had class with her ive wanted to talk to her but never could come to it. Last friday something came across me and i actually talked to her for a few minutes and made her laugh!

I really want to keep talking to her and possibly ask her out but this is a new territory for me...i really dont know how to ask her to hangout with me outside of school, i know very little about her and i dont want her to think im stalking her so i cant even come to adding her on facebook. I just...want advice on how to ask her out to maybe a movie or go out to eat or something, i think she likes me(enough to say yes) and i really dont want to screw this up, i have never asked a girl out before so who knows how ill deal with rejection(my guess is ill just be slightly more sad on those lonely weekends). Any tips on how to ask her out would be AWESOME. im really not too awkard when i talk to girls its just i have no experience in this field and all the other guys have been doing this since 7th grade so i know im behind and just dont want to seem like a joke to her. Thanks for reading!